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It’s not so much the cheating that bothers me. The last part you said about the guy forcing her to come clean. That sounds like they are still in contact with each other. And she should have come clean on her own if she truly felt bad about it.
You don't have the right to cyber bully me or throw shades like that because I am a peaceful man with some thoughts that I want to discuss that do not involve violence, we are all having a civilized discussion. Goodbye and thank you
Thank you , yes I agree
It isn't the divorced part that's necessarily a red flag, it's the age. You would be incredibly foolish to date this guy.
This is grisly as hell. You have received some excellent advice about handling this incident correctly, which I hope you follow. Your son’s well-being is the utmost priority here. Police report & therapy.
I will just add this: if your brother has extreme political views that are in fundamental disagreement with who you are, what you believe, and the values you are hoping to instill in your son, you need to check in with him about certain topics. Who knows at this point what type of ideological poison your brother might have shared with him on that Discord server?
So take a small interest in the video games, dad. Even if you don’t like them. Your son likes them for a reason, find out what that is, share in his triumphs and grievances. You need to be that person for him now.
What are your ages?
Don't have any more kids with her. If she wanted to be a traditional wife and mother, then she should be a traditional wife and mother… that includes doing all the stuff it sounds like you are doing instead. She needs to wake up earlier, do the cleaning, provide healthy food, stop the shopping, and she didn't deserve a dream house and new car if she wakes up at 10a and watches TV all day and maxes out credit cards.
I know at this point you feel stuck, but you kept saying yes. She isn't a traditional wife or mother, she's a mooch and she has you stuck because she will threaten to take the kids if you finally ask for some respect and boundaries.
She doesn't get a housekeeper unless she works and pays for it. Her whole life is selfcare. This is an example of “happy wife, happy life” going too far, and it's cringe-worthy.
She says this is the life she told me she wanted and I agreed to by marrying her
She didn't tell you she wanted a life of leisure and pampering, she lied and said she wants to be a traditional mother and wife.
but my friends say I'm whipped.
You are. I hope when your youngest is 18 you get the balls to serve her lazy butt with divorce papers, and for now, cut the credit cards and hide your important documents (birth certificate and social security card) where she can't find them and use them to forge/steal money to spend. If you are forced to be celibate, this marriage is a joke. She may be cheating too… I find it naked to believe she's getting massages and tanning and getting her nails done to look good for no one.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes those you are friends with make the best bf.
And looks are not always what make someone have feelings for someone else. They can fall in love with your personality too.
The only way to stop it, is stop making guy friends. I know it sounds ridiculous, but honestly you can't help how they feel, so if you don't want to deal with it, just stop making friends with guys. Then problem solved
Please post updates on this…
This comment is why I love Reddit. It’s crappy advice, but it’s honest and it recognizes that this is all OP wanted to hear anyways. It’s like the live! version of (shrugs) “f.ck it!”
I wish people would check me out on the streets.
You can use the long distance as an excuse. “Jill, I am sorry but I think we should stop seeing each other because you deserve someone who can be there when you need. This is something that I cannot give you. I hope we can still be friends, but I will understand if you don’t.”
Or you can use how you are incompatible. “I’m sorry, but you deserve someone who can match the love that you give. I cannot give you what I think you deserve when it comes to being loved properly.”
No matter how you say it she will be hurt. But putting the blame on you will show that she isn’t a bad gf. You two just aren’t right together. There is nothing wrong with that.
One more thing. If you didn’t have the ability to feel correctly: you would have squashed her heart already, not had tried to make things work, or be pissed at the people she dated that hurt her. You wouldn’t care for this woman at all. You might have a mental problem when it comes to feelings but you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve.
I think that he would help financially. It’s just a massive upheaval to our lives when I don’t know what happened in there.
Look, your wife is abusive. Yelling at you and breaking things is in excusable and is recognised as abuse. Her issue with SIL doesn't matter, the abusive way she treats you is.
You can't fix her. She has to want to change for herself. Her behaviour is inexcusable.
Lol. You flaked, she is just matching your energy. Besides, it sounds like she is way out of your league.
among people who aren't violent it generally doesn't lead to a physical fight.
But it's the guy's good friend, he should know how to tell his friend to shut it without escalating to violence. “Hey man, can you just knock it off?” is an option. But also, calling your friend's GF a stupid ass bitch is already fighting words, it's pretty weird to not care or even respond at all.
If they were the one you'd still be together. Chances are you were just really sexually compatible and you mistook that feeling for true love.
Nope. You're fine.
Well, note that there is a difference between talking about sex and and talking about INITIATING sex. Did you talk about that with him yet? From your post, it very much seems like the ladder is your issue. Did you ask him “Hey, what are your thoughts about initiating sex? Would you be uncomfortable or anxious in any way about initiating sex?”? Did you ask him “Hey, I really want to talk about this sex thing in detail and I wanted to know why you personally think why we haven’t had sex yet?”? And so on. Those types of talking points. The thing is, I don’t know him at all but I don’t think his effort is the issue. It’s communication and you guys being on the right page. My girlfriend and I were both virgins at the beginning of our relationship and we specifically talked through moving forward in our sexual lives and trying new things. And guess what! I believe talking about that even though uncomfortable made us closer! Communication, trust, and vulnerability. That’s what it comes down to in the end.
