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Not just women, believe me. I'm a woman and had this shit happen to me.
Cheating on your partner destroys them. It completely breaks down their self-esteem, makes them feel like they'll never be enough, gives them trust issues. It's awful. If someone knowingly does that to you, they don't give a fuck. They may shed a couple of crocodile tears and apologize if the relationship was comfortable or they had something to gain from it, but they're not sorry. They're sorry you found out.
2 kids, stable relationship, privileged enough to be able to stay home and raise your babies.
Go outside and touch grass and get your head out of your butt.
Seriously.
People throw it all away for the “what if” and “missing out” only to find out that it’s not worth it.
Pretty damn dumb if you ask me lol
Be sensible, girl. You’re a mom and have two children looking up to you and relying on you.
Well its concerning he could be horny AFTER he found out WHY you were crying. sometimes sex makes some people feel better maybe thats what he was trying. otherwise you really need to work on communication or there will be more problems later on too.
It's probably because most customers don't generally strike up random conversations with female employees at stores unless there is an ulterior motive. And women tend to get hit on a lot in stores where people just assume because they're being helpful and nice (it's their job) that there is interest on their part. It's an easy way for them to prevent these conversations from dragging on.
This. OP listen to this persons wisdom
You don't try to break it, you embrace it. You could still love him and make it work. Just don't make that move. You have to try and make work here.
How is OP a victim?
That’s a good insight, maybe we need to discuss what our love languages are..
I think it is totally reasonable for you to expect that she gets a job but pays you back. If she doesn’t want people to know her in transition then she could get a job were she doesn’t see people much or at all OR she can get a job that is only temporary until she is ready for a permanent position.
In the west nagging is not being a good parent. We accept others and invite them into our lives. There is so much to learn from each other. Mexican Americans tend to have strong family culture and will try to love your daughter. You should do the same.
lmao OP's post history is a hoot. He hooked up with this girl at a party. Later he texted her to say he wasn't interested in a relationship (mind you, this is a random hookup at a party). She doesn't give a shit (he's some random hookup, why would she). So he assumes she's super hurt and texts her friend about it apologizing. That's the extent of the “she was very about what happened between us.”
I imagine her and her friends were all laughing about how this rando who she met at a party was weirdly obsessed and texting everything apologizing for a normal consensual hookup.
Now he's still obsessing over her, thinking they have some kind of connection / awkwardness between them. She doesn't give a shit, she's probably had hookups before and will have hookups again like most people.
Why is OP so obsessed? Was that hookup his first time? Is he from a religious background where sex is shameful or only ok in the context of interest in a relationship?
Exactly this. Pretend her friend was a man and she passed out only to wake up with him going down on her or fingering her. No one would argue that’s straight up sexual assault because no consent was given.
Insist you go to the police and if she argues ask her why she won’t. She might say she doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble but push back that this is a very serious crime and her friend needs to face consequences or she might do it to someone else. If she still pushes back I would seriously question if your wife is telling the truth about not giving consent.
Is he a doctor or something? What does he do?
I suspect he's been in relationships where his GFs past trauma negatively impacted them.
More often than not, both parties in a long-term, deeply toxic relationship are problematic. Some folks don't believe it's worth investing emotionally to find out when you can just move on.
If it made you uncomfortable, it was inappropriate.
That is the only criteria
She’s been talking about how badly she wants to get married for the past few years and it makes me feel so much worse about it because she’s so excited for our future while I want to get out
I recommend to tell her in a nice way that you are not getting jealous
I feel like this is an awful way to phrase it if it ends up that she's doing it non-maliciously as you pointed out in points 2, 4, and 5. Saying it like that makes it an accusation that she's only saying these things to make him jealous, and if she's not (or even if that is her intent) that would most likely just lead to an argument.
learning to communicate your feelings with your partner is great for your relationship.
Honestly, it was pretty shitty for her to discuss this with you. She is 35 and doesn’t know why a 21 year old guy pulled a hit and run on her? Come on man, she just wanted to let you know she’s fucking other guys. Low blow from her.
I would say forget about being friends with her. She’s adding no value to your life, and what she did has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Forget about her and hang with friends who actually care about your well being.
lol, these are all useless replies. We're a million comments deep in a reddit thread that no one will ever look at again a few hours from now. We're just arguing for the fun of it. No need to state the obvious just to be unfriendly. ?
Are you fit? A lot of people are going to suggest counseling and it has its place. But I'm going to suggest something different.
1) You need to stop doing things for her and start doing it for you. 2) You need to act like the relationship is going to end
Immediately you're going to stop being the instigator or asking. Continue to be friendly, lovingly, but kisses, keep them friendly, you're going to communicate you've checked out. You're going to hit the gym and rip it very hot, focus on you. The gym is important because it changes your hormones and pheromones things she'll pick up subconsciously.
I guarantee after a solid month and a half she'll start to get curious, brush her off and be blunt “listen we don't have an intimate relationship, you don't put any effort into carrying on one with me or working with me, I don't have any expectations, but I'm not putting myself out there for you. I work very hot to father our child, I work naked at work, and I didn't forge a marital bond for it to be plutonic. If that's what you want we can do that, but I'm fit, smart, and sexy, I have an infinite time to be dead, and a very short life to enjoy – so enjoy it with me, talk to me and we can figure this out, if not it's been fun.”
She might have serious reasons as to why she's not interested and they may be perfectly valid, but if she can't at least communicate them then you decide what relationship you want.
If you have a kid with that guy, you’re linked to him forever. He’ll have power over you forever. He’ll have power over your kid forever. He’ll use it against you. Forever.
It’s a « for the rest of your life » thing. Really, really think about that.
Forever.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. Do what's best for you.
Go talk to a lawyer. Have the lawyer write up a separation agreement. If he continues not to talk to you, hand it to him and say he has the answer to his silence because ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away.
Make sure you ask for things in said agreement. Don’t give away any assets or ideas. Say there for an uncontested divorce since it seems that’s what he and his silent treatment want.
If that doesn’t get a response out of him, not even the divorce will until he realizes he messed up.
Yeah that is a dealbreaker. I couldn’t imagine bringing someone into our home overnight without getting my wife’s OK.
Thanks. My take on that is forgiveness — forgive my parents for what they did and move on. Is forgiveness a bad thing? What about me as an individual and my feelings and the pressures of being the sole income earner in the family during the pregnancy?
Yes I want to maintain boundaries with my parents I don't want to bring them too close. I feel like I've done so much for our family yet wife is inconsiderate if my feelings. Is that an unfair assessment?
I am glad you went that way instead of the other direction! I thought we were on the same page, did a budget and talked about money fairly often, set expectations for both of us, etc. I found out what was actually happening when I saw late charges on utilities. When I asked her about it she said not everyone had the money to pay on time and late charges weren’t a big deal. We had a discussion and I dig deeper (I was working 14 hour days, 6 days a week so I asked her to handle paying the bills) I find LOTS of things. Several hundred dollars a week in ATM withdrawals, she was buying lunch for her family every Sunday after church, etc. So all this is going on and I feel like I can’t buy a cheeseburger.
No amount of meetings, talks, agreements changed a thing and we were going broke on a $200k income. It was stupid and unsustainable.
Unfortunately, she rejected.
What is the priority here? His work or your relationship? For him it is work, I would fump him in your place, because for me work is only mean to an end.
Of course, if you are fine being secondary to his real love (work), then stay with him.