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Birth Date: 2002-02-28
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This ^ it’s okay for people to have different boundaries, but if this makes him upset then it’s just not going to work. there are plenty of guys out there who don’t mind this kind of stuff. i say just let it be and don’t go back to him, it’s definitely for the best.
Nobody believes that, but cool!
…not be so goddamn controlling?
Man! I hope you realise your so called friends actually helped you dodge a bullet while showing their true colours. Jack was another problem for you. You should never ever meet these people again.
That can be the case but if your partner is disappointing you and something they've done hurt you it's not necessarily you're with the wrong person it's just means you are heartbroken at the situation. Things happen people aren't perfect. But if you feel that you are truly with the wrong person maybe you are. A relationship isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows they're ups and downs in many relationships, and when you are able to get pass these things together it makes you stronger.
might sound strange but i realised that drinking caffeine made my body shake when i was in bed – it was barely noticable until a partner pointed it out to me.
not being sarcastic, maybe it's that I am not a native speaker.. but can someone explain to me what the girlfriend said that was offensive? The gf told her male dog, not to get a dog girlfriend because dog girlfriends are annoying and demanding… like… female dog girlfriends… are annoying and demanding.. like she placed some human attributes to a hypothetical female dog. What was the human girlfriend implying?
So he blames you for having to go to hospital, despite nearly killing his father.
Then “because of us” he moved away.
Then he says “he is ready to move forward” how nice of him to forgive you.
Then he doesn't respond when you wife offers him to start small and was hurt that your wife has boundaries and trust issues.
Your wife is with you on not seeing him, but you believe that one day she may want to see him. And you wonder if it unreasonable to have a permanent ban? You also think he may have a mental illness that makes him destroy things and have rage that results in nearly killing someone who also did not report him to the police.
So using the basic “golden child” dysfunctional family dynamic which your wife grew up in, where the child is forgiven for everything he does and brushed under the carpet. Then your wife has been conditioned to forgive him and has been guilt tripped by her mother as well.
So well done to her for addressing this in therapy and doing her best to enforce boundaries, that isn't easy at all. I am sure she is getting guilt trips from MIL as well. I hope you had some help to process this as this is clearly something that has affected you as it should.
You have no evidence that he has addressed his issues, nothing to show as true remorse for what he did, but then he was trained to forget and ignore and move forward so in that respect he is also just following the same pattern he learned.
I feel that you should not be around him ever, he has shown you what he is capable of and that trauma is going to stick with you. Given this then your wife should not be telling him to start small, but I feel that is because her mother is pressuring her to give in and brush it under the carpet as always. Guilt is a very difficult emotion and her mother is likely a pro at the manipulation.
If you decide that you will never see him again and that you feel your wife should support you by not seeing him then I understand that position from what you have experienced. She didn't see what you saw and felt but should still support your position. Given what he did to you and her father.
I personally would reduce the contact with the enabling parents as well.
I would maybe offer to go to therapy with her to talk about your experience, or having your own therapy but I also know that some people have experiences that they just live with as well. Your wife needs to know what you went through though if she doesn't already. If she ever meets him again it should be in public never in the home that his attack took place in, that is my opinion on that.
As to a mental illness, I don't know about that. I know Narcissistic rage and how nasty that can get and how people still make excuses and let them get away with it, which is really the issue. How they pretend that everything is normal when clearly it isn't. I won't ever be around that person ever again in my life, nor will several of the family members the rage was directed at. I won't be at any event, marriage or death that person goes to. I won't put myself in that position and neither will my partner who supports me 100% despite it being their direct family.
Does your bf have a history of cheating? Is he in general untrustworthy? Jumping from he didn’t say something cute because he was tired to I think he cheated is a big leap.
