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Should you keep trusting her? Yes. Is this a red flag? Nah. You seem to have a girl other men find attractive which comes with a lot of annoyances. Keep in mind she does this when you are not around to assert yourself as her bf and FREELY told you this information. Men can be super persistent so it’s in her best interest to end the interaction as soon as possible and then block them when she’s safely away.
Do not let this bother you too much. 3 years and this is the only thing you seem to have been given to worry about. Don’t fuck it up for no reason.
Parents versus spouse: a classic problem.
The answer is always that you put your spouse first, and you put the parents a distant second.
Yes, the plan was to get out of the military when his contact was up
But they didn’t help? They made it worse
I'd almost call it a hookup and not a bf.
Thank you for sharing that, I'm glad you were able to move through it and grow from it. Im so glad you're in a better place now!
Therapy and maybe meds could help you (I use both), but the violence is concerning. He needs to leave you. You will do it again.
Fucking reddit. Why do you always have to put “swap the genders,” “both genders,” etc.
It was a man in the story, so the commenter wrote “he”. There's not some dumb conspiracy to make women look better than men.
Here we go with this kind of post again
The sunk cost fallacy is strong here. This isn’t the life you want for the rest of your life. He’s proven to be incapable of change, and honestly, the change you’re asking for isn’t nearly enough to make it a healthy partnership. It’s not too late to walk away
In her head you probably heard that he kept rejecting the weird ugly girl but in reality he probably meant he shuts everyone off but you relented and found your way into his heart.
Before we called it a relationship we were already kind of dating and didnt see each other as much as I wished to. I asked around and everyone agreed that I'm not asking for too much. I just made clear in the beginning of the relationship that I want to see him that often and that I dont believe that he'd make it because of all the things that he's doing. (Which meant I made clear what I expected from the begging and he promised that it's no problem) And it's not like I said we have to see each other on those specific days. And it doesn't have to be that way every week. It hasn't been that way and it was okay. The problem was when he kept on spending his free days with his friends even though we had plans or didnt see each other for a long time.
I dont understand what you mean with “he didn't even get a chance to ask if you were free”
And I guessed that to others this may sound like “its either this or a break up” and yes it has been that way several times but because I just couldn't take it anymore. With all things adding up. Him always late, forgetting dates, making new plans without me, ignoring me all day, not making plans with me to safe the day for his friends. I know that I overreacted and I know that I attempted to break up with him a lot. And I was serious everytime. And mostly it wasn't “either this or a break up” it was “I'm breaking up.” And it was always him who talked me out of it. Not me who came back to him. It was after he talked me out of it that I told him what had to change. (For example go know dates with me instead of inviting me over and then sleeping for 3 hours, eating then sitting on his PC and playing games with his friends. Though that was actually never really a problem. Only that it was always like that) Most reasons wouldn't even be reasons for a break up really. Its just everything that comes together that makes me so frustrated because it's just not what I expected from that relationship.
And no I never went to his work. I went to his house and normally it's open but it wasn't. Also I arrived around 7pm, he should have been there at 7.20 or so but he was late for at least 2 hours, not all his fault. But that birthday thing was it for me. And normally I wouldn't have cared about him going to the birthday but he stood me up on mine because of these people. By choice. So yes I didnt want him to go there and yes I freaked out and that's the time I freaked out the most because I felt so betrayed and if you can't understand this, I dont want any advice from you. Though you might be right about me not being mature enough and yes I have issues. And yes I went to therapy. Thought i was done with it all because i really got better before we even got to know each other. In fact I quit therapy because my boyfriend told me I didnt need it anymore. And he was right. I quit my medications (which were antidepressants and not anything to calm down), told my therapist I didnt need therapy anymore. He agreed.
