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Tbh after checking ops posts I can kinda understand the girlfriend, they've been dating for about year and tried to move in blend families almost immediately after they started dating. While the gf was originally down for it she kinda backed off after she found out that op signed up for bumble bff without telling her (for even more terrible context op practically cheated on her wife with the girlfriend (she says she left her wife for her, but we all know how that goes)). Their relationship is a mess tbh and I can understand why the gf is hesitant.
Sorry she's treating you this way. She's either young and immature, or has narcissistic tendencies. She should want to help you feel better, not get all pissy over a Christmas tree, it's called priorities lol.
You don’t confront friends who commit such an egregious betrayal of their duty to you.
You cut them out of your life. If you don’t, then you deserve whatever happens.
You sound insufferable. Leave the poor girl alone
Those are dudes who try to set the bar in hell so they don’t die alone lol ?
According do Guiness world records the youngest premature baby to survive was born after 21 weeks gestation. This story does not add up.
Also you're like a raw nerve and instantly react to anything, which then in turn causes problems.. no matter how the person initially meant it.
You’re definitely a troll. No one is that clueless.
You’re saying you’re married to a literal pedophile, cheater, and rapist, and you’re asking what to do?
Lmao get the fuck outta here with this troll nonsense.
How? I’m saying she shouldn’t expect him to receive if she isn’t willing? Same with oral. She can’t expect some thing if she isn’t willing to do it herself. That’s why I asked. Usually it’s straight dudes who want to give their girl anal but aren’t willing to receive themselves. That’s what I’m asking.
My friend, I’m married. I would never in any universe defend or normalize cheating, and I am not saying that ALL people who travel for work are going to cheat. I was reinforcing my point that the lifestyle of travel, drinking, partying, networking, etc. is a very difficult one to maintain for someone in a committed relationship – I should add it’s not even always for the reason of just cheating but also just due to lack of time. Re-read my comment, perhaps I should’ve clarified more!
This woman is bad news. OP should absolutely leave, and honestly should’ve left long ago. I have absolutely no doubts about that. She absolutely saw what she wanted and knew from the beginning she was going to explore and have fun regardless of how OP felt. She is NOT a good person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think we are as far apart as your comment makes it seem!
My only issue with your comment was not really related to OP’s situation, but more so in general that you seemed to insinuate that a person’s friends, family, job, etc. have absolutely no affect on their character which was the only part I disagreed with. I believe someone can in fact be a decent person but then allow themselves to get dragged down by those around them. It’s not an excuse, nor is it about normalizing anything, but perhaps really just highlighting your own point about putting oneself in bad situations which could include the company you keep – think people who struggle saying no and struggle drawing boundaries (i.e. people pleasers).
As far as OP’s SO goes, we don’t necessarily know who this person was before they started this job. It seems her true colors have come out, but who knows what she was like before. Perhaps she saw what everyone else was doing and decided that was the lifestyle she wanted for herself, too. Maybe she thought doing it would make her fit in better. Maybe she’s just an abhorrent human being that planned it all from the very beginning and only ever wanted to start the job for the unspoken “perks”, if you will, or maybe she’s been cheating for years and all of her stories are just made up projections! We will never know….I just think sometimes in life we bite off more than we can chew and the people around us do really affect us in one way or another. I really liked your point about how you go about completely avoiding those bad situations, something I do as well, so I think we could agree to the premise of something like being a recovering addict and befriending an active addict – bad news, even IF you control your own actions.
Just AH? Pretty sure it's now like SA…..
It could also be the missing missing reason honestly. He doesn't say whether someone caused the change or if maybe he has a coworker that is attracted to him and hit on him in the past, if it's always been like this, etc. I feel like without a reason it's too vague to judge. If there is no reason then she is definitely being controlling.
Exactly. Hey babe I know you just shoved a human out of there but no sex makes my pee pee sad. That's how immature and stupid he is.
You re a side piece, wake up.
You’re being purposefully obtuse.
You’re responding to my comment where I specifically said “don’t have sex you don’t want to have.” But she literally is declining to have sex she WANTS to have to try to teach him a lesson.
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It's not about allowing…there are many cases of regret and threatened litigation.
It sounds like you’ve been in a relationship with him but he’s in a relationship with someone else or the relationship is strictly on his terms. You’ve reached out to him enough, it’s time for you to cut your losses and let him go.
These are all questions I have myself. This moment is just proof that I need to accept the reality.
True
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This is a lesson learned not to go on a solo vacation with her ever again. And if she's the victim type you really have to weigh your options. Because leaving early will be “abandoning her” in a foreign city and I'm sure the rest of your dad side will buy into some of it that your mom raised you wrong.
How come you don’t have any children. Do you both want to be childfree?
FFS dude. Really I doubt the stuff is worth the drama and mental stress. This not a relationship question any more it's legal one. bounce over to r/legaladvice
There is no way I’d change my style for him.
I’ve spent YEARS trying to dress how people like and caring about other peoples opinions, and only in the last 2 years have I finally felt confident and comfortable in MY OWN WAY. And I’m not about to let this man ruin it for me.
I posted just to make sure I’m not fucking crazy and overreacting. Glad to see I’m not
I’ll talk to him and make it clear that I’m not changing my style because it “bugs” him, and in no shape or form is it me not making an effort.
I’ve made plenty of effort to make him happy and feel cared for, but this is not something I’m going to let go of.
