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No hypothetical questions
But it's their behavior that is ruining things. I know it would such… But you need to make them take responsibility for their actions and behavior. And, how horrible is it that family would stop talking to you over money that isn't theirs! Think about it that way. That's pretty petty and beyond selfish! Sometimes people think they love and care about these people cause they are family, but then something like this happens and you see their true colors. If these people are so important to you, why would they treat you this way. And are you THAT important to them!? I think they have been this way the whole time, but you are just now willing to see it. I think if you look back over the years, you will see the truth in their behavior! I know this sucks, but is it worth all the stress and pain they cause? What if they keep doing this and they drive your partner away…? Family members who love you, don't do that! I think you really need to think about what you want. Cause they aren't treating you right!
Not talking is stonewalling. The solution though isn’t for you to withdraw, because then you’re both stonewalling and it’s just a power struggle. That rarely solves it.
The solution instead (and you can find this in a lot of articles on stonewalling) is for both of you to make adjustments. For him when he’s frustrated, he has to let you know he needs x amount of time to sort through his thoughts, but he still cares about you and he’ll come back to solve the issue after that time lapses. And he needs to stick to that time frame. And for you, you’d need to acknowledge it’s ok he needs that time and reassure him you care and you’ll be happy to talk when the time lapses.
This situation WILL NOT IMPROVE, get out NOW!
Lmao, someone like what?
What did he actually do?
You're %100 right. I'm just very conflicted. I fear what if I don't find anyone better, or what if I regret my decision. Maybe it's best for the both of us?
Self-awareness can take time. Best advice I can give is to encourage him to take time to think about it, and tell him that it's important to you.
If he's had an awful time with an ex, it can have ramifications on trust and intimacy even if you're the polar opposite. I wouldn't take it as a comment on yourself, more that he has some healing to do if that is the case.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with deciding that you aren't okay with waiting till he's healed if you don't want to.
If it helps, if he's felt that way with a previous partner then it's very likely a “when” not “if”.
I’m sorry. My suggestion- file for divorce and go back home. You deserve so much better.
Do you have proof he has brain cancer? He seems obsessed and could easily be trying to manipulate you
I'm scared to leave because I feel she is too attached to me and this can ruin her
You are not responsible for her, she is supposed to be a grown adult. If she can't function on her own, then that's her problem to deal with, you are not her parent! In fact, she nabbed you when you were 22 and she was 27, if anything, I'd have expected her to mother you. Instead, she smothers you.
I'm also scared to go out there and date, I feel like I have no experience and I will never find another partner ever again
For one, I thought you'd be happy to be alone again. For another, there are a lot of people out there who are mature and independent and can date without swallowing up your whole life.
You actually sound very young and immature for your age – as if she has prevented you from growing up and maturing, just to keep you by her side. I'd get out while the getting is good, and before she can saddle you with an accidental pregnancy. In fact, once you tell her you're moving out, don't have sex with her again, or that might just happen.
Thanks for the advice.
It felt very manipulative
Treating others poorly while having it as an excuse is.
They on-line together and they are best friends, no ma'am. There is no way! His love for her is deep. His devotion to her is cemented. The only reason why they haven't gone all the way is because he's afraid things may change but I bet if there's away to test this therory, he would take it.
Op. Don't sit around and let anyone manipulate you. I've told my story 1000x. My BFF is male. I'm talking well over 30 years.
Here's the deal:
I helped him plan and added details to his proposal to his current wife.
I was in the wedding
Godmother to their children
His wife and I talk more now than he and I and he gets ridiculously jealous about it. (Hehe?)
Before they got married I had a conversation separately that things will change because they are going to get married. My BFF didn't believe me, got upset with me etc. I just laughed and implemented my own boundaries meanwhile, I told his then girlfriend now wife, she had nothing to worry about. (And I proved it everyday for tge last 30 plus years.)
I never tried to compete with her to test his loyalty because we were friends and friends only.
Eventually he had to admit I was right. We are still in each other's lives 30 plus years later.
When they used to argue, they both would complain to me about each other and neither of them knew they both said something to me. Then they caught on and the running joke was, “I know you already know” but I never confirmed or denied and they hated it. Why did I do that? Well, I respect our individual friendship, boundaries, trust and I'm friends with both. His wife is now categorized as my sister and him- meh! Lol.
So you see op, if they were truly a platonic BFF situation, your boyfriend would respect your feelings and the feelings of the past GF's and his behavior would reflect as such. She would also do the same. You can't compete because he's just using you for sex. Everything else he has with her. (They have a bond and intimacy you can never break and he isn't willing to adjust)
I know it hurts but do yourself a solid, be honest with him and when you have the conversation, tell him to allow you to speak without interruptions: turn off the phones and be present: “Yes, I'm jealous and insecure because you prioritize your BFF above your past GF's and now me and there are no boundaries. You guys on-line together isn't that enough?
Think about all your relationships, what the common denominator why they all ended?
I'm going to give you one final gift. If you haven't slept with her yet, go ahead and do so. You guys have done everything else. Stop being afraid it won't work out and take a stab at it.
As for me, I deserve to feel safe and secure knowing that I don't have to share my man or compete with another woman for what's mine. So I will now be Ex # 20. By the way, how many more exes until you set boundaries or fully commit to you GBF?”
I'm sorry Op.
If he doesn't fight for you after that and make changes, like drastic changes, then walk away with your head held high, feel your pain, heal and get back out there.
Again, I'm sorry Op.
If that’s the case, it’s up to you when u feel ready to tell him.
Id say a lot of people think differently, or care much more than you do.
if you go to the gym and actually work out, I guarantee you will get stronger. end of story
“Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear from me right now but I had to let you know that I still have the packaging for the lipstick I gave you and it's actually expired. I will replace it with a new one if you want me to.”
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Despite admitting the following which will strengthen your previous argument that I still disagree with on a whole, yes, I am an adult but I have also come from an abusive and toxic family. I work on the issues that have arisen from this with a professional. You never know who you are talking to and the path they have walked.