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Never thought of it this way. That's pretty messed up.
“Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm”
If he doesn't support you following your goal of becoming a doctor, why stay with him? It's going to get more intensive when you're a resident so this is a good indicator of whether or not a bf will support your future career goals. Go find one who will since this one won't.
Thank you for understanding my point of view, oh my god.
If you came up with 40 good reasons then you should definitely break up and stop thinking about it. Now write down at least 3-5 the qualities and values that you look for in a partner.
Second, Why are you still living with him after breaking up? Contact your friends or relatives. Find a place for at least a month and look for a job so that you don't go homeless. Start reading and build your own belief systems and values.
Third, Make a priority list. The first one should be your mental and physical well-being. then it's up to you.
Fourth, It is good that he's paying for you and you did the same for him but don't let it trap you.
No, the option isn't to help her sister, because letting her crash at their house straight up isn't helping. The options are enable her sister further, or stay married.
If someone swears they are not like something, they usually are. Get rid you deserve better.
If he is a guy that you see fit as a husband and a great father … why not talk to him to repropose again later … Because believe it or not finding a good husband nowadays is really something impossible for most people … If you believe you could find one in your late 20s … really sorry to say this but you’re delusional… But dating is not what you think it is … Most people that would honor you and please you are fewer than you think If I were in your shoes and see this man as a good man but don’t want to get married yet … I would stick to him and plan together our future reproposal … Because not everyday you would come across great marriage candidate… Please reconsider… what you have is something a lot of girls and guys dream of getting sooner than later … Plus DO NOT BELIEVE THESE REDDIT ACCOUNTS that say you better discover yourself or focus on your life and nothing else … or you’ll get better or deserve better … These are scammers who couldn’t get what you have … they couldn’t find someone who would honor their love … You absolutely can be in a relationship and have your dream career eventually You absolutely can plan together your future reproposal You absolutely can work things out Because I see you love him and he is a great guy even if he want to get married sooner … Please do consider imagining yourself after 10 years with this man … Do you see yourself happy with a great husband and kids! If yes I would say it’s worth the sacrifice… u/enchanted776
Ugh okay seriously guys I didn't mean it like that don't take offense for heavens sake. You do you, I wasn't trying to say that EVERYONE forms attachments to porn stars, I didn't either while I was watching porn. All I wanted to say is, movie scene is not as specific as porn in some cases. It is kind of the same for me, for you, for others, but not to everyone.
If you care about him, you should tell him to keep his mom from ruining any potential future relationships he may have.
Rehome that poor dog. He deserves so much better.
Your wife doesn’t want a puppy. She wants a stuffed animal.
Not yet. I will do so tomorrow, as I want to do it in person and it's very late where I on-line.
Your math doesn't add up. You started dating when he finished High school, hows that work?
Send her the statements, with a note saying “see? I wasn't lying. Never contact me again” and be done with her for good. This level of controlling only gets worse.
Laughably constructed argument.
What he said is unforgivable- of course you can’t forgive him.
Same with 'maximum once a week'. That seems very reasonable to me?
The laughter can be written off in a non AH way. But the thing that sticks out is that she got upset that her apology wasn't accepted right away. If her laugh is a reaction and therefore not bad, then his sadness about that is also a reaction and should not be dismissed.
She flipped a scenario where he was feeling down and looking for reassurance about his problem into him apologizing for giving her anxiety and ruining her morning. THAT is the important part of the situation.
This happened to me and my old roomies. We didn’t care until one day my customer could hear Roomie 1’s girlfriend through my door, through my AirPods. We had a house meeting and said his GF couldn’t be over no more than 3 nights a week. Then came our Friendsgiving, where they left their window open and curtains drawn for everyone in the backyard to see. A few other guests banged on the door and yelled at them. Best comment was, “any more explicit and you’d be a fucking R. Kelly album.” Roomie 1 and his GF were angry and mortified. They stayed in his room until everyone left, sheepishly apologized, and then moved out 4 months later.
While I understand the pressure of you wanting to know who he was talking to, he shouldn't have been all secretive on his work activities. He should've been straight-up honest.
I don’t really see anything wrong with the request. Obviously her mom has some concerns but she wants her daughter to talk to an uninvolved 3rd party.
At the end of the day, if would be lovely if her mom supported the marriage from the beginning. But she doesn’t. Seeing a therapist or even pre marital counseling doesn’t seem like a bad idea for anyone really ??♀️
You know what he wants. Don't be an idiot
Get a DNA Test from reputable agency to see there were no discrepancies. The best policy is to be honest with your finance and tell her everything. If the results comes back positive, you've to lawyer up. Postpone the wedding and take care of the matter at hand.
you want to carry a baby for 9 months just to show someone youre a psychopath? lemme know when youre up for it
Is this a real post? Why the fuck are you saying his name so much? ?
This is glorifying trauma in a very unhealthy way. I was kicked out of home at 16, hell I joined the army a year younger than this poor man and I'll tell you what trauma is not “interesting” it's something I wish no one had to deal with.
My wife is the strongest person I know. She deals with me on my worst days when I'm unable to function as a person. Before I was treated and offered help for my PTSD she used to help keep me level and if I was about to have an episode she would help me because I was unable to help myself all while being at risk herself.
I wouldn't wish these things on anyone and I wouldn't think less of someone that hasn't suffered led the same way or at all.
One bad moment that hits the right nerve and all of a sudden the stoic, strong person that you usually see could turn into a mess.
Just an all round bad take on traumatic experiences.
You forgot the kicker of being only 20. They don’t even know themselves.
If this woman is so wonderful and you were planning your future together you owe her the truth.
