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Might fancy a posh wank.
but I also moved quickly because I was still living with my son at my abusive ex’s house.
Sure, but that's all the more reason to NOT rush into living together. Your son needs stability too, and running from one toxic situation in a potential other toxic situation is a huge no-go.
I would still be employed, however he allowed me to quit in order to pursue a passion of mine which is now coming into fruition
You are taking huge risks….
meant we are still good relationship-wise.
You are only a year in, which is nothing in the bigger picture.
No fights or waves in the water after a year.
You make it seem like this is a huge achievement….lots of people who were in abusive relationships tend to put any somewhat decent person on a pedestal
but I also moved quickly because I was still living with my son at my abusive ex’s house.
Sure, but that's all the more reason to NOT rush into living together. Your son needs stability too, and running from one toxic situation in a potential other toxic situation is a huge no-go.
I would still be employed, however he allowed me to quit in order to pursue a passion of mine which is now coming into fruition
You are taking huge risks….
meant we are still good relationship-wise.
You are only a year in, which is nothing in the bigger picture.
No fights or waves in the water after a year.
You make it seem like this is a huge achievement….lots of people who were in abusive relationships tend to put any somewhat decent person on a pedestal
If OP has so much trauma that even when she expresses consent it doesn't mean she consents, then she shouldn't be in a relationship.
OP expressed that their BF didn't threaten, didn't ask repeatedly, wasn't aggressive, etc. BF didn't coerce her into sex.
BF clearly didn't read the room. And didn't let her lead in what she wanted..
This is a statement about personal intentions. Personal intentions cannot be truly known by anyone except the person who owns them.
Why are you so naive. You think he went out with these girls and they knit sweaters on their dates? He went out to fuck. Do whatever you want but don’t be naive.
I would like her to make it clear to said friends she is in a relationship. As it stands I don't think they know, and it feels like she's leading them on, even in unintentionally. That's unfair to them, and uncomfortable for me. I want her to have friends, and I am comfortable with her hanging out with many of them, but certain ones make me uncomfortable
ieuw, nah bro
Bro tbh after hearing what you guys have to say I didn't nothing wrong and the fact that you are coming back a day later watching my moves like im the bad shows who you really are. Maybe I do and maybe I don't. At least if I knew someone with an addiction I'd help them besides start judging them for no reason. I may have one but at least I'm not judging people I don't know. You need to figure out your priorities buddy not wondering what other grown adults are doing with their life.
I don't think you should marry just to make her happy or stay. It should be something you want.
You said you have issues dealing with decision making, your childhood was emotionally cold. Have you gone through therapy?
She isn't necessarily the only one needing it, and not being able to make choices is a pretty big issue that you should be working on
Thankyou for all your advice! Talking it out has definitely put my mind at ease. Things always seem more complicated when you're thinking about them just by yourself.
Good luck if you decide on that new start!
It’s really not. Either of you compromising here will likely end up with resentment. Why are you so against marriage if you’re sure she’s the one?
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What if that cheap car ends up needing expensive repairs? What if you buy a car that seems like it's in good shape and it completely dies and becomes junk?
Why is it not feasible to simply not buy either car for a few months to save all that money instead?
Why is she still your GF?
It’s rough. How many cheaters get an STI and lie or make excuses.
Best you can do is get the test, and decide if the damages trust between you two can be repaired.
If you have an STI then there is a very different conversation you will be having. If you didn’t cheat it does not leave many options left on where it came from.
She is planning on doing grad school again in my city in another 7 months.
I did think an hour of video calling was probably too much for her, though I enjoyed it, so I suggested we talk once a week and text, but she doesn’t even respond to those.
So I just don’t see the point if there isn’t any communication at all
Ew
Is this the new episode of you?? I had no idea it was based of a true story.
3 years? Why are you torturing yourself? Break up.
What part of the story do did you find that out from?
Why do i feel so sad to lose him if he is 🙁
Yeah that isn't your wife lmao.
Paternity test asap.
You have wasted ENOUGH time on this man. You are 40. You’ve hopefully got half your precious life left to live!. Don’t waste another moment of it. I remarried at 44 to an amazing man after an unhappy marriage. Go find your better life.
Depending on where you are, you may be regarded as common law partners after a while, regardless of the fact that he isn’t on the deed.
FYI
Option 1 -Sell the house and the husband then move somewhere affordable
Option 2 – divorce, but stay together. Separate finances and charge him rent (don’t do this please).
WARNING: Do not open an account for him in your name or allow all his earnings to go into your account. This will cause you pain that “can” result in you being on the hook for his taxes.
One of your biggest issues is you’ve tied your emotional investment into one person. Now that person has betrayed you and you are desperately clinging to a bad relationship. These are things to work through in therapy.
