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No I mean that’s what boys and girls do…
I think the first step is to spend more time with her doing anything. When she's opened up more to you then bring up the subject privately and let them know how it hurt you. I'm sure your niece is upset and embarrassed as well. She's young, and probably needs to sort herself a bit on this issue. Keep being there for them as best you can.
“I love her so much and want to keep her in my life, but I also want to be able to do what I want freely without her judgment…”
Yeah, good luck with that. Maybe two or three relationships down the line, you’ll come to understand that when someone cares about you, they will hold you to a standard because they want to see you do your best. She’s decided drugs are beneath her standard. You want her but not to satisfy her. What’s it gonna be, pal?
You can get life insurance in like 10 min, an apartment in a weekend, etc. I think he’s moving the goal post and waiting you out. And honestly? He will be 70 when a kid is in HS at this rate. That’s not very fun for a kid.