This^ I completely agree with this comment!
This is really not okay in any way. You have every right to feel hurt. Idc who you are, it is NEVER okay to be mad at someone for saying no to sex for ANY reason. He is being toxic and highly manipulative.
I just feel empty because I thought she was the one….I come from a family that everyone has divorced and I always said I'll be different
So you assume all guys are cavemen, and the second they see boobs their instincts take over and they turn into horny animals? I mean bro, common. 90% of women out there don't even have tits that are THAT nice. Most guys just tell them they have nice boobs to sweet talk them, it's all bs.
It takes a lot more than showing your tits to a guy who isn't in the mood, to actually get him in the mood.
This is something cheating celebrities do you know. It starts with a secret “friendship” but you’re not allowed to tell anyone, then it escalates to soft flirting and then before you know it you’re being actively pursued by a married celebrity and have nobody to talk to about it. He is actively trying to trap you into a point where you feel like you you need to say yes, and if you’re already feeling like this is an emotional burden then get out like yesterday.
This. And for once often didnt have the guts to talk to the girl after similar situations. I was too shy to just call the next day. If you like him, ask him, because he might never will
Exactly. He'll continue to pursue women in their early 20s even when he himself is well into his 40s and 50s. Men like that see women as nothing more than bodies that age out of desirability and can be discarded when they hit the arbitrary “wall” they have set.
Exactly. He'll continue to pursue women in their early 20s even when he himself is well into his 40s and 50s. Men like that see women as nothing more than bodies that age out of desirability and can be discarded when they hit the arbitrary “wall” they have set.
You reap what you sow.
Don’t you sow any further discord into your sister’s life, lest she cut you off too.
Your Dad could try starting with a sincere apology, taking full responsibility for the consequences of his controlling actions, genuine remorse for the pain he’s caused her and the rest of the family caught in the crossfire, and a promise to treat her better in the future. And he cant expect an immediate about-face and instant access to the grandchild. He will have to work very hot and hold his tongue if there’s any chance of ever rebuilding some level of trust with her. You-stay out of it and refuse to play messenger.
No, don’t tell your FWB. You have no moral or ethical obligation to tell him. You’re not in a committed relationship with him so you didn’t cheat on him. If you do tell him, you say he will cut you off. JFC why the fuck would you even consider telling him??
Yeah I mean we’re talking about thesolution of a guy who loves her, wants to be with her forever, but doesn’t wanna spend 30k on one day, or an amount which is an inordinate amount of his savings which hes spent years accruing. I’d love to see how many proposals we’d see if society suddenly decided that women should buy the ring
Be ready to take more accountability for your actions and be prepared to hold your partner accountable for theirs. Be able to carve out time for yourself in a relationship, be able to set boundaries and keep them.
If I were you, my first step would be to get an STI test myself. You can either figure out straight away that is the issue or eliminate it.
Eww. Your friend and BiL are disgusting, but none of that is your fault. Support your sister and her kids and make sure you never see or speak to your “friend” ever again.
OP, copy and paste: “We aren’t romantically connected anymore, and I am moving on with my life. I think you should do the same. While we may hold a special place in each other’s life, that is done now and it’s unhealthy to keep dredging it up. If you keep professing your love for me and insisting I do the same, I’m going to have to stop communicating with you because it’s bad for both of us to drag this out any further. I wish both of us the best and happiest futures wherever our new paths lead us.”
Should I tell him or….?
Tell him to kick rocks, he’s not in charge of how you get to exercise. That’s some controlling bs. Is this a jealousy thing? And if so, is he doing something he shouldn’t and he’s projecting?
He has anger issues and is manipulative. Just leave. This is an abusive relationship.
I think OP sucks but basically you go there to try what they're offering and not to get what you want. Probably the best experience you could ask for at one of these places is NOT getting what you want and having your mind blown.
You have been told umpteen times now that it’s completely plausible. Stop rejecting the notion because you want your anger at her validated.
Ok but you keep doing this. Going out when you’re sick, overdoing things, passing out from low blood sugar. Your bf should not have handcuffed you — he should have broken up with you because he doesn’t agree with your behaviors.
Leave. He will eventually do it. He’s warming u up to the concept
THIS RIGHT HERE^^^
I think you need a fucking lawyer, that's what I think.
Don't be an idiot and try and play games with this. “But she…” crap is just as likely to backfire on you.
Way to leave someone in this situation, “I love you so much, and I can’t watch you die an easily avoidable death. So I rather be alone and heartbroken than to see the love of my life die like this.”
If you still love her, try relationship counseling. Otherwise, trial separation. I don’t think I could ever trust her again, but that’s just me.
Is he depressed?
Are you seriously asking people about their traumatic experiences in order to excuse some one who ghosted his girlfriend?
Let's see for me, many deaths through the years of people I loved, and/or cared about, most recent was this past summer, cancer, others having long term chronic illness, friends committing suicide, that's just tip of the ice berg, and I never did some thing as cruel as leaving some one I am in a relationship with ghosted for weeks on end or ignored them. No one does that unless they don't want to be with the other person or are stringing them along.
Get thee to couples therapy. While you are navigating this, you need to make sure you tackle the issue head on now, otherwise this will build resentment towards you that you don’t deserve. It has to be talked about openly.
