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Not ever lmfao
Can’t upvote you enough
So it looks like people already asked about the gf going as well. Was she invited? If she was and didn’t want to go she might be understanding to the whole thing, but if she wasn’t invited and the first person you thought to ask was your friend not even your gf then I can understand why she find it upsetting. If she was invited and it’s just not her thing I’d still be honest and not lie about not going, I’d just tell her. But if you didn’t invite her and now you’re thinking about lying to her then idk… why do you feel the need to hide things and not include her? Even your brother is going which would have made it BETTER for 4 people so no one is a third wheel anyway……
What are you? The designated hitter?
She broke up because she tried someone else – it is not working out ( or did not work out at all) – so you are “Plan B”.
She will dump you again –
okay thank you! i find the male psychology interesting:)
Everytime someone brought this shit up they've already cheated. Stop being a doormat and dump her. It doesn't matter what happened back then, she has already proven she doesn't value monogamy as much as you do. Cut the weight and be free.
Here is the big problem, she is already lying to you. She is refusing to say she is talking to another man, which she is. If it was actually platonic, she wouldn’t lie about not being in contact with him. I feel like people on this forum over complicate life. Evidence is evidence. There are serious signs that she is looking for someone else and isn’t satisfied in the relationship. People tend to want to beat around the bush and think of all the made up scenarios and what ifs. I would sit down with her and express your honest though. It’s not insecure, it’s quite intelligent. You have gathered evidence and analyzed it, and now led you to have suspicion. Now you need to address all the information you gathered by laying it out to her. Tell her you saw the messages with the guy, say you saw what you told your sister, that you have obsessively talked about another man to me, and say I believe you are sincerely not satisfied with me as a partner and I am starting to feel like your gonna search for another person. You can even play a little bit of reverse psychology because I have learned that a lot of narrow minded thinkers often think one dimensionally. Ask her, how would you feel if I told you that I think we are incompatible, that I’m texting another female, and how great she is as well. Then see her response. If she can’t see through that, she is for the streets, or she is actually that stupid. I got to be honest with you, she is talking to a 18 year old who doesn’t talk outside the “science”. Sounds like a loser to me.
Thanks
At the end of the day – we all have our ‘stuff’. No you’re not perfect, and neither is he. But there is always a line that has to be drawn on what is ok and what is not. Don’t dismiss how toxic or terrible his behavior is just because you’re not perfect either or because you also yelled. Don’t make excuses for his actions because those actions will just continue to haunt you and you will pay the price for excusing it over and over again. A lot of people have terrible jobs where they see awful stuff everyday. The awesome thing about life is that if you don’t like your job – you can do something else. If it is so mentally very hot for him to cope, it’s his responsibility to figure out what he wants to do. Period.
I think the most concerning thing you said is that he ‘used to be this or that and you know he is capable of being that person’ Being In love with someone’s potential will only leave you disappointed and confused. You will break your own heart if you refuse to see what’s in front of you with the hope of ‘one day it will get better’
I don’t think he’d hurt someone. Just how he responds. He’s like a firecracker. And while we were in another store he just turned so stand off-ish and just wanted to sot while o walked around. I wanted him to walk with me and be engaged in looking at stuff but he just sat there. And got mad that none of the sales reps came to help us when the lady at the entrance clearly told us it would be some time before we were helped. He kept asking what bag i wanted after i clearly showed him. So i got a little irritated when he asked again. The way he went off on me in the car once we were done looking just made me shut down. Calling me unloyal when hes done worse but thats not the subject of matter right now. I just wish He would relax and find alternative ways to respond. But he says the way he responds are satisfying to him
Not trying to argue with anything you said but I told him to basically fuck off all day and he wouldn't
From what you've said, I feel like this guy is a total creep. Personally, I get the vibe that he's studying you, as in learning your mannerisms, routines, and basic daily habits. For what purpose, that I have no idea! And, from my experience with men, when a man is attracted to you, he will come talk to you – especially after you've smiled and said hi… he's not just going to keep staring at you for days on end. Take care and please, always be aware of your surroundings, even if it's just a quick trip to the bathroom while at work.
From what you've said, I feel like this guy is a total creep. Personally, I get the vibe that he's studying you, as in learning your mannerisms, routines, and basic daily habits. For what purpose, that I have no idea! And, from my experience with men, when a man is attracted to you, he will come talk to you – especially after you've smiled and said hi… he's not just going to keep staring at you for days on end. Take care and please, always be aware of your surroundings, even if it's just a quick trip to the bathroom while at work.
