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Tell your mother what is going on. It will hurt her more the longer you keep it.
The more it eats you up, the more it might cause you some health issues.
Tell your mom and you guys could deal with the betrayal together. Help each other out through it you know.
Best of luck, kid!
That’s why you use protection.
I was thinking of doing the same thing ?
If I were you, I'd be real. As up to date as possible. So what if you have wobbly bits? You're a human aren't you? We can't all stay the same as we did in our teens and twentys (wish we could ?)
If you can, get different shots of action instead. Holiday or adventure selfies, gym pictures,a going out on the town, you at home with your slippers on etc ? The thing with people our age is we don't want our time wasted and we know exactly what we want. We all come with a history and maybe some emotional baggage so you need to be as honest and open as possible so you can weed out the idiots ? Have some fun!
Good luck ??
I only get so much from him every 2 weeks and im responsible for buying christmas presents, groceries, things for the house, etc. I would ask for the card but he had already called me greedy for telling him i was still hungry.
Thats akward to say the least. Honslty somtimes my boyfreind has gone into just abit to mutch detail about his exes and its made me overthink for a short time but I always just go why am I doing this we weren't together, he prbaly didn't even know me and its fine for him to have a life before me. Give her some time and be respectfull don't go saying oh well I wasn't with you and all that or will just make her feel worse let her come to thinking that herself, just make sure she know you love her now and God dam delete eveythig this time!
HE DONT LOVE YOU
Good luck to you both
“Hey boyfriend, we’re breaking up. Have a good one”
Stop being a terrible person.
An agreement to send his little brother to a shelter overnight is ridiculous. Especially considering there's a good chance the brother is a minor.
Please listen to this man bro ? honestly you're about to be fucked. Please
People who generalize, tend to believe every person thinks like they do. (and likely cause their buddies are players too) Dont read into what hes saying too much, its HIS personal opinion and perception that hes trying to project onto you as a fact when its not. Thats all.
Its definitely something and someone you dont want. Focus on someone else.
Take them to a seamstress. Alterations on pants aren’t very expensive at all.
Anyone would be frustrated with a puppy if they have no idea how to handle them. Training classes is really about training the human more than the dog. I think this is the missing piece.
One of you should temporarily move out somewhere to get some space so you can think clearly, that’s step one.
Step two is to maybe talk to a councillor or someone you know you can trust. You don’t have to “out” your wife, just say that you know for a fact she wants to be with other people and is forcing herself to be with you. You need some kind of support in this if you can get it. If you don’t want to or can’t do this that’s fine too.
After taking the time you need to clear your head and just think about whether you want this to continue or not, you gotta talk to your wife again. Get some straight answers out of her, how long did she know? Before you were married? Has she cheated on you? With who? What does she want to do now?
If she cheated you’re gonna want to try and ask her for proof that you can keep for posterity (in case of divorce, but you don’t have to tell her that). After that’s done, take some more time and finally make your decision.
It’ll be a painful process dude, but you can make it through this.
Thank you for sharing! I'll try to remember that. Right now I'm just trying to process everything, I don't want to have more things to think about.
Too much drinking was my first thought also.
There's 5 women in here calling him a dick and saying they shouldn't be together. This sub is basically a 'lonely womens drama outlet'
How else should he react?
This is controlling behaviour that would count as assault if you called the police. This isn’t someone you should spend your life with. Get rid of him, and press charges.
Omfg. This is stupid. You are being stupid. If this is your normal state of mind I wish your boyfriend the best of luck.
I’m actively trying to move on everyday, but I love her and I know she’s making a mistake. She knows. She told me. She was like he has 6 kids w 4 people, I found out, I would never date him. Now they’re fuckin magically in love on social media….
What county are you in? In the US this is pretty shocking. Maybe not 20 dating 40 but being a young teen “dating ” 25/30/40 year olds. You have nothing in common with them. It sets up a power dynamic and honestly just feels like there is something really wrong with the men. Why would a grown man date a little girl. Every culture is different, so I don't want to pass judgment on what I don't understand. But in my culture, this is really heartbreaking. Just seems you had to grow up way faster than any girl should.
Great advice!
In your other post, less than half a year ago, you're asking for advice on what to do because your best friend is dating your crush…but you've been dating your fiancé for five years?
Either you're a cheater or a troll
I started getting feelings for a fwb once & it freaked me out so I stopped talking to him. But I think having more than one fwb might help. When I was casually dating I usually had different men that fulfilled me in different ways. Like if I could combine them they'd be the perfect match but individually, not as appealing for anything other than something casual.