It isn’t your job to walk on egg shells to not bruise his ego (but do stop the suger mama jokes). This is pride, background, and frankly some internal misogyny (I’m not saying he’s a sexist asshole, the issue is our culture telling men they need to be the main breadwinners, and tiring that to manhood, when woman aren’t supposed to feel the same way)
You obviously see this as something for both of you, but before you go down that road, you need to make sure he can handle that. He needs to make sure as well. It’s hurtful to feel your partner is upset that something good has happened to you, and he needs to understand that.
OMG you have every right to feel assaulted. You were. This is sick and twisted, and if I were you, I would be evaluating the relationship right now. Don’t let her gaslight you with her anger.
Dude if you have untreated hypothyroidism you will feel tired all the time. You will be much sleepier. Your diet won’t change much because your body won’t destroy its fats deposits. You can’t talk about motivation and willpower when your body is fighting against it and you can’t even get out of bed. Believe it or not, some excuses are quite valid, and such a health problem is one.
You’re 19 not 90. Do t waste your life with someone you’re not compatible with.
Love is not enough. You sound like you’re settling like a 90 year old with someone from habit or companionship.
Walk away and enjoy your life. You’re a long time dead.
I know we both need to stop drinking. I’m not denying that whatsoever. I’m not trying to make excuses on why he needs to keep drinking, I just know that realistically he is surrounded by alcohol and has bad willpower in general, so I can only take his word of sobriety at face value. I know he was a genuine asshole to me to the point where this relationship should end. I am aware of how codependent we have come, and that it is a problem. It’s just all very sudden and scary for the both of us. I also feel like I know myself and him enough to know that we are inevitably going to go back to each other in a moment of weakness. I wish I had someone to hold me accountable to never see him again, but he is literally the only person in my life :\\ I know I’m probably being immature, but I am so scared and confused on the months to come.
Makes sense from home? He’s a leech.
Yeah, but the problem isn't the lack of girlfriend. The problem is he can't read his emotions accurately. Few people can. Suicidality comes from emotions meant to increase chances of self-improvement or circumstance-improvement having a cascade failure and tossing out a lot of bad data.
Aversive emotions aren't what you think. They are chance modifiers. When chance modification gets transmitted through the aversion route, it's has to become so naturally distorted, that it becomes even easier for it to become what we'd see as unnaturally distorted. But make no mistake, it's merely a brain going “it seems worth increasing the chance of self-improvement.”
A girlfriend is a proxy for “It seems worth feeling valued and appreciated more, and having more needs met” But that would make the girlfriend the caregiver. People need to enter relationships whole.
This is actually insane and he has ZERO respect for you. Hold your worth, lose the toxic cheater.
First, let me assure that what he did was domestic abuse. It seems you want to minimize it, by saying when he hit your sibling on the head she only got a cut on her arm. Wrong: she got a blow on her head! And that is very dangerous even if it doesn't show blood. He obviously wasn't even sorry, since he threw out all your stuff. We don't know why he randomly sends you money. He might feel guilty or he might want to engage with you. Either way, do what you are more comfortable with. Keep the money if you need it, don't engage if you don't want to
u can dm me :))
Thanks, I’ll need it.
File for a divorce
Doctor no I wouldn't.
I tend to side with your friend. Not necessarily a red flag ? but weird and most importantly highly ineffective. Why would people knowing affect how you treat each other? It’s nobody’s business how the relationship started.
Girl you really started running a homeless shelter and you’ve got your first homeless man living in it. What in the flying fuck. Not to mention he’s ungrateful as fuck ?? sis pick yourself up wtf are you doing
That’s the whole point of this post, he said he didn’t consider it dating and was wondering why it was bothering him if he knew they were only friends and were only meeting as friends
H
DEFINITELY gonna need an update on this one
It sounds like you value different things, and that’s important for compatibility. It’s great you are so sure of what you want, and what you’re priorities are. From personal experience, I know the regret of putting personal life goals on hold for someone else early in life. Go after your dreams; you don’t sound super sure of him, there are other people out there who will support you and listen to you when you tell them what you value and how important your goals are. You say you aren’t sure if you’re giving it enough time, but we know early on if we feel strongly about someone or not. It’s nice you’re willing to give someone a chance, though. You shouldn’t have to keep telling someone how you want and need to prioritize your time. A secure person who values you for you will hear that and respect you enough to listen when you communicate so clearly.
We were sleep deprived and had a long drive ahead of us so he popped an adderall to get through it on the first day. I’m not familiar with it so I don’t know if the comedown can affect someone’s mood that much.
You don’t live with him. How would he know? Tell him to knock it off or you’ll call the cops simple.
Couples counseling? Seems you both need to learn better communication.
And sure, he thinks all is okay because if he plays dumb long enough, you drop it.
?
I'd be seriously pissed off I was “close” friend 1. I can't quite understand why you'd drop her for your other friend who you said you're not as close to. And it's not even just the brides, you're closer to friend 1's fiancé too
If she's “such an important friend”, you'd go to her wedding. Friend 2 is dumb for not letting you all know what date she was looking at
I feel just as happy and I don't want the relationship to end at all. I'm just having a very hot time understanding why she would tell someone she was “not exactly” in a relationship and open to stuff on the side when that was clearly not what we mutually agreed on. I found it extremely hurtful as I'm deeply committed to her, and I just can't wrap my head around her motivation for saying that in response to “Are you single?”
