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Dude! You know whats goning on. If it hasnt happened yet it will. Anyway the moment she comes through the door tonight you tell her well you have gone out x many night. This Saturday I will be going out alone, the following Friday a mixed group of abut 10 people from work will be going out. I think it would be best if you stayed home. Then after you tell her what you going to be doing on the multipule night yiu will be gone finish with a story about a co worker of yours female uses whatup and she want you and a couple other from work to start yelling her through there. If she ask why? Say I dont know. You know how thoses driven 24 year olds are.and walk out of the room. If there is any question in your heart about things it wont be fore long.
Gotta be honest
Please tell me this was after the separation..
But if you guys want the same thing in the future, there's no reason to rush into asking her to be your gf. If you know she's uncomfortable with you being married, wait until after your divorce is finalized and then ask her.
You both need to look up the definition of boundaries in relationships, because “my boundary is that you can’t have your man friends in your house without telling me” isn’t a boundary, it’s controlling.
Now me, I hate the idea of anyone in my house. Compatibility to me actually requires that my partner doesn’t have a lot of surprise friends over. Notice how I said compatible, not boundary. If we don’t feel the same way, that’s an issue, and I won’t on-line with anyone who always has people in and out.
This is all relevant.
My partner actually has a lot of friends, and will occasionally bring them over to our house. 99% of the time, he will tell me about it and make sure that I’m okay with it. They even stay here overnight as needed, as do my friends.
We always check with each other. Because we both live! here.
He doesn’t live there. You don’t have to check with him. You don’t have to make sure he’s dressed decently or working on a project in the dining room.
Demanding to have approval over the time you spend with other people is not “pure sweetness, light shines out of his butt” bf. It’s controlling.
You need help picking out socks?
You're not listening.
Mmm… Maybe you are coming too strong on him. I don’t think you have that much experience girl even though you say you almost 40. Never behave like that with a man. That’s crazy. Let him come to you. Sometimes you initiate, you fill up, you make it sexy but don’t be all up on him all the time like a sex machine. That’s not good, that’s a turnoff.
Oh he is not worth your time or trouble. Keep both of your cats and wait for a good man to come into your life. Because no one who truly cares about you would ask you to get rid of a pet you have bonded with already.
Yes, she will be better off without him.
Too late, he’s already hurt your kitten. Sounds like you’re okay with him hurting the cat again. But not in front of the kids?
You are not well enough to care for anything but yourself. Save the cat and give it to a rescue.
Yeah I got my first boyfriend, had my first make out session, etc when I was 13 and it didn't seem like a bad thing at all. If they're the same age, what's the problem?
As long as she is educated about safe sex (just in case), STIs, consent and respect in relationships, where she can go for help(her sister) and all that stuff… I think it's fine?
Talking to older guys on-line is a completely separate issue, but having a monogamous boyfriend her own age is probably the best way to prevent her from doing that if conversations about ethics/danger aren't solving the problem.
Jeah he is very manipulative. He puts his mental wellbeing in your hands. Thats codependency. I know he doesn't see it that way but he is pressuring you a lot.
I dont know about you but I am in my 40s too, 2 teenage kids with coparenting with my ex and 2 adult childeren from him that dont on-line with us anymore but need care to and 2 almost fulltime jobs.
My libido fluctuates with my energy. And when he would put pressure on it it doesn't help. It makes it worse. Pressure means I dont want to have sex for a while because being pressures is a big turn off for me.
I am just a little bit different that you I guess. i dont like being pressured and manipulated. I cant cope with that. I would just tell him I wont be pressured and this is what it is for me. If he isnt happy, he should find other ways to be happy. I am happy to help in a non sexual way but Im not going to have more sex when I dont want too. Period. And if he doesnt like and thinks he will do better with someone else, he is free to life. I am not responsible for his mental or sexual health. He is. If he is not satisfied, he can find other ways to be satisfied or leave. And I wont be in these kind of conversations full of manipulation. I would just tell him to stop bugging me and find a solution himself. Bugging me for more sex is not an option.
