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Then it was probably just one thing out of many that just made him walk. No sense worrying about it.
You’re underestimating the power of intelligence. Internally you’re seeing yourself as out of her league based on looks. Imagine if personality and intelligence was considered hot the same way physical appearance is!? Get into the mindset that you ARE a catch and she’d be lucky to have you.
I do think you need to be a little more assertive. Any comments she makes about her type – match her!
I don't believe she has. I feel even if I asked her to she wouldn't. She seems to only want to help the kids and honestly always puts me last.
I am so sorry that you're going through this.
Leave, get child support, coparent if he wants. You’re going to have a little one soon that you will love so much that anything you’ve felt for this guy will seem absolutely minuscule in comparison.
Aside from your issues with your husband, it is strange that you chose to keep your finances separate. That’s like a bad omen. Like you’re not all the way committed.
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Why don’t you tell your friend to take a seat over there.
Better drop E like a hot potato because if u tell him it's going to be awkward, especially since he's in a relationship. That's never a good time to confess personal feelings for him. Let it go
He clearly has anger issues. And he treated you terribly on your birthday. I’m so sad for you, OP.
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Thank you! I have been getting a bit impatient / annoyed with the situation and he knows it, but I am going to try to continue to be understanding because I feel like he has been very honest and transparent with me this whole time.
Are you a people pleaser and find it difficult to say no?
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Focus on your sister, not her husband. He is very obviously never going to suddenly decide to take criticism from his brother-in-law, so continuing this strategy is pointless and also potentially making things worse for your sister.
The remedy here isn’t to try to change this guy, but to help your sister get away from him. That starts with being a listening ear, a safe person for her to talk to. When you go after her abusive husband, it puts her in the middle and makes her LESS likely to confide in you or ask for your help.
She won’t leave until she’s ready to, so the best thing you can do is let her know you’ll be there for her if and when she decides to do so. That might mean simply moral support, or it might mean practical or financial support. If she’s ready to think about leaving, offer to sit down with her and map out what the options are.
Having a toddler makes things more complicated than if she were child-free, but it absolutely does not mean she has no choice but to stay.
What we search is who we are.
End it. You will never get over this. Your partner has betrayed you in an unforgivable way. She cheated. And she lied about it.
When my mom is here, she’s confined to one part of the house because she can’t use the stairs. She wouldn’t be able to know what’s going on in this part of the house anyway… She stays in the kitchen, drinks her coffee, and makes her breakfast while she’s over.
I don't know how she's you're finances but she doesn't see this relationship being long-term.
I personally believe her not wanting to cosign is a sign that she doesn't want a relationship with you.
Or she thinks you're bad with money. Also, you said you totaled a new car. Don't know how long you had it, but I wouldn't cosign for someone who just totaled a new car.
Your girlfriend sounds crazy. OMG you shouldn’t have to give up your friends for her. She is punishing you for something innocent. You need to get rid of her – this relationship is unhealthy.
SHE made the decision for him. It wasn't mutual, whilst it may have been a difficult decision for her, it's one she took on her own, without even discussing it with” the love of her life”. If the shoe was on the other foot, and he unilaterally decided he no longer wanted to try for a child, you'd be trashing him just as hot. Do I think he was right to sleep with someone else? No. Do I think he did it to hurt her as a form of revenge because she'd hurt him? Yes.
As someone whose struggled with mental health issues for 30 years, the simplistic attitude of he should've just done this or that is total bollocks. It took me the best part of 5 years before I could even begin to accept that I had a problem and to seek help for it. Downvote me to oblivion, I don't care, but let's not deify someone who had an unprotected one-night stand which by her definition was cheating on her husband.
You help your mama. Your crazy wife is probably bluffing anyways. Alternatively, rent your mom an apartment (you sound like you might be able to afford to do so.) You should probably be in therapy too because your life sounds stressful.
You gotta get outta there ASAP. That dude is a straight up loser and ain't worth your time or tears. You deserve someone who treats you like a queen, not like a doormat. If he's puttin' his hands on you, that's abuse and it's illegal, not to mention just plain wrong. That's not love, that's control. You don't gotta take that kind of crap from nobody, especially not from some punk who's supposed to be your man.
Look, I know it's scary, but you gotta be strong for yourself. Call up some friends or family who you trust and tell them what's goin' down. Get yourself a safe place to stay, whether that's a shelter or a friend's couch. And if he's makin' threats, don't hesitate to call the cops. They're there to help and protect you.
