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To me it seems like there’s two completely separate issues here and I’m not sure why they’re being lumped together
1) Your family is poor. Absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Being poor isn’t a moral defect, it’s just the reality for hundreds of millions of people worldwide.
2) Your family doesn’t observe basic standards of cleanliness and hygiene. This is obviously genuinely an issue and i would completely understand why you are your partner wouldn’t want to be in that environment
Rich people can be just as a slovenly as poor people, the difference being rich people can simply employ a cleaner whilst poor people may be working multiple jobs, not have a lot of time to clean.
I suspect the strength of your Dad’s reaction may be because he senses you look down on your roots generally but that just me speculating.
Ha! “This one time at band camp…”
I would ignore it and not give a single f about it. If it's intentional it will get under her skin that you are unphased by bs. If it's not then no harm done and things stay drama free. Win, win.
Passive-aggressively install a solid core door with an automatic closer mechanism. I'm uncertain if I'm being sarcastic.
Then i think you have to find out what exactly does he have. Is it a disorder or something else