Friends of friends? Why doesn't she have a OF like everyone else in 2022?
You pulled all of that out of thin air. No basis in reality or evidence.
What do you think supposing is?
Only kiss her if she seems receptive to it, otherwise it can be considered sexual assault. A kiss is not innocent, it's loaded with germs.
People do not change that quickly. Your boyfriend is an asshole and your family has every right to dislike him.
Charlie is a boyfriend not a husband, if you accept his behavior and stay with him, that is your choice but leave him home and spend the holidays with your family.
They will be around for the long haul, Charlie I am not so sure…….??
Angel clearly had serious concerns about her family. If Angel was someone that showed reasonable judgment and was a decent person I would follow her request. Also, the fact that the sister is saying she knows Angel lied when she has no idea of what she might have said tells you the truth is probably ugly.
Ah pretending you knew what was going on the whole time. Bet you do that a lot.
I bet a lawyer can find him.
he was so respectful and wouldn't touch me anywhere unless I specifically told him that it's alright
I've read alot about blue balls and how painful it can be for a guy to not get off when turned on
OP, there's no problem here. Unless you think he's not masturbating (which would be a very silly assumption), he's gonna be fine.
Your church/family might have instilled in you some very inaccurate views about sexual health; having sex is a bonus but absolutely not a physical need. Plenty of single guys are able to do just fine without it, there's really no rush to commit to intercourse. Don't have sex until you are ready, and if you are not comfortable it seems like your partner is respectful and understanding enough to give you all the space and time you need.
If he’s been financially supporting you for a long time, it’s only fair that you take him out to eat too, get him a gift to show him you appreciate him.
It was exactly the answer you needed
These behaviors are called gaslighting and ghosting. This man has set up a situation that makes you feel like you are either in the wrong or crazy for thinking something is not right. On top of that, he has ceased all communications with you for no apparent reason. These are not the actions of a person who cares about you. This is the machinations of a manipulator.
This relationship is over. Do not engage in any further actions with him. If he wants to treat you like the relationship is over, then you do the same to him. You will never get closure in this situation, so don't look for it.
The relief you will feel in your own bed, even if it belongs to a hotel, will be immense and immediate
That's fine its her choice u just woke up and decided to be happy and single
I love that. Change your wifi password. ?
And don't pay her bills. Heck, tell her to get out. Actually, you should just break it off and find someone who will treat you right.
To be fair, you can't say no as easily if someone doesn't ask.
You're right about the scholarship, it's something I'd really like to keep and not postpone, especially for something I love doing. I don't blame my parents at all, they haven't really asked us to do anything yet other than babysit the first night. Other than that my mom has been helping out as well, and they've even lent me some money for textbooks and when I got overcharged for rent this month. They're really great. I don't think they're going to want me to stay home, it's just a matter of is that something that I should decide to do as the oldest sister who loves my family. Thank you so much for your considerate advice, I definitely agree about my sister picking up some of the slack too 😉 haha
You bought the house , you pay, but you can decide who lives there so maybe you want your gf out and a new one in , possibilities
She did it anyways
So she cheated, and clearly showed you that being a sex worker is more important to her than her relationship with you.
that's a shitty thing for her to say to you. but how selfish are we talking? do you put effort in to get her off aside from p in v?
I don’t mean it in a rude way, but your tone typing this felt kind of cold to me. I know some people just talk like that. But going through your posts you don’t always do that, and I felt more emotions in your posts about spiders than this one about your marriage.
It’s been 11 years and you see it as trying to get him to agree to therapy but he sees it as 11 years of your “dictatorship.” You can say sorry all you want but have things changed? Do apologies even matter if you’ll still do the same things you’re apologizing for? If you’re so blocked up and unwilling to even glance at the past to figure out how to move forward then there’s really no point.
At the end of the day it shouldn’t matter that you personally aren’t a fan of talking about your behavior in the past, it’s something that is affecting your partner in the here and now and you can either work on that or you can let them leave.
So what I said before was that I am not apologizing for anything because I did nothing wrong. She said she was a “bad gf”, I told her “No, we need to figure out how to stop needing to have situations like this because it is mentally exhausting”. That led to the throwing up part.