And that’s totally fair. I was confused because it sounded like you were considering breaking breaking up with him (that’s just how it sounded in the post) so I assumed you are annoyed by him to the fact that you were considering breaking it off. My interpretation may be completely wrong in that, but my belief is that, in any type of relationship, if someone is visibly or noticeably bothered by something that the other does, it is their responsibility to communicate that. Imagine he was expecting you to initiate sex but never communicated that with you and you later find out that he’s been becoming emotionally detached from the relationship, again because you haven’t initiated sex… and he’s never communicated this. Not very fair, right? Now I’m not saying this perfectly applies to your situation but I think you get the gist of what I’m saying. And again, what I said stems from my personal beliefs. If you don’t think you have something to apologize for- there you go!
Yeah, same here. That is A LOT.
Yeah, who gives a fuck what your ex feels. That's on her.
I know it’s over.
Unless they are just horny and lying to get laid Then I have this to tell you .In Indian society, lifelong monogamy is common concept. It can often lead to unrealistic expectation about love and they may put you on much more of a high pedestal then they should put anyone. Too much idealism sucks.
And vasectomies are reversible if he changes his mind later. Most options for women suck, IUD's are incredible painful, permanent methods are incredibly difficult to get a Dr to do because of politics and biases although a list exists of Dr's that will. All the other options mess with hormones.
I wouldn’t care.
All real I’m afraid, if that’s what you’re insinuating
He said he wants more sex but he doesn’t initiate or even try to turn me on. I’m not a machine. I told him this too when he brought it up.
Thanks 🙂
Lmao care to add the cheating gold digger in your list of selfish people?
You are receiving EXTREMELY reddit advice in this thread, and it's not doing you any favors. The best time to have started communicating would have been ten years ago. The second best time is today. Acknowledge your anger and pain, acknowledge her feelings (you might have to ask what they are and what led to them), talk about this perceived effort imbalance rather than just letting it fester. You should see a therapist, and yeah, maybe couples counseling could help.
Why try instead of just burning it all to the ground? Because this isn't some stranger, this is your wife. It sounds like she's feeling abandoned. But how can she feel abandoned if she's the one who abandoned you?! Because she's got 12 years of history and internal conflict and blame as well. You might be able to rebuild, but the only way will be to reframe this from “how dare she pre-cheat on me” to “huh she's feeling desparate too.” Good luck.
That level of intense infatuation is strange
You made a new friend. She is not the one for you romantically, though. I think that if it's a big issue for you, then tell her that. I don't see why you can't just be friends if you both get along well.
She lied by omission, but you have to understand that she is coming from a complicated place. Based on some comments in this thread, transphobia is a huge problem and is dangerous. Dozens of trans women are murdered in the US because of transphobia and toxic masculinity. So she was probably guarding herself against that and she probably didn't know the relationship would ever get this far.
I think of she had told you in the beginning, you would have immediately dismissed her without getting to know her.
It's up to you, ultimately. You either have a new friend, or a new estranged person you used to know.
as someone who is currently interested in a man who hasn't told me he is trans but I know he is from friends, please do not panic about it at all. if you have any feelings that she's not told you she's trans because of some negative reason, I promise you there was definitely no malintentions.
if you are in a situation where it is not something you can handle, I'm sure she'll be very respectful of that but please let her off easy if you do.
however, if you truly are in love with her and do see her as a girl (like you evidently do) there is no harm in trying it out with her and seeing how it feels. obviously, if this is something you are not comfortable with, of course, don't do it, but I think love can bring out a lot of feelings and make you do things you never expected you would. all I say is that you don't want to let her go too soon and regret it.
Good on you for focussing on yourself and having him some space. It’s early days and if he’s stated from the start he likes a bit of time to himself then I think you’re doing everything right. Give it a few more days and see how it goes. If it continues maybe think about having an open honest chat about how things are going and if something has changed for him. But again, early days, and Xmas being just around the corner everything’s pretty hectic too. You’ll be right xx
Sounds like a very intimate ordeal. I'd be pissed
maybe try to figure out why your arguing so much and find a way to get past those issues first, then when their isnt an emotional block you address his work and lack of sleep effecting your sex life. You can talk to him before fixing your issues but it wont solve anything, fix the issues and this should improve
Really?? GPS location wrong, ON SNAPCHAT?????
Youre in the running for bronze in the mental gymnastics category my friend. And I can understand why, but please. Do not believe this.
Love yourself to do what you need to do, if not she'll walk all over you, with pleaser heels on and not care that she's hiring you.
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She's young and isn't ready to settle down. Finding someone age appropriate may be better for you both.
You didn't invested too much to anything OP. Walk away from that human who's filled with shit.
