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If he jumps up to help when you ask, then you've got a winner. I can feel the jealousy from my fellow Redditors as I type this.
OK, I think I just realized what's happening here. Was he always like this? If so, then that is who you married, and (this is going to sound harsh but) you don't have the right to expect him to change. That's not how (healthy) relationships work.
What you can do is focus on your expectation that he should do things without asking. I know you feel this is important for your own mental well being, but the reality is that this type of thinking is a trap.
There will always be something that you don't like about your husband (nobody is perfect). So the question becomes: can you learn to accept and love him the way he is? Because right now you are basically making your love for your husband conditional based on how you think he should be, instead of accepting who he is.
My opinion:
Vaping is not the same as smoking. There are “zero nicotine” vapes. Smoking is both a physical and psychological addiction. Nicotine is a physical addiction, and you start needing it and thinking about it all the time. Smoking is a psychological addiction as a person is used to putting something in their mouth. Vaping may be a healthier replacement to smoking, if he's vaping zero nicotine and trying to quit.
My question is this. Since he's vaping, why do you have a problem with it?