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Porn uses big penises because they look good on camera. Reality is size has little to no importance. If anything, smaller is better because big hurts. It sounds like you’re perfectly adequate in bed, be proud.
your (ex?)girlfriend is unreasonable and pretty psychotic. she's 30 years old, i wouldn't even expect this kind of behavior from a 16 year old.
unless you want to spend your life constantly doing everything she says just let the relationship die.
Why not just go on the date?
You seem to have this whole plan of what she should be to you in the future and you don't even know her well enough to answer the basic questions you posted here.
Go on a date, have some gun, enjoy each other's company and then learn some more about her. See if you even like her as a person before you get wrapped up in defining who she is to you and how she fits in with your romantic plans.
It's a few hours of a day with someone – it's really not a big deal. Get to know her until you find out you don't want to know her anymore.