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I’m about to be in my last semester of college. I’m still trying to figure out my career. He’s saying that’s Im the woman that he wants. I keep on going back and forth with him saying now I know he hasn’t had any experience. But he keeps on saying he knows what he wants.
she wants your bro. unless you‘re enjoying the sexual attention too much, you can easily tell her to stop. it‘s not that naked. do you respect your girlfriend? apparently not. if you have a little bit of respect left for her, stop the friend and shut her down. if you wanna continue acting like you respect the friend more than your girlfriend, and won‘t act on it because you don‘t wanna get rid of the attention, then break up with your girlfriend and then be with the friend. but don‘t disrespect your girlfriend like that man.
Why isn’t he making the cookies on his own? He is their parent not you!
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Raped or not, the actions leading up to that are also not acceptable.
You can break up with someone that was raped if they're actions around the rape were wrong.
He had emotional conversations with someone that was a gender he was attracted to, went to her place, and stayed there when he realized they were alone.
It doesn't make him responsible for his rape (if he was) but it does mean those actions were against his relationship already. Whether sex happened or not, I'd consider that cheating already.
The sex is irrelevant to the relationship at that point. He already cheated. If it was rape or consensual doesn't matter because of the actions around it.
Similarly if a woman was going to a man's place to drink and hang out, her partner wouldn't be wrong for breaking up over that part whether she was raped there or not afterwards.
Being raped doesn't erase the choices you made along the way or the consequences. Yes they're not responsible for the rape, that has nothing to do with responsibility for the actions leading up to it.
He won't tell you her name. Did you ever consider its because he's working with her all the time?
He ignores your boundaries about drinking
He went home with her
He had already stomped all over you.
Even now he won't leave his good time job because it's more important to him than you.
How many ways does he need to treat you like crap before you stop making excuses?
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Emotionally. I mean if someone I live! with doesn't want to have anything to do with me and tells me my presense make them wanna vomit on daily basis then… yeah.
Emotionally. I mean if someone I live! with doesn't want to have anything to do with me and tells me my presense make them wanna vomit on daily basis then… yeah.
Emotionally. I mean if someone I live with doesn't want to have anything to do with me and tells me my presense make them wanna vomit on daily basis then… yeah.
…”and you the one he loves…”
and do you really believe that?
You must decide if you can live happily ever after with a cheater!
Dang, that's a good point. It did seem like symptoms of being drugged (weakened motor coordination) since he wasn't wasted yet fell down.
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Your 'friends' happen to be other women that might also find him attractive?
Like why is it such a big issue that you differ in political views, especially since you said you aren't that much of a political person.
I’ve never looked at it that way. You could be right.
My husband got sick right before Christmas, he tested positive for Covid while I tested negative. Unless it’s Covid and she got tested and knows for sure she isn’t carrying it, I’d personally recommend she stay indoors to avoid unknowingly spreading your sickness to others. You’re usually most contagious before and when symptoms show. She has likely also been exposed. Is the the type of person who just doesn’t get sick? My husband and I chose to stay in to avoid getting anyone sick even though he’s feeling because he’d hate for someone to end up having Covid and everyone blame him.
You are welcome.
Write it out and stick it to your mirror so that you see it every day.
Idk what advice you want here. Personally, I would never go to a party that my boyfriend/husband was specifically banned from. He's an important part of my life, and if my friends (ex, in this case) can't handle it then I wouldn't be interested in pursuing a friendship further.
I would have a problem if my bf/husband decided to go if the show was on the other foot with me and one of his exes. Only you can tell whether this is something that bothers you, and if it does then stress this fact to your girlfriend, and act accordingly based on her response/actions.
You're just as transphobic as your dog!
If you haven’t met in person before you absolutely should not go to their house. Only meet in a public place where you will be safe. She could be a 60 year old man for all you know.
The thing is though, we’ve been together for a while this isn’t the first time we’ve been sweaty during sex. We’ve had many sweaty sessions together, which is why it’s so confusing.
Wow, instead of advice I'm insulted. If only we had more encouragement like yours.
I was always happy to pay some child support, it really isn’t a big deal for me. My concern is being responsible for the child’s well-being.
Predator behavior
Really??? 6 pillows and he gets mad you took one, then throws it in your face that he bought it? It's a pillow….who cares. I need 2 pillows to sleep too. It seems like he was mad about another issue and the pillow thing triggered it, lol idk girl.
And nuzzling your junk gently into someone's ass can of course fend off hypothermia.
You should tell him what you're going through right now, instead of waiting. He might surprise you and want to be there for you and what you're dealing with.
Eh. I think you can leave out your insecurities. Saying you don’t see a future together is reason enough.
I have lived together with my ex for a year and a half and with my current bf for 6 months. I was in a situationship with my bf for over a year before we made it official and moved in together.
Sounds like she may have some issues with depression. Feeling like a burden is a common symptom. I’ve been with my bf over a year and I will still give him multiple opportunities to back out of plans because I whole-heartedly believe there’s ~7 billion people on the planet who would be more fun for him to spend his time with. I’m gobsmacked every time he says he likes to spend time with me. Keep reassuring her. Until she starts withdrawing, you’re on the right path.