What worries me is if I do ask her to change things and she says she doesn't know how she can be better, I assume that is her throwing in the flag on the relationship and not willing to change? Sorry for all the questions btw, I'm just super exhausted mentally from all of this
I don't think it's a good thing that a couple need access to each others phone in a relationship. There's something wrong fundamentally if that's necessary. But if you are going to stay then you need get on the front foot. Treat him exactly the same as he does you.
Change your passcode, disable your notifications showing and when he computations, just tell him it's equality.
Dude is 4 years older. At such a young age i would suggest you gtfo that “relationship” cus hes a dusaster waiting to happen. Seriously youre 18.. find someone your age and youll be happier
She sounds nasty, stop dating her.
I was resisting the urge right up until this one right here. Every comment so far indicates this is the US, in which case this comment is the BS callout.
I socialise on-line while playing video games but it doesn't take the same energy.
I think you are fundimentally just not grasping the difference in energy it takes to be on a voice call while playing a game vs being out in public with a lot of noise and people you don't know while trying to socialise.
One hundred percent
The way you solve this is by not moving in with someone who doesn't respect you, it's a huge red flag. He wants his personality splashed all around the house, and yours has to stay in boxes. He is showing you how he expects your future to look, and in that vision you aren't a priority.
You should all be using clothes. It's weird. Do you think it'd be cool for the 14 year old to be walking around in her underwear all day?
Because of this he doesn’t seem to take my illness seriously and is dismissive of my symptoms
I tried to break up with him to save him of having to deal with me but he begged
help him fully understand my illness and symptoms and guide him through my worst moments. He blatantly said no
Ditch him.
You are an abuser. She deserves better.
He misses the high and low emotions because his brain is used to that, not because you’re boring. There can be an excitement in passion and conflict- it’s heightening.
Bingo
Dude sounds deranged…
So I’m supposed to give up an hour of my time to read 100+ messages? And yes I do.
This makes no sense to me. Let me get this straight she told you she doesn’t feel secure about her financial future for when you guys break up so you want to look up laws that would make up legally responsible for supporting her if you break up? Are you insane?! What if you broke up because she cheated on you or she emptied you bank account and ran away with some random dude? You want to have to keep supporting her if she does something like that? Deal with that stuff with a lawyer and when/if you get married and decide to adopt her kid until then child out with this child support alimony BS.
You have just committed to scratching his back for an hour a day! There is no way on gods green earth I would do that.
He knows you hate it. Repeatedly doing something to someone that hates it and has asked over and over to have it not happen is called torturing them. Torture.
Think about that. Now can you tell me how you can possibly not consider torture abusive?
That's not even getting into asking you if you enjoy torturing people you love. Do you feel good when you know you are causing anguish and pain on someone you love? “Hell no!” You say? Bc you love them? Exactly.
He's autistic, no else is this honest.
How did you propose art students do life drawing then?
He’s put her on the mortgage. ?
If he told you that you would NEVER be allowed to look at his diary, would you be freaking out over that as well? This is a weird thing to spiral over.
Also, it's weird that he would tell you in advance that HE is planning on getting engaged, as if you had no say in the matter.
This guy needs a therapist and possibly on some mental health medication. Something is not right here. It might be good to do couples therapy too
Your kids need you to keep doing better. Accept you’ve damaged relationships but don’t skulk away. Be there in ways that are quietly additive in their lives. Don’t make their trauma and recovery from your harm about you and your your recovery and regrets. Sure, genuinely express remorse and state that you want to make amends and be what they need now. But don’t keep saying that. Do things like see what they need and provide it. Education, opportunities, driving places, show up for games or performances. Fix the dishwasher. Learn the game your kid likes to play. Remember what you did together for fun and invite for that. Be present, quietly as much as you can without being intrusive. Be the reliable co parent. Keep a journal of loving observations about your kids that they can have if they want much later when they may be ready to have relationships with you. With your wife be humble and let her be whatever she is, feel whatever she does, angry and sad whatever. Some things cannot be repaired but see what she needs from you and try to be a supportive person in her life in ways she can accept. And that may be giving her space. Get your needs for affirmation etc met somewhere else, like your therapist, sponsor, pastor, family but not try to get from her.