And I'd like to know what exactly you think I should do. Expect even less that the bare minimum? Break up because I'm in the wrong? Well I can't. And maybe we're just both not mature enough. Because be does not treat me right. I know I demand. Its childish yes. Then tell me how am I supposed to handle it when I spends his free days with his friends and only with me when they dont have time? Am I supposed to accept it and wait until I'm good enough or am I supposed to tell him that it's unfair and I want to spend the next weekend with him for example … And how am I supposed to handle it the next time he cancels our plans? Just sit there, swallow my anger and wait 3 months until he's finally found the time to spend one day with me? I know very well that demanding isn't right and I know its childish and I didnf act like this in my last relationship. Like I said I'm just so frustrated because he doesn't spend a lot time with me and when he does he mostly sleeps plays games. So yes then I tell him next time he spends his time with me and then that's a demand because I feel like he isnt treating me right
Yeah. someone with decent hygiene would know how to wash their hands and wash down there.
For his birthday, buy him a Porsche with his own card.
You need to say it really hurts my feelings that there in inequitable gift giving. You should buy me a gift worth about $200 and a heartfelt handwritten inside beyond signing your name for my birthday if that’s what you want/ mean. If it’s $5, Say so. He’s not a mind reader and you giving gifts he doesn’t really deserve makes him think this is ok.
I’m also all for making an Amazon list that they have access to and you add throughout the year the stuff that you’d like as a gift but wouldn’t buy for yourself
numb is a symptom of PTSD
What kind of response are you expecting here?
“Your wife was crazyyyy it was totally justified to start cheating and then when she unjustfuly got mad at the basic dating apps you ghosted which is totally a normal response even with children at home! Tell her to go to hell and you do you boo boo!”
Seriously, are you so self important, that your wife, your kids, your life be damned? Get a proper divorce, start paying your alimony and child support. Go to therapy and don't be a dead beat dad.
Honestly, I think that that's just how she is and you have to accept her if you want to stay dating her.
She won't change since it seems to be a fundamental part of her personality and the way she jokes.
I personally wouldn't mind a woman who talked like that, since it's kind of funny to me. But I totally get why you might find that embarrassing, especially around people you don't know that well. But I think most adults would just find it funny and not think much of it.
If you really can't get over that aspect of her personality and it really does bother you, she's right to end things because it does does sound like you guys are just incompatible.
If you want to continue things with her, then I would suggest you just let her be the way she is and tell her that you'll stop reprimanding her for being that way. otherwise, let her go and move on to somebody that's a little more compatible with you.
there are plenty of people (including me) who have been black out drunk MANY MANY TIMES but still haven’t cheated.
you generally don’t do anything drunk that you wouldn’t want to do sober. alcohol just lowers your inhibitions so your impulses are stronger
like no one could convince you to rob someone while drunk if it goes against your inner values and if it’s something you’d never do sober. drunk or not, i will never sing karaoke in public. or streak hard. or cheat. or break into property etc.
also cheating is never just an accident. it’s a series of choices and bad decisions leading up to it. your bf had crossed a series of relationships boundaries before he actually cheated… so it’s not just ONE MISTAKE
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if your not honest you lose the good ones
I hope he's not trying to say that he's one of the good ones, the good ones wouldn't just leave a message like that and ghost their partner without any kind of conversation.
No
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Maybe this is her love language and what is wrong with making her feel loved? If you are in a relationship, it must be a priority despite anything else you have going on. If you can’t find time to get her gifts or do romantic things, schedule some chocolates or something to be sent to her on a regular basis. Text her a romantic message from time to time. Make her feel loved.
?She take my money, when I’m in neeeeedd?
I guess if the only value you can bring to the table is your hard body he would be better off without you.
Thank you so much for this!
I can’t think of anything specific that it has stemmed from in the past. I do know that his attitude ends up impacting our sex life, which makes things much worse. I don’t even want him to touch me.
He doesn’t keep secrets (well. that I know of.)
ignore your family, keep doing what you are doing, move out if you have too.
I think happy, in general.. just feel like he does a lot of ‘bucket dipping’ fro me and never any bucket filling. The divorce was a ‘joke’, not a threat, and no, it’s not about the earrings. I just wanted him to make an effort for once and thought I made it really easy for him to do so. It extra hurt that he didn’t, and that it was for a special occasion for me and knew it was important because I flat out told him – this is important to me!
☠️
So your instinct to everything you just listed was “I should progress this relationship faster, moving in together sounds like a really solid life decision!”?
OP, come on now. What are you doing?
