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Agreed. To OP: If he's a big Vtuber in an agency or if he has a big following and viewers, it can be considered his side job and if he makes a lot, I'd tolerate it. But otherwise, if it is indeed a hobby, it needs to come after his job and you.
A friend of mine is in the same hobby as OP and had the same issue with noise, so she chose to move to where she could have her own room and also tried soundproofing it. I could chill in another room while she was in her room, and her scream or voice could still be heard but not intrusive, and others outside our place won't be able to hear anything. In preparation for when she couldn't be screaming at all (if we had to move apart and she had to rent a room elsewhere alone), she slowly introduced an alter that was quiet and everyone liked it.
Other comments here are also right. Unless he's already big or from a big group, it's very hard to make it big. I've seen my friend struggling and feeling frustrated because her content lost popularity to lewd content. She tried giving high quality content but it lost against people who used profanity and much lewd. She tried following the trend but since she disliked such content herself, she couldn't really be as good as them in becoming toxic or giving fan service or creating dramas and she stopped doing that quickly and just went natural for everything. She's just straight up a honest and hardworking person so I was also sad her efforts didn't pay off.
She confided in me several times about her frustration over it. She had sacrificed enough by moving to a place where she could get her own room with me in another room (even if we shared the cost, it was still more expensive than her previous rented place) as well as using higher speed internet (which is obviously more expensive), plus spending some for the equipment etc so if she were to completely quit it'd be a waste. She eventually agreed that she should make this a hobby, whose priority was after work/study, her relationship with others, and her mental well-being. I told her to have fun without seeing the statistics or even thinking about her stagnating growth. Though it was naked for her to ignore the statistics completely, I think she's going in the right direction as I can see her postponing or cancelling streams whenever something was up (either her work or simply tired). She didn't force things anymore and still prioritized time for hanging out with me, her family, and her other friends!
I showed her this post and she told me that she thought that while it was great for your husband to be so excited and passionate in doing it, she thinks your husband needs to reevaluate his priorities as she thinks he's making this into his priority, turning a blind eye for other stuffs that matter in life. She knows how he feels as she's been there, but this is not right, especially since you, his spouse, are starting to feel bad about this hobby of his.
Sit down your husband and explain to him about your feelings. If he said that you aren't being supportive by complaining about this and isn't willing to compromise, tell him that my friend, a Vtuber too, said that he's going too overboard and should compromise. First, do something about the noise as it's clearly disturbing others. Second, move or find a solution so that OP won't have to be very quiet for 2-3 hours. It's really tiring for OP and my friend said there's no way she'd make anyone do that for her, she'd find a way to not cause discomfort to others while she's doing her stuff. Third, please spend some more time for OP and other family/friends, do not get too absorbed in it. Fourth, good luck from my friend, but only if he fixes the other problems mentioned.
To your point it think that setting a boundary about not meeting someone is stupid and shouldn't be considered. You can express you aren't comfortable with that , but you can't say it's a boundary. On the BF part, dump and move on. If he can't see that his cousin is a POS and should be in a prison, you shouldn't be with him. Your moral compasses are too different.
I used to date someone who was emotionally high maintenance. It eats at you. I started to feel like my own feelings and personal problems took a backseat to hers, and that feeling sucks. Plus just so much drama
it’s just wrong in general but knowing that he knew what you were upset about makes it worse. i agree with other comments that saying no is important, but i get sometimes it can be hard after trauma. baby steps.
i had an ex that did this with me. he would always want to be sexual after i was crying to the point where he would find ways to make me cry or bring up something that he knew would make me cry. i’d just say talk with him about how it upset you and watch out for any sort of pattern like that.
Each and every person is different and have different personalities, for example of you take a flower ? some people will see the beautiful flower from far, some person love it and want to pluck the flower and keep, some want to take the flower petals apart.
The thing is it depends on person to person whether they love you for sex or whether they love you for who you are, depends on that person who loves you so next time when he ask you to have sex just ask him why do you love me.
Idk I definitely can empathize with both sides.
I understand you wanting to help your sister, because you love her and she’s family. I’m sure you wanna protect her since she’s younger than you. I understand feeling it’s fucked up for your husband to almost be like, “pick me or her.” I’m sure you’d want her to help you if this situation was reverse.
