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Tell him how this makes you feel, and the effect it is having on you. In my opinion, this is abuse. Tell him it's not good for your health and you can't take it for much longer
its clear she is mad about the situation, not you. but she is taking out that anger onto you. it's a maturity issue. people often take anger from a situation out on their closest relative. not ok, but common.
i wouldn't say you're financially abusive unless you told her she “absolutely can't” get a job while in university. it sounds like a mutual decision to me but hard to read between the lines. if you did tell her she can't, that is a bit controlling as bettering your finances will allow her to get her medical care and to see her friends.
I understand that's a sacrifice you're willing take (get through the hot times for longterm better times) but maybe make sure ur on the same page with that decision.
Courts definitely care about parental alienation. Get that proof, and get your child in therapy.
It wasn’t a comment, it was an action. I can’t go into the details to all of reddit, but I’ve been at the receiving end of it from time to time. I’ll give u an example: in india or pakistan some backwards/old thought families of a man still demand the womans family pay dowry, really expensive dowry when marrying. We don’t do that.. we’re more educated lol. Nobody in my husbands family expects it either expect for his dad. His dad will comment on it and call the girls family choice words for not following through.
I love how he’s all “you didn’t tell me we’d have to pay rent”. Who doesn’t pay rent to ya know RENT a place?
And your parents ARE helping both of you by giving you a very inexpensive place to stay.
He sounds really entitled. That’s a ?.
Time for an eviction notice. This isn’t someone you want long term.
I can make an entire 7 serious novel that turns into a movie and maybe make a fortune, but that’s a lot lol.
Other men. That’s that. Truth coming out. Other men being better oat literally everything. Or looking better in every way. I’ve never been insecure. Even with all my exes cheating on me. But now. My girlfriend who’s never cheated makes me the most insecure I’ve ever been to the point anything and everything makes me hate my existence.
Dont say anything
Call the cops on your sister for abusing your dog.
Why do I sense the beginning of evil step-mother journey. This is what happens when people don't priorities the happiness of their children. You need to focus on your daughter and take time to heal from the loss .
I'm going to be completely honest, I think you're trying to invalidate your bf and make him out to be the problem here so that you can feel better about yourself. I'm not saying you've actually done anything wrong, but you're trying to say that no normal person would fall out of love with you and that something must obviously be causing this.
No, he just fell out of love with you, plain and simple. Y'all have probably spent too much time together and he felt like he had to put up with your communication struggles for the sake of the relationship. Of course he has his issues, too, but you didn't tell us about those.
Now that you're gone, he can breathe again in ways he hasn't been able to in awhile and he's starting to realize that he deserves to be with someone who won't snap at him.
My last girlfriend had poor communication and would be cruel to me. She has her own baggage with an abusive, narcissistic ex and her own narcissistic family so I was always quick to forgive and understand. She was the one with attachment issues and so I broke up with her. And holy shit, a month later I realized that she was just a fucking bitch. It's not her fault that the trauma happened to her but it *is” her fault for not learning to manage herself in the aftermath. And I deserve to be with someone who won't project her own wounds onto me. She played the victim at every turn and I didn't realize how pathetic it was until after we had separated.
Be careful that you aren't projecting your own wounds onto him. It might be the case that you were just…not a nice person….and he's enjoying his independence again now that you aren't there to snap at him.
Same dude. This mimics so many unmedicated drunk nights with BPD.
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after graduating, we broke up/took a break
They literally broke up.
Also, to quote Ross from Friends: “WE WERE ON A BREAK.”
Wow so many triggered people LOL
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You are not going to 'talk him around to trying it' that is coercion and not enthusiastic consent. He doesn't want to do it and by making that “joke” You basically told him you see him as no better than those slave owners and you want to have sex with a slave owner. He doesn't like that. Probably especially since house slaves were raped and did produce mixed children. That is an aspect of kink he doesn't want to delve into. TBH it sounds like he's second-guessing because you DO want that and even if you don't push for it, he might just be weirded out KNOWING you want to do that and he won't want to have sex anymore.
I'm sorry you need to go through all of this. But maybe seeing it from another perspective helps you in the end. You shouldn't change your beliefs/ wishes regarding having children for a partner. If he wouldn't have spoken about the change in his beliefs/ wishes he would have always been unhappy and griefs that you didn't fulfill that wish and you would have been unhappy with having a child you never really wanted. In the end one of you would always been unhappy about it, so its better you end it now than waking up in 10 years after all of this frustration slowly build up inside yourself or in himself
The kid is only 3. He’ll forget about you over time, just like you need to forget about them. Poor kid gonna grow up with a shit mom unless she grows tf up and stops using her kid as collateral. Sorry to hear guy but you’ll be fine. Do what you can to keep your mind occupied and might want to consider implementing the block button on her
I swear people that study psychology are some of the most unhinged people. Set some boundaries and tell her to back off.
