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Milana, 21 y.o.
Location: USA
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I mean, she’s an adult and ultimately has to be the one to decide to leave. You can express your feelings to her of how she deserves better but at the end of the day, it’s her choice.
I married a mama’s boy. It didn’t bother me much in the beginning because we moved across the country and he voice wasn’t as present in our lives… and then we moved back home. That woman was the third person in our marriage. His vows were that I was the priority at the altar and when I reminded him of that he asked me what he was supposed to do. She came first. She always came first. Family comes first.
“I fuck you. I sleep next to you. You made me family when you gave me your name and married me. So what about me?”
“I don’t know…”
He had no identity of his own outside of who his family told him he was. This delayed him seeking help for his alcoholism, because they didn’t think he had an actual problem despite 3 DUIs. This delayed us going to couples therapy because that’s for failures, according to them. You think now is bad?? This does NOT change after marriage, it gets worse.
Review your wedding contracts, see what you can get back. There are cancellation clauses written into wedding agreements for this exact reason. Recoup what you can and then thank God all you lost out on was the money you can’t get back, as opposed to the time you would’ve lost married to this failure to launch. Then review your state laws regarding the ownership of the engagement ring. In CA it needs to be returned to the party who proposed as the marriage did not occur. If your state has the same law, prepare to return it. Get your stuff together to move out. FIND A GOOD THERAPIST! Deal with the breakup in a healthy manner. Then when you explain why you left this dude, be fiercely honest. Give him the real so he knows how to get his shit together.
And here’s the last part, it’s really important: go on-line YOUR life. Invest in yourself. Do the naked work. Go out and do all the things you missed out on in a committed relationship. Rediscover who you are and expand your support system.
You can do this. I believe in you.
OP , I had to read the title twice to ensure that I was reading the ages correctly.
There’s an uneven power dynamic here and she’s acting like it’s either my way or the highway. I think the highway is preferable in this case.
If she’s kicking you out for voicing your opinions instead of having, you know, an adult conversation, then it’s better not to buy the ring in this case.
I’m sure there are other women in your age range out there where you are who would be open to having good communication with you to resolve any relationship issues you may have.
I was thinking “K” but this is better