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Sounds like a good way to f*ck up a happy family. The chances of it ending well are slim to none. I wouldn’t risk it to be honest.
She’s exiting her teenage years and learning how to be an adult. Her brain is still developing, and will continue to develop until she’s about 25.
You need to accept that you might not be able to fix this. You've been making these thoughtless comments for who knows how long without noticing how much it's been hurting him, and thats shown him that his feelings are not a priority. If its come to the point where he has had to physically point out how hurtful you have been, anything you could do at this stage might be too little too late, and you need to come to terms with that, and that fact that that's on you. Sexual coercion is never okay and its never a joke.
Have… a laugh? What's funny about a dream about you fucking your ex? I don't think you somehow did anything wrong by HAVING the dream, but telling your BF about a sex dream you had about an ex you see frequently is… about the least tactful thing I can think of.
So if I understand correctly, she is in a relationship with someone and still seeing you?
Anyways it now appears shes in a relationship haha
I know the agony behind that 'haha' bro, trust me. You're not heartbroken, but just kinda funnily pissed or annoyed. I was in a very similar situation as you, except I was head over heels for her before I asked her out.
Anyways, she sounds like she has no clue what she wants, plus she is being coy with her current relationship (if I understood that correctly). You're right about you being on the burner. You're on the hook while she's exploring other options, hence why she doesn't wanna screw it up with you.
Now personally, I don't think she's doing it intentionally to hurt you or something, but she is most probably not too stupid to not realise what she is doing. So I think she was kinda truthful in her reasoning, except she had no idea what she was looking for (and prolly still doesn't).
In my case, I completely deleted this person out of my life and my life has been wonderful ever since. Yes, I don't have that particular wholesome friendship in my life anymore, but that means I'm not settling for anything and have one less toxic (affecting me negatively) person in my life to worry about.
It’s a gigantic red flag for a man to lose interest in physical intimacy or sex like this. I would dig deeper.
Lol jk. You try leading the conversation, make it a game/ date night out of it.
BSDM isn’t really a problem. Prostitution is a problem.
You’re the only one who can decide what matters to you.
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He was interested in you! He just probably doesn't want to do long distance. Not a lot of people do.
Lying th3n not wanting you to hold him account able. Do you really want to put up with that
For real. I can't help but roll my eyes whenever being drunk is used as an excuse for cheating. Maybe don't drink if you're so easily tempted.
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How would you suggest to hold her accountable? I have already made it clear that I have access to all her accounts, phone, laptop, ect.
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You never cheated on her and you haven't given her any reasons to mistrust you. It doesn't matter that you have nothing to hide, but she shouldn't NEED to keep constant tabs on you in order to trust you. Sharing your location with her won't make her trust you. She still won't trust you, that's why she'll keep checking to see where you are and what you're doing and with who all the time and question you all the time. You'll spend the rest of this relationship trying to defend yourself and prove your loyalty to her, losing more and more of your privacy along the way.
If she has past traumas causing this she needs to go to therapy to overcome that. It's not your job to provide reassurance because no amount of reassurance will ever be enough to make her trust you.
I don't want kids but still wont date a 20 year old. However I do wanted a committed relationship, more stable.
Real men value their partner's feelings and opinions. This isn't the 1600s. Anyone who acts as he does here should be shown the door.
Idk… in my opinion it’s none of your business. If you trust her you trust her. This is only an insecurity you have, love is nothing to do with these type of things. Maybe you can speak about your insecurities with her, but she doesn’t owe you any explanations of what she did or did not in her trip that’s for sure.
To be clear wrestle means sex?
Are there efforts he could be making to help with the children stress? Do you feel he's doing enough?
If you feel like you already have it, then don't get married. Marriage changes relationships big time. In my relationship, we don't want to get married. We've already made promises to each other without all the bells and whistles. What should be important is your love for your partner, not some big poofy dress that you're going to wear once and some cake that nobody's actually going to eat. Save your money and take yourselves on a nice vacation together.
HE THREATENED TO SET A BABY ON FIRE.
There are a plethora of mama's boy failure stories in this sub. Almost all of them end in utter and complete disaster.
You've been together so long, I understand why marriage feels like the next step, but you don't have to take it. Don't buy the time sunk fallacy.
Everyone who cares about you knows that this is a mistake.
What does that tell you?
Just wondering if this is a cultural thing? Maybe a community where there's a stigma on divorce, or the man has too much license to do what he wants. Was it an arranged marriage? You said the father had to come from overseas to talk to him.
Abused partners can be amazingly resistant to leaving their abusers, especially if they live! in a conservative community. You can't reason with them and pushing just drives them away from you. I've read amazing stories of abused women where the husband actually tried to kill them and it still took years before their eyes were opened.