I’ve seen so many posts similar to this..
It depends on your financial situation as far as divorce is concerned. But start the planning.
Do not close your marriage based off his whim.
No problem and yeah I still don’t think contacting is the best but I do understand why. Especially since the roommate could lie to protect his friend if she does ask him about it so it wouldn’t necessarily prove he was or wasn’t cheating.
Ah, a coworker. Give her this book:
– NOT “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity – Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D. with Jean Coppock Staeheli
Guess what. Your wedding, your rules,
Honestly, you sound like you are just looking for reasons to remain in this relationship, and all that you can come up with is “it's better than being alone”. And that's no a good excuse.
Yes, you're allowed to for any reason whatsoever, actually. It's called “no-fault divorce.” You can cite “irreconcilable differences” and that's the most common reason cited.
So, yes, you can do that. And, men can choose to not participate anymore.
Yes I tried that, not exactly your words but I told her that o worry about the amount of unhealthy food she eat. It will probably be a health issue if she’s 40+. But she didn’t care because she likes it
Dating is an interview process. The point is to get to know people to see if you're a fit and you're compatible. If he “didn't like” most of them, that means they're not right for him.
I think you're going out of your way to create a problem where one doesn't exist. First, who cares if she takes the relationship seriously or not? Second, he asked her out, she said now, and he carried on living his life. Is he supposed to wallow in misery over a rejection for a year?
It's completely unreasonable for you ask to see chats. Either you trust him or you don't. If you continue like this, this won't last long. Good luck.
Autism is not a excuse to verbally abuse other person.
Saying she the fuck up to person he “loves” just because you want to be with him is just sick.
OP do you really want to be target for such behavior?
Nope. That’s a dealbreaker. I’m a lot older than you and I would not have been okay with it when I was your age and I still would not be okay with it. It’s your home, your territory.
Don't. Just don't either brake up, if you have no trust, or stop overthinking
Right! Men loveee being seen as the manly man role in the relationship without doing the work. It boggles my mind how they expect this treatment.
Some of me wants to give him all the responsibilities that a “man” should do. Wait and watch his head explode after a week.
Soooo, he's always had on-line in cooks/bangmaids? I'd be moving him out.
So why torture yourself in a relationship where you keep having to ask your boyfriend to stop disrespecting you?
I wouldn't care that much about the phone nickname but it's clearly a symptom of a larger issue of him prioritizing his relationship with her over your feelings. If you keep fighting over this and nothing ever changes, he's telling you clearly that he is willing to keep the tension and conflict between you for the sake of keeping his relationship with her exactly as it is. If you're uncomfortable with that, which I certainly don't blame you for, it sounds like it's time to stop trying to hold onto this man that does not wants to be held.
Just because you break down doesn’t mean you’re actually sorry. He’s not doing anything to find out what the actual problem is/how to fix it. He basically waited for her to get over it, then when she didn’t he starts getting annoyed and upset. Of course she’s not telling him is he has this attitude.
She even asked him for one accommodation which he immediately shot down and implied she is controlling, but didn’t try to offer alternative solutions. He needs to be open to hearing her feelings which, at the moment, he’s not.
I agree that they should have discussed this, but in a lot of monogamous relationships seeing your partner getting off to someone else is…not nice to say the least. Yet he’s completely dismissing the idea (that many commenters are trying to tell him) that porn is the problem.
I also feel it’s concerning to completely break down from a week or so of less affection from your partner. Idk maybe that’s just me and everyone reacts differently.
I did apologize, I was in the heat of the moment and felt uncomfortable in my own house.. I tried making conversation with her and she kept ignoring me. I got upset bc I’m trying..
My husband kept pushing me to talk to her and work it out.. so that’s why I texted her thinking it would make it better. I was wrong..
Yes. They use their dogs as an excuse to stay in touch and lurk at each other's lives.