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I know. You can be both. My coworkers are my friends.
IME he might have ED and is worried about performing
I think that's very rare. I get cold sores and I don't get them very often but when I do I always tell my husband and we don't kiss for about two weeks until the virus goes dormant again. We've been together over 26 years and he has never got a cold sore. I wouldn't let this be a deal breaker if you really like the guy.
Why can’t he?
I agree with this, and maybe he doesn't feel like he's doing anything wrong YET so that's why he's not holding onto his phone, but he's also a bit secretive so I dunno
Yeah, it would be very different if it was just that he didn’t delete his profile (I didn’t, I just deleted the app lol). He was very nonchalant about it all. When I asked if he would still be using them if I hadn’t found out he said “not with the intention of seeing anyone else”, which seems like a really silly reason to break someone’s trust. I have a bad habit of acting on my emotions and I’m doing my best to do differently. I really care about him, I’m just very hurt. Thank you for the input, I’m glad talking about it is the right way to go.
It was one sided on his part. She had/has a boyfriend and wasn’t interested but I do know he cared enough about their friendship to hide every aspect from me especially her existence. From the way it sounds to me he was completely obsessed with her and they worked very closely and were often paired up as two of the younger firefighters though he was mid twenties and she was barely 20 and out of highschool. It was disgusting, he even admitted he would stay out of his room and in their living room area to talk to her at night and watch her walk around in short shorts. He would also be the only married man who would be out of his room at that time which hurts my feelings because everyone else would be in their room on the phone with their wives. No we have not done counseling. Even though she wasn’t interested does it still count as emotional cheating on his part?
It was one sided on his part. She had/has a boyfriend and wasn’t interested but I do know he cared enough about their friendship to hide every aspect from me especially her existence. From the way it sounds to me he was completely obsessed with her and they worked very closely and were often paired up as two of the younger firefighters though he was mid twenties and she was barely 20 and out of highschool. It was disgusting, he even admitted he would stay out of his room and in their living room area to talk to her at night and watch her walk around in short shorts. He would also be the only married man who would be out of his room at that time which hurts my feelings because everyone else would be in their room on the phone with their wives. No we have not done counseling. Even though she wasn’t interested does it still count as emotional cheating on his part?
Because the reason they are probably cruel is because in the past someone else was probably not very nice to them.
Now that it’s out there you have to commit to the ultimatum. Otherwise you solidify yourself as a doormat and he will never go. He was never going anyway, so now you’ve given him the best reason to go. Plus, you are not ready to give up on the relationship which gives him a chance to do the right thing. What happens often is the woman is done and tells him to get out and there is no way to reconcile. I say again, commit to the ultimatum.
She lacks empathy. I personally wouldn’t continue dating someone who laughs at me for losing a pet.
Within four months? No.
I've been acting normal and like nothing has happened but I'm pissed and I don't know what to do.
Why are you pissed? Is there an issue with a friend dating your sibling? I might have missed other context in the wall of text.
You don't think they pick up on the energy attacks like that create?
If you have a history of dealing with alcoholism and don’t want to be around it then don’t. However. Getting too drunk when you’re young happens very easily and you don’t know your limits yet. Maybe talk to him and let him know that you can’t and won’t deal with drunks. Specially shitty ones who think they can get physical as soon as they’re drunk.
Age and experience helps you better spot these guys. It also gives you better self-confidence and time to work on your own problematic traits, like the “anxious attachment style” that you say is preventing you from leaving.
Yes, but he's not here asking for advice, and she is completely responsible for her own choices going forward wrt dating single parents.
Just from another perspective: I wouldn't care if my parents didn't like my bf. In fact I hope they would hate him. I don't like them so if they hate him that's a win in my book. I have no plans to ever introduce them unless they're in their graves. But I also don't care what they or other people think of me or my behavior.
Maybe people are saying it's OK bc from their standpoint it is. Maybe they have some history or have the kind of personality where this is just not a huge deal to them. Maybe their parents suck and since they don't care they feel like OP shouldn't either.
Maybe they're mature enough to realize you can't always get what you want, even after your best efforts. Maybe they can just accept that some people don't get along and you can't force a relationship, so why bother?
The other answers aren't exactly callous. There's nothing OP can do about this except try to pull teeth to get it out of her dad. And honestly that's probably going to make things worse. Bc now dad feels forced to have a relationship with her bf just to keep his daughter happy.
She really ought to just drop it. Does it hurt? Probably. The way she feels isn't wrong. But she is literally on here bc she wants to make her dad do something he doesn't want to do. Her father is a whole ass adult just like she is. He lets her make her own decisions. She should let him make his.
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Oh fuck off. No good parent is risking their newborn like this. She’s the one that should be rethinking the marriage. Her husband is a selfish idiot for even coming home after travelling and not testing first when he has a newborn at home.
She was more than happy to go 50/50 when it benefited her to do so.
Ummm…her agreeing to 50/50 was still more of a benefit for him when they were in her house. If it was proportional then it would have benefited her and not him then.
At 50/50 they were both paying $600. If they did proportional when they lived in her house it would have been 400/800.
Honestly, it sounds like you are ready to move on from him specifically. He’s not the one for you and deep down you recognise that.
That's a red flag waving a plane for take off. Get the hell out of Dodge!
The dinner making should be the responsibility of whoever has taken it on . Much like laundry , if you have taken on the responsibility of doing it ( as a part of your own share of the household chores ) , you have to do all of it .
Its rude as shit and adults should have some self-control especially if they have a problem with her being out of the house. Downplaying stuff like this with “Good for them you should be so lucky when you get older” just shows your own immaturity and desperation. It just sex. They can be more polite and not gaslight when someone asks them to be more polite about it.. They are acting childish and your response is childish. Stop.