Thank you
Right, this story has more holes than a swiss cheese. None of it makes sense to me. According to his account she was pretty annoying and did get physical (pushing his phone out of his hand) but I'm not sure if dude is a reliable narrator. But even if what he tells about her behavior is true I have a hot time imagining what “pushing by the neck” means or why she would bruise that way. Certainly not falling from stairs. I'm the whole story is BS imo
Do not go to her house. IMO breaks are break ups, you’re either together or you’re not. If your relationship is putting her in such a dark place, be kind and end things, so she can move on
My ex was exactly this way too, would freak out on me if a single hair from my dog, (lab), was on his shirt. He is my ex for a reason.
Thank you, I’m sorry I know that I am overreacting and I tend to overthink things. It wasn’t the fact that he was doing it that bothered me, but the fact that a few of the drawings looked like they were women from porn with massive, unrealistic breasts and in poses that aren’t what I would associate with hot art, but I may be overthinking it
Tell her that she can go if Liam Neeson adopts her first.
Not trying to say any of this to make it 'okay', but four years is a long, long time to be with someone when you're in your teens – early – mid twenties. Ones brain is mostly fully developed by the age of twenty five. Most people make giant transitions (think university, living on one's own for the first time, living with a partner for the first time, being responsible for real world adult things such as rent, mortgages, bills, career type jobs, etc.). A good chunk of people have that 'oh shit' moment where they want something (someone) different because they're afraid they're missing out. The new guy is exciting because he's not you. Hopefully that makes sense? It's up to you to decide if you want to wait around and be there, if she doesn't end up with him for the long haul. Did she cheat on you before breaking up? Or did she decide she wanted to try out the other guy and broke up with you first? Personally, I'm not staying friends with an ex who can so easily toss me to the side after four years (and I wouldn't trust that there was no cheating involved). Sorry dude. You're still young and life and love have so many opportunities for adventure.
It’s weird to emotionally bombard an 18 year old tho. & no dating a younger one is not more practical for family & future. Find someone your own age that has the same values as you
Physical violence from a partner (particularly one you are not married to) is a dealbreaker. Period. You need to RUN from her. And couple that with the nonchalance about cheating and it is even worse. Please get out of this relationship.
It will be the opposite and you will have to deal with this bundle of shit forever. I’d be out of there and done.
But you let the other person know…. you didn't hide it and didn't communicate it with him. She has to communicate like an adult. Period!
In some places, you need to be separated before filing for divorce. It was the case in England and Wales, for example, up until last April that if you both agreed to divorce then you had to be separated for 2 years and if one party didn’t agree then it was 5 years before you could petition the courts for a divorce. In Northern Ireland, it’s still a 2 year separation if both parties agree to divorce/5 years without agreement and you’re not filing on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, adultery, or desertion. It’s not always as simple as finding a lawyer/solicitor and filing for divorce from the off.
Leave the man alone & let him look at whatever he chooses. He’s an adult, just like you.
Yes it is unreasonable to be jealous he's providing for his kids. What an asshole way to look at the world not all feelings are valid some of them are selfish or toxic and need to be worked on.
Disgusting. Should’ve never married her and wasted her time. Karma will catch up to you.
I'd assume from what you told that your boyfriend was equally surprised of his own reaction to this. Try to put the jealous feelings aside and talk to him about what happened openly.
Pretty sure if your partner got pregnant in sketchy circumstances ( not long after being found sleeping at another man’s house ) you’d doubt the kid was yours. She never gave him a chance to change his mind because she blocked him and ran far away. How the hell is he the bad guy here?
Have you considered not crushing on people solely at your workplace? Since he avoids you that might be a clue.
You should have left when he was willing to leave you to keep her in his life.
People who carry on cheating in this manner and go to such great lengths ENJOY doing it. He's great at hiding and lying. The sneaking is part of the allure. Anyone so prepared in their deception will have difficulty changing, and if they do, it likely won't be “for you.” I'd gtfo but obviously easier said than done
honestly i think while your waiting he’s out having fun! they tend to do thins to keep you as a back up….. be careful with your heart!
I wasn't planning on lying to him, but the problem is breaking out the truth in a way that wouldn't needlessly hurt his feelings.