And don't worry about the lease, you can handle that. You're a strong, independent woman and you got this. Just make a plan and stick to it. You deserve to be happy and safe, and you can make that happen for yourself. Don't let this dude hold you back any longer. You got this!
Hi. I'm a recovering porn addict, and his behaviour is very similar to my old behaviour. It's extremely unhealthy and toxic, and if you don't put your foot down you'll both experience further issues. Even now I'm dealing with ED, and my mental state is awful. I feel really unattractive and my libido has gone to hell.
For the longest time, my gorgeous, actual-model of a partner thought I wasn't into her anymore. It's not true, but I now understand why she felt this way. At one point I really did prefer porn because it was easier, and I could search for exactly what I wanted instead of trying to shape our intimacy into what I wanted.
She's helping me recover and our sex life is slowly improving every day. I quit porn completely, and even tell her every time I even come across nudity. It's difficult to do alone, so it's great that your partner has you and your genuine concern.
So yeah, bring it up to him. If it continues it'll be the end of your relationship. If you get ahead of it, you'll be stronger than ever.
All that being said, it also isn’t necessarily your responsibility to help them heal. Here you just need to balance your feelings for the person with your own patience – in the past, any partners with trauma have usually bought that up themselves because they’re fully aware it can be a large emotional drain on a partner.
Hellll no. He doesn't get to determine what you wear your hair like, and then to treat you badly over it?? My husband's only negative comment on my hair was the last time I wanted to cut it all off, and he said “I'm just saying the last time you did that you were really upset about it for a long time, and I don't want you to go through that again.” My husband decided to stop trimming his beard and now has a long bushy one. I have no opinion on it, because it's not my face, and I love him no matter what he looks like, tbh. I buy him products to help it looking its best.
Yes I think you guys need to have a conversation! Make sure to mention that part about wanting to feel like he's into you. Think about things he could do that would make you feel that way. And also, impress upon him the importance of this subject. Those of us with a low libido just don't think about sex as much so sometimes we can be flippant.
You can be cordial and polite in public towards someone while cutting them off privately, OP. You don’t have to be “friends” with this dude, go to the gym with him or have food together. He clearly isn’t your friend and by participating in these interactions with him you’re conveying the message that you’re ok with his stance about your relationship.
Asian cultures, though rich and often tight knit, have incredibly old fashioned and toxic values and standards. Source: I’m this Redditor’s half Asian gf whose mom left Asia especially Because of those expectations.
Guilting your children into taking care of you is typical, everything about this shituation sadly is..
I recommend PostOP to (temporarily) move in with her boyfriend or a friend, honestly, if your family hadn’t been racist etc and treated you and bf like shit, i could understand wanting to support your family. However, it sounds like they did the bare minimum for you, whilst expecting you to sacrifice yourself and your love for them. I’d be okay with my family cutting me off if the reason is that i am my own person, with my own life and desires and i will not bend my will to anyone. We shouldn’t be having children just to place the burdens and responsibilities of our own lives onto them. Nor those of their siblings. The fact that these are common expectations in many Asian cultures needs to die. The following generations can’t online like this anymore.
PostOP, stop letting your family piss on you and making you pay for the pissing. Let them cut you out, let them be responsible for themselves and their choices, you can comfortably on-line with the ones you’ve made so far… perhaps they should start making choices that they can online with.
As my boyfriend would’ve said, it’s not my fault you can’t handle speedbumps, you wanted a Ferrari.
We wish you well, PostOPand there’s no harm in incognito googling for Asian family dynamics specialized therapists. We’re from Europe, so we have no idea… but if you need an outside perspective, feel free to DM me if you need help or comfort if you feel stressed.
Greetings, Half Asian gf
I don't even understand why you'd get back with someone you don't even want in your house.
Oh yeah for sure, while she was a kid she was always going to act out in this situation – it would be normal even if OPs ex didn’t stir the pot. But at 24 she either has to forgive her dad and move on with their relationship – and part of that would be at the very least not expecting him to drop plans around his baby – or cut him off. She can’t just dangle him on a rope and play the guilt card all the time. It mugs me off even more because it sounds like he has made an effort to be there for her!
Perfect example of a wife that's never happy no matter what the husband does. Poor guy is gonna burn himself out and you'll still be unsatisfied. This is the kind of relationship that men are warned about.
