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Asiana, 18 y.o.
Location: Paradise Island
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…says someone who has never been married.
I didn’t expect marriage to change much either, but actually being married did different. There are a number of things, but two that stood out to me:
1) joint finances/joint future. Before marriage, you have to protect yourself somewhat- don’t pour too much money into the relationship, because you have no recourse to get it back. Once you are married, there is an entire branch of law designed to protect you if things go south, so you don’t have to put as much mental time/energy into protecting yourself. So you can merge finances if you want. You can buy a house together, have kids together. You can plan a future jointly, more securely. You don’t have to keep track of what’s yours/mine/ours in the same way. And it’s really nice (as long as you trust the other person enough that you know you want your futures to be joint).
2) the rest of the world treats you differently. If you introduce someone as your “girlfriend”, the average person doesn’t know if you are committed. Maybe you’ve been dating 3 months, 3 years, or 13. So the world doesn’t take your relationship seriously. Your family isn’t sure whether to include your significant other in the family photos. Co-workers aren’t sure if they should try to remember their name. If one of you is hospitalized or god forbid dies, the other has no rights unless you’ve explicitly put them in writing. But if you are married, the world treats you as a unit. And it’s pretty great (as long as that’s how you in fact see yourselves).
Ya know a phone is supposed to be a convenience for your life, not the ruler of your life. That’s why my notification tone is a doorbell. Someone is asking to enter “my home” & I determine when (or if) I open that door.
Admittedly. I let more “visitors” in than I should (spend too much time on my phone) but do try to never lose sight that actual people are more important than that doorbell. Sadly think your guy hasn’t learned that lesson.