Odd situation to say the least….it's not like he had sex with her….not sure you can be mad about this; however, he should have discussed it with you
I use to think anything involving playing with my butt as gay too. Its not. After being with my now wife for going on 7 years we have tried all kinds of butt stuff. I use to get uncomfortable about her fingering my butt but now I take plugs and if she really wanted to Id let her peg me.
It’s completely fine to not want to be pegged but I wouldn’t label it as gay.
my brotha she spoon feeding it to u!!! i’m a more forward guy personally, i wouldn’t try to get to know her over text. text her like “hey if ur free let’s get coffee” or “meet me at (this place)” and be ur self man. seems like she’s into to u already, hot part over lol if the lil date goes good she’ll be texting u instead of u having to start the convo every time
Why would you bring this up when she is on the phone with her friend? Doesn't seem like an appropriate time. That being said, her friend does not seem like a good friend if she would not even talk reasonably to your wife. But, if I am going to be honest, I do think you were in the wrong. Not the time to talk about that subject.
Its not your duty to be the sole breadwinner of the family.
How exactly is she the sole breadwinner if they split everything 50/50 and he literally owns the house they live in? That's so confusing to me.
Abort this relationship
plea
Dude what. Where are these guys, I have legit never met a guy who thinks like this.
you are setting yourself on fire to help someone who does not want or is incapable of helping themselves.
you are not equipped to deal with this, you don't have the training, you don't have the degrees.
You need to talk to her parents about this to see if they can get her on their insurance or if you can declare her your common law spouse and get her on yours. once that is done you need her to see a psychiatrist so she can get medicated. That is the only way, and sadly I think it's time you sat down with her and had some harsh truths with her.
Namely how long does she think she can keep going like this? how long does she thing you can keep going like this? You love her dearly and see she is struggling but you are not equipped to deal with this and she needs to go see the people that are. That you will hold her hand every step of the way and even drag her is hog tied if you have to but doesn't she want to stop living like this? doesn't she want to be able to go outside and see the sun shining instead of every shadow?
There is a thing called caretaker burn out, it's real and it's very harmful. you need to safeguard your own mental health and that is something that is so hot to do because we feel guilty over it. we feel like it is selfish to put ourselves first but that is exactly what you need to do, it;s exactly what she needs you to do. you can't help her if you are burnt out and depressed too.
so please recognize that what you have been doing isn't working, so do something different now. She doesn't even have to leave the house to talk to a psychiatrist, she can zoom it with you in the room. but she needs to do this, no more excuses, no more letting her get away with it, no more enabling her demons. you have to lance the boil to get the puss out it you want it to heal.
Ohhhhhh that makes so much sense. Idk how I didn’t think of it… but also, isn’t that what whatpad is for? ?
You screwed over yourself x2. You own a house and are stuck on a lease. You need to think about yourself first.
I understand you are trying to be fair to the ex but you need to set a timeframe for her to refinance. You not giving her a timeframe is going to screw you over. As far as items in the house you should split those items up. You going without is again screwing you over at your new place. Remember her keeping the house doesn’t mean she can keep items you need.
As far as Jane you moved on too quickly. She’s a rebound and way too pushy.
Stop making these mistakes. Think before you make long lasting decisions.
Clearly your boyfriend is a child
men act just the same under circumstance, it's just in our society women are much more often a subject of such
These are valid concerns because not only will she look like a brown nose but if you're her superior you'd be opening yourself up to all kinds of abuse of power accusations. You've only been dating for one short month. Maybe keep this under wraps and if a year from now you're in a serious relationship that's when it would be worth risking your jobs over. There's really no point in doing this when you're only just in the very beginning stages of seeing one another. You're still in the “honeymoon phase” and therefore by definition aren't thinking clearly.
This is something that you need to have a serious conversation with. Is she willing to wait for the next 6 years to see if you decide you want children? Do either of you want to stay in a relationship where you aren't sure if you will inevitably have to break up if you decide you definitely do not want children?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being unsure on children at your age. You are both very young and a lot can change over the years, but you both need to decide now if its something you are willing to wait on.