Right? I doubt he even knows the biology behind how is own species fucking reproduces. If he did he wouldnt be blaming her for a miscarriage. Teenagers are more informed than this clown of an adult
Swimming is THE best exercise! Great for all muscle groups, cardio and very little stress on your body. But the bigger issue is his controlling actions. Is this typical? Is he the jealous type. These are huge red flags. ?????. You do you and let him do him
Thank you for your kind words, they are really helpful.
So, I don’t have too many close friends, my younger brother is my best friend but he is heavily disabled and can’t really grasp things like this.
My girlfriend doesn’t let me hang out with other people so I’ve lost contact with people I knew at university, school etc.
To be honest, the more I type, the more I’m coming to realise how badly I’m being treated, perhaps the stern words in the thread are good for me to listen to
Maybe something that's a sweet way of reminding him how you meet? Like if you met at work, matching coffee cups that day sometime about your relationship? Just spit balling – I'm not very creative with gifts
Go directly to a hospital for a drug test.
This is a whole flotilla of ?. Not healthy for you and your future at all
“How dirty is the counter when she wakes up” was my first thought lol
definitely will be the last time I do that, for better or worse.
I really doubt it
Bus stop?
With no idea what you said, it's almost impossible to give advice. Very generally speaking, a healthy adult who is having sex with someone will eventually form some kind of emotional bond with them. Whether they prioritize that bond over their current wife, gf, work obligations, etc. will vary.
No he didnt seem awkward at all. The worst part is i wish I recorded it because the way he said it so casually is what hurt me. And he actually isnt “nice” to her usually. So I expected him to be like “hell f-in no!” and we would all laugh. but instead he agreed.
I was tripped out the most about how pregnancy hormones make everything loosen up. I mean, it made sense, it just had never been described to me.
20 isn't that young for a 24 y at old.
As people have said toxic relationships are addicting and give you a high and terrible downs and withdraws. When people who were in toxic relationships enter healthy relationships they can feel boring. I’ve been in that position. In no way what’s being described is a bad thing about you. It’s absolutely better. I’ve been there and in no way do I think my relationship with my ex was better than my current relationship. That relationship gave me large dopamine hits because it was emotional abusive and unstable so the good get like the top of the world. The way you were described is truly a good thing.
I'm usually the first to cast aspersions on an age gap. However, at 26, (unless you grew up very sheltered, like in certain religious groups, or have only been in one long relationship before this one) I'm inclined to say no harm no foul. I suspect something happened to arrest his development at some point, and he may not have the maturity one would expect congruent to his years, but you may like that! The biggest indicator of harm in an age gap is a power imbalance, so as long as you have your own source of social input and financial support it's fine.
Man I am looking forward for an update. That is a number 1 relationship killer
Are you sure that it is credit card debt and not gambling debt or something else that doesn't lead to a lot of merchandise?
We got into a situation that reminded me of past trauma I've had. It was severe on my end but the most done to him was me texting him that i wanted to kill him (i dont want to, i never have, and would never act on it) but i was shaking, crying and hallucinating. He's scared of me and i dont know how to show him that he shouldn't be scared.
I’m posting this somewhere else bc mods have only let me see one comment of 10
Two month… 8 weeks. Too much too soon, my friend. There’s nothing wrong with having a life plan but assuming things like moving in etc are red flags in this situation, especially since the visa is an issue.
Doesn’t matter, bruh. This isn’t about right and wrong, it’s about It’s Over.
Dude, please stand up for yourself. Cancel that membership, block her, just completely separate yourself from her. Go where you want, it’s not her fucking business.
Yeah you messed up by projecting your insecurities and he messed up by throwing away a 17 year long friendship over a 1 month relationship.
Having a baby absolutely can be throwing one's life away, especially one at the wrong time
And neither did she. And not only did he not laugh too, he didn't smile or do anything else to suggest it was a joke until she brought it up later as a concern. It's pretty weird how insistent you are that it was a joke when there's almost nothing that would suggest that's the case instead of it being him covering his own ass after the fact.
If you want to keep him, give him a copy of the Concise Oxford Dictionary, and instruct him clearly that he must consult it before trying to correct your pronunciation ever again.