Why leave slowly? No need to prolong the inevitable. Just break up with him.
You're crazy and over thinking it.
You presented yourself as a wild and out there kind of person during your first meeting. Someone whose flirty, kisses necks and loves to have fun.
That is the only side of you he knows, as that is all that has been presented.
That may be a side of you (nothing wrong with that), but you need to present your down to earth side pronto.
That is why I suggest a more personal styled date that doesn't include the bar.
Get to know each-other where alcohol isn't controlling actions. And once you connect there, then sure, go have a blast at the bar and fuck around together.
But if you start it off as just fucking around, that has a higher chance for that is only to come of it.
Reserve yourself a little bit. Make him earn that side of you. That way there is an exchange of respect.
Same message. You need to establish boundaries and take back control oh YOUR home. Take back the key, change the locks, move to a new place or whatever works to take back your home. He’s being a selfish prick.
Well when she’s not there to get the brunt of that, who’s on deck.
Abusers like this just lash out.
Using resources very available, gives her siblings a shot to not be beat to shit when the next one gets their turn to take that abuse.
I can’t blame someone for wanting to run away, I’m not sure I could let my siblings face that when I have the tools and ability to make sure it doesn’t.
Not protecting her siblings would not be her fault. I just don’t know how I could live! with myself not doing that because no one there is going to do that for them.
Well is he using u for money? Doesn’t sound like u shud be marrying this guy, sounds like you’re only with him cos he’s a bit out of your league looks wise
Dump her. Taking her back the first time was a big mistake cause that told her you're a doormat and she can cheat again and probably take her back. She won't change. Alcohol doesn't make her cheating a mistake that's just a lame excuse she is trying to use on you to take her back again.
Question: Are you ready to raise a baby single-handedly? Because it seems like your GF doesnt want to be involved in the child's life.
I am not close with her husband.
Yet, he contacted you. You can now assume, how desperate he'll be to know why his marriage is going down the hill that he had to contact you.
Yeah exactly and I understand what you mean. However, I want to make clear that we fell in love and I like to think that I chose him consciously. I accept him everyday for who he is, his habits, lifestyle and all. It just takes a toll on me when I don't see his promises being kept, and I don't see a positive progress towards it.
You know your DH hates dogs so why do you keep bringing them into his home and then complaining he isn’t interested? He made his feelings clear- personally I feel sorry for the animals and personally fostering dogs who are usually challenged is unacceptable when you have one of the humans not interested- they need a lot of love and care – your being selfish
Yeah that isn't your wife lmao.
Paternity test asap.
When you do, show him this reddit post. That should cut off his “sacrificed everything” martyr complex right at the knees.
There are so many red flags in your description. Break it off.
10 year difference Coworkers Adult male still living with mommy and daddy
He is taking complete advantage of you. You need to break this off NOW. Focus on your education and work. Do NOT date a co-worker. And absolutely do not date someone that much older than you.
I think it just comes down to your definition of cheating and your boundaries. Personally, “window shopping” as you put it, would be a deal-breaker for me.
Paying for sex and sexual content while in a monogamous relationship is generally frowned upon as porn is free.
I would just say you saw his flirting texts and you're not cool with it.
I disagree that there's no value in stating her feelings to him, as long as she 100% understands that nothing will come of it and makes it clear that she knows that's the case when she says her feelings to him. I personally think there's value in being honest with your feelings and bottling that shit up may make it worse in the long term. However, it seems like that wasn't the case here, in which case yes bf and OP need to make it very clear what the boundaries are.
INFO:
Do you want to be his mommy?
Why are you trying to support the lies that were told to his girlfriend lol? Are you the friend who was trying to break them up?
Sure. So is being a sex worker.
I think saying the same thing is still awful.
She's gonna fuck Dave on the ski trip man. Sorry.
So you are the mistress then or is he in the process of getting a divorce ?
Send her to Overeaters Anonymous
The threat changes the conversation from open, honest conversation into a hostile one.
The natural reaction will be to close off and become defensive. It makes it harder, not easier, for OP to get what she wants.
But…but… his comfort! His RIGHTS!
You were shitty here, not her
She’s been cheating on you this whole time. She just has to make it officially “open” now that she can’t hide behind the distance.
Have you asked why it's clearly different to her sharing a room with another man?
She obviously has trust issues which doesn't bode well for the future, even if you find a solution to this particular problem
I am surprised by the uni not providing separate accomodation and it might be worth following up
You have a decision to make, whether you accept your GFs unreasonable demand or you go.
Personally I would go and tell her that if she isn't able to trust you, when you've given her the same level of trust, then there is no future in this relationship
Can you get a separate hotel room and pay for it yourself (or better still, have her pay for it)?
Else, just go. She can die mad about it. She’s being ridiculous.
Don’t bring it up again. Move on.
Definitely porn for the read-y bits of your brain.
I didn't require him to be ok with it. But he knew what he was going into
In every single thing and event in my life I have another person beside me, and apparently in a relationship I don't act any different.
