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You’re not alone ❤️ my ex has (or had, he may have deleted them maybe not) sex tapes of us and it haunts me
I would just be vigilant and watch for the signs that something is amiss. You don’t have to interact with him but you should join your gf in her social outings and have fun being fun to be around. It may make him look like the ass he is and he’ll go away or she may tell him to ‘eff’ off. She may be testing you so show your best side.
I mean, I wouldn't classify it as emotionally cheating. People's definitions vary, but to me emotional cheating would be if he is complimenting her more than you, being extremely sweet to her and not to you and wanting to spend more of his time with her than you. This is more as crossing boundaries in your relationship.
You are right, so many people on reddit are always quick to say someone is controlling or demanding when someone lays boundaries but it isn't. I was labeled as controlling when I left a comment on another post that said I always make sure and have a discussion about boundaries when it comes to respect. One example I've always had was if I'm with someone and it's our time after work or late in the day on weekends, then there's a level of respect that it's our time, not spent buried on phones. Yet I had a few wanting to say it's controlling but if you don't spend time with them during the day, it isn't being controlling its respect for time.
He definitely is crossing boundaries because you are right, the giving birth thing that should've been her husband 100%, not your ex.
What a tool
As a former 16 year old, holy christ that assessment is SO right. I was insufferable looking back. I hope I'm not nearly that bad when my future self is looking back at my 20 year old self.
Your gf has so many red flags. My guy, this isn’t something you can fix, she’s got some really bad toxic behaviors, that most likely only therapy and years of it could fix. One, the fact that things go badly when you bring up concerns, that’s defensiveness. Google defensiveness in relationships to understand how that messes shit up. Solutions for it are learning better conflict resolution skills, validation skills, and emotional support skills (all of which can be googled and sounds like you have and she doesn’t).
Two, when you don’t like one thing she does, she doesn’t self sabotage, she manipulates you with threats. Don’t have sex once when she wants it? Well then she won’t ever ask for it again. Dude, that’s a threat. She saying give me sex when I want it or else I’ll never ask or show interest again. Dude, fuck that. She needs to learn that she’s not always going to get her way and she needs to stop trying to threaten you into doing what she wants but ask and negotiate for it. Here again learning conflict resolution skills would be useful for her.
And three, another issue is, when she wants something, even before you say no, rather than ask and negotiate for it, she criticizes you. And it works, every time she criticizes you that you’re not doing enough you sacrifice more and do what she wants. Problem is doing it her way builds resentment or depression in a partner and will kill the relationship and often becomes abusive, if it’s not already. What might help here is again her learning conflict resolution skills, specifically how to turn complaints into requests (which also can be googled) and also familiarize herself with the magic relationship ratio (also easy to google) which you seem to already understand.
And you, not to get down on you, but you sound like a people pleaser, doing what ever it takes to keep the other person happy, regardless of it’s impact to you. And as much as it works at times, it makes you an easy target to manipulate and be taken advantage of. For you, you need to recognize that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s, and anyone who treats you other wise like your gf, isn’t someone you want in your life. You need to assert you needs are of equal importance and if she can’t respect that, then walk. Or else you’re just allowing someone to use, manipulate and abuse you.
There is no way to sugar coat it, and based on their reactions so far it’s likely to make them resentful.
Sit down with your wife.
Tell her that you need to vent to her, so that you do not say something hurtful to her family about their lack of care with regards to MIL
And tell her exactly how you have been telling them to act, to get separate medical advice, to get her into a home etc
Tell her how it has hurt you watch them effectively neglect MIL until it was too late.
Tell her that her and her family need to start doing more, paying more attention, being active in MILs life and care, or they will lose the chance to be with MIL and create memories before she passes, or slips too far and no longer remembers them at all.
To be fair – who wants to wear a fake engagement ring when someone doesn’t even propose??? You want to show off the ring and give props to the man for the proposal. You don’t get to have all that otherwise.
I got engaged last Xmas so for like 4 months ago-ish? I barely wear my ring lol. I’m just not a jewelry person. Also I’m like 34 and divorced and feel like I’ve “been there, don’t that”. My partner STILL bought me a beautiful, big ring. It sits mainly on the window ledge on a ring holder and if I remember to wear it while heading out, I do. I wear it like zero percent around the house. I guess I’m saying all this to say why does it matter and your boyfriend is being extremely dramatic