All you can do is support her so she'll know you'll be there if she finally decides to leave. I suggest you buy her a copy of the book 'Co-dependent No More' by Melody Beattie. It's an easy read and has opened many eyes.
Either tell your BF or at least tell your bf hanging out at his place makes you uncomfortable… put your foot down because you don't want to risk being around a guy like that, he clearly doesn't care about boundaries if he puts porn on around you…
Don't risk his behavior going any farther, either stay away or call him out…
That sounds pretty cool. I’ll give that a go. Anything else that might go good with that?
No. OP can decide that she is 'unreasonable, toxic and manipulative'… and choose Dad.
Just because she makes the ultimatum does not mean that OP has to choose her.
Do not think that my approval of her right to make an ultimatum means that OP should chose her.
Ultimatums can and should backfire.
Frankly, I think OP can make whatever choice he thinks is the most healthy for himself moving forward.
The D must be outrageous for so many women to fall for Dollar General Nick Cannon so have fun with seeing him when he is in between “truly complicated” stuff with his kids ?♀️
Send a video of ya'll singing her happy birthday.
What can I say? People do strange stuff. Perhaps it was just easier for him to use the same nickname. Maybe he just couldn't bear the thought of throwing out her clothes. Sometimes, people have a really hard time with change.
Is he a good person? Is your relationship happy? If so, stop finding reasons to effing blow it up. Start talking to him, if you must, but I think your insecurities and suspicions are out of control. At my age, I know a lot of widows and widowers, and they do all sorts of odd things related to their deceased spouse. But, none of it meant maliciously or with the kind of nefarious intent you seem to believe your husband has operated.
Fair enough!
She's become personally and/or emotionally attached to you. One thousand percent against the code and ethics of her profession. Time to find someone new.
What I came here to say
Hun you cannot change a narcissist and you can put up with and avoid dealing with it as much as you like but please remember your relationship is everything to your kids—do you want them growing up and living in the hell you are currently stuck in? Because that is the cost of staying in a relationship like this.
Maybe take her shopping for a jacket you both like so there is a definitive article of clothing of hers that you like. Maybe you do that to apologize for blowing up, unless she’d like something else.
*Ex girlfriend
That shit is an automatic no. I don’t tolerate that. She’s not an angel. She’s cruel.
Forget about the making food. You’re right, it’s not a big deal. He can make his own food if he’s hungry. The problem comes from you wanting to punish him after an argument. No couple should ever punish the other, no matter what.
Punctuation is a thing yanno
you should definitely give this woman an allowance
We are all imperfect, and no doubt, her abandonment issues may be playing a part in her ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.
Try to be empathetic, to the extent you can, knowing that this is just where she is at this point in her life and maybe she just doesn't have what it takes right now to be a good partner in a relationship.
Also, be kind to yourself. You have feelings and are grieving the end of a relationship. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Do things that bring you joy. In time, you will be up to date again and can seek out someone who is in a healthy place in their life.
Maybe sit down and tell her that you’ve been thinking that it would be nice not to have people pick a side to sit, since you are all family and share the same friends. That you don’t want to have a wedding party, just you two sharing the moment. Maybe have the groomsmen you were planning on just serve as “ushers” (but nothing formal like matching suits or anything) directing people to distribute them evenly to both sides.
As for dress shopping, is your mom, aunt, grandmother, ANY female cousins or relatives able to with her to try them on? She is a part of your family, I would hope they have accepted her as family member and would support her. Especially knowing her shitty family situation. Or maybe spouses/gfs in your friend group.
A wedding doesn’t have to follow any or every tradition. It’s yours to make it what you want and to ensure both of you have a wonderful day celebrating!
He sounds incredibly dangerous and like he's drugging you…please reach out to a local DV shelter or other DV support. They can help you make an escape plan. I have a force fetish and my partner makes an explicit plan with me, and won't do anything if I'm intoxicated. He once had to wrap me up in a blanket swaddle because I wasn't sober enough to consent. If he's running around bragging about abusing you where you're blacked out, it's time to get out
Whoa that's really not okay and definitely paints a different picture. I know no one is perfect but the fact that it's happened more than once seems like it's no accident. It only takes a moment to ensure you're comfy and safe before leaving. I can't imagine why he'd be so careless
Happy wife happy marriage – Your wife is concerned because you now have a new female friend that is 10 yrs younger than she is and you have acknowledged that she is attractive. Of course your wife feels a little threatened… If the roles were reversed would you really be ok with her having a new male friend that was 10 yrs younger than you and was very attractive?
The fuck????
There's a difference between needing space for healing and ignoring your partner and ghosting them for weeks. If you're in a relationship it is okay to ask for space, it is okay to tell your partner that you need to take care of family first but it is not okay to ghost and disappear and if that's your coping mechanism that you need therapy.