Personally, I am childfree, and I would never date someone who wasn't sure if they wanted to have children in the future because I know for certain that I do not. I wouldn't spend my time with someone who didn't know, because I know.
Ok, FartFace319.
Why are you so worried about hurting his feelings when he is regularly hurting yours with his lack of consideration for your comfort, safety, and happiness? This post might as well have said “My boyfriend’s home is a biohazard and I’m putting myself in danger of getting yeast infections and bacterial infections and breathing in mold every time I go over there, he smells so bad I can’t put my head next to his, and I want to run away screaming from his bathroom. How do I tell this 31 year old adult that he makes me feel bad every day without making HIM feel bad?”
The TikTok you saw was posted here originally and it was literally someone who was in a trauma response standing up and urinating on their partner without consent.
You are comparing that to… a little bit of squirt when you’re with your girlfriend that happens because of physical health reasons, unintentionally and she’s embarrassed of them, they are not the same thing. Not in the same state, not even on the same planet as the other situation.
Please get some help for yourself as well as your daughter. You are about to replay every encounter over the years and beat yourself up having missed all of the signs that she was being groomed. It will come in huge waves and will come out of you in shocking ways. I’m so sorry this happened to you, please know that you are a victim as well. Peace be with you.
u/ParticularlyAlright This! My partner was the same way, no amount of alarms or shaking would help (I would typically spend 1hr+ every morning trying to wake him). In his mind he knew he had to get up and he was trying to wake up, but his body physically wouldn’t cooperate. He ended up seeing a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders, and they started treating him for narcolepsy. He wakes up a lot easier now after finding the right medication.
Penguins is right. Unless her diet is ridiculously out of whack, flatulence isn’t abnormal per se and discussing it would just embarrass her. I guess you could research medications but you’d want to be 100% absolutely sure there’s a solution before opening Pandora’s Butt. (Sorry…I had to.)
This is a tough one.
Only you know if this is in character for him.
For me? And I'm a person with mental health issues. I have never once done anything remotely like this, even when I wanted to.
It's wild that he did it. If this is his character, I'm shocked he could maintain a job for any time at all.
People who act like this all the time? They lash out constantly and are obviously unstable.
So honestly? Either way is an indicator of poor mental health that requires intervention.
People move at different paces. Five months is not that long at all in terms of this situation. And honestly you should be grateful he feels comfortable holding out until he fully means it.
Geez. Your dick is not growing and I think it’s a little wild that she is jumping to “dick surgery” and pointing at you being the problem instead of considering that the changes are on her end.. which is the more realistic scenario. Everyone’s already given you the advice so I’ll just resound it.. ask her to check in with her gyno
You reacted just fine and now she's gaslighting you.
How did you feel when he told you “Can you shut up?”
No. I’m also pregnant and my husband is being so gracious and lovely. We normally spilt chores and now he is doing pretty much everything. You deserve an equal partner.
HR is there to protect the company’s interests, which sometimes will align with yours.
Better bet is to contact a lawyer, start documenting everything, do what the lawyer says, then contact HR s d higher ups. If they fail to act swiftly and decisively then BOOM sue the company.
I mean OP said they’re openly talking about their cum and stalking her at her gym for Christ’s sake. This ain’t a “please go to HR” this is a “get a fucking lawyer” because you’re in a hostile work environment being sexually harassed.
You knew this person for 60 days before this happened to him. It's unfortunate, but no sane person would expect someone they'd barely just started seeing to go too far out of their way under the circumstances. His situation was totally unpredictable (probably, as you're not real clear on how it happened). But you not wanting to hold out for someone who could be incarcerated in a foreign country for years was absolutely the “normal” response to this abnormal situation. So go see him and see if the spark is still there. This whole thing would make a great story to tell at your wedding (if you get that far). Good luck
Change midwife asap
That's seriously gross.
