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Aya Beatriz, 22 y.o.
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I think it’s standard in most relationships that would be cheating unless you have some kind of clearly communicated arrangement about that stuff.
I dont.. but I can see how some people feel that way. Especially if they have a relationship that's heavily based on sex.
She made it very clear that she leans towards poly. Ultimatums don't work after you marry and have kids. Then you have much to lose and less power. Is this who you want raising your kids?
Finally, her (her BF) reasons for poly are 100% selfish. Poly was part of the great social experiment in the 60s. It failed. If she deeply loved you, she would not share.
Awww … please reach out to a rescue group regarding the dogs.
They can help take care of them/foster if you are feeling overwhelmed because of this and your familial loss.
Yes, dogs are a commitment but things in life do happen and people understand.
It’s ok to get yourself together then recommit to the dogs.
The family is coming for a funeral. You would expect your partner there for your grandfather funeral, right?
You think it's weird and creepy for 18 year olds to date 68 year olds but you aren't judging it?
I put out a simple question. You failed to answer it. Please virtue signal somewhere else, guy with nothing to contribute.
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, that I’m showing him he can walk all over me because I forgave him.
We have talked about getting back together and being in an open relationship. I’m a friendly extrovert, he’s a shy introvert. Aside from his coworker, he knows I have a much better chance of getting laid by other people than him.
I also love your username.
I didn't pick the name. Reddit gave it to me on the basis of my first ever comment, which was about the state of humanity and the planet. A dismal topic indeed. When it comes to personal relationships, I actually tend to be pretty laid back.
She very clearly had some sexual abuse trauma to be reacting like this.
dump this POS
If you need 100% of his attention it's not going to happen and nor should you expect it. His kid comes first, if he's interested in you he will make time for you. You will need patience, and understanding that he may cancel plans because of his kid. If that's going bro upset you, than that's on you and not him, that's him being ba good dad. Which would also mean he would be a good dad to any other kids he might have. If you don't think you can handle that, do him a favor and move on.
Don't do it. Don't give up your life for this kind of future. He did what he did because he wanted to with no regards for your life, needs and wishes. This is not how a marriage should work. It takes TWO to make it work but he puts himself first. I'd re-think the whole relationship. You and your life are important, too.
Maybe identify my sentences? As such asking Why? How? So and so? I’m so tired and have bad anxiety right now. Your smartass answer didn’t help me at all.
And if he acted upset and disappointed every single time? OP mentioned that too. There's obviously more going on here.
When they don't appreciate what you've done. At all.
Wow, you can tell how many people have never dealt with a relative with a serious mental illness.
She needs help! Yes, she does. But she’s mentally ill, so she isn’t thinking clearly and maybe she’s never been on the right combination of meds yet. They don’t all work for everyone. Getting the right dose and the right combo of meds is tricky and can take a long time.
She’s an adult! You’re not responsible for her! No, the OP isn’t, but the fact that the sister is an adult means she gets to choose whether she does to the dr or not and if she takes her medicine or not, and the meds aren’t the easiest in terms of side effects, so sometimes people stop taking them. Sometimes they don’t have insurance or the money to go to the dr or pay for prescriptions. Being bipolar does not lend itself easily to being able to keep a job.
OP said in one instance, the family hadn’t heard from her sister in five days. And her husband just made an edict that no, the sister absolutely could not come over and spend a night there. Does he have no idea what it feels like to not know if your mentally ill loved one is alive or dead? Or to have any idea where that person is? He should if he knows his wife well and she can go to him with her worried. He’s obviously not kind to his wife when she is very worried about her sister. He just yells that the sister can not be in their home.
I think he sounds like an ass. Did he not know about the sister before he and the OP got married? Has he always been this way with the sister? Did he dictate to the OP even before they married that she could never let her sister into their house?
You never know how much danger a bipolar person is to herself. Sometimes just being able to go somewhere safe with someone who cares and being able to sleep for the night can save a life.
What do you think would happen to their marriage if the husband refused to let the sister stay one night and she turned up dead?
Why would the OP want to be with a man who seems to have no compassion and feel like he has the right to dictate to his wife and threaten to leave her if she didn’t do what he says.
Already in that process. Thank you
Oh honey… I hope you find the strength to leave and never come back hugs
Everything else aside, if your bf and your arrangement is “sex only outside the relationship, not a polyamorous situation where you are allowed to love others as well” then Mr mysterious is a no-go purely because you fancy him romantically (“fell in love”). You can't keep a fwb relationship when you have feelings for them, people will get hurt.
This is a police matter isn’t it?
Stop treating yourself like trash sir.
Im copying my comment in a similar question, but here it goes:
As someone with ADHD, I really relate to sometimes not answering to messages. For me personally, I get overwhelmed by too many messages or I get distracted when I’m really busy, so I tend to ignore them until i’m in the right headspace to answer.