Are you sleeping with other women too or just men? Was there a rule that you could only sleep with the same sex or was it just a free for all?
Thank you I felt that there is something off and it’s not just insecurities making me think this way
During some of your quite time when you are just sitting around, bring up his use of the words and ask him to stop using them.
Honestly you very well might have but have that conversation with him. Express what you're looking for or what you have expectations of and if he says that he's not really looking for that then you can move on.
Have i left this too late?
No.
Am I going to really struggle now?
Depends how you approach it. Some people struggle, some don't. It's all in your attitude.
I go on the apps and no one is my age. No one matches with me anymore when I used to get quite a few.
Because women don't use dating apps anymore. Get out there and talk to people.
Settle down and stop catastrophising. Desperation isn't attractive and you've got no reason to be desperate. I was single at 26, and you know what? I met someone. I was single at 38, and you know what? I met someone else. Sure, some people get married at 21, but you know what? Plenty don't. Plenty of people get divorced, break up, die. You'll meet people and eventually, you'll find one you click with.
There are six (seven?) billion people on this planet, and if Kanye West (objectively the most broken man on the planet) can find love again, so can you.
Just chill.
If you are to the point that you are willing to take the drastic step of going through their phone, the trust is gone between you two. You found out your suspicions were right, he is lying to you. Up to you if you feel that snapping other girls is enough to break up over, or if you want to work out.
Consider this though: you are both only 18 and the work required to move on from this and to get to fully trusting each other is HARD and it's going to take a long time and I don't know that either of you has the patience of this at 18.
If you haven't considered him a definite long-term possibility, this may not be worth it.
People of good conscience can disagree where the boundary of cheating lay. He was also honest about it, which is good for him. What's not up for discussion though is he deliberately disrespected your boundaries, made you uncomfortable and escalated the situation throughout the encounter. You were upset and played your role in escalating it as well.
It might be time for both of you to take a long hard look at the relationship. He's made it utterly clear that your boundaries doesn't mean much to him. Expect to see more of this if you go forward.
Good for you! You are both entitled to your privacy. Stand your ground.
Trust me, the wallet will never be forgotten again. First and last time I'll make that mistake.
And yeah I'll have to have a conversation with him about what happened when I get home tomorrow night. I'm not sure what to do which is why I made this post. Going to sleep on it.
That sadly sounds like someone I know.
Respect/care/love are not interchangeable words. I respect my doctor, I care about the cashier I see at my corner store often, I love my mom. I’m not saying that I can’t feel all three for one person (example I also respect and care about my mom in addition to loving her), but just because I respect my doctor does not mean I love her.
I understand you feel like you’re going to be missing out on a possible family if you stay with your current BF, and it’s totally reasonable to decide to leave him because your wants/needs aren’t lining up. But just because you respect and care about you ex, doesn’t mean you should jump back into a relationship either.
No she is not contrite, she is lying, gaslighting you and this will go underground…..stop allowing her to control the narrative….get ahold of his number and call him and tell you will personal come to his house and show his wife the messages…take control of the situations and get angry….some people
Honestly this is one situation where boundaries just lead to bigger problems. If OP doesn’t screen an email and her parents fall for a scam, then OP is left dealing with the fallout of the scam. If she doesn’t deal with the scam, they’ll fall in deeper and lose more money.
She understands just fine, she is just gaslighting like all cheaters.
Your boyfriend is a scumbag and abusive. Run.
First off, she needs to watch herself drunk, so maybe don't encourage the drinking. I'd also talk with her when she's sober and tell her you think it is important she is careful who she tells that to. Unfortunately, at 94 some dementia (looking back and talking about the past with lowered inhibitions) can also be at play.
I would not bring it up to your father. It's his trauma and he has the right to disclose it to people when and if he wants, and he likely doesn't want to. One thing spending a chunk of your life drunk can do is muddy memories up. This is probably one he has no interest in revisiting with you.
Sorry you had to learn this. The best thing you can do with the information is allow yourself to have compassion for who your dad was when he was a kid, and then leave it at that.
Your feelings are very valid and you are not being dramatic. What he said was wildly inappropriate and gross. Your relationship with him will never be the same. In some ways, you've just lost another loved one. You're grieving that loss.
