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You better not keep that shit a secret dude
This. I could've written your exact post 3 years ago. Upon starting my current relationship, anytime my partner would turn me down I had a horrible reaction to it, like you described. I truly think it was a combination of things, extra meaning attached: ie my value as a person hinging on whether or not I was sexually desired by him; as well as rejection sensitive dysphoria associated with ADHD, that I was diagnosed with later. What helped me was a) honest and frank discussion with my partner about what I was experiencing, without laying blame upon him, as everyone has pointed out, he has every right to turn down sex without a meltdown from me. Once he understood what I was struggling with, he was gentle and supportive and offered alternatives to sex that didn't make me feel as rejected.
Obviously another was the diagnosis and self awareness regarding RSD, and detaching my self worth and seeking of validation via sex. I'm not diagnosing you at all but it's uncanny how much I related to your post. I really hope you're able to get control over this feeling so it isn't so devastating to you, it really does feel awful. I still feel a bit of a sting from being turned down, but it isn't viscerally devastating. Good luck darlin.
Info: did he want the baby / was supportive to keeping it?
it was awful experience and there isn't justification for me