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You can be her boyfriend or her therapist. You can’t be both. And you need to beat least a psychologist to diagnose anything about her mental health.
Orgasms seal me shut personally, OP just definitely needs to go to the doctor.
Immediately threatening to “end it” before having a normal discussion surrounding the matter is had is certainly aggressive.
“I'll give you space, let me know when you are ready to talk.”
Then it's on him, you don't have to think about when is appropriate to send another message or what to say. Yeah, you'll check your phone a dozen times an hour, but at least you'll know there is nothing more for you to do at that moment.
When you say “none of us played before”, are you talking about just you and your boyfriend?