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Thank you! I can’t take any of this seriously… that’s all I can think about.
As painful as it might be it’s not worth your emotional well being to stay in this relationship. I mean you confronted her about it and she said that she abandoned her plan to “escape”, but this fall that is exactly what she’ll be doing. She’s staying because it’s convenient and free.
I wouldn’t trust her keeping in contact with her ex after talking to him about being together and having kids, despite her claim it’s just “chit chat”. People don’t “chit chat” about those topics, especially when you are with someone already. She’s talking about building a life with them. “Chit chat” is “how are you doing?”, “can you believe this weather?”, “how’s your job?” Not “how many kids should we have when I leave my bf for you?”
You need to focus on your sobriety and your well being. Don’t let her derail you. I personally would end the relationship, and if she asks where is she supposed to go tell her, “your exes”.
What made breaking up “impossible” in the past?
One of those times I genuinely think divorce is the only way. Alternatively you can tell her you need physical intimacy so if she won't provide it then you will just get it from somewhere else. Tell her, “it's just sex”. See how she feels about that.