Can anyone recommend solutions?
Get rid of your awful partner, please. Then go to a gynecologist who specializes in vulvodynia and painful intercourse.
But please, kick his awful ass to the curb.
This is very true, but you have to realize what you are in for
Find a new man. He knew this was coming and hid it from you. Sneaky. Maybe there is an Australian who would be into you.
Leave to find someone who wants you as a first choice. This will eat away at your confidence the longer you're together. You say you're afraid she'll leave you again if dude showed more interest, you're right. She's admitted as much when she said you were second choice.
You do know what to do, you need to put yourself first since she sure as feck isn't doing it.
Thank you for your very thoughtful response. I’m not sure where the fear comes from but am actively in therapy trying to explore it. My discomfort from the situation comes from the fact that she doesn’t want me even watching a show with sex scenes in it, so for her to say I don’t want her in a sex shop with posters of women giving blowiobs seems a little hypocritical to me
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You know it isn't a problem with the guys right? If a guy hits on her, she should shut it down immediately. If she doesn't you have a gf problem. If she gets random platonic messages from friends, it's a you problem.
Yes there is a copper IUD that is non hormonal. I had it or a few years.
Lmao what a pathetic troll post. Put some effort into it ffs lol
Yea I feel it’s a healthy situation. I don’t feel any type of way about her not being there yet. Obv you want it all, but yea I don’t see it being a big deal honestly
Yeah you’re in the right, she is not respecting boundaries at all.
Going to the movies with an old flame while you have a boyfriend is ground for termination imo.
I do not have time and energy to fucking worry about this type of shit. I’m better off with someone who respects me, my time, my effort, and my feeling.
I didn’t suggest therapy because of his baby talk. I suggested it because he has abandonment issues and childhood trauma that he has not worked through. He takes it out on me. He puts the weight of his trauma on me to be his therapist and to be his mother. Even tho it’s a turn off, I’ve never criticized his baby talk. I’ve never told him that it bothers me.
Damn he deleted the whole account. Must have realized he’s the issue lol
Or Canadian
ik, but this is our first real conflict so i’m anxious
Do the anger management. I have no idea what Delta 8 is but you are right to take responsibility for this, and be prepared that if anything like this ever happens again she will need to leave you for good.
Essentially.
I swear these PUA think they can trick a girl into going out with them. Ugh duh .. even if they say yes in the moment.. they will realize the trickery and prob won't show up. Lol. It's laughable
He is not
She tried. She planned a majority of dates. We never did a true vacation. It was always seeing family which was a hassle. She had so much going on between work 2 kids that she had to take care of majority by herself cuz i work 12-14 hour days. And when our son was born almost 2yrs ago we got into an accident, not our fault, on the way to the hospital where she had to have an emergency c-section. Shes been pretty much screaming that she needed to see an effort on my part to show i still cared for her and wanted her.
It also doesn’t mean he should let it affect you like this.
Are you trying to sneak getting whatever you want as some sorts of emotional need. Why did you ask him for a birthday gift. This is wild. Isn’t love language supposedly how you dhow love? My advice is to accept this guy and don’t demand things from people.
You will always be a doctor, your brother won't nessarly be always married, go to the graduation, you earned it
Also, be surprised if brother did not know your graduation date when he planned the wedding
He turns to me and KISSES ME (again, first time thing with us), hugs my waist and goes
Awwww cute!!!
“Our 1 year anniversary, idiot. I’m making reservations.”
Wait what
Wait until you hear about poly vegan atheist cyclists!
Are you Admiral Ackbar?
Trust me I have been for a while now. He knows it, it's almost like he tries but then just stops after 2 days. UGHHHHHHB
Yup, definitely this. He’s sleeping around and being irresponsible about it, now he’s gaslighting so she thinks that somehow she magically got it from nowhere.
Well, you should probably know this information. If he was, how would you feel ?
Conventionally, exes dont work well as friends with one another because they were physically intimate with each other. I personally wouldnt like if my husband was still talking to his ex.
Idk about you, but I dont think its fair to your partner to string him along when you clearly have feelings for someone you used to screw.
I have more respect for someone who works this very hot to make a life for themselves and their child then I do for so many others. You are amazing, wonderful and kind. I have respect for you.
Better off for what? he already has you in his pocket being a piece of ass only. Very hot to get better than that…You still havent said what you want? He has exactly what he wants.