You shouldn't be mad at yourself! It takes a while to figure things out.
It takes me FOREVER to climax. Always has. If I know it isn't going to happen I tell my husband don't worry about it. If he finishes and I am close I tell him and he'll finish the job with fingers, which for me works better and quicker anyway.
There you go lying again. You made the following comparisons:
you never had to fake orgasms with ex, but did with bf; ex could consistently make you orgasm with intercourse, while bf has problems making that happen; bf is “so damn insecure,” with the implication that ex is not (gee, why ever would that be, considering the prior two bullet points?)
So much for radical honesty.
There you go lying again. You made the following comparisons:
you never had to fake orgasms with ex, but did with bf; ex could consistently make you orgasm with intercourse, while bf has problems making that happen; bf is “so damn insecure,” with the implication that ex is not (gee, why ever would that be, considering the prior two bullet points?)
So much for radical honesty.
There you go lying again. You made the following comparisons:
you never had to fake orgasms with ex, but did with bf; ex could consistently make you orgasm with intercourse, while bf has problems making that happen; bf is “so damn insecure,” with the implication that ex is not (gee, why ever would that be, considering the prior two bullet points?)
So much for radical honesty.
That is why I asked him last summer, because I didn't want to have any regrets. I also wanted to clarify any of my actions which would have made him think I wasn't interested. But it would be better to do it in person right? Wait until he is back?
This heavily depends on culture. Not everyone comes from a background where this is the norm.
You are absolutely right in the context of the vast majority white, Christianity-based Western relationships. However, if you're dating a person from any of the Confucian-based, filial-piety-emphasizing cultures, natal family is usually deferred to over any created family.
I'm only commenting because I believe this may be a case of the latter. Having extensively dated interracially, and thus frequented spaces discussing them, I've seen this situation a lot. I made my peace with a certain level of it, but, fortunately, found somebody who has more Western boundaries with his family.
I do absolutely agree with you about what the OP needs to do in this situation. If they want a relationship where their created family is the priority (which is absolutely valid) they will likely need to move on from this relationship. I only spoke up because I'm afraid other people are going to go into their relationships with unrealistic expectations.
But he is only 18 years older than her. He is perfect!!
If it walks like a dick, looks like a dick, and quacks like a dick… it's a dick.
I guess it’s a lads will be lads sort of thing but I agree, I think he’s too sensitive and at the same time hurting my feelings by admitting he doesn’t want them to know about me
You know that you are his 2nd or 3rd priority. You're definitely not his first, his mommy is. The question is can you stay in this marriage like this until she dies?
This isn’t a communication issue, you’re husband is bigoted against a class of people you are apart of. People are so accepting of misogyny in heterosexual relationships that they forget it’s literal discrimination and dehumanization. Look if you were trans and your husband was transphobic, if you were disabled and your husband were ableist, if you were poc and your husband was racist—would you want to go to therapy and learn to communicate better?
The answer is to leave. This is worse than if he was someone who came from a misogynistic background and was still unlearning some of these beliefs. He CHOSE to get involved with this on purpose as a fully formed adult, and that’s the worst kind of bigot.
If I were you, I definitely would break up, and erase her from my life.
No, they deserve each other, let’s hope they figure this out.
ehhh OP probably pushed him to take her. it’s literally in the title. Forced.
I can't imagine wanting to look after a 70 year old man in my 30s. And to me is the biggest red flag – he obviously has a thing for wayyy younger partners, and now he's getting a job in a school. I wouldn't be surprised if you're the one getting dumped in a couple of years when you're too old for him and he's got a school full of potential new partners to reel in.
Sorry, but you are just the next person she moved onto after her ex with the expectation of being her additional source of funding for her lifestyle. That's not the way it should be, you shouldn't be paying for hers, her sons and her mothers meals everytime you go out.
“He asked for it to be a monogamous, indefinite, no-contact break.”
This is nonsense. Whatever his intent, he is literally asking you to sit around waiting for him to fogure his shit out and not date anyone else potentially forever. All without any contact regarding how things are going. That's insanely controlling, and just plain insane. If he wants to break up, he can break up; he can always hit you up whenever he decides he wants you back to see if you're still interested. That is exactly how you should treat this situation. But asking you to put your romantic life on hold indefinitely is an absurd request, and it's one to which you should say “no”. Your relationship is already over; move on.
I don’t even know why he hasn’t tried to record or wake me up. I ask him so many times to do that cause I don’t want to be dreaming about someone else ? . Definitely getting a sleep app now
Maybe because she likes chicken
Thank you so much, I needed to hear that. ??
This is not best for the baby, end of story. It has to stop today.
She can than look for some other sucker that will buy her a home outside her tax bracket
She better move fast, time isn't on her side tic tock tic tock
Equal partners shouldn’t have to manage each other. His tracking you obsessively like this is alarmingly controlling. Does his life revolve around you? Does he have nothing better to do than sit around and stare at an app when you’re elsewhere?
I know someone who “only hit his ex once, but she was super crazy so, you know, he was totally just defending himself.” He ended up in prison because he went and beat the absolute shit out of her over some disagreement with their kid.
He’s only going to get worse. If you want more of this, stay with him. If not, move on.
Even Joe said he's interested . You are troll yourself who thinks this is normal
File a PTO or RO against him. He IS stalking you.