Also if you care so little about your partner that you make your pain the center of attention without any care for their pain then you shouldn't be in a relationship. It's normal that there are phases where one partner has to pick up some of the emotional load and take way more care of the other (for example if one person has a death in the family) but that does not mean the other person gets to fuck off to nowhere with no contact whatsoever
I hope you press charges and get restraining order against him.
You are emotionally cheating.
You can force a man to pay for a kid but you can’t force him to be a father and he clearly doesnt want to be
This might seem like a blessing to you but if you raise this kid alone they’re going to have a massive statistical disadvantage and will grow up knowing they weren’t wanted by their father which can be devastating
You might want to think very long and hard about this
P.S.
Yes your relationship is probably over either way and there’s a decent chance you won’t see him again
This isn't your best friend anymore, he's a clingy stalker.
Get a boyfriend – even if it's a fake relationship* and cut him off from access – both physical and internet. Make plans that don't involve him and leave him on read for longer and longer, keep replies short and neutral. You'll either force him away or you'll provoke a reaction to which you can give a more emphatic “stay away”
* information that I have gleaned from watching Rom-Coms is that this is often the best way to an actual relationship with your soulmate. Debra Messing wouldn't lie to me.
If he won't be completely honest with you, then this is not going to work out
OP, I used to be like you. Going after the older men because they were the ones that gave me the attention. The ones close to your age may be too shy to make a move. For some reason, men like your dipshit new boyfriend have more confidence to go after the early 20s women because it's easy to prey on women with low self-esteem.
Your post itself gives me low self-esteem vibes, and that is what he preys on with you.
Personally I'd want to know. So yes, tell your partner. But for all that is good and safe, do not ever approach the friend without your partners explicit permission to. Cause for me this already feels like emotionally cheating.
If you know you fall hard and fast for people, threesome shouldn't really be a thing for you. Your partner is now forced into something she may want no part of and also the knowledge you have feelings for another person. I mean, she could be OK with being part of a throuple or whatever it is you're running away with in your head. Or you could lose her.
But she deserves to know.
??? exactly. The daughter should be the priority here.
It’s not just guys, a lot of women have high sex drives as well. And sex is VERY important (not “important” — please don’t minimize his desires because you don’t have them) in relationships.
Your ex is a good guy for doing what he did he he did it, tbh. I’m glad he wasn’t manipulating you into having sex, and that he wasn’t cheating and left before he did. That says a lot about his character.
As for your future, I think you would have to be upfront with any future partners about your lack of desire and see if they still want to pursue you. Also, if you care to dig deeper, it may be beneficial for you to see if there is a medical or psychological reason for your low sex drive. A lot of times it’s a medication or birth control that can be changed.
Not only is he courting women for threesomes without your knowledge.
He is trying to get his best friend's girlfriend to be your third.
This is in my opinion the end of your engagement for now. It may even be the end of your relationship. You guys need to seriously reevaluate your future plans.
All of his excuses are bullshit. He threw up a MASSIVE red flag.
Can you build back trust after being disrespected so badly?
I don't give it a very good chance. Couples therapy would be a non-negotiable for me if you do want to give him a chance.
So she'll feel grateful to him for being excluded in the Ugly Club ™️.
It's negging 101.
I'd do because I love her, and I'm not selfish.
If you struggle seeing a future with him, it’s sadly obvious what has to happen
OP's husband might have just wanted a night out with his mate. It's nit that deep and he is not obligated to bring OP to every single thing.
It could be her house in name but he lives there. He has rights.
I think you both need a couples therapist. There’s not one thing to tell you that can be applied to fix while he works on things. Maybe you both need a different communication style.
Blaming everyone else for my issues? Where did you get that?
I don’t understand why you can’t just accept that the causation is unknown. It’s not the end of the gd world. Makes me wonder if you understand the difference between correlation and causation tbh.
And yes I did understand the first sentence, but did you read beyond that?
Internalized fatphobia is the worst kind.
Bob can go jump off a bridge (I never said how high)
You have to make it clear that you will leave if your concerns are not treated with respect and then actually leave if that happens.
Right now he thinks you won’t leave so he has no incentive to be better.
You can do it incrementally. Make it clear what you want from him. Set boundaries. “I want (whatever change you need) by (this time) or (consequence).”
I recommend reading Fair Play and starting there.
Couples counseling if he really seems to want to go but otherwise you might just need to leave.
4-5 times a week, a fair amount but we both have our own lives.
From the title alone, you should break up. 31 year olds don't date 19 year olds for the conversations, they pursue them because women their own age don't put up with their shit. Most of them are also creepy, a lot of 19 year olds are incredibly naive and predators latch on to that shit.
Source : dated older men all thru my 20s because I was “so mature for my age”.