I also understand the husbands side, because you two are grown and have your own life / family now. So, it’s not really fair for your younger sister to pop up and interfere in your daily lives at any given moment. You can’t take responsibility and be her fall back forever. If anything that’s more your parents responsibility. Even then, if she’s way out of line / this continues for several years it’s appropriate for your parents to cut ties and set boundaries as well.
Am I dumb for considering going through with this?
Yes; afraid so you most certainly are. I'd go as far as to say you're thinking with the wrong head, if at all.
Do not under any ciscumstance go through with this. As for the woman(?) in question, let her seek fertility treatments from a sperm bank.
Ok, lets play it your way then.
Why haven’t you told your partner what happened?
Why do you feel the need to get black out drunk?
Why did you put yourself and your relationship in such a compromising situation?
What is love to you? I bet the words honesty, commitment, or loyalty come up, and you e given your partner NONE of those.
This wasn’t one mistake, look back honestly, take off the rose tinted glasses and you will see there were multiple times you made the wrong decision that set you on the path of ruining your relationship.
Why on earth do you just allow him to weaponize incompetence at the expense of your feelings? I hope you get better someday.
Look- mine joked with me during pregnancy about a husband stitch (after I explained what it was), but that was a private joke between the two of us, and that is how our personalities are. Id have been mortified and feeling disrespected had he of said it to a doctor, and then continued to pressure for sex! You’ve just had a baby, your body is still recovering and all he can think about is getting his Willy wet!!
He left it there. His fault. You didn't need to compensate him IMO but it was probably the right choice. You took the high road.
Its hard to let that first one go… some of us never do. But as you get older youll realize that it was just a learning experience that hopefully you enjoyed to some degree. The best part of life is that there are endless learning experiences and things to find joy in, but to fully grasp the most out of life you have to accept the scars that come with it. Maybe in 10 years yall will reconnect and its the person you were always meant to be with, maybe she’ll have ugly kids and youll find someone who makes you happy in ways you could never imagine. Its all part of the journey friend, feel your feelings and let them be what helps you grow. Good luck.
So why doesn't she bring up these questions and concerns with her boyfriend if she was honest?
Block delete and move on
He doesn’t need a party. You can still have a good time and go on your trip. Give your brothers a heads up that he’ll be alone while you’re out. You can ask them to check up on him and maybe visit if their free.
No. Look, I push my husbands buttons. He has been really really really angry at me. I know how to push his buttons and I have. In our 22 years of marriage, 24 together, he has never ever put a hand on me in anger. This is completely unacceptable and a dealbreaker. Do you want your son to grow up like that?
Mine didn't because she was cheating on me with one of the other servers and no one knew she was in an actual relationship
Agreed.. besides who hires an 18 year old personal assistant. And are traveling the world with her successful boss. It sounds like a bad romcom.
First, you need to get past the idea of fairness in handling your estate. It’s a goal. It’s a good idea. But it’s hard to do. Your kids will inevitably fight over things when you are gone, like that piece of furniture everyone loves, or maybe you own some art. There’s certain things you can’t split up. So you either designate them to one person, or you designate them to no one and let them fight it out.
Second, if your husband has any separate assets, things he brought into the marriage, then those are his to give to his kid if he wants. If that’s what we are talking about, then that’s a battle you aren’t likely to win. Those may be assets from his first wife that were always supposed to go to their son, and were never meant to be shared with anyone else.
Communication of issues, aside from maybe money, is the biggest make-or-break issue in any relationship of any kind. That you are going to receive couples therapy is an important step, but I do have to ask how you go about this conversation with her to get her to open up? Also, how is your relationship of the friend—does this person have a problem with you? It’s difficult to gauge the issue without a more concrete understanding of what’s wrong specifically.
I don't know who these people are but thanks for explaining lol
Wasn’t checking up on him was honestly curious on if I was right to think it was odd. I really could not care less about him and Vice versa. Not into being the girl someone cheats on their gf with.
