Hun. This isn't about him holding on to emotional grenades. Sure. Maybe he does that. But it sounds like he also waits for you to argue so he can absolve himself of his current issues by throwing your past faults in your face.
I've had abusive friends who did this. You're always wrong footed because the person will always have something to throw at you.
I came up with a nude rule: if I do something that upsets you (that would otherwise be considered mundane to others, let's not ignore truly toxic behavior) and you don't tell me that it upsets you, I am not going to feel guilty that you held onto it for 2 years. I often do emotional checkups with my friends and husband, “We still cool?” “Everything's okay with us?” because of said previous toxic friends. But, they say no, nothing's wrong, and I will not feel like shit if they come out 6 months later with crap they could have told me about at any point and that I would have jumped to fix.
I don't know your husband, but this smacks of deliberately manipulative behavior instead of him just 'bottling things up'.
Maybe you can find what other stuff he likes in the bedroom? Maybe some kink or costumes?
Hun. This isn't about him holding on to emotional grenades. Sure. Maybe he does that. But it sounds like he also waits for you to argue so he can absolve himself of his current issues by throwing your past faults in your face.
I've had abusive friends who did this. You're always wrong footed because the person will always have something to throw at you.
I came up with a nude rule: if I do something that upsets you (that would otherwise be considered mundane to others, let's not ignore truly toxic behavior) and you don't tell me that it upsets you, I am not going to feel guilty that you held onto it for 2 years. I often do emotional checkups with my friends and husband, “We still cool?” “Everything's okay with us?” because of said previous toxic friends. But, they say no, nothing's wrong, and I will not feel like shit if they come out 6 months later with crap they could have told me about at any point and that I would have jumped to fix.
I don't know your husband, but this smacks of deliberately manipulative behavior instead of him just 'bottling things up'.