For the love of god.
Does nobody know what an imbalance of power is, anymore?
I could just puke.
Cause you know damn well you tell a broad that they’re judging you and rightfully so as it is a bit grotesque
Dude, that last line is…maybe you need to date men.
Women should not lie to men about how much pleasure they get from PIV sex. This is why sex dries up in some relationships. If you cannot have real talk about what is satisfying to both partners, you aren’t really ever going to have a great time sexing with each other.
which strip club did they do go to? this disappearance happened while they stayed at the strip club for hours.
Dude get a prenump… or just break up bc this is nuts…
Lol idk why people get into these kinda relationships shops without actually talk about stuff like this. Idk why you didn’t expect this kinda thing when she’s taking your last name as lo
It it definitely an insult but definitely a dick move to follow you when you said you needed space. Though as another comment said sometimes people can act like a child depending on the context we don’t know if you were being unreasonable. Either way I feel like he should have left you alone to calm down to have a reasonable discussion.
You are gonna end up feeling like a caregiver OP. Not getting any emotional support and eventually no financial help either.
If you guys were to live! together ud be completely responsible for her. Financially ul be paying rent and food and that's gonna weigh tf out of u.
I've done this as a woman and the difference was my husband who was my bf at tht time was cut at work and was desperately trying to find another while still studying. When u have a partner that is giving their all to support u and ur dreams and dreams with u. This is easy to do.
In your case… how does tht future look to u.. if you guys happened to have kids ul be responsible for her, a househole and children.
Like the previous commenter said u cannot help anyone that won't help themselves. At some point you are gonna start resenting her. U should be focusing on school. Also congratulations on that too!
No babysitting your adult gf. Mental health is a struggle i get. Bipolar chick right here. Had to distract myself from mental breakdowns while teaching a class because u gta keep going.. and actually want to get help.
Her making u feel like ur feelings are less than hers and being frankly manipulative by saying u shld just stop caring if it's too hard for her is not okay.
You seem like a good guy but u cannot set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Why do people say you are insecure as opposed to your gf is an arsehole. No one would tell a woman to get over being told her predecessor was super tight and caused multiple orgasms. It would be the man is a jerk and dump him. Comparison is the thief of joy. There is no positive reason for telling you!
What kind of makeup? Could it have been period stains? Someone might change after that but be embarrassed to say so.
Buy some good toothpaste and buy him a new toothbrush and say…well the dentist says to replace your toothbrush every six months…and take it from there
Feelings are not always so easy , simple, or fast to navigate. He deserves some space and time to figure it out. No harm in taking time to process this.
Hire security for the venue. Daddy is not allowed in. Period.
It was probably the yelling and violence rather than the crying my dude
Girl he trampled all over you. It sounds like you were more like a side piece to him than an actual partner. I recommend therapy for you, you should have never allowed yourself to be treated like this. You deserve so much better than that, but you need to recognize that.
Get up generally. I mean I have kids too, so once one of us is awake generally we all are. Most of the time is unavoidable…
knowing how he is treating my sister, I wish he chose someone else to cheat on me with
It think it may be backwards, unfortunately. A betrayal from some random romantic relationship is bad, but it's something almost everyone goes experiences in one form or other though life. A betrayal from a sibling, however, would hurt much more. Giving how willing your sister was of hurting you previously, and how easily she can blame you now, I think you are lucky she couldn't do something worse later on. Close family can do much more damage than a distant enemy.
We’re not choosing stress and ‘drama’ like we enjoy it though. We went through something tough and found it hard to deal with the stress – I think everyone goes through those times. The rest of the time has been heaven, which is what we hold onto when we have argued.
You don’t need to find justification for #3 if that’s what you’re feeling. Your gut is telling you to take the cat and run, and you need to. Stay with this woman and you’ll have kids that have padlocks on the outside of their bedrooms or some shit
I honestly believe him when he says that he's not trying to get back together with her though. I trust my partner. And I kind of feel like if he indeed just wants a friendship with her and nothing inappropriate will ever happen, I maybe am making an issue out of nothing..
Your medical team can 100% handle him not being allowed in. I am a nurse. YOU are the patient. Not him. Only YOU matter during labor.
Ok I can tell you aren’t ready to take ownership of what you said and why you said it. I hope you can work on it in therapy because it really is at the core of why you are having trouble addressing these topics with him.
It isn’t that you’re overreacting or that it’s unreasonable for you to feel jealous/insecure because of the way he is. You’re entitled to feel how you feel. It’s that, from here, it seems like making remarks like that about another woman shows that you are trying too hard to please him, to your own detriment. And I get why you’re doing that, even though you might be unaware that you’re doing it, but it’s a hiding to nowhere my friend.