If he hasn't shown his face to you, odds are, yes, he is unattractive. OR, he is actually much much older than 18. And he is probably both of those things.
That just gave birth. What an AH. He’d be on probation.
Yeah, you’re right, he did say that. I forgot in the moment. And I do agree with you that cheating is cheating. They’re both wrong.
his history was full of ASMR videos of one particular girl, and her channel/all the videos he'd watched were flirty roleplays like [the role] kisses you/flirts with you/asks you out, etc.
This is beside the point, but that's not really ASMR; that's just fantasy roleplay
my birthday is close and he asked me again about the date to make sure, and then said, “Oh, I think my best friend's [F, 30ish] is also on the same day.” It kind of really took the specialty out of it for me.
Why? This is completely nonsensical. People share birthdays. That is life.
Look, if this relationship isn't doing it for you anymore, go ahead and break up. It sounds a lot like you are coming up with excuses (a bachelor party from a decade ago? a married female friend?) to justify leaving, so let me reassure you: you don't need a “reason” to break up. You just have to not want to be with him.
If you don't want to break up, then yes, obviously, you need to communicate with him. If you can't figure out how to do that, maybe start by talking your feelings through with a therapist, who can help you make sense of them and give you tips for opening a productive dialog.
She must be very beautiful that you are accepting this kind of woman to be the future mother of your kids. Kinda like trophy wife that you can parade around isnt it. Can see how you choose your spouse already.
Be careful not to suddenly meet up her married clients and families….
Your mom is being controlling, I don’t know what these other people are smoking (Korea is an unstable place apparently? BS).
You’re an adult (or soon to be), if your parents aren’t bankrolling you you don’t owe them anything.
A foreign trip after graduating is perfectly normal and safe. I hope you go on it and have a blast!
As her mom you should want to live with her. That you can't see you're destroying your relationship with her is insane. I can't believe you chose a man over your own flesh and blood.
Your child should always come before and potential partners.
“Hey babe I know your sort of strapped for cash and as such don't want to run the AC/Heater/Water Heater but it is horribly uncomfortable for me. As such here is X amount of money which should cover those extra expenses.”
One wonders what he says when you communicate about this like the adults you are. Some families are just really traditional in that introducing a romantic partner is considered a prelude to marriage, something you two are oblivious way too young for. He may have very valid reasons for not wanting to expose you to his family just yet (like perhaps they're crazy). But you'll never know until you have a real conversation about it.
I might have done a bad job of describing. He showed his bottom teeth, and cringed and nodded if that paints a picture.
I agree. He’s being a pushover to her. We have to walk on eggshells about our relationship to her, and I’m tired of it. I mentions in a comment above about a freak incident she did and my god, he didn’t he go through with his own boundaries
If you're not already on your way to getting divorced this subreddit can't give you any useful advice.
That sounds like an excuse not to try. You don't know until you try and if you want ton change something about the way you think or feel or behave then the appropriate course of action is to ask a professional for help. No one here is going to give you magic advise that fixes this for you.
You have to be willing to put the work in to make bug changes on the way you think and feel about yourself, and once you feel better about yourself you will surround yourself with people who appreciate you, because you know your own value.
If you don't value yourself, you surround yourself with people who reinforce that feeling, people who make you feel worthless, or used. If you want to change the people you let into your life, it starts with knowing what your worth and how you deserve to be treated.
No matter what has happened in your life so far, you have value and should feel loved and appreciated. You are the one who controls how you feel and how you move forward.
If you need help -and I think we both know you do- you have to go find it in a professional trained to help. Not in sexual partners who give you a temporary high, but then leave you feeling the same, or worse, about yourself. They don't determine your value. You do.
OP suggested therapy to her already and she declined. The only reason I can think of as to why someone who is supposedly suffering like that would decline help is if they're not actually suffering at all. It's too suspicious.
You wanted to hurt her back. The question is .. what caused that hurt? Own it. Explain it. Open conversation. And see where it goes. Fighting ugly sucks. But figuring out why you went for the low blow is probably the best way to heal.
No they’re not. Did you read they asked me to stay in contact and he made a fake account. They’re on my side. This isn’t even a worry of mine
No they’re not. Did you read they asked me to stay in contact and he made a fake account. They’re on my side. This isn’t even a worry of mine
Ecaf, in addition to your GF's anger issues, does she also show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did she start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? Does she view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her? Does she usually hate being alone by herself?
It’s up to you to decide what to do about your “friend” it not for your bf to tell you what to do. If your bf told you to end the relationship with this so called friend he would be called controlling, it was a lose lose situation for your bf you needed to make the decision.
You not ending said friendship or at least going extremely LC with said “friend” is absurd. Your “friend” was extremely disrespectful towards your relationship and you and let’s be honest he’s not a friend he’s just a guy waiting for his turn who got impatient.
Also that boundary that you set was Extremely Weak!! So you went from seeing your “friend” multiple times a week to what only seeing him like once or twice a week?! But you guys still make food for each other and I bet you still talk/text/snap your “friend” all the time so your boundary was pointless and accomplished absolutely nothing.
Reading your post it seems like your bf is in an unwilling relationship with you and your “friend” and he always has to hang out with this guy all the time and now he finds out that this guy is trying to steal his gf! I honestly wouldn’t fault your bf at all if he dumped you. You aren’t thinking about your bf feelings at all only yours and your “friend’s” feeling. Your bf deserves better gf.
