We basically give you options, and you are the person to decide which ones are good or not. People tend to find the advice they were looking for because deep down, they knew the right answer and only wanted validation.
Is he autistic. As an autistic person myself, I can definitely see some signs.
I say say something that makes just enough to not make sense, so I decided that whenever I'm in public, be silent unless I need to talk.
Some people are just not good at talking. You don't need to bring up how he can do it himself, he probably needs an evaluation to see if he has something like ASD or some other thing causing that.
But leaving him is very hot because I am the only person he has and who trusts him and stuff and he will be pretty much alone without me.
Sorry he lied to you. At the end of the day, he can't make you stay in the relationship. If he doesnt have many other friends, thats not your responsibility or a reason to stay.
Most of the time, nope. If I’ve broken up with someone and he doesn’t want to stay friends that’s cool. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to date him. Going completely no contact won’t magically change my mind. I have ex’s from twenty years ago that I’m still friendly with and done that I’ve never spoken with again. No drama either way, just life happening.
You better not come back here crying about how she's run away again if you give her another chance. She's shown you numerous times exactly who she is, if you take her back you do so knowing she'll probably fuck you over again. Worse still she might fuck off from you AND your kids. Think about that. Really really think about that.
Dating has several levels, and it is purpose is to choose a mate. You can keep trying, or decide he is not the one for you. No judgments on your self. When you bump into someone you are compatible with, you will know.
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When you don't have/want kids…..”Other kids” are always cute until you have deal with them on a regular basis……..It's a hassle, and it's definitely an unwanted burden. Clear yourself of this “post haste.” He's crying because he doesn't want to deal with HIS responsibilities in “real time” now as opposed to long-distance, on his own.
He has told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that an emotional connection is not something he's totally closed off too, but he thinks I have expectations that he will want this. He had also told me that while he does like haning out and stuff with me, he is continuing to keep his options open and look elsewhere.
I think he pretty much laid it all out for you here. He enjoyed the sex and the texting, but he doesn't want to miss out on that with other girls either. Now that the novelty has worn off after six weeks, he's not texting you much; it's very likely that he's talking to someone else instead.
He will continue to sleep with you for as long as you let him, but it seems like you are really hoping that this physical aspect will make him want to commit to you. He's been upfront about not seeing this turning into an emotional connection on his end. If that's what you want, you're going to have to look for it elsewhere.
I mean honestly yeah. I am part of the itty bitty titty committee, someone acting like I have giant tits would turn me off because that’s delusional. Would rather be with someone who actually likes lil tits than someone who pretends they are massive…
It’s a bit ironic that you think of guys who don’t get your “hints” as stupid.
If hints are your method for effective communication in a relationship, especially something as important as sex, you might not be as clever as you think.
Yes, everyone should be using protection and take the responsibility on personally. But, you don’t even know if this guy has gotten your “hint” that you’re having sex!
Are you comfortable with your therapist? I ask because sometimes it takes a bit to find a therapist you're ok with (it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that therapist, you just may not “vibe” with them) but a lot of people don't know that so don't make progress then give up, thinking therapy doesn't work. So if you don't feel like you're making any progress at all, don't be afraid to try another therapist. But it's great that you're going! More people should go to therapy, honestly.
i do make sure (or at least try to) that i tell him that his voice isn't bad (which to an extent is true. ive heard singers that are way worse), but it's a bit very hot to find a particular part of it that i like.
i'll definitely try harder to find something good in the future. the only thing i'm worried about is that whenever i compliment him on something, he tends to take that as an invitation to fish for more compliments, both directly after and in the future, which will be a bit harder to supply since there isn't a great deal to work with.
Absolutely, I am kind of like that. I am probably going to say no, but I still want to be invited! I know that is kind of flaky, so I am very open about it and honest and my friends accept me as I am because that’s what real friends do. I think OPs friend is being super shitty.
Your response should be to leave. It’s one thing if you’re teenagers and you’re not far out but allowing yourself to accept this behaviour means you’re setting yourself up for a future of lesser men and setting him up for a future of women he expects compliance from.
Some Christians believe in redemption, second chances, and being Born Again. It's a sort-of purification, as close as you can get to having your virginity restored. Ask her to lead you thru it. If she agrees, she will become invested in your redemption.
