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Thank you, really thoughtful perspective. I think of him as a close friend who might become more eventually, but I will aim to be pleasantly surprised if it happens, instead of disappointed, if it doesn't. Hopefully with distance I'll be able to shake my attraction to him.
One last try here … you literally assaulted your boyfriend. Like “hot damn, am I really going to jail?” assault. And you did it because he was keeping a commitment to his grandmother. This is really really bad behaviour. Your boyfriend has literally nothing to apologize or compromise about. You are very young but you really need to look in the mirror and make a choice … am I going to be that person who hurts my partners and makes them a lesser version of themselves or do I need to learn and grow to be a better partner. Be better … you can do it.
I see, thank you for elaborating. You did say 'advice' though.
It's good that you've been open to therapy. If you still have that therapist, might you guys discuss this with them? They will know so much more about the boundaries you've discussed and agreed to and the context in which those exist. They will know what issues you both raised and what was recommended to resolve them, and you both know whether you've done and continue to do those things. We don't know any of that, and of course that's totally ok, I don't want to know anything you don't want to share. I'm just saying, it's relevant in my unpopular opinion.
I see a mixed message in referring him to his friends for advice and how you responded to this, which he apparently voluntarily told you he did. Did he think he'd done something to be proud of?
How would he have known that talking about it with two friends over coffee would be ok but not four friends over brunch? In what context did you suggest he seek and from his friends? You don't need to tell me, I'm not interrogating you I'm just saying what I'm wondering as I read that sentence.
And of course it's also possible that he did know it wasn't acceptable and that you would hate it and did it anyway. You might care about why he did that, or it might not matter. It sounds like even if he had known, he wouldn't have cared, based on what he said when you raised your concerns with him. Again, does it matter to you why he did it, or only that he did and he'll do it again? (I don't need to know this, ofc)
I do recognize that sex is a very personal subject. I just don't know what advice you told him to get from his friends and how similar it is or isn't to the subject of sex and intimate relationships.