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Yikes dude.
You’ve been clinging to a person who doesn’t love you and has told you so, someone who wants a divorce, and has cheated on you. There’s nothing left. You need to let her go permanently. This is so unhealthy for you AND your kids. You’re doing so much damage to them and their perception of adult relationships by staying. If you can’t leave for your own sake, you need to leave this relationship with your wife for them. Do it now while they’re young…they’ll understand later on.
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Or they were having an affair, then when the rumors started spreading he suddenly realized how obvious it was that they were having an affair and the likelihood of him being caught and went with the junior high approach of “Gross, no, she's so annoying, I don't even like her”.
This can’t be your problem. It’s too big of an ask. If SIL can’t manage to pick up her child that you are nice enough to babysit when your parents are there, stop babysitting. All she has to do is be polite. Time to tell your brother that you won’t insult your parents just to save SIL from a couple of minutes of her being uncomfortable. It’s terribly unkind and unfair to your parents. They have to come first. It’s going to be a difficult conversation but he has to know he’s asking too much. You can’t kick your parents out because she can’t be polite for 2 minutes.
Wow, she walked into the bathroom with you and just started peeing? That is so weird. This woman has no boundaries and I don’t think being subtle or passive aggressive will work with her. Your bf should deal with it, but it sounds like he’s already tried to. If you confront her, be calm but direct. Tell her that her actions are making you uncomfortable and they need to stop.
And if she doesn’t, well, there’s little else you can do besides installing locks.
Moving on is the hardest thing to do. You loved this woman, you thought she was your forever person, wife, mom of your kids, the one who loved you back. She didn't. She lied to you about getting that one friend out of her life and she still went to hang out with him a lot of times and had sex with him. Being drunk is just a lame excuse. She chose to do what she did.
You need to get checked for STDs because you don't know who he's been sleeping with and it can happen. Remember she lied and lied and cheated on you and a person who loves you doesn't do that. Never!
You might benefit from some counseling at this point to help with the anxiety if it doesn't improve soon. Leaving a relationship is always tough and painful and it takes time to heal. Maybe try hanging out with some of your friends.
I don't know. I think that's kind of reaching, since he was referencing his son, a boy.