Now the downside. I'm sorry about the lost 3 months, but your not-ready-to-call-herself-your-GF already looks down on you from moral high ground. And whether she forgives you now, or only after she leads you thru some purification program, the relationship becomes one of Benefactor and Supplicant.
He had an emotional, and possibly physical affair and then he blamed you for it. And you accepted it and assumed blame. He should have apologized, been remorseful, offered couples counseling, BUT GO NC with this AP. He is still seeing her and texting her daily. He should have quit his job or ask for a transfer. How do you know they are not still carrying on an EA with their daily texts or PA? Of course your not at home when she comes over.
You deserve so much better. You need to leave this chronic cheater. Continue your therapy and start building a new life.
Thats when you tell her that you're going to call 911 (or the equivalent) then and have them do a wellness check on her. Let her explain why they were called.
Exactly. If you are a full grown adult and able to realize how easy it is to track messages, they might just not message at all and could arrange hook ups entirely face to face while at work.
Bf needs to grow up. We all have a past. And absolutely no one should tell us to throw our past out because we're so much better. When one is mature one is secure in oneself. What others have done it's not our concern. This screams of huge red flag in bf of insecurity and immaturity. And he's 40! He's never going to grow up
How are things going for you?? Are they getting better or do you think they will get better??
Omg, op this is NOT EVEN REMOTELY NORMAL. SUPER ABUSIVE. Please please do whatever you can to get out of this situation
We basically give you options, and you are the person to decide which ones are good or not. People tend to find the advice they were looking for because deep down, they knew the right answer and only wanted validation.
Imagine being such a shitty partner in relationships you call them an assistant when they help each other. Yuck ?
Yeah…that might be a help.
Actually, “romance” has nothing to do with partnering. It simply a word
that identifies a particularly idealized way of regarding something. So,
for instance, in the US and Aus there are folks who regard the frontier life
of the 19th Century in an idealized or “romantic” fashion. What we call
“romance novels” are commonly sticky sweet or idealized tales of Love.
If you have that link it would be great.
Learn something new every day! 🙂
If hugging is common in your culture and done with clothes on I would not read too much into it.
Is he autistic. As an autistic person myself, I can definitely see some signs.
I say say something that makes just enough to not make sense, so I decided that whenever I'm in public, be silent unless I need to talk.
Some people are just not good at talking. You don't need to bring up how he can do it himself, he probably needs an evaluation to see if he has something like ASD or some other thing causing that.
Basically, you are keeping her needs met until someone “better” comes along… You are enhanced FWB
But leaving him is very hot because I am the only person he has and who trusts him and stuff and he will be pretty much alone without me.
Sorry he lied to you. At the end of the day, he can't make you stay in the relationship. If he doesnt have many other friends, thats not your responsibility or a reason to stay.
Most of the time, nope. If I’ve broken up with someone and he doesn’t want to stay friends that’s cool. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to date him. Going completely no contact won’t magically change my mind. I have ex’s from twenty years ago that I’m still friendly with and done that I’ve never spoken with again. No drama either way, just life happening.
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You better not come back here crying about how she's run away again if you give her another chance. She's shown you numerous times exactly who she is, if you take her back you do so knowing she'll probably fuck you over again. Worse still she might fuck off from you AND your kids. Think about that. Really really think about that.
Dating has several levels, and it is purpose is to choose a mate. You can keep trying, or decide he is not the one for you. No judgments on your self. When you bump into someone you are compatible with, you will know.
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When you don't have/want kids…..”Other kids” are always cute until you have deal with them on a regular basis……..It's a hassle, and it's definitely an unwanted burden. Clear yourself of this “post haste.” He's crying because he doesn't want to deal with HIS responsibilities in “real time” now as opposed to long-distance, on his own.
This is an example of “it's OK to be selfish”…….
Be at peace with yourself.
He has told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that an emotional connection is not something he's totally closed off too, but he thinks I have expectations that he will want this. He had also told me that while he does like haning out and stuff with me, he is continuing to keep his options open and look elsewhere.
I think he pretty much laid it all out for you here. He enjoyed the sex and the texting, but he doesn't want to miss out on that with other girls either. Now that the novelty has worn off after six weeks, he's not texting you much; it's very likely that he's talking to someone else instead.
He will continue to sleep with you for as long as you let him, but it seems like you are really hoping that this physical aspect will make him want to commit to you. He's been upfront about not seeing this turning into an emotional connection on his end. If that's what you want, you're going to have to look for it elsewhere.