I understand It's not very usual, but it's how I grew up.
I think it's a 'true' statement that's intentionally vague in a lot of cases. I think most guys using condoms for wanks are using them for butt stuff, on the toys. But it's stigmatized as hell to say that, so if asked they just say “for a wank.”
I've known more than one guy that this is the case for.
What about suggesting it's just you that initiates for a while? It sounds like you've talked about it a lot already and he isn't respecting where you're at, especially regarding timing.
Good lord you're a therapist?
I would be honest about being jealous lol I’m a pretty blunt person. But I have had lingering feeling the entire time. Trying to figure out if it’s worth shooting my shot
This, it's a school kid.
It's not “infantilising” for us as a society to think we know better than children do, about children's participation in sexual interactions with adults.
That's literally why we have an age of consent.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with discussing one’s timeline but is that what she did? Casually mentioning she’ll be moving in when her lease is up? Pregnancy scare. Nope, this girl is on a mission.
Get him out of your apartment now. Have a friend or two with you when you break up with him. He can go live! in the dorms or whatever. It’s not your problem where he goes, your safety is on the line here.
Oh yeah lots of women wait till after 35 or have kids in their 20s then later in thier 40s. My X-husband had an Aunt who started having kids at 45 and had 3. It's very random. Almost like we can't control life. Lol
At only eight months into an LDR, yeah, that's probably not going to go over very well. LDRs are difficult for this very reason, that you can't really know what he's up to when you're not there. That's why most people can't handle them. You can exhibit healthy relationship patterns so he can see how you're a better bet than she is (with her, you know, husband and cheating ways). But this early on into something this tenuous just isn't the time to start revealing any insecurity. You're still in the testing the waters stage and the more confidence you can show this guy the better. Not caring about stuff like this is attractive to most people.
Disparate desire is often a fatal flaw in marriages and relationships.
THEN YOU DON'T FUCKING TRUST HIM. WHY was it sooooo important for you to meet his family he doesn't even associate with? If you don't want to contact someone in your life for any reason, would you feel heard and trusted if he told you you're making a big deal and he wants to help you rekindle a relationship? Grow tf up. Even in your main post your upset about him not calling you pet names, making it about YOU instead of all of this shit that he just got brought back up within himself. You are absofuckinglutely not mature enough to be in a relationship much less talking marriage.
All you can do is reassure him you’re not going to leave but you’re doing this for your health.
Do not let him start controlling you because of your weight loss. Sounds like some latent self esteem issues have come out now you have lost the weight, and before when you were heavier he felt safer with you.
This is his problem to work out, not yours.
He’s not great.
You don’t like sex with him.
Break up.
Paint the inside with clear nail polish and don’t say anything
Google “mental load”, because he is burdening you with the entirety of it.
In my opinion someone this far gone is unlikely to make the changes you’re looking for.
The son calling wife's friend Dada isn't really that big of a deal depending on his age. If he is under two and only says a few words then I wouldn't worry.
My oldest called her daycare lady and her grandma and her auntie mama a few times because that was the only word she had for a woman who takes care of her. I didn't always correct her because sometimes she was tired or excited about something and it just wasn't a big deal.
She was 19 years old and you had been dating less than 2 months. You should do what you think is best for you, but personally think it's nuts to break up given the circumstances. Try to move past this.
Ummmm. Porn watching aside. Unless his job involves being IN porn, jacking off at work, especially regularly, seems a little much.
Commentary still also used to discourage women from getting an abortion (because many women who have abortions prefer to tell people they miscarried). It's especially egregious to hear it from a man.
Have the abortion, just because he wants the child doesn’t mean that you should sacrifice your body and life and have the burden of responsibility of the care of a baby. You would be the one carrying the burden of having the baby and carrying for it. Are you really ready for the responsibility of a child. Who cares if your boyfriend is sad. All the pain, hardship and responsibility will fall on you.
Why would you date and then say yes to be engaged to a man that supports his mother financially and you don't agree.
Yes OP you should
This doesn’t sound abusive, but it also doesn’t sound like you’re happy. Something doesn’t need to be abusive in order to validate you leaving if you want to.
And one very common theme in families like this, where the mother absolutely resents and is disgusted by the father, is that the mother tends to treat one of her kids, usually a son, like a surrogate husband. She complains about her relationship with his father to her son. She soaks in admiration and praise about how wonderful she is from her son because she doesn’t get it from his father. And none of this is sexual (that happens too, but very rarely), it’s just seen as normal.
It may be “normal” but it’s not healthy.
There is no future with her. You will not trust her again. Just block her everywhere and go NC. She might try to get back again if the new relationship does not work out, but don't give her the chance to dump you again.
It is absolutely OK and healthy for your boyfriend to have boundaries.
It has happened in the uk.
Yoruba family of ultra-traditionalist catholics gave their youngest son's gf equally appalling treatment when they discovered that she was a citizen of Uganda and raised in a fundamentalist christian household. Their son disowned them and married his gf within 5 months of meeting her. They remain happily married.