I mean, if he did try, he did it over his wife saying that if he raped her, she would leave him, so I have no sympathy.
Glad to hear it. That was the tip of the iceberg with a man like that. If you’d married him he’d be even worse and you would lose all autonomy over your own life. Be thankful he’s gone.
If you decided you won’t then you won’t. Idk if you want people to talk you out of this or what.
No, wasn't Snapchat. I don't feel like it was spam I could be reading too much into it too.
As much as it you say you were happy to keep things platonic and respectful, it sounds like they were uncomfortable with the situation and felt like they had to choose, her or you, and they chose her. You trying to talk to other members of the group about it could have come across as not respectful or making an awkward situation worse. Of they’ve gone NC the best thing to do is move on.
The thing is, if two co-parents are already close friends, why would one expect that to change?Co-parents don't have to be good friends but many are and that's typically amazing for the child. Some of it is completely fair, but a lot of it comes with dating a single parent. If I started dating a single mom tomorrow who's on good terms with her ex, I'd absolutely expect this guy to be a major part of my life now because his kid is a major part of my life now. I expect him to have stories for days about his dad and I expect all of his most beloved experiences and memories to have involved his father. There are some things that you are going to have to get past if you want to date someone with a child. I don't date people with children for this reason. It would be too drastic of a change to my particular lifestyle.
It’s funny.
Yeah i completely agree that’s why i told him about what i’m uncomfortable knowing and what i want to know etc. So that he knows not to accidentally hurt me. Yeah that’s also reason to why i don’t want an exclusive relationship, no matter the nature of the situation you can’t possess the other person, you can’t stop them from finding someone else, that’s part of the game. I’d rather be in a situation where i completely accept that possibility and also allow myself to have the option to fall in love w someone else by seeing other people rather than give my all and get nothing in return. I feel like me having multiple “lovers” helps me to not project too much onto one particular lover. It helps me stay balanced in my relationships.
I think accusing him of “manipulating the situation” is a bit harsh. It sounds like he’s just trying to explain his POV.
However, that woman is being RIDICULOUSLY inappropriate. If he won’t say something to her, can you talk to her privately about it? It seems like she’s clearly trying to interest your bf.
I did it after months of her being friends with him, I wasn't the one who added, but yes I chose to keep her in my socials, after thinking about what my gf does regarding her ex, and honestly I think is hypocritical of her to complain about this when she goes to her ex's bday, perhaps it was petty of me to do this, but I thought maybe she would understand why it sucks for me the situation with her ex after I did this
“That’s okay. At least she doesn't look inbred” I’ve found that telling someone they look inbred immediately makes them shut the fuck up.
I really hope you come back and give an update once you've talked to him further because I'm really scratching my head over here. What the hell does this even mean? And why is he being so damn weird about it?
Ok seems like trauma over what happened to him at school. Sobbing about it and all. Was it the first time you talked about having kids? That's a weird thing to be adamant about and he refuses to talk about it so I'm sure there's something really wrong.
Do not agree to something like this, ever! You don't know how your kids will turn out. You need co-parenting in every part of their lives.
Any idiot can buy a flash car – you want her to like you for who you are. So definitely use your own car, which is a plus in itself as not all 18 year olds have one.
Omg. Lol girl he is manipulative.
He's saying that so you feel bad if it ever happens because “he would never allow that with a girl” so you can't do it.
I think if you're honest with yourself, you'll always find a reason to second guess yourself which is why it hasn't happened to this point. Do it.
The fact that she didn't message you beforehand to let you know that she'll have company when you come home is really bad from her end.
Maybe you could've said something like “Hi. Sorry for not being myself. I have a headache and i'll go lie down for a bit.”. It would be a bit better for you and you'll be avoiding both of them until you feel better.
I think you both need to apologize for each other. She didn't inform you and you could've phrased it a bit better.
It is because he is dead to you!!!! That is what that numbness means. He is dead to you.
Your first sentence LOLLLLL.
Yep. That’s not normal. You can look forward to spending the rest of your life looking up his social media and laughing at how single he still is.
Get a lawyer.
IANAL
She ain't getting full custody. She has history of straight up abandoning her child. No judge in their right mind is going to look at that and go:
“Yeah sure, the kid can live! with her now”.
There will be a custody arrangement. Worst case, shared. But she's not getting full custody.
Get a lawyer.
IANAL
She ain't getting full custody. She has history of straight up abandoning her child. No judge in their right mind is going to look at that and go:
“Yeah sure, the kid can live with her now”.
There will be a custody arrangement. Worst case, shared. But she's not getting full custody.
Get a lawyer.
IANAL
She ain't getting full custody. She has history of straight up abandoning her child. No judge in their right mind is going to look at that and go:
“Yeah sure, the kid can live! with her now”.
