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Suicide threats quickly lose their power when you report them to the authorities.
Honesty, that’s my reasoning.
No guilt no revenge
He still wants me he’s still messaging asking me to wait for him etc etc
So it’s not revenge
She needs to know..put him on a leash
I think the way you phrased it made it seem like you believed he shouldn’t mention it until he is planning the proposal—not that he can see that in their future.
Coming from someone who posted this question almost a year ago on this exact subreddit, just don't do it. It makes you uncomfortable, that's enough to say no. But by saying no it may cause a breakdown of your relationship, as it did mine, because they may come to resent you for it. So please look after yourself
So, he's panicking to put the reletionship back in working order. I highly doubt he will keep it up once he feels like you're 'over' it.
He's doing things on the condition of, rather it being done unconditionally. And in this case, the condition of, is his fuck up… which is sad.
Pairs nicely with this:
Him posting me and blocking her is the first display of affection I have gotten in any of this.
That is a weak attempt at affection… Wow, an Instagram story, how thoughtful.
For this:
I don't know what to say when we talk about all of this tomorrow.
You cannot tip-toe around it. Do not hide your feelings. Tell it to his face. Dam right. You hurt me. Don't bend your feelings for appeasing him. This is about you, not him.
I'd also recommend to solidifying your position on the matter prior, instead of waiting on what he says and deciding after.
Did you have wedding vows?
A group of 29 year old boys betting who could sleep with an 18-year-old girl, I would never look at him the same again. It’s incredibly disgusting
I would love to say that he was young and dumb back then but he wasn’t so very young, though I’m sure he does love you if he stayed with you and married you through it all. But eh. The whole crew sound like creeps
When I mentioned the screaming matches and occasional shove I was 100% talking about over a year ago. For the past 1 1/2 years things have been better than ever. Arguments end with apologies, hugs, space, and effort now.
I completely agree and understand there is NEVER an excuse for physical violence. I grew up in an abusive home and have only ever been outwardly violent towards MYSELF (diagnosed BPD) and I would never wish to hurt someone else especially someone I love. I can’t afford therapy but it is high on my priority list next to getting a job. I know it’s necessary. For the time being I wanted to know what can I do to show how sorry I am. How can I reassure him and help him be comfortable with me again?
Get a lawyer to figure out the house. This is why buying property with a non spouse is bad. You need a lawyer NOW
This sounds like emotional and verbal abuse. Please get some therapy support to process this. Get a lawyer and get away from him.
So what’s gonna be his plan once you all have kids?
You and your kids with him gonna be on the back burner?
At some point you have to introduce the kids to reality. It will be naked on the kids, but that’s what therapy is for, he should put them in therapy to help them prepare for the reality of things.
In my opinion, you can try to deal better with your emotions.
I always took criticism in a good way, thinking “okey, so this is bad with me. It's good to know it, now I can work on it to be a better person and make this relationship better”. I think this is much better than the autodestructive “It's my fault, I did bad and I'm a bad person for doing it bad” train of thoughts that people who end up crying tend to have.
Still, I think it's a work for both. Both people should try to look at the situation in a more “pragmatical” way and understand the situation, with one person understanding that it could bear better with the situation and the other person taking into account that the other person is thinking about them, will try to hear you and fix the wrongs in the future and it's not just trying to shift blames.
No pauses needed in my experience. That's how we are handling it these days and it seems to be working so far.
I never bothered pushing on meeting the daughter. The mom seems completely against the kid meeting me.
He claims he is in for the family plans.
I know it all sounds ridiculously naive of me. As mentioned somewhere else… this is not my proudest moment…
I've only had my cats for 4 years and in that short amount of time they have become my family. I care about them more than anyone. I would not give them up for anything. Op, she's shown you that she's rude, inconsiderate, heartless and a total bully all in one motion. Break up with her and put some distance between the both of you. You could do her the favor of telling her why but you don't have to at the same time. That's the luxury of being young, move on and surround yourself with people that care about your feelings. I'm sorry about your life long friend getting to rest but I'm also happy you had one in your life. Take your time to realize that you deserve to be loved.