Unfortunately, he doesn't have anyone else on the roster
pretty sure you wouldnt know, since you only get to see him late night and in situations he arranges.
Please stop playing games. He does not want kids.
Rinse. Recycle. Repeat. He does not want kids.
Are you prepared to have an abortion if you ever get pregnant? He will absolutely hate you if you were to ever have his child. What does your therapist say about this?
Try r/vent r/venting r/offmychest r/trueoffmychest r/whatarentyougetting
Thefe is no way she comes out of this looking good, she is still a cheater, if she didn't find you enough she should have said something or communicated with you but know, she went on hooking up with randos. Break it off. I hope you find someone who will find you enough.
Dudes going to sleep around on vacation. Plain and simple.
Do you want to stay Ina relationship that can be ended and paused whenever he feels the need to sleep with other people?
Bro you need to STOP. Worrying ain’t gonna fix shit. You’ve got to GOT TO let it go.
Why persuade your bf there’s nothing wrong with this.. there is.. it’s very inappropriate to have someone who is not your partner-sending love songs where they profess their unrequited love for someone they won’t name and it’s more than reasonable to assume that person is you. Tell your friend that you’re in a relationship, happy with your partner and it’s not ok for him to send these songs.
The only way it’s appropriate is if you’re a music producer or similar
In a relationship you want your partner to feel secure no shame in telling this man hi thanks for the music but it makes my partner uncomfortable and I don’t tolerate that he is first please stop… My ex was going to go on holiday with a 2 friends 2 woman I never meet I was like wtf fine but you will come home to me with my ex boyfriend hanging out I was pregnant and didn’t want to go on this holiday it was his birthday present from me and I honestly thought he would see his best male friend in Perth not two female friends in Tasmania men are thick in the head with feelings sometimes, anyway after my reply on how it made me feel he msg those friends fast saying sorry my wife is jealous I can’t come they were shocked but I felt herd and the insecurities went away. I think opposite sex friends will happily be welcoming and respectful of your partner joining them in on things otherwise they will kill the relationship.
Thank you so much. I know its been awhile since i last posted that but i wanted to make an update but i think im only allowed one update?? idk. But i did read this reply many fucking times.And smtg happened recently which resulted in objects flying due to his anger issues. i talked to a good friend of mine who gave me the reality check i needed. As much as i love him, i think its time i suggest us taking a break. ive read way to many women who defend the man who shows anger somewhere else which ends up with them being physically hurt(im sorry idk how to word this ahhaha)
But yes i really appreciate your comment. Made me think alot. Helped me realize this situation is not as ideal as i thought. I also rewatched modern family s10 where theres a line that goes something like do you feel lucky to have them or are you happy. overall, i have started questioning this relationship a lot more. I cant say for sure if i will really end up breaking it off for good but rn i feel like a break is the best option. As much as he ticks boxes for red flags, he is still a good man who watches out for our future (and i may be still defending him ik ugh) i just wanna make sure if everything i do is what i really want.
Again, Thank you so much kind stranger! ??
This is 100% a control issue. Whether he didn’t want you hearing what he was saying or doing in his game room or whether he needs to be in on everything you do, and changes in plans really upset him – either way it’s not okay. The name calling is abuse. The over reaction is frightening. I’m worried he could escalate.
I’m autistic. A change in plans makes me irrationally upset. Like to a level I don’t get upset about anything else. And I never name call. I might say “I don’t like that change because I feel x.” And then maybe go nap to calm down and then I’m okay. Or I’ll get quiet and it sounds like I’m angry because I sort of stone wall. I keep my answers short and concise. “Yup. Okay. Yeah. Have fun. See ya.” That sort of thing. But I do calm down easily and typically am fine (like if he had plans to be home with me at night but then decided to get drinks with friends instead – I get upset. Nap while he’s gone. And I’m fine once he’s home. He knows to go whether I’m upset or not because it has nothing to do with him. It’s 100% a me issue. I’m mad at the change in plans but recognize he has every right to see his friends occasionally for some beers lol. But if it’s a change like he said he was going to play video games but took a nap instead or vice versa – I might be a little peeved he napped without me but that’s about it.)
So this is advice coming from someone who has experience in having a very hot time with a change in plans. This was over the top, irrational and not at all appropriate. It sounds like he may have other issues going on. And that can be dangerous – especially if you’re a people pleaser. I’m the last person to tel anyone on the internet to break up with their partners. But this requires therapy at the very least. For him. If he starts to use therapy to manipulate you further – get out. He’s dangerous.