A friend and I had an interesting conversation about the idea that your primary romantic/love partner doesn't have to meet all of your needs. And that we don't demand that of our friends (who we can love as much as our partners).
She's in a poly relationship and it just clicked for me then how that makes sense.
Oh, she's hitting on him, but the ball is in his court, not yours. It's up to him to let her know he's taken. If he doesn't know he's being hit on, you can tell him, which also lets him know you know. Then it's all on him.
This is why I said legally.
I think you need to realize that your “friend” isn’t actually your friend. He’s pretending to be your friend in hopes of getting with you. Like that’s why he’s stuck around as your “friend”…If you and ur bf ever break up, he will make a move and you will shut him down and just watch how he reacts. He’ll behave entitled like you owed him affection. I’ve been through this too many times. He’s not your friend, like at all lmao, and downright disrespectful too.
Personally I wouldn’t care. I use concealer to help cover up the little imperfections in my skin. It makes my face glow, and I feel a little more confident in myself. Why can’t a dude wear concealer? For one, it’s 2023 for gods sake. People use makeup for all kinds of reasons. Second of all, you guys are grown ups here, why is there so much passive communication and tiptoeing, just because you use a little makeup, and to cover up circles under the eyes- oh the shame!
I may be a girl, but I wanna give you some advice my older brother gave me:
A real man does whatever the fuck he wants
This is exactly what happened when I found out (thankfully we weren’t married or had kids). His response when I confronted him? “I knew she was going to say something.”
The thing is that I don’t have a problem with porn I’d love it if we watched it together but he refuses and shuts me down, I just wanted him to not lie to me about it so much!
Goshh its not weird at all. There are so many other couples who only have 1 partner. Maybe in your social circle you dont see that.
i agree with her opinion entirely? i was asking her whether or not she thinks saying the “kill all men” phrase has a negative impact on men or not. in my opinion it does, but i am also aware that women have gone through enough suffering to justify just about anything at this point, that's all. i am not taking away from the oppression women face day to day, it was just a question? you seem upset by this. i guess you're correct though, i agree with 99.9% of her point(?)
i'm bringing it to reddit to ask for people's opinions on the situation, not to act like the naked done by one, what would i gain from that?
and i'm sorry, just to get this straight, am i not allowed to ask questions in this scenario? and even if i did have a different opinion, am i in the wrong for that?you're phrasing it like i'm purposely acting in some sort of way to cause issues between me and my girlfriend and that is actually ridiculous considering you don't know either of us.
i never questioned my girlfriend about feminism we were talking about it for about an hour before this even took place, and we frequently have discussions about these topics. i am aware of countless issues women face on a day to day basis and i actively try to be a better person for my girlfriend and the other women in my life, i'd like to think i am doing a pretty good job already but thank you 🙂
My mother tried to wait until my brother and I were grown to leave. It literally nearly killed her, she’s lucky to still be alive. My brother is low contact with both of them, because he can’t forgive her for staying. I believed that she was horribly homophobic for years because she stayed with my father, and it has meant that I don’t trust her with a huge part of my life.
Get out now, get out early. He will never change enough to be a healthy partner, and your children need at least one supportive parent. You can’t be that for them in this relationship.
Why get with someone to be begin with that has completely different values then yourself? Should’ve left a long time ago, on the bright side you’re only 32, have a great career and plenty of time to live! your best life going forward.
People also make mistakes that are not “trip and fall” accidents. For example, I chose the wrong subject at uni the first time and, due to a series of bad decisions, I had to take a year out before I could go do what I wanted. That was a mistake. I fucked up. Not on purpose really, but it also wasn’t an accident.
Cheating is this same kind of mistake. Many factors can influence it. It is totally possible someone cheats once, regrets it, and never does it again. They would consider that a mistake.
I do think it’s better if they reconcile, though I don’t think my opinion matters. Idk where you get that there is no respect. I see a family that was actually doing great, and would think it’s worth keeping together. OP says in several comments that the dad would be up for reconciliation if the mum talks about what happened.
The mum is obviously heartbroken and I find your lack of empathy a bit disconcerting. I think they should try therapy and go from there but that’s just me.
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I don't really want relationship advice on this but I could use some support…So they're not really saggy but kinda droopy? I guess. Medium sized, they've always looked like this. And I have that tail of spence thingies. I've always hated them so much. I always try my best to make peace with them but I just can't. I was talking to my boyfriend and I asked him how he felt about boobs. He loves my ass and thighs but he's not interested in my breasts at all. He said “I guess I like them when they're nice” and when I asked him what he meant he said “you know when they're like firm and don't need a bra to hold them” well that's definitely not mine. Buuut I should have known because he doesn't take my shirt off during sex unless I do, and I have to tell him multiple times when I want him play with them and even then he does it so halfheartedly. I've never expected anyone to like them spesifically but it hurt so much coming from him…I thought I was making a progress too but that tiny bit of way I've come is long gone now.
If she won’t show you the time stamp to prove it’s an old video, then her wanting to open up the relationship is just her trying to okay her cheating.