I'm not trying to crap on your choices, though I agree that you're 18 and shouldn't waste your time on someone who has a lot of work to do before they can be a valuable partner, I'm very concerned that the “it was trauma” explanation was ultimately provided for him by you. If it was a trauma response, he doesn't even have the self awarenesses to know what is happening to him. If it wasn't, you just gave him a convenient “out” of having to explain himself. Either way is bad news.
I left before we discussed full logistics. I’m dreading going back but bought some wine so u have that to look forward to
So one of the hardest things to learn and deal with is you don’t get to decide when or how other people cope/process and decide when to communicate. It sounds like you’re both at fault to and extent. You definitely went about it the wrong way. When having issues you should be using “I” statements. I feel ____ when __. You doing _ makes me feel ________. That being said she wasn’t ready to talk yet and you kept pushing her boundaries. So it seems like you were incompatible and breaking up was for the best
Finally a dude on Reddit that knows when to keep his mouth shut.
OP, you are correct, nothing good comes from this. Admit to anime pony porn or pregnant midgets or something simple like that.
I just want to point out that I've gone to therapists for over a decade and probably 7-8 different ones and therapy is really not effective as reddit makes it out to be(at least for me). Self reflection has changed me and helped me far more than therapy ever will. Therapists aren't gods, they're just there to listen and give advice which isn't always the right advice. I honestly have better results talking to close friends who care about me and know me on a more personal level.
You apparently know condoms exist, so why are you asking him about other options? There’s your other option.
Maybe paying for condoms shouldn’t just be your responsibility but protecting your body from disease and unwanted pregnancy is 100% just your responsibility. It’s completely irresponsible to use pulling out as contraception, you’re putting yourself in considerable danger with this ridiculous approach.
Use condoms. End of story.
This seems a bit extreme. I get it is terrible what I almost did, but I’m clearly looking to improve because I am here to look for pointers on how to do better going forward. I hesitated before he left. So I’m not saying I would have 100% gone through with it, I knew it was a relationship on the line. We are all human and most of us face temptation in one way or another. You are mostly right in what you’re saying, I feel, but I think you’re bringing the fire a bit too much. Blaming me alone for “destroying people’s lives” when I’m clearly looking to improve and learn seems an overstep
When he talks to you, does you mind think about something else?
Who cares when he's trying to be sneaky and get in my pants on the first date.
100% agree. I'm tired of the double standards
It's easier for you to get snipped.
I pretty much see this like this. They should get counseling and really only work on this if they are 100% in this…Not that that means he NEEDS to get a vasectomy today at all tho.
Good thing you don’t have kids yet. My dad was the same and sometimes because I was the nearest thing he would throw me as a baby, the anger got even worse after having me (and my brother later) because having a kid is stressful so you can expect that to happen if you ever have a kid with him. Get out before you or someone else gets hurt and you definitely don’t want to end up having kids with him, it’s so stressful to grow up with a father like that
It's not a form of manipulation to deny someone access to your body. You're not a vibrator.
You want a different type of relationship than she does. You have decided that sex can no longer be a part of the kind of relationship she wants. You're not stopping her from having sex. You're stopping her from having sex with you. And since you're not in a monogamous relationship, by her choice, there is no reason for her to expect sex from you anyway.
You set a boundary. She doesn't like it. That's not manipulation, that's called not getting what you want.
This. What you said is very respectful and leaves a great impression umo. A genuinely busy but interested person would hit you up later. Or she might not be interested, in which case your reaction was also graceful. I personally have contacted a guy later spesifically because he responded something similar to me being having a busy time in my life – and I was interested from the start, of course. In similar cases where a guy has kept insisting I have noped out very quick because it feels suffocating.
Can someone explain to me how dad is a pedophile. They are both of majority age to do whatever. I will agree that dad at almost 60 chasing a skirt 40 years younger is a stretch, but what of the girl agreeing to this arrangement?
This needs to be higher. Say this to him OP, he'll probably get flustered and say you've been reading into things too deep, but he'll likely give you a wide berth from then on. Use that sense of disgust to kill any residual positive feelings you had towards this guy, he's trash.
Take the legal route, there is no point in trying to be nice. Get as much documentation as you can about their behaviour and lies. If it's legal record conversations with them.
im a trans person of color and this is definitely break up worthy. our human rights are real and its not an illness
I hope so. A lot of men hide it until you're hooked so he did you a favor by showing you this early on.
Ask him why the need to keep tossing it into the trash when we're now into the 21st century.
Good luck friend! I hope it all works out either way
In full transparency, if he had just not stuck up for me we could have gotten through it, though it would have been really naked. What I just couldn't get over was over time it became clear he wasn't going to tell them we were still dating after they found out and kinda went berserk. I didn't want to be a secret, especially for over a year.