If your relationship was on good terms, I would say to ride it out. But considering it is barely being help together, and would require a lot of deep repair work to bring back to the way it was, I would say the best thing to do would be put it out of its misery, maybe try to stay amicable and on good terms to end your time together on a positive note, but don't bother actually fixing the relationship. It, unfortunately, would likely take more time than you have anyway to undo the damage, most you can do is buff it over and not leave each other in a worse place than when you found each other.
So if his two relationships are 20 and 25 years, then he is 60's. You listed several issues PE, SSRI decreased libido, now ED. Plus he won't see a therapist. Plus potential psychological issues with the ED. I had ED once and it is scary.
The best bet is to see a doctor. ED in older males should also he checked vessel issues as well as for for heart disease also. If he checks out fine, then consider seeing a therapist for psychological issues.
It sounds like you are kind of happy with the mundane. A lot of this is just opinion “I see her looking depressed and tell her to stop watching” is it actually tiktoks fault or is your life genuinely boring and repetitive and your wife craves adventure and romance. Your response to her dreaming about Paris one day told me everything I needed to know about your dynamics. I see in one comment you share money isn't an issue “it's just not a good time to travel”. Instead of viewing her as ungrateful and unsatisfied and complaining about her on the internet (where you'll inevitably recieve your attaboys from other bare minimum men) try looking at her as someone who is adventurous and growth minded.
I also said I'm absolutely not saying that's the case with OP's boyfriend I was saying your 'he's probably not a prick because he made her breakfast' was off. Yes, I know it's naked to leave someone you love.
You keep taking parts of my comments to pick at and completely ignore the fact I already made the point you're trying to make. You're also doing it to other people. It's weird.
Please advise OP.
You got this!
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I think honesty is the best policy here. Be open with her that for you personally, polygamy is not something you want. Ask how she feels about it – is an open relationship just something she would be happy to try out, or is it a deal-breaker for her to stay monogamous? It may be that when you asked before, she thought you were proposing the idea for your own relationship.
Wow, I love this reply!!!
You keep ignoring all facts that OP wrote.
Not rehoming it and just ignoring that his wife doesn't do anything (based on what information he gave us) to teach it will end up in a grown dog that doesn't have any boundaries. And those dogs are the ones that almost never get out of a rescue because they are just naked to handle and not for beginners.
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What kind of advice are you looking for? You made a very serious accusation, and your parents backed you up.
You feel humiliated, embarrassed and hurt? You feel sick to the stomach and have no idea how you can show your face? Just imagine how Adrien feels.
“Expecting partners to care for those we care for to the same level we do is a set up for failure expectation wise.”
No, it's not. You all are just really pathetic when it comes to taking on anything in life that is difficult.
You need to stop being so hyperbolic. It's been two months. The fiance hasn't withered in this amount of time. The sister is having her second round of medical appointments this week.
You are correct she can leave whenever she wants. After two months, when he is getting the sister help, his actions were fine, and doing it in the shittiest way possible makes her a shitty person.
I am also shocked reading those comments. It’s like they are suggesting that once you are in relationship and love your partner you should stop caring about how they look and if they put effort to their looks. I am woman but I certainly hope my partner would help me get back on track if I gained a lot of weight (for no medical reasons or pregnancy). I really hope my partner doesn’t share the ideas here and he will always try his best to look attractive.
If they are just friends, you should be able to go with them. If he won't let you meet these friends, then run. He's a cheater.
Get on Zoloft and youll be able to go forever.
That's at least an emotional affair. Sit her down, tell her what you know, then ask her if she would rather be with her boss or you, because to stay with her boss, you leave, to stay with you, she needs to find a new job.
Or, you can just pack up and when she sees you packing, tell her that she has been sending bikini pictures to her new boyfriend/boss, and message received.