So ask her to show you the time stamp. When she says “don’t you trust me” tell her that yes you do, but the video plus her asking to open the relationship up recently means that this has to be checked as the trust is there but it is limited.
If she doesn’t, then dump her.
And I bet if you put a ad up on local social media etc, asking for the names of the 3 guys who fucked her in a foursome, you’ll get at least one name, who can verify everything for you – if you want to go down that road
!remindme 1 week
Sad thing is, some people are blinded by love and try to justify poor treatment and behavior. Some even put up with the other person's bs because some people believe that Hollywood fairytale of ” love can change them! “. And in the end their fix-up project is still hung up on someone still and or treating the people like dirt. The only thing that can help people not be in these situations is if they are questioning why their beloved is making them cry often or is hurting them, then they need to cut ties because there's a ton of people in this world, they don't need or have to stick with this one toxic person forever; they need to try to find someone that'll actually respect them and treat them right. Yeah it's naked, but it's better just being by yourself for a while instead of with a toxic person. I think a lot of people are afraid of being alone and would try to do anything and everything to not be alone.
Why you’re still with him ? Just move on
He should be so lucky to be with you. You have nothing to worry about you look naked. Dump him though, you can’t be with someone who is that terrible, you deserve way more, someone who will worship the ground you walk on.
Girly, hes been pretending your sister is his gf. Hes showing his friends, if i were you, i’d take it as hes not satisfied with me and is using my sister’s pics. Hes a creep and a bitch for making you feel like your body isnt good enough for him to say you’re his gf. Hes so stupid. I say break up with him
Umm, where did guest feel uncomfortable? We don't know what she felt, just she left. If I was in her place, I'd too, because my friend was talking crap about her obviously ill husband and trying to appease me, instead of being understanding about it. That'd make me feel uncomfortable, instead of him being “rude”. How do you expect him to mention all that while he's standing up anyway? Dude would probably crash trying to use his head in that situation lol. He explained to her and all she had to do was tell the friend about his sickness and apologize that they couldn't have a fun time, at which point the friend would likely give them space and encourage her to look after him. Any normal person would.
You look so beautiful in that photo and full of joy. I don’t want you to look at it and always hear his dumbass comment. Your boyfriend is a child. Toss him into the sea.
You don’t need to be on the lease. As long as someone has been living there even a few weeks, and established residency (like having a cell phone bill with that address on it), you have to take the proper legal steps to evict.
That being said. OP should take those legal steps.
Your child should not be the reason you stay.
I can only assume but him not inviting you to his outing with his ex and her family gives the vibe that he wanted to be single for one night/dinner. He can’t give you a reason because he knows that the true reason is terrible and he’s too afraid to tell you. Add on top that he lies to you and this relationship is messy.
No, they didn't.
Then what’s the problem? Guilt is a motivator to become a better person. If you’re happy the way you are then what advice could you need?
I'm a natural blonde and have been dyeing my hair brown since I was about 13. I'm pretty sure the amount of people who dye their hair brown is the same as who dye their hair blonde, except that it's less noticible for us folks
He sounds so inconsiderate. I got so mad reading this post. He couldn’t even be bothered to drive and didn’t care how exhausted you’d be after a 24 hour shift and yet he still wants you to feel bad that you were a couple minutes late to loose plans? He sounds like such an AH. I rarely recommend to break up but in this instance you really deserve better.
We are sexual, just not having actual penetrative sex, and we know we’re definitely compatible. The chemistry is very strong. Like I said, our relationship is perfect, no major issues. It’s just the porn, and my concern over it.
We’re definitely not rushing into anything. Getting married young isn’t always an indicator of that. He had gfs in the past he had sexual relationships with; none of them he knew he wanted to marry. We have the same goals, same values, and we respect each other. It makes us a great team, and our families support us and our endeavors to raise a family.
We recently took our couples course for marriage over this past weekend, and he’s very open to me about his guilt in regards to watching porn because he knows I’d never set out to shame him. I understand people’s perspective/opinion which says that it’s totally fine and natural, but we know it can easily damage relationships. He’s even been honest with me about the ways his past porn addiction tainted his view of sex and affected his dopamine reception and expectations for relationships at a younger age.
He sounds so inconsiderate. I got so mad reading this post. He couldn’t even be bothered to drive and didn’t care how exhausted you’d be after a 24 hour shift and yet he still wants you to feel bad that you were a couple minutes late to loose plans? He sounds like such an AH. I rarely recommend to break up but in this instance you really deserve better.
As long as he isn't doing anything with the girl at work, then it's a bit of a non-issue. I would be more concerned about the fact that you two don't seem to fully agree on where your sexual boundaries and expectations lay. If you are monogamous, then don't let someone pressure you into threesomes etc just to keep them.
He’s using you and you’re letting him. Is he willing to reciprocate EVERY time you do it? Highly doubtful but does he? You’ve been asked a few times and not answered. NO ONE should be guilted or coerced into doing a sexual act. That’s just disgusting behaviour. It is not normal and you need to decide what you’re doing to do with all these responses, as they are all very similar. Are you going to continue being used as basically a sex you, or do something about it?