To me, this sounds like he wanted to try something, but knowing your feelings on the topic he either tried to lighten the conversation with a joke or acknowledge that he is aware of how you would feel about it. If so, it sounds like the intended emotion of the statement wasn't conveyed very well. If you reacted negatively to the statement, it's possible he got defensive and sulky because he wasn't trying to be mean. I obviously can't tell his motive, but this explanation seems reasonable.
As for the stuff about ED, I think you need to relax a bit. It is definitely a serious problem to have one, but simply eating less food does not lead to EDs, especially for people who do not have a history of EDs. EDs are almost always a physical manifestation of a mental health issue. I, for one, used to be overweight due to a mix of too much food and not enough exercise. I lost my weight primarily due to changing how I eat (more reasonable serving sizes, healthier options). I increased my activity level but not more so than a walk around the neighborhood every day. I eat less now than I used to but that doesn't mean I have an ED or am at risk of developing one.
If you are walking on eggshells that implies you do not feel safe?
Tell him how you’re feeling. Be honest, with lots of I statements. Tell him that, while you understand that money is important, you want him not to postpone your date nights. If he hears you out and says he will work on it, give some realistic timeframe to see if he keeps his word. If not, well, that’s your answer.
As for sex, Reddit can give you a few theories, but best would be to ask him what are his thoughts on it.
Why are you waiting outside? After a few minutes, I would be going up to the door and knocking. This behavior is really unacceptable.
You know you were irresponsible, and now you want to know how to reduce your accountability. You should be prepared to go through a considerable period of being tested. That's your bitter-tasting medicine for what you have done. It will go better for you if you accept responsibility for this and start being up-front with him.
Almost feel like a modern spin of “The Other Boleyn Girl” story, instead of a beheading, it's DV.
A family who's more than happy to 'lose you' is not real family.
Cut off those who are not willing to understand your side of the story.
OP, a person who is suicidal is homicidal. They have no sanctity of life. This why murder suicides happen. If one is willing to take a life it does Not have to matter which one.
BEST OF IT ALL, OP. ENJOY!!!
Agape ?
First- I think that right now you feel like you are in a place where he holds all the power- because hey you are young, you are pregnant, and you have a whole bunch of deep end of the swimming pool adulting coming at you like a freight train.
If I were in your shoes I would sit him down and say “I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. And if that is what you want we should postpone the wedding.”
If you decide that you want an open relationship- be prepared (and I say this as a poly person) that this will be a stressful transition and if you don’t have a strong relationship it will break you up. One of you will develop feelings for another playmate. That is a natural extension of repeatedly having sex with someone. And it takes experience to manage all of the feelings, new parameters, and so on. There are resources to how to do it ethically and with the least bumps as possible. But even then- if I were in your shoes- I would rather leave.
Why? Your fiancé’s reaction to your body changing is extremely immature. He’s treating you like an object that is now meant for his child that is now un-fuckable. And you are a whole person with desires and needs. And if that doesn’t shift- how can you give him continued access to your heart?
He’s taking advantage of you .
Bruh is apparently violent aswell from a previous post on this throwaway.. which OP is most likely gonna say wasn't her….
You seem to be handling your girl getting gangbanged behind your back pretty well.
Your wife has a point. It’s crossed the line into emotional cheating. This level of communication where you start neglecting your own relationship and lying to your wife makes it very inappropriate.
Instead of spending so much time and energy on this woman work on things with your wife and take your kids to the museum.
Why is your wife not invited to these outings? When is the last time you’ve taken your wife to a museum or date?
Your father is always going to be concerned about you, it simply is what it is. Of all places, I wouldn't really be overly concerned about safety in Miami with a big group no less. Go have fun.
You’re just a cheater and a scammer …. Get a life because you have no life .
sigh, fucking pigs, men make it so hard for themselves i swear
So you’re open to him having an open relationship???? No girl!!!!! We don’t do shít like that. Block him and move On!
If you both have a support system (i.e. the grandparents) which that is HUGE and the fact he can support you on his income alone, what's stopping you? I'd keep the baby and go for it. No one is ever ready to be a parent even with planned babies… the ones who planned it still are as shocked as the ones who didn't plan it. You just don't know how much work and how much money it will be going into it even if you planned out finances for the next several years. You have to be able to adjust and be able to adapt.