He literally saw his marriage disappear one day and then given a lifeline the next. It sobers you up quick. Instead of waiting for him to do things he used to enjoy, work it into your schedule with him as a couples activity because he is unlikely to initiate on his own. Of course, it could be that he is afraid of doing anything he used to for fear of falling back into the old groove, kind of like a druggie/alcoholic junkie.
Do it. He's a creep, a liar, and is body shaming you. If he lied like this to his friends, what is he lying to you about? BTW, you're gorgeous and he's a fool.
No It is not! Your own personal feelings and your own view of your small world is never the whole point!
Refusing to believe the kids are his seems pretty much like rejection. He assumed she'd get an abortion, he didn't beg her to keep them. It's pretty clear that he didn't want kids.
I agree, I know its a lot for him to process as well so I'm trying to keep an open mind and see it from his perspective. Can't be easy to gain and lose a child in one go despite the circumstances.
I agree, I know its a lot for him to process as well so I'm trying to keep an open mind and see it from his perspective. Cant be easy to gain and lose a child in one go despite the circumstances.
I didn’t tell her coz she didn’t go near
She would phone others she never phoned me
She would put me on compacted job search and not go near but go near others
There’s more than that too
So why bother?
It was my job, my interview
I don’t have to answer to her
Ok?
Would he deserve to be emotionally abused if he was a 'lazy fuck up'… What constitutes as lazy enough to be purposefully abused over it? Ever heard the saying two wrongs don't make a right?
And in this instance the only thing we know is he left one sock under the bed and one bowl out.
Regardless of OPs behaviour, his partner needs to find a better way to communicate her issues.
I never realized how many people had such absurd age gaps until I got on reddit. Sometimes you get tired of telling young people the same thing over and over again about how their age gap is inappropriate. This ain't the first nor last issue you'll have with someone old enough to be your father. For your sake, I hope you wake up soon.
Why can't he get himself a new phone, one with a super thick case to protect it?
Is he dropping them because of effects from his stroke or because he's clumsy or not paying attention?
How is it that he's managed to not break your phone?
So in order to make his life comfortable and convenient
Why does his life get to be more comfy and convenient than yours?
I have to let him borrow my phone
No, you don't actually HAVE to. You can say no.
I wouldn't be surprised…
How completely messed up does your childhood have to be for one to consider a relationship with THIS pompous, verbally abusive asshole “happy”, “loving” and/or “fun”?
OP, reading this makes me feel very sad for you. It sounds like you know deep down that this isn't right, but you don't want to admit it to yourself.
I can't believe that your family and friends haven't tried to talk some sense into you about this fucking asshole more than once by now, and if they haven't, then they really suck.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Being treated like this? There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with kindness, love, and respect all of the time. This asshole isn't one of them.
If you stay with him, this is how the rest of your life will go.
Please, want better for yourself – and go find it. Best of luck to you.
Basically, she wants to hook up with other people, but keep you at arms length.
She moved out to online with her friends and although some of them were mutual friends of ours, they promptly stopped speaking to me as if I’d done something wrong. Ex fiancée says she didn’t tell them anything to make them think that but I don’t even care about that.
She's either lied about something you've done, or she's already told them that she's planning on breaking up with you, as a result they see no reason to interact with you.
It just feels like she planned this and wants to live off her on her own and have fun now (she relied heavily on me and now that she’s in a place where she doesn’t have to pay any bills and has plenty of disposable income bc of it, she can pretty much do whatever she wants) but insists she’d like to get back together in a year or so.
It might just be that you've grown apart and she feels like she wants a new environment.
I’m a homebody with no real friends and didn’t really have a life outside of her… not in a way that she had to pay for, she still had her space and her friends and time out/alone and all that.. time that could have been me with friends is usually spent on my own because I like it that way
Now might be a good idea to have a sit and think about changing that, it might be worth pushing yourself to be more sociable, get involved in activities or hobbies. Perhaps she saw that you were reclusive in your little bubble without anything else and she thought that she might be missing out on something.
but insists she’d like to get back together in a year or so.
So this is the part where you have to be careful for two reasons:
A) She might just be saying that you let you down easy and has no intention of getting back together.
B) She's using you a back up once she's finished doing whatever, wherever and with whoever. It really should be that she's gone and stays gone, she can't just monkey branch her way back to your support afterward.
Just move on, re-evaluate things and don't splurge $3k on a puppy in an last ditch effort to win her back.
This is such strange behavior on her end. They talk about God and the bible while he's cheating on his wife? How conservative can they be if they're doing this?
She definitely needs to run from this situation. It has red flags all over it.