There will be a custody arrangement. Worst case, shared. But she's not getting full custody.
i really love this analogy!
Oh, so he’s cheating. Yes, this relationship needs to be over. He’s paying for content despite you saying you were uncomfortable with that, that’s more than just looking at porn.
He will move onto the physical act soon if he hasn’t already.
This person isn't your best friend. He's not any kind of friend at all. I'm not even sure if he is any kind of human at all. Why would you want to continue being in contact with someone who a) is so sick and depraved and b) insults and taunts you?
Once. He said he didn’t know she did
Well, he has to get help for his anger, and if he doesn't you have to end things. He's your son's male role model. Do you want your son to turn out like his father? Tell him his anger is hurting you, and you need him to get help, or the marriage is over. Then, follow through. He should be willing to get the help he needs, if it means losing his family. If not, he is not worth being with.
He testing what he can get away with. I wouldn't give him another chance.
Ask him: Why is leave you behind acceptable to him? What is his plan about you and his family? (To just ignore it?)
This is really about your poor choices. His family aren’t changing. You would know they don’t like you fairly early and he is showing he would spend time with them over you. He made his choice. He will just avoid his way out.
You want this for years? Because that’s what you are signing up for.
I rarely go straight for the end it but he won’t even defend you to his family or insist you come along? He just left you home alone? It sounds like he isn’t taking your relationship seriously or he doesn’t want to engage with his family. Neither of which are going to result in happiness for you long term.
so tell her that? lol wtf
My main issue with your change of heart is it is completely from the lense of “I love watching her raise a child”. At least that's all your post says. Do you spend any time with the kid? Do you have the patience of your gf? You can ask her if watching the kid has changed her mind at all without bringing up “I want kids”, but you need to determine if you yourself want to be a parent and not just a spectator.
It’s a bummer to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It's understandable that you're feeling confused and in shock right now. While it's impossible for me to know for certain what your ex-fiancé's reasons were, based on what you've shared, it's possible that she simply had a change of heart and realized that she wasn't ready to get married.
It's important to keep in mind that people's feelings and priorities can change over time, especially when it comes to big decisions like marriage. Even if she was happy during the wedding planning process, it's possible that as the date drew closer, she began to feel more anxious and uncertain about going through with it.
It's also possible that the car accident played a role in her decision. It's possible that the shock and trauma of the accident made her realize that she wasn't ready to make such a big commitment, or that she wanted to focus on other things in her life for the time being.
Ultimately, only your ex-fiancé knows why she made the decision to end things. While it's natural to want answers and closure, it's important to respect her decision and give yourself time to process your own feelings. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member about what you're going through.
You are in an abusive relationship. Time to get out. Move in with a friend or family member without telling her you are leaving. Get a new phone and new phone number. Get mental health support to put together a longer term plan for how you stay out of this relationship and for how to build life skills that help you to recognize that fast-forwarding a relationship with someone you barely know is a terrible choice to make, how to recognize red flags and people who stomp your boundaries. And how to heal from this. You very passively allowed her to tell you who you can be friends with, that you must report into her 24/7 as if she is your parole officer and thought that this would just heal itself.
The person I'm replying to is also making a wide, sweeping statement.
Bottom line, if you're of the belief that he's 100% in the wrong because he didn't bend over to what she wanted and only her, as if he can't have a preference for his marriage, then idk. Seems like a shit take for a situation that's just sad all around.
Too busy grinding you know how it is
I was accepted to all the 4 US colleges I applied to. They were all approximately 8,000 miles from my city. My then girlfriend was happy for me, and breaking up was just a formality, we didn't even discuss it that much. The college you go to is about your future, which is much longer than the 18 years you've been alive. 25 year old you will 100% regret making any suboptimal decision for a boyfriend, regardless of whether you're still together or not. Don't fumble the bag.
I have never been so happy to see a woman trying to get pregnant and not succeeding. Do not have a child with this man. That is the ultimate betrayal. File for divorce immediately! This is from a person who’s ex cheated, gave them an std and was still willing to try.
He made her drive over in utter exhaustion after a 24 hour shift during which he knew she’d had a particularly traumatic loss, just so he could refuse to talk to her. To paraphrase George Costanza, she could throw a dart out the window and hit somebody better.
Poor guy wa raped.
I know she can’t change her career, I just expected her to at least listen to where I was coming from instead of just walking out on me.
I’m working on all those things. I try to go to the gym at least once a week, sometimes three times a week. I take our dog for walks multiple times a day. I force myself to hang out with friends even when I don’t want to. I meditate. I stare in the mirror for at least 30 seconds a day even though I hate it (an exercise recommended by my therapist). None of it ever feels like enough. Even you, saying “do more, do more” because what I’m already doing isn’t enough even though it takes all my fucking energy just to do what I’m already doing. I am trying, and I get sick of people telling me it’s not enough for them. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t know why people talk to me like I do this on purpose.