He is trying to prevent you from studying because he thinks that once you graduate and get a great job, you will outgrow him and leave him. The best revenge is to do that. You don't need anyone bringing you down. Just block him and study. Then when you can, you deal with the breakup. He is a manipulative POS.
“Well then you can just move in with her since you're willing to cheat on me instead of respecting the fact that I have an exam coming up. You should come get your stuff before I throw it out.”
This tells you everything you need to know about his character and what kind of partner he’ll be and it isn’t even worth a fight. I’d end it over text with a, “this is a weird thing to do and I’ve lost interest” and block him.
Relationships are partnerships. There should be some give and take. Your wife has clearly stated that she doesn’t see it that way. She’s sees it as something you should work and sacrifice for, with no sense of being part of a family or a relationship.
You are clearly just there for your money. Divorce, find someone who loves you, who you can build a life together with. Right now you’re just building their life, not yours.
Is it also scary for women that CNC porn is out there and consumed by grown men? Or scary for mothers that there’s porn out there of young men having sex with “their mothers”?
Should I be scared, as a grown man, of porn out there that depicts young women seducing a man, drugging him and robbing him?
Porn is fantasy. As long as everyone involved is an adult and consenting, it’s immoral to judge others for watching what they like.
I’m telling the commenter above that her views are immature. That in no way means I think she shouldn’t have the right to hold them and express them, and it also doesn’t mean that I don’t think she is capable of consent. There are immature adults out there of all ages, as you can see from comments in this thread that undoubtedly includes women far into adulthood.
Her moniker says she’s a teen. Is that over or under 18? Idk, but if she’s under 18, then there is one set of rules and if she’s over 18, there’s another set of rules reserved for adults. Saying that it’s scary for teen girls to see this is so overarching. Obviously there is a huge difference between a 13 year old and a 19 year old, even though they are both “teens”. In the sense we are talking about, over 18 means adult, and therefore, they are capable of consenting to sex and should be capable of recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality. If they are under 18, I personally don’t think they should be exposed to any of this and should be banned from this sub (I know that’s not practical).
I’m also not calling her prudish. She’s entitled to consume sexual content at whatever level she wants and I would never shame anyone for that, no matter what age they are. The issue being discussed is what should be considered moral and immoral as it pertains to judging others for legal activities. There is no right answer, just debate and personal opinions.
Not necessarily, whose to say younger women want to date him?
Why do they post and repost this stuff though? Don’t the same responses over and over get dull though?
What a horrible day to be able to read
But yeh, you don't need to tolerate that. Not because she has an intolerance but because she's falling into the misinformation rabbit hole. Which sounds like is going to be exhausting to deal with along with the smell…
INFO: what was the mistake?
11 year age gap, not that OP is a child but these guys are always immature and have relationship issues, which is why they date younger. Definitely dump him.
Op, I wish I could give you a hug. Sadly your brother is right. You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm if they’d rather stay out in the storm. You have to put yourself first.
Maybe someday your sister will come to her senses, but don’t wait on that, and don’t let her expect that you will when & if she comes crawling back after leaving him and wanting free childcare.
Before we got engaged he told me he was going to learn and just needed some time. Well, time has passed and now he says my language is too very hot and he just can't do it. But he never really tried. I guess I just wanted to believe him but it's getting harder and harder when it seems like his plan is to stall me till I give up 🙁
This is completely unhinged on your part.
Break up with her for her own sake. You are exhibiting behavior that strongly indicates either serious mental illness or other unresolved issues that are effecting your ability to act like a rational adult.
I say this not as an insult, but from a place of serious concern.
I think she should have apologized. At 33yo she knows better she dropped the ball.
Now you know why she's single.
I think a ski trip over a long weekend is a big deal and a real treat (without the propsal).
I'm surprised you didn't tell her to stay home. She basically missed the trip.
Maybe she was legit busy, or a poor planner , or just lives in her own head.
You be the judge. At 33yo I would not cut her any slack.
Are you doing everything possible to address your mental health? If so, I hope he sees that and takes your efforts into account. If no, then you have some serious soul searching to do.
WatF did I just read?
That’s….concerning. Seems like love bombing to me. Or she just wants to settle down ASAP and a wedding is her goal with anyone who doesn’t just suck.
I’d pump the brakes here and tell her you want to take things more slowly. Hell, my partner and I weren’t official until we’d been dating 6 mos. Not saying that’s a magic number but people don’t usually show their true colors until 6+ mos and you’ve dated for 6 weeks.
She’s in lust or is delusional.
Your best bet is to hang tight and not put any further pressure on this woman, who may have met someone else in her area (sorry) or who said she said lying to you from the beginning (even sorrier, that means she's not 'perfect' at all). Book a therapy appt to process your feelings? I've ended a relationship in this way once in my life, and it meant I was utterly done & there was no talking me out of it. So sorry.
This is too much drama. WTF are you doing?
You are not taking care of or protecting yourself the way you should. Please try to see the degree to which you are allowing this man to triangulate you with a woman who should be a stranger to you. Stop giving him money. Seriously, so wish you the best, and this man is not it. Please get some counseling to help you free yourself from this miserable entanglement.
Tell your family exactly what you wrote in this post. Show your grandma, dad, your bio-dad.
You don't owe anyone a “compromise” on this; it's your decision alone and you are absolutely justified in feeling the way you do.
