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She says honesty and open communication are important to her but I don't see that in the conversation you shared. That didnt sound like a partner trying to be mature or reasonable. I see her accusing you over a situation that doesn't need accusations in the first place. Why is this even an issue for her? You say you are always open and honest with her yet she has always treats you like you're lying anyways? You deserve better. And I think you're right that you two shouldn't be on snapchat in the first place. She uses it as an excuse to be immature and for you, it just seems to add uncessary stress
Oh please don’t marry or have children with this man, you are in for serious hardships.
Hey OP. I get your point of view. But I think you assumed your bf had a hell of a lot more familiarity with your ENM world than he did.
It’s not his world. He likely needed you to say “being my boyfriend means x: do you agree to this?” Where things went wrong is that you explained a whole lot. You tried to educate him. But at no point did you get his affirmative consent for romantic exclusivity and sexual ENM. So what actually happened here is that you messed up the ethical part – explicit consent.
This was your second attempt at an enm relationship. Your first one was with someone clearly already interested in that. So I think you assumed more people are open to this than there are, and didn’t adjust your communication to reflect that reality.
Your bf was probably trying to sound “worldly” when the two of you were dating. And you did a good job introducing the topic. But you never closed the circle by getting explicit consent.
If he talks with you again make it clear to him that this is the kind of relationship you require. And that while you hope he would like to still be with you, you don’t want him doing anything he is uncomfortable with. (Another discussion you didn’t have).
If I were you I’d post in r/ENM for advice on how to avoid this in the future. You have a good understanding of how you want an open relationship to work. But you need a better understanding of how to communicate with non-ENM potential partners.