Lmao congratulations on finding a good one. Just because you’ve got a great one doesn’t mean everyone does.
There is tons of literature out on it now, and quite a few stories from people who took it on their doctor’s recommendation and ended up with serious issues.
Also, OP says further down that her bf offered to help her wean off and she took him up on it. She’s a grown woman, she made a choice. Doesn’t sound like her BF pressured her or threatened her or gave her an ultimatum.
If I knew someone I cared about was using antihistamines every day I’d give them the same warning.
Obviously the man isn’t a shining beacon of medical knowledge, as evidenced by his gallon of chocolate milk every night. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, and OP doesn’t sound too bright herself.
Exactly. And I would advise anyone faced with appealing a disability determination to consult with an attorney. What the insurers are not required to tell you and what most people do not know is that the evidentiary record closes when the insurer decides your appeal. That means (with some exceptions) no new evidence can be introduced in litigation if you have to sue the insurer. The court will make a decision based on the information before the insurer at the time it made its appeal decision.
Many people get pressured to file an appeal by the insurance company and their appeal is often little more than a letter saying “I disagree, I’m clearly disabled, please reconsider.” The insurer then denies the appeal saying you didn’t provide any new medical evidence. You’re then in court with your short letter against the medical report of a hired gun doctor who supports the insurer’s denial of benefits. In that situation, it’s much harder for an attorney to help you salvage the claim. I frequently have to turn down potential clients in this situation because they’ve effectively destroyed the value of their claim.
I also firmly believe that insurers are more aggressive with claimants who appeal without representation.
TLDR: hire an attorney to help you appeal. You may regret appealing on your own.
It’s a good lesson to learn this early on. Dudes who push your sexual boundaries are dudes you shouldn’t be having sex with.
You also have to accept that there’s a solid chance it will not get back to how things were before. It might get better compared to where you are now, but it will leave a mark you won’t get rid of. You can not accuse him of crossing your boundaries and then expect him to just switch and move on. Did you even apologize for it?
This sounds like a story we need to hear! ?
The first text was fine, but the passive aggressive one the next morning ruined your chances.
You're done, delete the number and move on.
I myself am 24F and have had some problems with maintaining chores after a long day or when I’m tired so here are some tips I have with these, even just with chores in general 1. I follow a 20/10 rule, or a 30/15 rule. Clean for 20 minutes. Break for 10. Clean for another 20, rest for another 10. It prevents my burn out and if I set times on my phone to keep me in line it’s effective
If it takes less than 2 minutes, don’t procrastinate it. If you know you need to take the trash out and you’re already on the way out, don’t think “ah I’m in a hurry I’ll do it later when I get home” just take it and do it.
Try to do a general cleaning each night. I’m talking just basic, take dishes to the sink, clothes to the hamper, any trash to the bin. Takes about 5 minutes and prevents things from piling up.
Also, tell your mom that you realize how you’ve effected her and that you want to be better. Maybe ask her if there’s anything in particular she would like to see. I think it’s great that you are able to realize that you’re acting wrong and it’s good you’re seeking out advice on how to implement changes
Hahahahaha, abusive boyfriends, omg SO funny! HILARIOUS she thought you were going to beat the shit out of her. What an amazing joke that both of you had a good time with!
If he loved sticking it in your back door and you did not enjoy it, you would expect him to respect your boundaries and not push you to do something you didn't want to do. BUT…in a sense of fairness, stop giving him oral if he doesn't want to give you oral. You aren't punishing him, but now you are putting in the same effort into his needs as he is giving yours.
BUT…I hate to suggest there are reasons he doesn't enjoy giving oral, but here goes. If you are not well “landscaped” down there, getting hair in your mouth is no fun. Some people like the taste of mustard or ketchup, but some don't….and the same thing can be said about your kitty cat taste and smell. Some people have a sensitive taste/smell and cannot handle certain flavors/scents that other people enjoy greatly. I'm not saying you stink or taste nasty, but maybe he isn't fond of it. You could have been experiencing a urinary tract infection/pH imbalance that made you taste/smell unpleasant the last few times he did try and now he is switched off about it. If you haven't showered in the past 24 hours prior to him trying to nibble on you, especially if you've been working out or a lot of activity, you could just be a bit strong. It also could be about your diet making you taste different. Certain foods can make a man's love juice taste terrible and strong. For instance, I take type II diabetic meds that makes my body try to get sugar out of my body everywhere…including during intercourse. Wife says it tastes sweet and if we are too active the sugars can give her a yeast infection. The worst case is that he is just a selfish lazy lover.