Well you can't google everything.. some things experience is the only thing that can teach you. When I was 23 I really didn't understand psychology.. I just thought “love” was enough to date/marry someone just like parenting.. oh wow I was so stupid and young in my 20's lol…
Because that’s literally part of how BPD works from my understanding. The constant thought that people are out to get you or see you as less than because of everything — regardless of how small. The important thing is that OP needs reassurance that the issues don’t make him think less than of her, but that he’s only bringing them up so they can work through them. If you’re in a relationship with somebody who has BPD and/or is bipolar, you have to acknowledge and accept that your partner is going to need constant reassurance about these kinds of things and it’s going to be a lot of work — from both sides. We are just reading the negative thoughts that are piercing OP’s mind, it’s not a “why bother” situation, it’s more proof that they need to work together. BPD and bipolar disorder don’t just go away because your partner told you they love you once a day, they don’t go away if you constantly reassure them either, because they’re literally different brain makeups or whatever. The constant reassurance helps ease the thoughts though, and will be beneficial for the journey of progress. If that is “too much” for you, then quite frankly I would advice against dating at all in the modern day because a majority of people that I know have trauma and/or mental disorders that affect how their connections process in their brains, and if you’re not willing to put forth the effort to reassure your partner that you’re there every step of the way, then you shouldn’t be with them, in my opinion.
Yes, ultimately, with true love, you work together, trust /respect each other, and work past differences and challenges. It works because you're in it together and you support each other. With love comes compromise. Best to you, Material_Light2006
It seems to me that a boarding has baby has cost him to be more than sad. He wants the baby. That’s a really really big deal kiddo. It’s not just about you and you need to have a conversation with him. There is even such a thing as you having the baby and letting him take it and you guys go your separate ways if that’s how you feel.
Somebody is trying awfully hard to gaslight you. Come on, objectively it looks bad. Besides she totally ruded out on you- you don't tell someone 8, then 830, then 9, then 930 and then blow them off.
She was totally giving him a hummer.
That's a huge lie. People who lie about their possessions or the things they've accomplished in life are the worst. Absolutely grounds for ending it.
I think it’s ok if everyone’s an adult and in college! My husband and I met 20 years ago, also in college, at 19/23.
It feels different when somebody’s still in high school.
Does that mean he doesn’t find me as attractive as the girl he ended up dating?
no it means that she put conditions on that pussy that you didn't and he went along with it..Probably found you equally as attractive but you moved away. People aren't gonna wait for you to move back..
Yep. The travel is not necessarily a problem.
The (actual, genuine, possibly embarrassing) motivation for the travel might be a problem.
Lol, so given the whole “husband is actually deployed” it's quite clear this is just a troll bait post. Have fun.
Think of it this way from now on. For her… it was a long time ago. For you, it’s brand new. So it’s valid for you to feel how you feel about it now, does that mean you’ll always feel that way?
Dumb present horrible idea. She might as well book the marital counseling and gift that to you as well in anticipation for the shitty after match of this bad idea.
He is undoubtedly very embarrassed (anyone would be) this is probably the most embarrassing thing in his life. Give him a few days and then try to contact him again (mention it as little as humanly possible)
I’m not sure yet
This is all you can tell her. You don't know yet. It's too early. There's no rush.
What about kissing
Why is she dating someone 8 yrs younger? That’s fucking creepy
I spoke to her earlier tonight. Told her how she makes me feel and remarked for the first time that if this doesnt stop we will break up. The whole conversation was pretty calm and after I told her about the possibility of breaking up she got really quiet and then hugged me and we cried a little together. I'm hoping this is a wake up call for her and I'll start marking my boundaries more clearly from now on.
We'll see how it goes.
Thanks.
You already know what you;re doing, and it’s wrong. I can tell that you like car gruesome crashes and such too.
Thank you for the kind advice!
This or she might be shy and keeping her shit in (literally), which then causes gases.
Is she comfortable about going bio around u, OP? xD
Ok, so she wasn't talking on the phone, and only you were. Not something that was clear from your post.
In this case her overreaction is obvious. People react differently to being dead drunk, including by being probe to outbursts. It can't be changed, other then by not drinking enough to get drunk.
Blaming her behaviour in such state is pointless as it is largely out of her control. It doesn't matter you should tolerate it, but you should state it in a clear manner.
Although sobriety might not be your thing, so relationship with someone that can act unpredictably when drunk is not what you need.
Then what do you imply by “fuck around”? Well, I don't think an active sex online indicates that I like to fuck around, maybe that's the healthy for some people, maybe not.. Oh thank you for agreeing upon that, yeah I have tried to get her some psychological, medical help. I don't think asking for the dynamic over and over and reassuring everything is fine can be considered selfish and inconsiderate but thanks for holding this talk tbh, you didn't have to.