Maybe check out r/ADHD or r/adhdwomen for some helpful tips or to ask advice. Also, i think it would be best if you communicate your worries to them. As someone who is quite chaotic and who can forget such things because of the ADHD, I appreciate when people communicate their issues direct and clearly to me. 🙂
Edit: realised maybe not all people appreciate direct feedback (the emotional impulsiveness can cause some ADHD’ers (not all) to feel personally attacked more easily, so maybe ask her if she would prefer direct communication/feedback if it’s constructive)
I'm 34 and I do that to my husband. he thinks it's cute.
this is unacceptable behavior from her and from him. he needs to cut her off and if he doesn’t then you need to leave him. plain and simple. she should not be sending him pics like that. i want to get boudoir shots done but i would never send them to anyone privately except for my man. that’s such a crazy thing to do and def gives the impression that she likes him.
My boyfriend pee on eachother in the shower because it's funny…
Shoot your shot. If she says no then move on.
Well give them space. I'm sure he devastated to have been accused in front of his potential inlaws and asked to leave.
Text a sincere apology to them privately. Then text the group to say your sorry and your glad it has been cleared up what actually happened.
Accept that he may not feel comfortable around you for awhile and let it blow over.
Snap is a cheaters paradise. Can delete evidence and remove ppl without a trace. If you’re not in HS or college I would consider this very sus
I think I just wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship that I was always surrounded by. I worry I might miss something
Right?! Going to a topless bar to goggle at painted tiddies with da boyz isn't wrong by itself IMO but it is embarassing, childish and honestly, stupid. Especially if you feel the need to go there so much that you'll fight your partner about it. I can't imagine being with a man like that.
This or some version of it. I would warn him too. Tell him next time he says something embarrassing you’re going to call him out in front of everyone and let him flounder. When you actually do it, he’s going to be pissed but maybe he will get it and realize it will keep happening if he doesn’t learn some manners.
Can you elaborate please?
Isn’t the bigger issue that you’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and at most she wants to spend a couple hours a week with you?
I’ve always loved being able to spend time alone. I live! alone and I’ve always liked it that way. I’d go nuts if I didn’t get my space to myself every week. The last guy I was dating I would want to see twice a week max. I’m now in a relationship with a different guy and he stays over 4x a week sometimes and I miss him a lot when I’m home alone.
It sounds like she’s just not that into you.
The thing is he would be a good dad rn he just doubts everything about himself. He doesn't want kids rn litterally only because he thinks he would be a bad parent but thats not true and there's no way to make him realize that
I know I agree it sounds just like that, he says he hasn’t been watching anything like that but the sudden major change in behavior tells me otherwise 🙁
America has had loads of socialist experiments.
The hippie communes, the religious cults, etc.
The issue is that a) America has been raised to be terrified of socialism, despite it working great in Europe, and b) these experiments have all failed, “vindicating” the people who hate it.
Remember: America was founded by millionaire (equivalent) landowners, and its still run by millionaires.
I’m with your sisters on this one! She was being ignorant and kinda racist to not understand how arranged marriages are a big part of peoples culture. Your first mistake was not telling her she’s being a bitch much earlier, never stand for those types of comments from anyone, your second mistake was attempting to apologise- you are not the one in the wrong here, she is. As for your friends excusing her behaviour as that’s just how she is – bullshit you don’t get to excuse being an arsehole as a personality type. Being an arsehole comes with natural consequences of people telling you your an arsehole and you did so quite well, never apologise for that.
?Has isolated you from your friends
?Does not communicate properly when you bring up a problem
?Does not respect your feelings
?Does not give at least 50% effort to relationship
… I could go on here but hopefully you get where this is going.
She shows signs of emotionally abusing you. You seem to care a lot about someone who doesn't give a shit about you and doesn't respect you. This will not get better, you are just prolonging your own unhappiness by staying with her.
Start talking to your family about what is going on and don't hide it just to keep up appearances. Even better if you can pack your stuff and get out.
Good luck dude.
Thank you ❤️
That you clearly aren't “certain about your feelings for Jim,” as you have been actively cheating on him for years. Emotional affairs are still affairs.
So she is a SAHM w/out a job outside of her home?
Hohoholyshit.
Be honest, and also safe, please.
I have to say I'm impressed someone is able to talk to 13 people and have sex with most of them.
Yeah, if my boyfriend did that, I don’t care what his reasoning, we’d be over. Either you’re telling her you don’t trust her, or you’re cheating/trying to cheat. Neither are good excuses to have a Tinder, and neither are good reasons for your girlfriend to stay.
I think all that really matters is that you don’t trust your wife, and wether that is a you problem or it is genuinely because she is being untrustworthy, it is not healthy for you to be in a relationship where you don’t trust your partner.
The way I see it, your options are to work together to rebuild that trust and address the causes of your distrust, or to get out of this marriage. Neither option is going to be easy.
