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She was very respectful about it maybe not move in with her but probably ask her out on a date
I'm glad you are making some changes.
It will take some time to see things differently, but hold on, be strong, and you will start to feel a sense of freedom. Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Just hold on.
Just stay firm. You gave her a second chance and she didn't even attempt to make things right, she didn't last a week. She just gaslight you and got craftier on ways to hide it. No need for a third chance.
“Ultimately it's his choice to choose her over family. “
That makes sense. I’ve thought that before, but I guess her continuing to say things like “Carl and I are a unit, you can’t have one of us without the other” is what makes everyone else think they must talk to her as well.
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THIS! I'm a guy but a 3 year difference above or below is a straight no for me. It genuinely grosses me out, I talked to a 22 y/o a few months ago and the difference in our maturity and goals in life was huge.
I hadn't heard of the podcast but will check it out. Thanks for the recommendation!
Happy birthday! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have no advice, I can’t stand lying and sneaking so my first thought is get divorced. I mean, how do you come back from that breach of trust? He could’ve come clean to you at any point before it got to 20k, but he chose to lie and sneak. It would make me wonder what else he hides. Idk. Good luck op.
While that seems like good advice, domestic violence shelters can only accommodate so many people and accept you on a case-by-case basis. While a lot are opening up to men, a lot of them are still women only unfortunately. He can still call and see if they will accept him or if they can point him in the right direction of how to get help.
Why are the two of you not in therapy?
It's not necessary at all, and if you felt some low level hostility you would probably be right.
Relationships are based on mutual respect and trust. There is none of that between them. Your father likely uses his religious beliefs to justify his (uncalled for and inappropriate) actions. Since your husband is atheist, there is no way he can respect your father, and no way he can trust someone who's willing to do that to you. And on the opposite side, your father can't trust someone who is “godless” and who would treat him that way.
For a lot of predominantly Muslim places, there are legal practices that are an extension of the religious beliefs. That's fine if the people living there are ok with it. But as we're seeing in some places, it's not accepted and if that's the case it shouldn't be forced on someone.
You decided that you really don't belief in Islam, and that's your decision to make. It does mean that your relationship with your family will be impacted.
Honestly? Just leave. He’s already crossed the line, nothing he says or does can undo that. Unless you’re planning on taking his cheating lying ass back, just let him know y’all are done and leave with your dignity. Don’t give him any more of your time, energy, or tears. He doesn’t deserve it.
Dude has functional fingers that he can use if he really wants to make you happy?
You could phrase the situation that out of the x-number of women you slept with she was the one you chose. If she can’t leave sleeping dogs lay, and you’ve exhausted therapy, then you may need to divorce because she’s got something mental going on that you can’t solve or fix.
i don’t think i have final say, of course. but i don’t think voicing my opinion as his partner is the same thing as deciding for him. if i figured out a way to tell him how i feel politely and he said he wouldn’t get one, that’s the end of discussion of course. but me being attracted to him is important and communicating that without aggression shouldn’t be a problem.
People can’t help feelings, but they sure as shit can control how they act on them.
Taking accountability would include being honest with them both
She stays at home and you don’t have kids or anything? She could get a job too!
My god, I am so happy for you that you've been heard and not blamed or chastised. That is a huge step for someone who has been through this before and not only that but then denied their own reality. Well done for standing up for yourself, it takes so much courage. Wishing you and your partner and his family the best!