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Evidently you and he have incompatible relationship styles.
It is my contention that everyone is on a scale from closed to open. If a person is in the middle, they can play along with what society expects, for the sake of family.
The norm is to be closed, so he played closed.
Now I presume the kids are grown? So there isn’t a compelling reason to be closed, and the lack of chaos, variety and group intimacy that he has always craved is causing resentment.
Whereas your natural level is closed only. Forcing you to do anything open would cause resentment in you.
I know couples whose household relationship has survived because they each take up exclusive sex with other partners instead of with each other. You might find a single guy to get close to, and break off sex with your partner.
Chances are this will not work in the long run, but worth negotiating.
NB: For that thing he said after you and he had sex: What an ass thing to say! Likewise the blindness that he can’t see that you are in the position of that other woman. I can only offer that he’s not thinking straight, but geez.
This sounds like an insufferable argument tbh.