Bruh
But I don't think it's safe to just flat out assume it, and my comment had nothing to do with gender. It's more about the fact that I see a lot of comments on Reddit that act like people in a relationship are just running on parallel courses and not actually partners who help each other.
On the gender roles stuff, for example, if I were to only tell you that my wife does our grocery shopping, you might think we have traditional gender roles in our house. But I do the vast majority of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
And on top of that, you're also assuming that in the original post the person doing the cooking is the woman. It doesn't say that.
This is where I’m stuck at the moment. I don’t think I’d be thrilled about it, so I understand Em’s concerns, but if she told me they were just friends, broke up years ago and have no romantic interest in each other anymore, I’d have to trust her, and it’s up to me to not be a hypocrite.
I wish you the best of luck and that you find a woman that you actually deserve and who cares enough about you not to hide their past from you.
yeah but that's different from actually following those accounts. plus the discovery page reflects what you follow most of the time
Thanks . Unfortunately, not much I can do to project assess. She can take 50% anytime she wants.
Each. I said I would be open to something like this if I had a year of advance notice to save. That or I would be happy to do a trip within the US.
When someone tells you inappropriate things in secret, don’t perpetuate the behaviour. Have a sit down with your father and confront him about it directly and openly…”you chose to tell me something that crossed a serious boundary for me when my boyfriend was not present and I’m wondering why you thought that was ok to do.”This will also give you a sense of what he was thinking, in case it is something out of the ordinary and unusual like many of the other commenters are saying. Your parents are a unit so if one of them does something that you think is inappropriate then you should speak with both of them. Your concern about your parents relationship is notable but that’s up to them to figure out. That is not your responsibility.
The terminology doesn't matter. What matter is whether OP is ok with this and she's not so there you go, they want different things.
You can have the conversation – but she's absolutely entitled to choose the animal she is responsible for over you. I chose my cat and the potential of a dog over the greatest man I've ever been in a relationship with. We're still friends and he's incredible, but I made absolutely the correct choice. My dog in particular just adds way more to my life. I wouldn't choose to be in a relationship with anyone who doesn't want a dog or cat now.
When you started dating her, what was your expectation? She’s had a dog from the get-go. Did you expect that she would get rid of the dog at some point? Was this discussed?
Yeah if you are getting an abortion don’t say anything to him. If you wanted to keep the baby, you’d need to.
Please let this post be fiction
You don’t need advice. You need divorce and a restraining order. He meant what he said.
You’re not the one destroying it, she is.
How about you cut her off? Stop giving her your credit card. Pay your own bills and let her realize that she is a grown ass woman and must pay for herself. If you keep paying for her like this, why would she ever change? Stop encouraging her behavior.
I think this is a riff on an earlier thread about tickle wars which has since been deleted ?
We love in a Scandinavian country
If you want to keep your relationship, initiate. You have said that you enjoy it once it starts up. It’s completely unfair to ask him to be the only person making an effort. If he were writing, I would ask if this is what he wants for the rest of his life? A woman who isn’t willing to make any effort. Think about it.
Weird, it's such a good family story to tell.
Tim isn't financially able to move out just yet but he is making plans to get out. Also, I guess she had a fight with Cy cuz she has already started with light love bombing.
Yikes. Just yikes. Sounds like thinks have run their course.
It takes away the focus of the rest of the day. Obviously your kid is going to be too young to remember, but do you really want their birthday overshadowed every year as an anniversary between you and your girlfriend?
He did say he wasn't going to date or be with anyone during this time and needed time to sort his life out first… So I'd like to believe he isn't fooling around with other chicks…
totally agree. Im always hit with “I didn’t actually cheat” bc it wasn’t anything physical with the past girls. I literally had to explain that cheating isn’t just physical ? manchild behavior
She literally told him what she wanted. He deliberately ignored it and decided she needed the exercise bike instead. Funny how he could manage to come up with the cat cafe and trip to a national park after she let him know she was upset.
He still hasn't planned either of those things. It's not like it's a huge trip requiring lots of planning, money, etc. He's just doesn't want to.