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I personally wouldn’t tell her until the very last moment possible. Maybe even when you’re safely situated at uni. You don’t want her giving you a month to start filling your head with doubts or start using this time to continue to emotionally abuse you or even sabotage your uni placement.
I would use this time to start covertly moving important documents, items you want to take with you to uni like clothing and such and keeping them at your dads or bfs or even hiring a storage unit for the short term. Take this time to lock down your credit. Whilst it likely won’t happen or be something your mum does, you don’t want her taking out credit cards or loans in your name so get that locked down.
If you don’t feel safe her knowing your uni address, set up a PO Box or have all your mail forwarded to your new address or even switch to paperless if possible. If your mum has access to your social media, emails etc on shared devices, log them out and turn on two factor authentication and change the passwords. I’m not saying this to scare you or to make you fear the worst. I’m saying this so you can determine if there is a risk and take appropriate precautions if you feel this is necessary.
Prioritise YOU, YOUR feelings, YOUR future and YOUR happiness. You don’t owe your mum anything, especially after all the emotional abuse she has put you through. She didn’t consider your feelings from the sounds of things so you don’t need to spare her hers.
Read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. Do not let him see you reading it. That goes for anyone who needs to read this book.
This is the way
Sounds to me like he’s looking for excuses to never propose to you (other than dating for 8 years without doing so).