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Birth Date: 2002-01-05
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I'm not the one being crushed really, I dont care about their opinion, I stand my ground and will defend my position to the end. OP is pregnant and about to be a single mother if you take a glance at her reddit, she's the one with the effed up life, I'm just here on a Sunday working from the comfort of my house and commenting on this one reddit post that I open a couple times a month đ meanwhile I'm watching these people who don't know how to love or be loved because they don't nourish their relationships and then come live to ask for advice. I comment in some reship posts but I'd never come here to ask randomers what to do with my life!
And? My friend has killed a man. Doesn't mean I should do that too.
If she didnât want him she would have blocked him on everything by now. Save yourself the uncomfortable walk in on the screwing and break it off
If the house is in your name. Kick him out and have him live! with the mistress full time. I would bet they won't get along as much as you think. It sounds more like sex than love, it sounds like the only thing he contributes to the relationship with her is sex.
Don't go, your sobriety is more important.
I definitely have noticed many monogamous people have a difficult time trusting. It's a pretty frequent problem. If you are looking for a way to not be cheated on, monogamy is definitely not a reliable solution.
I agree with you and negated the down vote someone gave you.
You still havenât answered my question- why would I stay with someone who said to my face they didnât want to marry me? I felt used and that makes no sense to stay. The problem here isnt that he is married but that he still looking at my facebook daily. I know I am the one who left, but he forced my hand. It wasnât that I wanted or even want to be married so bad- it was that he had no problem just softly rejecting me.
I did work on another relationship and we are engaged and have 2 kids, the pandemic ruined a lot of peopleâs finances so currently it makes more sense financially for me to stay single until i am finished with school, which i restarted during the pandemic. Why would I put myself through financial ruin at this point JUST bc i want to be married? My childrenâs health insurance depends on this and getting pregnant just before the pandemic is what dictated this decision. We got engaged in 2019 and the immediately pregnant so tell me when there was a good time to host a superspreader event and add $2500 per month to our bills? But thanks for âbeing kindââas i asked in my OP.
Some people told you that a relationship can't last if someone thinks like that, but IMO that's silly. Just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean that it can't work out for other people. I know a guy who has been married to a woman for decades and they live in different houses.
Like open relationships (something that I'd never in my life want), some people just want things that differ from what is the cultural norm.
He seems to avoid cohabitation because he knows the risk that exists in case of divorce, especially for men. Women initiate most divorces and women are typically the ones who are “marrying up” in terms of finance (i.e. women tend to date/marry men who either make more than they do, or at least are around the same level). So in cases of divorce, the man is usually the one who has to pay alimony or split his assets.
I would however argue that he is somewhat misguided, because the way to avoid that is to simply marry a woman who makes as much as he does. That way, in a divorce the split will be fair from his point of view. And get a prenup, obviously.
You need to tell her, she needs to know. Who knows, maybe she will be supportive and will bring out a strap on to help you ease out into new you.
Why not just see where it goes? Pay attention and keep in mind what you want out of life and what makes you happy. Just try and maintain that and I think you'll be ok. Age alone isn't a red flag
Time to let her go. She is taking you for granted & is not even trying to hide it.
Iâm sorry youâre in this position OP, but thereâs probably a reason he was 34 and looking to date someone in their early 20s. Heâs immature and selfish and women his age wouldnât put up with him. As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, my ex would regularly make up things to bad mouth my friend and family in an attempt to isolate me and make me solely dependent on her- are you sure your boyfriend isnât trying to do the same to you? You and your daughter deserve better.
Record it. And next time they deny it,play it back to them.
This wasn't intentional. He was in the middle of a nightmare. He needs to get therapy for the PTSD he probably has. Next time don't wake him up when you're within reach and don't sleep in the same room.
We have talked on the phone maybe a total of three times in the duration of this relationship because he doesnât like talking on the phone.
Damn. She didnât even give you a reason to check her phone and you justâŠdid it? Sheâs the greatest woman ever? Shame youâre not treating her like it.
Consider finding a new home that has separate or separated living quarters. This could help give you some privacy and some semblance of normal.
You should let P2 know. After that, you should cut all contact with these shitty people. People who cheat are shitty. They cheat, then try to manipulate you and gaslight you into thinking it was your fault and they shouldnât be blamed nor have consequences. Yes. There is never a valid reason to cheat. Put them in your past. Wishing you luck. There are better women out there who are mature enough to cut off bad âfriendsâ and women out there who donât cheat.
The worst thing you could do to yourself in relationships is pushing boundaries and forgiving your partner for behaviors you don't accept, with the reasoning “I don't want to lose him”.
If you let this slide, what's the final straw? Accepting polyamory although you hate the idea of it? Him openly flirting with your friend?
How will you feel when you all hang out together? How will this affect your relationship with your friend? Do you see yourself being in a relationship with built up resentment just because you don't want to lose that person?
You love this man, putting your feelings for him aside and thinking about this objectively with your own well-being in mind is HARD. But it will save you from so much hurt and stress. Put yourself first, always.