The best thing is to tell your dad first, so he knows how you feel, and then you have his support when you tell your bio-dad (and maybe even he'll have advice on how to tell him).
Grandma gets told, “I understand how you feel, but this is what I'm doing.” If she has a hissy fit over it, that's on her; you aren't responsible for managing her feelings, even if you appreciate all she did while you were growing up.
And keep this in mind: if your biodad really does feel remorse and “just wants to be part of your life”, then he'll accept that in any way, shape, or form, and not be upset about just being a guest at the wedding. If he throws a fit, then you know he hasn't learned shit and is still making this about himself.
I like to give him massages and a special food or dessert. He brings me chocolate and yarn. My dad brings my mom take out. My mom buys him coffee. My friend puts a bit of money away so they can go on a weekend vacation. His gf takes him to the arcade. In short your the only one here that knows what he likes.
If there is no trust, how can you have a quality relationship? Break up with him let him not trust someone else. You deserve better.
We broke up because he was working different hours and we weren’t seeing or talking much. We both decided to take a break. He finally got normal hours.
Yep. They don't allow opinion polls at r/sex, so ask specifically for advice about new positions. Hopefully that'll get through. Good luck!
My MIL wore a white dress to our wedding and I figured she just wanted to feel special too. I know she didn't have a big wedding because she got married very young when she was pregnant with my husband. I lent her jewelry and a handbag from my own things so she felt loved and fancy. It didn't matter at all. This is a great time to decide “the hills to die on”. There will be many more challenges ahead with your in laws. Being compassionate in this moment may be a great time to start practicing for the future.
That's could be fun actually, I will think about it!
You just hate men. Not much else to it.
How old are the kids? The bio dad does have rights. you can't just decide you don't want him to be in their lives because he was not a good partner for you.
Alternatively I imagine if you told him the kids were actually biologically your male best friends he may believe you.
I think OP should get into therapy and be open to the idea that she has low/no empathy. Obviously that can mean serious psychopathy and cruelty, which is what others here are responding to. But it can also be more “innocent “ in that OP clearly doesn’t even realize how bad this was, didn’t mean to “hurt” him. But going forward, OP does need to learn about empathy and kindness so she can avoid damaging her relationship further. Because she does want to stay married, and so far, as far as we know, so does her husband.
I think OP should get into therapy and be open to the idea that she has low/no empathy. Obviously that can mean serious psychopathy and cruelty, which is what others here are responding to. But it can also be more “innocent “ in that OP clearly doesn’t even realize how bad this was, didn’t mean to “hurt” him. But going forward, OP does need to learn about empathy and kindness so she can avoid damaging her relationship further. Because she does want to stay married, and so far, as far as we know, so does her husband.
I think y’all are right. the account was also completely inactive for over 10 months based on a quick glance at their profile/comments, which lines up with it possibly being hacked and now a bot/AI
thanks man!!
He’s jealous of you and your new found self and success in your career, he’s trying to bring you down
He’s jealous of you and your new found self and success in your career, he’s trying to bring you down
Stop doing stuff for him. Break up with him. Cook a meal for just you. Get boxes and start packing up his stuff. Do you get s long with your landlord? Maybe they can help with kicking him out.
You really need to work on your self image if it's tied this tightly to your dick size. Btw very few vagina having people want to have sex with someone with a huge dick it freaking hurts and can cause damage.
I’m still trying to figure it out, I feel pretty torn inside tbh.
Yeah I would’ve told her to get back with my car or I’m calling the cops for theft???? She sounds not healthy to be in a relationship rn
Dump him. Your bf is a pedophile.
Staying with her isn’t helping her. She’s spending all of her energy & focus on obsessively controlling you instead of focusing on her mental health. She needs intensive medical treatment from a professional. And she’ll never get that as long as she has you to be her servant & bandaid. If you are really objectively honest here – leaving her could actually be the best thing for her. Without you as her crutch maybe she actually gets help. It’s certainly the best thing for you.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So my bf has this close friend of 15 years that he slept with early on into their friendship but they both say their friendship is just platonic. My bf and I were friends for a few months before we dated and in that few months a few things transpired that made this friendship with this girl a red flag to me. 1) I met this friend of his and I instantly knew she was the friend he had slept with based on how they interacted. 2) He had shared with me that he thinks her bf is ugly, he doesn’t like him, has made of his looks to their friends, and thinks they shouldn’t be together. 3) Her bf (of three years) has never liked the nature of their friendship and my bf responded by saying her bf is insecure so he keeps calling/texting her just as much as before (multiple times a week). She also didn’t set up any boundaries despite her bf’s complaints. 4) At a dinner we were all at, one of his best friends said that my bf and this friend of his are soulmates and should be together and that my bf was just too scared in the past to make a move.
My bf and I were still just friends when all the above happened but had talked about maybe being more, but with all this in mind I decided to try to walk away as I felt he had feelings for this friend of his. He promised me he didn’t and to prove that, he’d basically cut her off (they were still in friend group chats/ hangs together but that didn’t bother me).
So with this new boundary I decided to date him. Then after about a month he said he couldn’t do it and had to have her in his life as she was important to him and that he’d walk away from us if it meant getting to have her as a friend again. So i compromised and was okay with a friendship, as i understand it’s jarring to just stop talking to someone, but I expressed I still wasn’t comfortable with a close friendship between the two and expected her to not be as close as they once were.