A lot of the time people become very motivated in their careers because of the children. The children is their reason for success and for wanting to do better. Your career stuff will turn around at some point. I'm not currently motivated in my career at the moment because I've had a lot of experiences and I don't have a purpose (aka a child).
If I had your situation with my husband (I'm 30F), I'd say let's go get pregnant now. Your situation is what a lot of people are looking for in order to be able to start a family. My friends have those situations so that's why they're not afraid to start families.
As it is, we have his parents in another state and my parents are still a long way from retirement (about 10 years). We don't make enough money to afford daycare and still have some money leftover for emergencies. We're already combined $125k & to pull what we need off without family support in the meantime – we'd need to bump that up to $160k. That or he needs to replace my income on his own and I'll happily stay home. Either scenario, extra money doesn't grow on trees and finding jobs that pay well is also very limited.
Hey I know this has been a while I want to say thank you. I did keep talking to him for a while but the comment about him not respecting me or her really helped me. I talked to the other girl. She’s really sweet and he told her him and I were “just friends”. Long story short I cut him off. Once I cut him off he told the other girl he didn’t want her at all and only wanted ti be with me. Finally switched up and acted how I wanted him to from the start. And I thought he would feel nice to finally get loyalty and him wanting me the way I wanted him. But it made me realize how easy it would’ve been for him to do that months ago. How much heart ache he put me through. When he switch and fixed everything in 20 mins once I finally gave up. He’ll still try to come back but I always just think to myself how poorly he treated me and her. So I’m doing better. Anytime he ask I say no, so thank you!
So what does he contribute to the relationship (non financially)?
OP, what is he actually bringing to your life? Does he add any value? I would like you to seriously consider whether being a single mom with day care would improve your quality of life.
But she can fix him!! She just needs to do everything he wants! /s
A lot of people like this put up a good front until they get into a position where their partner can't leave. What you're seeing now is likely what he's really like.
OP clearly doesn't know how life and relationships work. If something bothers you, speak up. Don't internalize it then lash out afterwards. Does he know how OP feels?
So this whole thing is either a convenience or inconvenience to OP. Because the original plan wasn't going her way, he was free to go about how he wanted and when it changed to something more exciting OP now wants in. In a relationship, you are together through thick and thin. It doesn't matter about the destination but the adventure itself.
Also, what if he wanted to go to a certain location multiple times. That doesn't mean they wasted money. It means they enjoyed it that much they wanted to return.
Either speak up or be happy for the SO.
I'd have run away from anybody who's been divorced multiple times before their 40 O_O
I hope you leave so he can go find someone who wants to be with him.
It don't know because I don't look at the boxes but I think it's pretty obvious that it is
Thanks, this is very helpful. I totally agree I was too demanding of him. But in terms of the overshare of my past relationship in the text I sent on Saturday, when he’d asked me to give him a chance after our second date, he said I’d have to tell him more about my past relationship and the issues next time we meet. I didn’t but he shared a lot about his difficult upbringing and some of his relationships on the second date. But I totally agree I should not have shared after he’d already called things off. Thanks again for your help!
Encourage her to do IVF for their next baby so they can do genetic testing and give themselves a healthy baby.
I asked her why she pretended n she just said that she did what she thought I wanted
Some of these posts are soooo dumb.
“How would you react if your boyfriend told you your feelings don’t matter?”
Fake right?
She’s lonely. Incredibly lonely. I would suggest compassion. Of course she wants a person. She’s way too young to have been alone for so long.
OP is a troll, just made this post to make fun and never revisited his own post.
I think people misunderstand how big the RLD in Amsterdam is and how much extra walking it would take to get to certain areas if you don’t go through it.
Also, I did a guided walking tour that took in the RLD and people had their kids with them on the tour. Bit weird but shows how it’s viewed. It’s a tourist trap. Take the tourists out in the evening and there’d be very few people there, just stag do’s and regulars.
He has issues. This will keep happening over and over again no matter how dtrongly you enforce your boundaries.
Either understand those issues and help him deal with it or you need to adjust.
Last option is to leave. Like I said, this will keep happening over and over again unless the source is dealt with.