Fix it by dumping him. He raped you.
Him telling her he might have given her the clap is not the same as her actually having had the clap. Maybe he didn't and got it off the next chick he slept with after her? It's also not an STD, it's an STI so technically she didn't lie although I admit that's a stretch lol.
Is this relationship worth continuing for you? Her behaviour sounds cagey, especially because she fought you about her phone and then offered it up at a random time. Sounds like she probably scrubbed it and only then you were allowed to go through it but it's all just speculation on my part obviously.
This is probably an unpopular opinion but crushes in committed relationships I think are indicative of something missing in the existing relationship. If youâre having a crush you are not 100% happy with your partner and you would be lying to yourself if you said you were. My advice is hold off on marrying your fiancĂ© and dig into why it is that you developed feelings for that guy. What is the idea of being with him giving your that is missing with your fiancĂ©.
If you choose to ignore the issue it WILL snowball. I would not want to marry someone who has a crush on someone else while we are engaged. How would you feel if your fiancé had a deep crush on someone right now?
Yes, you feel that way because you were in an abusive relationship which has skewed how you think you should behave in relationships. Events that happened to you, that he wasn't around for, are 10000% more painful to you. And you need the chair in your house because you're financially strained, because this guy isn't paying his own way. If it's such an issue for him, he should buy you a chair (and start contributing to rent). But you should know that he told on himself when he said you had sex on the chair. This guy isn't hurt by the thought of you being abused, he's hurt at the thought that someone else had sex with you. That's how he's describing your violent trauma – as if it's the same as consensual sex. As if it's something your ex has one upped him with because he was there first. It's disgusting and dehumanising. This man is not a good man, and you should not be with him. Be with someone who tries to make your life better, not make you make his life better.
Move on. If you were to get back with your ex, something will always be on his mind and it will not be the same as it was before and same goes with his friend something will always be up. It doesnât seem like his frat mate particularly cares for you other than sex hence the ghosting. I say move on and enjoy your college experience to the best you can and donât dwell on it too much. Itâs more trouble than itâs worth on top of you barely being in a relationship with him even though you known him for a long time. Donât get played, get your degree, have fun, and live your life, donât chase love if it wasnât meant to be.
I would gently suggest couples counseling. It sounds like you're both very devoted to your marriage, and you are both trying to make it work, but there's been some communication problems that could get worse if unaddressed. This is the kind of thing that couples counseling is really, really helpful for. Don't wait.
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For a hopeful note – I had different problem with my husband, but one that required a similar kind of conversation, one where I bluntly told him I was not happy and needed more from him. And when I was straightforward about it, he stepped the fuck up and things changed. Permanently. But there definitely was a period of time afterwards, about a year for us, where the energy was different. It scared him, I think, to hear me say that – that I wasn't happy. He was scared of losing me. What helped was really regularly verbally reinforcing to him that I LOVED HIM and I was very, very committed to staying in our relationship. He was not in danger of losing me if he wasn't perfect. Of course he wasn't perfect. Neither was I. And I expected him to be just as blunt with me if I was ever really, truly not meeting his needs in some way. It's just that part of being together forever is being honest about aspects of a relationship that aren't working.
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Time made things get better, for us. I think it helped him, over time, to see that I was understanding that he had off weeks (or months), that he wasn't “in danger”, and it helped me to now be in a relationship where when I did say “hey, I need this from you” he took it seriously. Our communication got much, much better. And I think in the end it made him feel more comfortable telling ME when he wasn't getting what he needed from me, which is also great!
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But yeah. Counseling. It is the shit. Strong recommend.
I stopped reading when you described the threats of suicide and Hoovering Tactics.
Read about hoovering and how to combat that kind of manipulation.
There's no “us” here.
It's just you and your biological kids. Kevin doesn't need your help. He has a fucking job that pays him every other week.
He doesn't need to understand anything it all.
You need to understand.
Understand that this lying manipulative scumbag is abusing your children however nice he is at any other times. That's a one way ticket to cowardly-slime country. Doesn't matter if they gave you a Nobel Peace Prize.
In a just world, child abusing cowards would all be send off to an island in the pacific to argue and fight amongst themselves until such time as their kids graduated college and can fend for themselves. Unfortunately it's one off the most difficult crimes to prove and prisecute because of how cowardly these people are.
Protect your damn kids.
To hell with Kevin over there. He'll find somone else to feed on their emotions and energy like a vampire. Do everything to stop him from feeding on your children's blood and innocence.
Wow, she left that much of an impression on you to remember her all these years later. That lady was so out of line
I'm glad it worked out! Enjoy your precious bundle and put the in-laws out of mind while you're getting to know them (the baby, that is). Be well!
My husband (when we were just dating) used to work at 5am and was always tired when we hung out. But yes he did make time to call and text me. You might just need to calmly make it clear that you donât feel like itâs enough and see what alternative you can find together. Maybe itâs calls before work or on his drive home