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In my opinion, yeah you f up but this relationship was doomed from the start. You were both on completely different pages about sex and yet decided to get married anyways. Also there is nothing wrong with masturbating and I will never understand people who demand their partners not do it at all. Requesting don't masturbate to friends/people you know is a reasonable request but asking to not masturbate at all is ridiculous and just a problem waiting to rise up in an unhealthy manner, such as what has happened with you. You are a sexual person, she is not, but you guys decided to get married anyways and that's on both of you.
If you still feel the need to save a marriage with someone who you'll never be on the same sexual page with and who will never fully trust you again, then professional help such as marriage counseling is probably your only hope.
It’s cool that you’d find this funny if the roles were reversed but woof know your audience.
Men who are afraid to keep their girls in check are the ones losing them… men are scared they’ll run away as if their world revolves around them now. I understand your married but their are women out there now who will jump to be with you I’m sure, wake up and break up before she does
i see no reason to continue seeing this woman in any capacity.
Below 30 it should be 5 years max legally
Can I reset and be born in the 70s please
Nothing worse than a drunk with bass……I feel ya!
Because she loves him and is a normal human being who wants her child to know it's father? Wtf.
Get the fuck out of there. Very controlling. NOT normal
I have to ask: You mentioned you two had always different sex drives, with his much lower than yours. How was the sex when it still happened, though? As in, was he eager and initiating? Or were you the one who always had to start things?
Basically, five years is a very long time. My mother died a bit over a year ago and grief seems endless, but… five years is long. And if his drive always was very low, he rarely initiated and it always seemed like he could go without sex for a really long period of time, I wonder if he could be on the asexual spectrum.
That said, if it is really just his mental health… no one chooses their mental health issues. It sounds like he has serious depression on top of grief (hence him saying he has no motivation/energy to find a therapist) and all the insecurities. And that's not his fault. However, how and if he manages his mental illnesses is his choice and responsibility. Sure, he can decide to not do anything – but every choice has consequences. and it seems like that choice might have the consequence of him possibly losing you.
As such, please think about it like that: He says he feels guilty putting you in this position, but he still doesn't want to seek therapy. Note that live therapy is a thing since the pandemic, he wouldn't even have to leave the home to go to a therapist. Which means he is choosing this; he is choosing the possibility of losing you over getting better, when getting better would have obviously more positive effects than just keeping the relationship going. This is a choice – and he is not choosing you.
As such, please think about your needs and how you want to spend you life. You only have one.
You have to get your mental health under control. Lithium is the gold standard for bipolar for a reason, I know I’m on it. You have to get yourself well. Keep working with a good doctor.
Bringing this up to anyone besides Reddit was never an option. I don’t know if you can tell through my post but I feel awful about this. And my intention isn’t to hurt anyone, I’m happy to be the only scathed.
But you’re right I wouldn’t want anyone who’d get rid of their partners for me.
White collar crime or CP?
OP….. don't use the “but she is a kid” sentence on your wife. 10 years younger is 25….. saying thats a child's age will only backfire on you for someone with irrational thoughts.
(examples: saying you aren't attracted to 20 year olds will just get you called a liar making an argument happen… or.. calling 25 a child's age might also make your wife bring up HER age, and that will just lead to a shitshow)
Now more importantly, it seems your wife is projecting and you may have to to some digging.
It's OK to need some time to collect your thoughts and all the factual information available, and give yourself time to process it, before you leap.
Hell, maybe you have stuff planned together that you don't want to blow up just like that. Or maybe get some stuff untangled, so you don't have to deal with that after the formal breakup.
She's in no hurry here, is she?
Great to see someone who sees the bigger picture So sorry for your loss
YOU can't do anything about the strangers. So stop caring about what they think. Put on mental blinders to shut them out. Try using humor to deal with it and move on.
Your wife is involved too! She has not done anything wrong! Why are YOU blaming her? Support her, she supports you, that is partnership.
YOU are the one with the issues, get some much needed counselling before you put more of YOUR issues on your wife.
No, and all I just said I needed to have a place separate from staying in a house of a large group of people and said I would pay for it, and even get something as nearby as possible. If someone had a mental handicap that was too big of a deal for me to handle on a trip then I just wouldn’t date them? I tried to just not go last time and let him do his thing with his people because I didn’t want to stay in a house with 10 others and offered to cover it then to.
My advice never fall so very hot so early. You’re hurt over someone you weren’t in a relationship. I understand it’s confusing & can be a bummer because of the potential you seen in your future with her, but in my opinion you should be happy that you got rid of someone who wasn’t really interested as you were in them. We’re in the same age group, but I’ve had this happen to me at a younger age. I’ve been here before, and I can tell you man if she’s hurting you already imagine the pain she’d put you through down the line? The greatest part about this is there are other women out there who love consistency, and would be happy to enjoy a fella like you.
If he's actually sorry he needs to get over himself and get to the root cause or he's actively proving he's not sorry at all. A proper apology comes with actions not just words.
Just now you are thinking of this? A little late, no?
You deserve so much better. You should be mad at this point. Mad that he treats you like this. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. He’s acting immature and he’s acting like a jerk. I’d block him if I were you. He’s doing it because he can. He’s getting his “manliness” back by hurting you. By making you cry. By belittling you. Eff that. You did not embarrass him. It’s not your fault he doesn’t know how to use his fingers correctly. It’s not your fault he doesn’t listen to what his partner wants/likes/dislikes. Leave this clown and find someone who respects you. ❤️
I think for own mental health that, and this is only if you want to, it might be best to distance yourself from your family. What they are doing currently is not helping you heal and move on. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just enough where you are in a good headspace to collect your thoughts and move on. Your family is hurting you which is the opposite they should be doing. Them hurting you is not what you need ontop of your ex hurting you. Always choose yourself.
I know that cutting off family is very hot. I mean I don’t talk to my mother. Her actions were only hurting me and I didn’t need that so I choose not continue contact with her. The relief I felt afterwards. I continued my life and for my child.
o wouldn't even mention it. if she says hey I had a rug like that, just laugh and say isn't that funny. it's no big deal.