The more I try to leave the stronger she holds me back
Call the police. Then take your phone to be looked at by a professional to make sure there's no tracking software installed. Get home security installed. Break up with him.
Not really like this situation. But when I broke up with ex (a long time ago) she tries to get me back by saying she was pregnant.
I was young and naive, and beloved her when she told me they give a pregnancy test whenever a woman goes to the hospital for anything.
Never showed me a ultrasound or anything. Had a “micariage” 2 months later…
Did some serious mental damage to my sex life though.
Most people don't care whether an anonymous story is based on reality or not. We are here to discuss hypothetical people in hypothetical situations.
I don't understand why anybody would be here for other reasons
It's not ok not to do your share of chores because you're working on your own project.
You've only been together a month and a half. Relax. I wouldn't get too worried about “forever” and just focus on getting to know each other and building a relationship.
Let me put it this way – you marry her. You two have a baby, and…it's a boy! One day, you come home from work. You open the front door and you hear her yelling at your seven year old son. “You're a boy, and you're not a baby anymore! Stop crying, I didn't raise a sissy little girl!”
That's your future.
Your girlfriend is sexist my guy. This is the height of toxic masculinity outlook and is disgustingly detrimental to your mental health.
There's no fixing a bigot. If she loved you at all, anywhere near as much as you love her, she wouldn't be getting pissed at you for having normal human emotions.
Honestly it's not about the other person or AI having an emotional attachment, it's about a person's partner building a relationship with another person or AI. You could then argue that surely that person won't build a relationship with that AI, but really why are they investing time in a fantasy AI that could be better spent with a real life person?
Is it cheating? Probably not. Is it healthy, again probably not.
her behaviour isn’t healthy i know that .
Only a person who is a grommet or apologist would have an issue with people identifying potential areas where someone could be groomed.
If I spit on you that would be assault and you could have me arrested. Please think about that. She assaulted you.
I think your dad wants to play with you. I also think your dad suffers from technology passing him by and the fear that brings. To you, discord is just a tool you use, but to him, discord is YET ANOTHER weird thing he has to learn. It's scary and it's hot. He has to understand how mentions in a channel differ from messages from a DM, how channels work, plus the infinite other functionality. I also think that the reticence to take your help building characters stems from the same fear.
The new rules and new way to play is a lot different than how we played DND 15 – 20 years ago. No one remembers THAC0, but your father does. He probably knows the rules from then, so he's getting defensive at being corrected. After all, he has been playing literally for decades.
But he really hasn't. He played DND during a different era. It's changed. You have a moment to bond with him. Go to his house and say you want to talk about some rule you don't understand. Use that to talk about how it's weird that this rule is different than 2.0 or 3.0. Or how you remember playing and there being a rule to do X but now it's rule Y. I bet you engage with him much easier comparing and contrasting the rule sets than you do trying to coax him.
He wants to be included, but he's also been playing the game a lot longer than you. If you approach him like you know more than him, he's going to be defensive. If you approach him like you want to talk about the game and how it has changed, he's going to engage.
tl;dr When young folks tell old folks how to play a game they've been playing for decades, they get mad, so maybe try to make it about you guys playing and learning together?
The only fuck up would be staying with this hard mess of an abuser. Like everyone else said, get your car back and get out. I recommend going non-contact with people who would treat you, or anyone else, like that.
TBH no , as I said you are not gonna make her accountable of this , Shes gonna learn this the hard way or she wont learn, Me and a bunch of guys already went through this and we are trying to save you from a toxic relationship that has no future or worse a future where she controls you. If you want to help her tell her clearly why are you leaving, Pain is the only thing that some people can learn from.
If he’s not, he’s giving you an absolute valid reason to suspect that he is.
He doesn't get to dictate the terms of your break, you both get a say in this. If talking to much is painful for you, don't do it.
I have insomnia and scroll for hours and sometimes comment a lot but obsessing over one post and being super negative about it is gross. The only times I sit on a post is if it’s talking about something I’m passionate about or a lot of people are asking questions about things I know”
They’re not cheap here.l
Definitely an awkward situation all around for sure. Hopefully OP will be able to have a good conversation with her about it.
People really out here married but unable to have adult conversations
Tell a trusted adult and stay away from this predator.
You really do know what to do.
Move on
Don’t let the knuckle dragger hold you down
Perhaps this shows my ignorance, but I thought getting her off first at least once( or a couple times if she’s not in a rush, mouth or hands) was normal foreplay.
Was your husband manufactured in a red flag factory
Yes I understand that but don’t you think we would’ve clashed since we seem like very different people? Even if we became a couple I doubt he would be willing to wait for months to do anything sexual given what transpired literally within weeks of knowing each other.
Especially even knowing then he wasn't too hard on the idea of kids.
Making a mistake for a long time and a lot of money doesn't make it less of a mistake. If kids are a deal breaker for you break the deal, he doesn't want them.