Cut to 8 months later and he expressed that he feels I’m controlling for the boundaries I set for this friendship and doesn’t want to have to think about how/when he interacts with her so he wants to be able to be best friends with her as he was before we dated. he has multiple female friends but wants to be the closest with her as that’s how it was before I came into the picture. To which I replied I was not comfortable with. I feel that he just keeps moving the goalpost on this topic and appeased me in the beginning just to flip once I was more invested in him.
He says I’m being insecure and controlling but I feel I’m not as I’ve had no issues with any of his other female friendships. He even has another female friend that he briefly dated when they were really young and I haven’t taken issue with that friendship. I feel the reasons listed above and the fact that he’s willing to let this be a constant issue between us, justifies my stance.
Is it controlling to not be okay with the close nature of this long-standing friendship and asking that there be boundaries? Advice on how to move forward is also welcomed.
What the hell du expect? Your virginity isn’t that sacred hun, we’re all just sexual animals at the end of the day
I think it's fair to mention that my university isn't in the us and it's not really the best. Last year, one male student harrassed quite a lot of the people he was working with and, despite talking to the academics staff, nothing happened until a girl spoke out and went to the police. The university was quick to deny that they ever knew nothing of this story. So in my case they might do little to nothing.
I think it's fair to mention that my university isn't in the us and it's not really the best. Last year, one male student harrassed quite a lot of the people he was working with and, despite talking to the academics staff, nothing happened until a girl spoke out and went to the police. The university was quick to deny that they ever knew nothing of this story. So in my case they might do little to nothing.
DIVORCE YOUR WIFE AND PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER
It’s a surgery to let him walk again. Sometimes there are more important things in life. Now he knows where she stands.
Why are you with this absolute POS? Seriously, why are you still with this person? This is abuse and now it’s getting physical, you will eventually get physical assaulted by this POS and you need to leave him like yesterday. Seriously, go to your family or friends house to stay / start looking for a new place. You are in danger OP, you need to leave him…..
This!
This is why I came to reddit!!
I will definitely suggest this idea to him!!!
I presented trip options that included me but not one that they can do themselves.
Actually, I'm going to plan a whole little getaway for them and then present it as something they can do at the same time.
Thank you.
Your husband sounds abusive and demented. Please run, there is no fixing this
OP, I'm sorry but you need to leave. The man you once knew is gone.
If you continue to stick around, he will hurt you even more. He's not right in the head right now, and quite frankly, it's not your job to fix him.
You need to focus on yourself right now. My condolences to you and your family, I'm sorry you had to experience that.
Go somewhere safe, and don't let him know where you are.
I'm so sorry, OP.
I’ve done the same and just don’t do it. It ruined my relationship, and I was about your same age when I did it to my gf too. I would honestly break up her and get professional help.
Are you upset she shared this experience with her friend? Or are you upset that she didn't enjoy it?
If it's the second, well… I'm sure it didn't go great for you either. “It's OK” means she's not holding it against you and she doesn't want you to feel badly or discouraged. But, I doubt either of you got the feeling of restored intimacy, connectedness, and pleasure you would describe as “great sex”.
There’s a reason he’s been married four times hon
I had my sister living with me for a short time and requested $100/mo. When the time came for her to move on her own I had saved what she gave me and gave it back to her to use on a security deposit.
She was unaware of my saving her payments.
Maybe try something similar? Up the cost to $150 and save the extra $50. Let her have the accumulation once she has class payments or decides to move out.
Exactly, and they aren't his girlfriend's to manage! I know it's very hot to self advocate at that age but it's necessary. His doctor should have already sent him for assessments in order to get the support he needs, especially since it sounds like he does indeed have ASD or some other sensory input issue. If not, he's just an ah
I wouldn’t bother. They have 4 hours worth of comments on this one post just being an argumentative, defeatist asshole. Like, just get a hobby or something. They need to stop being chronically live.
But she loves him ????. 23 let's get real, it feels like love but it isn't. Love is mutual respect and putting in the very hot work when you are tired and don't really want to.
This was just the illusion of love. First few always hurt alot but it gets easier.
The fact that this happened during the only time you were away is major sus. Also nothing good happens after 2 am.
“I cannot defend your honor unless there is honor to defend. I won’t defend entitlement, impatience and pettiness. No matter who is doing it, and I don’t want people to defend my poor behavior neither, but rather to gently point it out so that I may better myself. That is true care.
This is what I’m doing now to you. A person is no greater than the smallest thing they let themselves be bothered by. For your own well-being and those around you, let mishaps slide, people aren’t out to get you, focus on the positive things around you.”
If she cannot see reason, then I’m afraid you are not the one to change her. Only she can do that, and it must be on her own accord. You either accept her for who she is, or break up and find someone who is more aligned to your values.
Did the sex go down hill before or after you told him you were dissastisfied with his lack of compliments ? Nothing kills sex drive faster than being told your are a poor 'lover'.
Humans are simple creatures on the whole. Tell them when they do good and it makes them feel good and they will do more of the 'good' thing. Point out their failures and they feel like a failure and stop trying.
Unless he is or porn addict , gay or seriously depressed then telling him he's fantastic (in some way) sseveral times a day is best way to get more dick & compliments.
Treat him like he treats his Dog.
The wedding gifts that keep giving.