And his food problem is more about quality than quantity, nutrition dense fast foods – which our mutual meals unfortunately often are since neither of us really has the time or energy to cook real meals – have – have way more calories than the same amount of food in a healthy meal. He's not an emotional eater or anything, but it's a matter of their convenience, habits he learned at home, and being a picky eater who doesn't really enjoy cooking.
If I handle this wrong and hurt his feelings he might just stop eating altogether and be both sick and miserable, which is something he absolutely could and would do. And no, I cannot wrangle his ass into therapy to learn how to handle his feelings better, either. I've tried, and accepted that it's not a choice I can make on his behalf.
If you genuinely do feel terrible about your past, and recognize the pain and hardships you put him through and are full of regret for those hot years– then apologize. Apologize to him now that it's all behind you, give yourself and him that cathartic moment and it'll both do you good.
But once you do, move on. Forgive yourself and promise to yourself never to return to those ways, and focus on continuing your journey to be a better you. No wallowing in what used to be, have your shared moment of making him realize how much it means to you that he stayed through all the toil and hardship, and now you finally feel like you can be the partner he deserves to be with, and leave it at that.
It sounds like this dude deserves some recognition, and there's probably nothing he'd like more than hearing your thankfulness of him going through hell and back with you on your darkest of days for all those years. Hearing it will be a testament to how much you've grown and realized how far you've come since then. I guarantee your love for one another will deepen if you do.
I don't think they were joking.
Me personally, my happy place is with my partner. I travel a bit for work and even with constant communication via text, it’s still hot for me.
Is an unhealthy level of attachment and need. Sure, miss your partner, but without constant communication via text or some form, you find it very hot? That's genuinely gone into a place of codependency or at least concern. It might be worth considering.
Do you want your daughter to grow up seeing you being mentally and physically abused by her mother? Do you want her to grow up thinking that is ok? You need to get yourself and your child far away from her, it won't get better.
I think this is a huge violation and I would never have sex with him again. This is gross, predatory and a dealbreaker in my book.
I don't trust him for a second that those were the only videos, or that he didn't upload them somewhere else. You said in a comment he sometimes checks his phone during sex – I'm guessing that's when he takes the videos. And he deleted it from his device, cool, and the cloud? How do you know he didn't send it to someone via a message? The internet? Are you sure it's not there?
The thing is, you cannot be sure. You can never truly know. The only thing we DO know 100% is that he already violated you once and is untrustworthy. Don't get hot in front of him if you don't want his pals, or the whole web, to see your very hot ass.
This guy is manipulating you, controlling you, and now he is trying to isolate you from your friends.
He is abusive. Get out now.
Exactly! In other words he's gaslighting you! He pays absolutely nothing towards where he is staying or the utilities he uses and yet he feels he can argue with you about shopping! Is he for real! All he has to do it buy food and he wants to fight and gaslight you! This sounds very toxic and you need to see that! Personally he would be my ex if a man pulled this stunt on me! Freeloading hobosexual!
Just remember OP that Cheaters never admit the truth of their infidelity unless confronted by irrefutable proof. They will lie and deny straight to your face until you show evidence that they are lying. Even then they’ll admit only half-truths and reveal the bare minimum of what they’ve done to explain away the evidence….It’s just their nature…. So at first it’ll be “they’re just a friend”, then “we only chatted”, then when you show evidence of flirty texts she'll say yes “maybe it was an emotional affair, but that’s all”, …. but then when you whip out the spicy pics, she'll confess “ok so we exchanged nudes and spicy videos, but never anything physical”….and then when you show proof of a meet up she'll admit to “holding hands or kissing/making out, but that’s as far as it got” and then finally after all that lying, when you show proof of sex she'll admit “OK, we had sex, but it was only once or twice,” … meanwhile you know they’ve been F’ing for 6 months…. That’s what cheaters do…. It sucks…But now you know the levels of deception to expect in the confrontation. It's a universal law. Every cheater does this 100% of the time
Or he's writing relationship advice fanfic.
“I need you to see a doctor. I can’t keep caring about you when you don’t even care about yourself. You see this is impacting me and our relationship, so you decide if you’re going to see the doctor and put in some effort or if you’re going to be single”
Totally your choice. I would line up a new place to stay before you break up, though.
Make a choice. You made vows. Do they actually mean something to you or is it just words you said? The grass is greener where you water it. If you actually believe marriage means something, you go NC. And start focusing on your wife and your marriage. Communication, compromise and couples therapy if you can afford it. That’s the only acceptable answer.