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I am so sorry you are going through this. I do think you need to allow yourself some space for some serious self care in all of this. You are healing as well. It's so nude to be supportive of someone else when you are overwhelmed like this. In the end it will enable you to be the support system for your wife in the ways you want to. I would also say, keep taking the action steps you are already taking. Keep seeing the therapist. Keep trying to hold her and comfort her. When she's hysterical and screaming, tune into her and just listen. You will begin to understand what she really needs and then you can support her in those ways.
Cut them out of your life, they sound like they don't consider you family and that you embarrass them. If you still live at home? Try to get out on your own and on-line your life and be happy without them. None of them care about you IMO, and don't want to have any type of relationship with you. You are better off without them and the negativity they bring you. Don't have any regrets about living your life without them and remind them that respect is a two way street. They probably feel that you are a burden to them.
Exactly why I’m upset.