She's found a home, your family.
Your bf also needs to address the message to the friend.
He’s from a foreign country (where he married and lived with his ex wife who’s a US citizen). The ex wife moved back to the US with their daughter, so he eventually made the move too with a visa.
He’s from a foreign country (where he married and lived with his ex wife who’s a US citizen). The ex wife moved back to the US with their daughter, so he eventually made the move too with a visa.
Just take her off the list and don’t worry about it anymore. Isn’t worth the headache and if she wants to talk to you, she doesn’t have to be cryptic about it
Wow! What a man child he is. Pathetic.
Cancel the plans and put so much distance between the two of you. It’s not about the dream (cause brains do wonky things) it’s his insistence of telling you. That’s the issue
Yeah a lot of this stuff could be considered odd, OP may be a tad eccentric, possibly a hoarder and unfortunately I do not think the guys going to be coming back, ever.
But, you know what I can’t get past? FOUR TO FIVE SUGARS, IN YOUR LIKELY ALREADY SWEETENED STARBUCKS COFFEE!? And you still never know when you might need more? 4-5!? I’m surprised you can still drink it at that point and it’s not in a solid mass.
Nothing needs to “happen” for it not to be okay. Even just talking in a romantic/sexual manner to strangers isn't something most people in relationships are okay with, and you definitely have the right to feel that way. It's not that big of an ask either, dunno why your wife can't just understand that and respect your feelings. The excuse that she's a “people pleaser” is downright dumb and insulting too. You can be nice to people without flirting with them.
Your boyfriend is a cheater and a fucking moron. Dude needs to pick a struggle.
What else do I do bro? Do I just drop everything and leave?
I think at this point, it’s up to him whether he wants to do anything further. It is very private and it’s a very immature thing to do. Especially because he clearly has some issues with it. But in the future generally you just don’t talk specifically about your sex life except that is greater is wonderful. I wish you the best.
The “girl concerned” absolutely needs to know, because if someone is stalking her, they’re probably following her lots of places – work, school, the gym, anywhere else she goes. She needs to know so she can be aware of the threat and take additional precautions to protect herself. The security guard at her apartment building can’t do anything to help her once she leaves the building.
If I had the privilege to be a stay at home dad I would consider it. But she wouldn’t be with a man like that.
He honestly doesn’t sound worth your time. This is more than just about your birthday. He treats you like crap. You deserve better dump him and move on
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I want him to turn back into my little boy and jump into my arms.
Yes but you already did. Can’t change it. You however can still leave 🙂
OP was a legal adult when she married. There's no indication that she was groomed or abused in any way. A large age gap doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean that there was any abuse of power in the relationship.
I wish people would get off their high horse and stop treating fully consenting adults as children, especially women, when it comes to relationships.
I cringed so much reading this. There’s more red flags here than I’ve seen in multiple relationships. Good riddance
Thank you for your message. I think the anxiety is mostly related to public perception, but it could be related to these fears. He is overjoyed to be a father, and says it’s the greatest gift he has ever had, so hot to imagine it’s about missing out on grandkids. Tomorrow is never promised anyways!
Depends what the articles are about. If they are racist/homophibic conspiracy theories then of course he doesn't want contact and even if yhey aren't THAT BAD simply don't do something the other person dislikes. If not sending and discussing those things is the cure to the problem then why continue doing so? If every time you visit a friend you stomp on his shoes then why should he keep inviting you, especially if you refuse to not do so in the future?
Went through something similar at 24. Sorry you have to deal with this right now… But as callous as it may sound, you will be free to on-line your life after she passes away and even though you might be sad for a while, it will get better. You're not self-centered for the things you said to her. She chose not to be a mother to you, so you don't have to be a daughter to her. Don't force yourself to reconcile. Save up for therapy and embrace moving on from this mess.
Seems to me like she might have feelings for this guy, but he doesn't feel the same way, or he doesn't want a relationship for some other reason. She's keeping him around and keeps sleeping with him in the hope that he'll change his mind, so she's clinging to him hot.
That or the sex is just that good and she can't resist.
This is basically a list of complaints. Sounds like you're already over this relationship. Might as well make it official.
he’s not your dream guy anymore.
sadly, it’s time to move on.
sending love
So sad.. this isn’t how I thought any of this was going to play out
Does your job involve doing something slimey? Or does she just feel like negotiating wages is greedy? I think she's valid if she feels like the actual tasks you've taken on are against her moral code (I would not date a landlord or be okay if my partner became one, for example), but if she just feels that the general negotiation was slimey then she needs a reality check. Immoral businesses (almost all of them) will milk you if you don't fight for wages. Negotiation is, if nothing else, basic practice for making sure you are paid what you're worth.
You good. I'm a woman and have experienced similar feelings of disappointment at finding out someone I vibe with is taken. What makes the difference is how you respond to those feelings. As long as you can continue to respect her and her boundaries, you're fine. If you need to break off the friendship, that's fine too.
The reason you're feeling guilty over your immediate response is because of all these horror stories we see (especially on Reddit) of men going off the rails when they fall “victim” to the “friend zone”. Your feelings are perfectly normal.
Anw thank you for the input
You dont love her. People don't cheat on people they love. You love that she's still there. Any girl with actual self-esteem would leave your ass in a heartbeat.
I don’t know why people are downvoting you, you’re actually totally correct. Women with larger BMIs tend to have more “cushioning” around those areas. The muscles can become a bit more compressed from surrounding fat.
Just walk away not worth the hassle.