It’s not ridiculous. Yes, the emotional and financial commitment of raising a child is lifelong, but when you question the paternity because you think your partner cheated it is the same as asking your partner to get tested to see if they cheated. That’s the comparison because it’s about the cheating which still causes massive pain and heartache. Doesn’t matter who did it, it’s the same pain.
I chuckled there, too.
Wow…sorry dude…get your financial stuff in order…see a lawyer….cut her spending off permanently….she needs therapy not a free trip abroad….also if you can afford it hire a private investigator to find out anything else going on with her or her friends….sounds fishy
Oh ffs. Stop blaming women for the disgusting actions of a man.
I hope you both find the help you need ??
Same! I went NC with my parents. Both are narcs though mother is mostly just…. I dunno, dumb?! Still she did raise us. So for her I'd shed a petty tear! For that man?! Woooo he's in his 70s and unfortunately still going strong! I can't wait until he's dead or dying, I'm gonna be so happy!
Me and my siblings just hope that one day our mother opens her eyes and ditches him to die alone. Not even his siblings want him
As Amy from TBBT said, “there's the vulgar adage: Don't defecate where you eat.” Meaning don't have a romantic relationship in the workplace. Oftentimes it creates more problems than solutions.
I cannot encourage you more strongly to stop talking. You admit that you don’t know about humanities/social sciences, having it studied it, so as a PhD in writing, let me just say that the analysis and thought required in the writing of essays is -significantly- more than you seem to think. Discounting her field whilst she’s working AND going to school AND apparently expected to clean the house like she’s your mum is some kind of entitlement. Figure out how to do more around the house. Millions of people work and find time to make their beds and such on a daily basis. Seriously, what are you even bringing to the relationship? Also, tech writers are in high demand and can make bank. You’re making peanuts so maybe let’s not talk about the ‘value’ of your degree, no?
OP— one day you will look back on this and see it as “I dodged a bullet with a guy who only wanted me for sex and didn’t care enough about me to be willing to consider my needs as I lost my virginity.” That says nothing negative about you and everything negative about him. He “can’t do it” because it’s a bigger deal than throwaway sex, physically and emotionally. You would need to be the focus and he doesn’t have the patience. He just wanted easy sex. You weren’t leading him on, he was leading you on. He’s awful, and you’ve had an amazing learning experience. Have your good cry, because it will make you feel better. But then know that the right guy who cares about you and will treat you right is still out there, and you now have a chance to meet him! Good riddance to the dirtbag!
This is very tricky to find out if it fair or not. A better question to ask yourself if do you even want this? Also if you're pretty much doing all the work for the Air BNB side business you should be getting at least half the profits from it. Yes they own the house, but you're checking in and out, changing the bedding so on.
I think if his family already own the condo you really shouldn't have to pay rent. If his family still owes a mortgage on it that might be a different story. If so how much is your BF giving to mum and dad for rent?
As a person with ADHD. BS. Idk why he’s saying it’s his mental illness. That’s the wildest thing I’ve ever heard.
While I think her deal-breaker is pretty unconventional, she made it known to you from the start. You broke her rule multiple times, and fouled the place she lives. While I agree her reaction is over the top, she is in the right here. You did what you did, knowing you shouldn't have, and should accept the consequences. Respect her choices regarding your relationship, and gently circle back later after she calms down. If she has second thoughts about everything, she'll come back.
Your description of him reminds me of myself as a teenager and 20-something. He won't get better until he is ready. And it's an incredibly hard and ugly process to find yourself after pushing it down and mirroring everyone around you for years and years.
I kind of had a mental breakdown after my sister died in my mid twenties that made me come to grips with some harsh realities. I got back into therapy and finally took it seriously. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and had to confront my complete lack of knowledge of myself. It was a brutal experience. But after years of incredibly nude work, I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria. I could never have found the willpower to do it if I wasn't totally aware I was fighting for my actual life.
You may need to leave. If he can acknowledge and confront the problem without that, then you need to be supportive and consistent. Not much of the heavy lifting needed here is for you, unfortunately.
You should break up with him. There is no “I was weak.” That is an excuse. You don’t accidentally cheat. Cheating isn’t one choice. It is dozens of choices leading up to sex. He chose to talk to this woman, he chose to flirt with her, through probable guilt he chose to continue flirting with her, he then chose to go to her house, he chose to undress… you get the point.
Put it this way, you chose him every day of your relationship because you love him and the relationship. For god knows how long, he was choosing somebody else because HE loves him and instant gratification. And now that he feels super guilty he is just now choosing you again because that’s what feels good right now.
Also ask yourself. Who is he apologizing for? You or him? Why did he tell you? Because he thinks this will heal the relationship, or because he wants to get that giant grand piano off his chest?
Dump. Him.
The first week after we became exclusive, she hooked up with someone. In the first months of u dating, she said that she could do an open relationship.
I’m fairly sure she’s been one-sidedly open all through Uni and the “OMG I forgot” was not actually that she forgot he tried to kiss her, but forgot that she drunkenly told you. I think that message was supposed to be sent to one of her friends, not you.
My … girlfriend is one of the most trustworthy … people I know.
I hope you’re right. But almost 6 decades on this planet has every instinct screaming otherwise.
I don't want to move in with the new guy right away – and we're just talking. I can try and talk to my landlord :/
Man chill out. That's not that big of a deal. Especially for you to be thinking about it for years. You put your hand on a leg of a girl 2 years ago. Get over it man
Oh he’s not :/ She didn’t exactly raise him, and she was not nice in his younger years to put it mildly.
Not a lawyer, but that doesn’t feel like the sort of thing that judges keep kids away from their dads for. The big worry for me is “are you in a financial position to take care of yourself and your son?” (His own room, child-safe home etc)? And are you still if you owe her 17% of your income before taxes? (Child support standard numbers).
Her mom has no say in that.
Her wanting to move in doesn't make her a house owner. ?