They still have different shapes, sizes, face, eyes, behaviour, possibly scars or other things to identify by. I'm yet to see 2 identical cats, not to mention that you'd have to aquire it after finding it to replace the cat
Lady, you need some serious therapy.
The answer to your question is that he looked at them. Yes a program could theoretically impact the date accessed field, but that most likely wouldn't show in the way you saw. In this instance, it's so ridiculously obvious. So, first, put a password on your accounts/files. Next, get your own place/computer?
Does the same
Do you need a support system? If yes, then you should ask yourself if you can afford losing your boyfriend.
While obvious question is, can't he just move in with you? The problem is both his financial situation ,and the fact that, after not even a year together, he would need to support you when, even when you would have time, you would likely spend it supporting your mother. No, him staying with you, would most likely lead to break up anyway.
We know too little of your and your bf circumstances to realistically give you any useful advice.
Aw I’m so sorry I exhausted you.
First, she’s not actually his sister so you need to stop telling yourself that. You’re making it seem like an incestuous relationship when it’s not. These are two people who have clearly crossed boundaries and you need to leave. You appear to be clear minded enough to notice the signs of cheating so don’t stay in this relationship. Would you honestly be able to trust him again? Do yourself a favor and move on from the drama. Don’t let history repeat itself.
Also, he’s throwing your past relationships/experiences in your face to make you doubt your instincts. You know something isn’t right.
Ask yourself what difference it really makes?
We're only hearing one side, but this is pretty compelling evidence that something needs to change quickly. Like you say, you don't deserve being miserable, and your 3 year old is absorbing the negative vibes every single day. Toddlers pick up on everything, even though they don't have the verbal skills to articulate it.
You might feel less overwhelmed if you take some practical steps. Start with an attorney. The first consult is often free and it doesn't obligate you to anything. You need to know your options. For example, when you say you assume you'll get primary custody, this sounds logical, but it may not be as easy or obvious as you think.
Once you've talked to her, talk to her closest family member (sib or parent). This is usually recommended when there's any concern about the person's mental wellbeing. You were kind of vague on that part, but you want to express to the family member that you're concerned and they need to keep a close eye on her.
And they shouldn't, it's a pretty serious problem if that's something you're comfortable with, (viewing the silent period after a fight as a vacation).
She doesn't behave like she is your GF.
You didn’t deserve how either of those selfish men treated you. Stay away from your now-ex bf. He’s a selfish jerk who lacks basic compassion bc of his dick-centered ego. I’m so so sorry. Put up and big wall between you and him, and focus on healing.
But she wasn’t even dating him. And I’ve been informed that this is a fake posting.
Don't be with someone who doesn't value you. Ugg, the age gap.
How does it make you a “bad guy” for standing against racism and calling him out on it
The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.
Wait, wrong sub.
The dog is not the issue here.
It's over buddy… best to end it quickly so you can start to move on.
It's your first big relationship so it's naked – you are comfortable here and afraid of being alone. But the sooner you do it the sooner you will heal and move on and maybe find someone who wants to be with you too!
Not fair to her or you to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
at 20 you can't have “mature relationships” because neither of you is mature yet. He at his age would rather be with the boys, and you can't communicate with him. I think you're way more invested in that relationship than he is, and that's ok every relationship is different and some are a bit one-sided; but think of what you want, and if you want another type of relationship, you're very young and can still look for it elsewhere.
I'd tell human resources first before you confront him… confronting him directly could present unforeseen HR issues for you
Take your ex out of the equation because that sounds complicated and nude to figure out.
You two can sort that stuff out later.
I think you should be focusing on what the more immediate and evaluate your own relationship, independent of your exes influence.
And from the sounds of it… Seems like there a few signs that should make you take a step back. Not sure how long you've been together with your BF, but you're considering taking a massive step and committing to things deeper.
Once you move in together, there's basically no going back. It can take a couple over a year to break up because they live! together. Its a massive commitment and do not do it lightly.
Be 100% certain, this is a potential marriage partner for you.
He makes more than you (big whoop) Has a ton of debt and no savings. (Red flag, unprepared financially) He's stressing about paying the $800 in rent. (A basic level expense and he is already this anxious about it? And its not even underway yet) His debt and luxury car payment (financially irresponsible) He's admitted that he's bad with money and wants me to handle it all for him (financially unreliable, also dumps his own responsibility 'money management' onto your shoulders)
Regardless if you end up with your ex or not.
Unless this guy you're with now steps up big time in the near feature, I feel that you're just going to hate yourself in a few years because you locked yourself up with a guy who dragged you through the mud and was a total burden to you when you lived together.
Finances is your livelihood in marriage. Its not something to take lightly.
And sometimes… those past emotions, can trigger someone to see the flaws in their relationship in a more obvious way.
Don't focus on what the deal is with your ex. Focus on what the deal is with your current relationship because there are a quite concerning things going on.