You know 0 about my situation and why we got married lol. I also don't need.to explain that to you. Not everyone views marriage the same way, there were no “vows” and neither of us believe in that crap anyway.
If jealousy is a recurring pathology in this relationship you should both be seeking some talk therapy to move past that character flaw. Obviously since this woman is your husband's mother's neighbor he didn't have the freedom to throw “an actual fit”. So he did the diplomatic thing, took her number (almost certainly without any intention to use it). But if he's possessive of you as well this is a huge problem. Try to get to the point where you understand that if you trust your partner social niceties are no threat to you. Since you asked for it, you're “being ridiculous for being upset”. However, you were upset and on top of that you indicate that your husband is likewise “ridiculous” about the people you talk to. Get the help you both need.
No matter what reconciling you do how many therapists you see how comfortable you feel at temporary moments, this will never stop haunting you. I promise you that from experience.
If you feel you need to do this to move on completely and then block him, then sure, go ahead.
If not, then simply block him and move on with your life, knowing that you're rid of a guy much older than you and who doesn't deserve you.
Make yourself happy 1st!
I feel like it’ll be too late or something
Should I (22f) leave my husband (38m)?
Yes. Did you have any other questions?
I’ve heard this quite a bit but Zoloft has been amazing for my ptsd and nightmares. It has improved my life a lot, so it may be helpful for some people.
His youngest is only 1yo, he is already dating / moving on?
Why did he divorse/break up if he is still close to his ex?..is there a possibility they will get back together?
Well you've been a busy lad! Alright seriously, there are differences because of the number of partners someone has been with. First of all, as to the idea that you are different person than she thought, she probably had the idea that you two more equals in experiences and life choices. Now she found out an-for her-important difference. So I do understand her sense that you are not the same guy she thought you were. That's also part of getting to know each other, and there will be other differences as well. But this for her is something important.
Numbers of partners. There are also different ways of looking at that. For me as a guy, more important than the number of partners is have you ever been in a long term relationship? And also have you ever lived by yourself and are able to live alone without any partner at all? If this is your first long term relationship, you will have a lot of learning to do. This is important. If you've never lived just for yourself, how much self knowledge and how well do you know yourself? This too is important.
Next, how do you view sex? Just as sex for biological needs, or do you connect sex and emotions, and sex and love? This is an very, very important point. Sex is not just sex. Sex is also erotic, sensuality, emotions and so much more. But it's possible to go through an entire lifetime without knowing that. THIS SUB IS FULL OF PEOPLE COMPLLAINING ABOUT LACK OF ROMANCE. And that's because many people think sex is just biology.
Also, if someone has had 60 different partners, maybe that person has had sex 60 or 100 times in their lives. Someone like that can run their mouths all they want about about how many partners they have had, but I had more sexual experience with one partner when I was a teen than they had in their entire lives. That's why I never cared about numbers.
Also, seducing a woman the first time is a lot easier-and a lot different-than seducing a woman for the 500th time. Keeping the flame going is very hot, and requires experience.
So lastly I want to assume that from your post and your responses, you do not understand all this very well. Relationships are not logical. They are full of vague emotions, frustrating irrationalities, and useless contradictions, and negative sometimes self destructive thoughts and behaviors. And that's just scratching the surface. If that were not so. this sub would not exist.
All these points are just some of the things she is feeling that you have-I assume-no idea about. At least judging by your post and comment. So it is not just about sitting down and talking about it, it also matter how you talk about it. That is, if you have empathy for her feelings. Please understand that this really is important to her, even if it is “irrational” to you.
I sincerely wish you the best.
If your done… Be done. It's sounds like you are past the point of couples therapy, and he is late to the changing party. Pretty common in divorce.
What kind of evil revenge do you want? ?
but in all seriousness, you are the one who would be birthing them and i think that you get to decide how many children you give birth to. you're a whole human with wants and interests, not a damn baby factory.