I would respond to the text with something like,
“Thank you for the apology. I want to be clear that I am not even remotely interested in your proposition. I view you as family, and the idea of going beyond that is repugnant to me. Let's not discuss this again.”
Keep the text messages (including emailing yourself screenshots) — just in case this somehow blows up and he tries to turn it around and blame you.
Go on the trip. Be polite to him in group conversations, but avoid being alone with him. Hopefully, he is appropriately embarrassed enough that he will also try to avoid you. I'm guessing his wife will also be watching him like a hawk.
Then, you need to start thinking about finding a new support person who can replace what your BIL was doing for you.
Was he the person who would come around and fix things around the house that were broken? Find a local handyman or start building your own tool collection. Was he the person you'd call to discuss your grief? Find a therapist or start leaning more on a different friend. Was he driving you around? Time to sign up for an Uber account.
If you don't think you can bear being around him, consider moving closer to your own family.
I've dealt with a lot of homophobic people in my life, and while there were certainly people who never came around – there were a great many who did. The problem with completely shutting them out is it confirms their world view – so there's NO hope.
I could see how being pregnant and having your own kid would make you want to try to fix things.
It’s over. You kinda got what you wanted ? He doesn’t want to get married or at least not right now. You wanted to get married or break up….so he left.
What’s happening now is the ultimatum didn’t immediately make him drop down to one knee and that’s left your relationship at a weird standstill.
To me it really seems like it’s over, he now knows that if he doesn’t propose within the year he’s going to lose you anyways. If he knows at the moment that marriage is not what he wants there’s no point in stringing this along.
Woman here. Wife is wrong. I give my partner an “out” even when he doesn’t want one. Sometimes, if my mom is in the area, she’ll stop by for a cup of tea and we will chat. I don’t expect him to join us, and I definitely don’t expect him to act like a “host”. Not only is it understandable that he went into the bedroom, I think wife should understand how weird it is to expect someone to socialize without warning.
Sounds like it’s time for you to promote her to the 2nd highest position in your company: ExGf. Upon agreeing to this promotion she is fully entitled to throw a tantrum and claim you are insecure. Do not fret however you sir from this moment forward have many things to look forward to, your own space in which you can enjoy to the fullest, no restrictions on your habits that game she didn’t like can now be dusted off, a Cat to keep you company because cats are cool and most importantly peace of mind that a cheater is no longer connected to you.
God speed sir
I don't understand how you can fail to see this as abusive. And Reddit's advice on abusers is always: leave.
Although that explanation would explain why the video was in “Recent”, you're right that the timestamp would still be the original date.
Not to put her in a bad light but, heap of mental issues and for over 2 years I'm there for her and helping her as best I can. The Last year she became very verbally abusive and I started to lose control of my emotions as I was worn down. She would egg me on to hit her she would tell me how pathetic I was and say how easy it would be to sleep with someone else and get over me…and much more But for the first 2 years it was nothing like that
Make a plan to leave. Find a trusted friend or family member that you can stay with. Start squirreling away your allowance. Start gathering important documents when you can and leave them with your trusted person.
On the day you plan to leave, open a new bank account, have your direct deposit set up to go there. You could do this the day after your direct deposit goes in, and have until the next pay check to switch your direct deposit over without him noticing.
Leave with only what you need. File for divorce. If you can afford an attorney, get one. If you can’t, just file anyway and save up to move to a new place.
You can do this.
I hope you can keep that negativity out of your life. Nothing pisses an ex off worse than seeing you prosper without them. We all deserve some happiness in this world! Best of luck OP
What? 400.000 for a house? That’s what dreams are made of.
Well, you might want to read the post, actually.
OP himself said she doesn't have much.
Know why? Because she's a young student.
What obligations should she have if OP was the one to set the tone?
Oh, his bills almost doubled. It doesn't work this way and he's most likely saying it to gain sympathy.
Oh, she's not paying for dinners when he's inviting. Well, don't invite, easy. Why should she pay for his desire to eat out? Oh, but the dates? Well, then either don't invite, speak up and shut up. It's not like he's going on dates with his left hand to entertain himself only.
Grocery shopping? Does he not eat? Who offered her to live! with him? Is she even aware of him wanting to pay her way? Oh, wait, she's not, that's what the post is about.
Because of all people OP chose someone who's not even out of the parent's home.
And, according to his post she does pay for something. Hmm, strange wording and zero details.
I doubt his credibility as a narrator.
Again, you want a financially responsible perso. – date one, not a student who's not been on her own.