I mean honestly yeah. I am part of the itty bitty titty committee, someone acting like I have giant tits would turn me off because that’s delusional. Would rather be with someone who actually likes lil tits than someone who pretends they are massive…
“pay me back the money you owe me then we can try dating again”
Get money
Ghost him
Always the default position of people like you.
I love it when you absolute doorknobs accidentally admit that many many people have called you misogynist many many times. Golly, I wonder why?
As if she isn't a red flag
It’s a bit ironic that you think of guys who don’t get your “hints” as stupid.
If hints are your method for effective communication in a relationship, especially something as important as sex, you might not be as clever as you think.
Yes, everyone should be using protection and take the responsibility on personally. But, you don’t even know if this guy has gotten your “hint” that you’re having sex!
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
im still scared because hes attempted before and i dont want to be responsible for that
Are you comfortable with your therapist? I ask because sometimes it takes a bit to find a therapist you're ok with (it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that therapist, you just may not “vibe” with them) but a lot of people don't know that so don't make progress then give up, thinking therapy doesn't work. So if you don't feel like you're making any progress at all, don't be afraid to try another therapist. But it's great that you're going! More people should go to therapy, honestly.
i do make sure (or at least try to) that i tell him that his voice isn't bad (which to an extent is true. ive heard singers that are way worse), but it's a bit very hot to find a particular part of it that i like.
i'll definitely try harder to find something good in the future. the only thing i'm worried about is that whenever i compliment him on something, he tends to take that as an invitation to fish for more compliments, both directly after and in the future, which will be a bit harder to supply since there isn't a great deal to work with.
Distance yourself from the whole lot of them.
Chances are he tried it on with someone else and it didn’t work so he wants you back as an easy option until the next girl comes along.
He posted the “breakup” crap to let this other girl know he was “free” and that’s why he blocked you so you couldn’t see it.
He’s a selfish child. Block and move on. And stop contacting his sister. All you’re doing is giving yourself unnecessary drama.
Absolutely, I am kind of like that. I am probably going to say no, but I still want to be invited! I know that is kind of flaky, so I am very open about it and honest and my friends accept me as I am because that’s what real friends do. I think OPs friend is being super shitty.
Your response should be to leave. It’s one thing if you’re teenagers and you’re not far out but allowing yourself to accept this behaviour means you’re setting yourself up for a future of lesser men and setting him up for a future of women he expects compliance from.
Some Christians believe in redemption, second chances, and being Born Again. It's a sort-of purification, as close as you can get to having your virginity restored. Ask her to lead you thru it. If she agrees, she will become invested in your redemption.
Now the downside. I'm sorry about the lost 3 months, but your not-ready-to-call-herself-your-GF already looks down on you from moral high ground. And whether she forgives you now, or only after she leads you thru some purification program, the relationship becomes one of Benefactor and Supplicant.
He had an emotional, and possibly physical affair and then he blamed you for it. And you accepted it and assumed blame. He should have apologized, been remorseful, offered couples counseling, BUT GO NC with this AP. He is still seeing her and texting her daily. He should have quit his job or ask for a transfer. How do you know they are not still carrying on an EA with their daily texts or PA? Of course your not at home when she comes over.
You deserve so much better. You need to leave this chronic cheater. Continue your therapy and start building a new life.
Because it's a bad system. Even if the standards are set for the person making less yall would still argue they should pay less than their half.
and she said she'll k*** herself if I leave.
Thats when you tell her that you're going to call 911 (or the equivalent) then and have them do a wellness check on her. Let her explain why they were called.
Altho that sounds nice, if he’s on the lease too then she’ll get into legal trouble if she does that
Altho that sounds nice, if he’s on the lease too then she’ll get into legal trouble if she does that
Exactly. If you are a full grown adult and able to realize how easy it is to track messages, they might just not message at all and could arrange hook ups entirely face to face while at work.
I've lived this. Gave me such bad anxiety aswell. He knows his friends, there's no need for a group chat and she's hounding him
Bf needs to grow up. We all have a past. And absolutely no one should tell us to throw our past out because we're so much better. When one is mature one is secure in oneself. What others have done it's not our concern. This screams of huge red flag in bf of insecurity and immaturity. And he's 40! He's never going to grow up