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~I'd just abort, but also maybe I won't.. So live! with anxiety!~ Honestly, if I was you boyfriend I would have stopped sleeping with you, if not completely broken up after that discussion. No one want's their reproduction held hostage by someone else, that's terrifying. This is not indication he's cheating, It means he's seen someone else in your circle got pregnant and he's freaked out and wants to be extra safe. Babies have a tendency to come in waves through a friend group/work place, it's a legitimate concern. I have had several jobs where like 5 women all ended up pregnant within a month of each other. It's bizarre, and even after I got spayed, for weeks after the baby outbreak I refused to drink the water, JIC.
Then don't. But like I said, there's a chance you'll meet someone who's done drugs before, even experimentally, while in their teens or in college/uni. People who've already decide drugs aren't for them or that they've gotten it out of their system, and now they don't feel its pertinent to talk about it because its not who they are NOW.
It's very fair to have a nude line at a person who takes drugs and continues to indulge and boast about it. But you CANNOT control what a person might have done in the past, and if you're incapable of acknowledging a person for who they are in the present and get hung up on their past (NO MATTER WHAT THAT PAST IS, JUST THAT IT INVOLVES ONE OF THE MANY THINGS YOU'RE CLEARLY INSECURE ABOUT AS I'M SURE DRUGS AREN'T THE ONLY THING, JUST THE MOST PROMINENT THING RN) then you currently do not have the capacity or maturity to have a relationship of equals because you'll be looking for them to tick all your boxes and requirements, but have you even considered that that stuff goes both ways?
If you're throwing judgement and assumptions around about people willy-nilly based on the fact someone may have chosen to experiment, FULL STOP because of your prejudices, I really hope you're a perfect example of a “virtuous” human being, and if that's the case, go look for your next girlfriend in a church or something.
IMO, I really feel like you may have been failed by social workers/support/health care providers. Are any of these people/groups giving you resources, help, support or options? Did you know that you can ask?
I realize that advocating for your wife and for yourself – and actually getting helpful results – is super difficult in many healthcare systems. Do you feel like you can ask for some of that daily support? And mental health support for yourself?