But anyway, you sound like you want to keep this relationship intact. SO…how about buying some edible lotion or some good ol' Hersey's syrup(room temperature, of course) and make it an offer one more time.
Says the one who has yet to say anything worthwhile.
I think you should go and ask this question in one of the chronic illness subreddits. You need the input of people who know what its like for your gf.
Yes he‘s calling you names. My SO would fight anyone who called me a bitch and definitely never call me that.
You suck him so good he nearly dies… God dam you must have magic powers.
IDK I think when people see a post has, like 10 downvotes, it's like flies to a bug zapper kind of effect *shrug*
Op go over to r/nonmonogamy to get advice since that is about open relationship that group. You’ll get better advice from season couples who are in successful open relationships and can help you figure what to do instead of people who do not understand CNM/Poly relationships.
I’m you but a guy and married for 5+ years. Our finances are joined so at least I don’t have that. Get out as fast as you can. He will always think he does more than you or equal. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can. It’s the “small” things.
Yeah… you don’t get it.
No. We're not going to blame bad, toxic behavior on the people victimized by it
She seems very naive. Idk why she thought the conversation of marriage was too early? And now over 5 years later they finally have that convo? He also has said it seems that he didn’t want kids and she still thinks that he will change. Seems like somehow they have poor communication on the actual important aspect of a relationship.
I would stop referring to his ex-wife as ‘bio mom.’ She is their mother – no need to disclaimer it. ‘Bio’ in front of mom/dad is usually used to reference an estranged parent that isn’t performing their parental duties.
Hey, look at it as confirmation that pulling the plug on the relationship was the right move.
Banishing her from your apartment another good move. Wonder if she was using your roommate to keep tabs on you.
I would keep a copy just in case and file in a shoe box in the closet type deal.
Otherwise don't sweat it as she comes off as pathetic and bonkers.
If anything she's pretty much increased her odds of not getting dates in the future. She's done shrunk her dating pool all by herself.
You, just keep getting on. Don't sweat it.
The more unbothered you are the more mature and sane others will perceive you. On the face of it, without a reaction from you she comes off unhinged. The chef's kiss is you having a non-reaction.
So your good OP without doing anything further than living your best life.
Me neither.
Weird people telling OP to leeeeeaaave without actually knowing if that guy even told the truth?!
I know that at one time I had been made a bad reputation which I did NOT deserve!
As one guy I had been dating (chaste kisses allowed, but no paws up my shirt and nothing else!) had boasted about more than what ever happened!
Who knows if that guy wasn't one of those she had rejected?
Also: judging somebody for not telling your sex memories… whose idea is that?
That's immature.
Plot twist of the year!
talk to his wife…
Bro. You know the truth. They are fucking.
I’m a different commenter but do remember he was thinking about his (other) family and how much stress they are under at the time. He probably had blinkers on and could only see his parents desperately needing help, rather than anticipate future problems.
I would do anything to prevent my parents being in pain/ losing everything.
As soon as you point out he apologised. So you should forgive him
He is projecting his own actions on you, you are better off without that friend in your situation at the moment anyways.
I’m a different commenter but do remember he was thinking about his (other) family and how much stress they are under at the time. He probably had blinkers on and could only see his parents desperately needing help, rather than anticipate future problems.
I would do anything to prevent my parents being in pain/ losing everything.
As soon as you point out he apologised. So you should forgive him
Right, like this is backwards as fuck! I'm 27F and my bf 43M gives me gifts and asks me if I need any money, and what can he do to help me to get ready to go to work in the morning (he goes like an hour later than me)….. So with that being said….
OP, I have several questions for you!!
1) Exactly where the hell'd you find him at? 2) What was he doing for money before he got this inheritance you mentioned? 3) Where was he living before he was living with you, OP????
If you do well you deserve the things that fellows which is you repeatedly getting cheated on
Either you continue a friendship supporting someone who will happily be the other girl, or you pull away from her. But food for thought; she is okay being the other girl. What happens if you have a boyfriend that turns out to be sleezy and tries to flirt with her? Personally, I would never trust her around a partner.
I think all this boils down to the manner in which she removed herself. If she did it without causing a scene, without “sulking”, then yeah it's healthy. If she's did anything to cause a scene, to cause the environment to become uncomfortable and tense, that is unhealthy. Ignoring toddlers being friendly seems pretty unhealthy imo.
That is a very hard mental state to navigate. I wish you both the best of luck. I think your relationship is strong enough to get through a lot of things because you’ve crossed so many rivers and jumped so many volcanos together already. I know you need to put your happiness first because you need to be a good role model to your kids but marriage is a partnership so just work it out together. Oh and make sure Sam knows why he is being dropped, do not try to make him feel better and telling him you’re just trying to close the relationship. He needs to know that his actions cost him a family but he needs a professional help.