Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Hey OP. I get your point of view. But I think you assumed your bf had a hell of a lot more familiarity with your ENM world than he did.
It’s not his world. He likely needed you to say “being my boyfriend means x: do you agree to this?” Where things went wrong is that you explained a whole lot. You tried to educate him. But at no point did you get his affirmative consent for romantic exclusivity and sexual ENM. So what actually happened here is that you messed up the ethical part – explicit consent.
This was your second attempt at an enm relationship. Your first one was with someone clearly already interested in that. So I think you assumed more people are open to this than there are, and didn’t adjust your communication to reflect that reality.
Your bf was probably trying to sound “worldly” when the two of you were dating. And you did a good job introducing the topic. But you never closed the circle by getting explicit consent.
If he talks with you again make it clear to him that this is the kind of relationship you require. And that while you hope he would like to still be with you, you don’t want him doing anything he is uncomfortable with. (Another discussion you didn’t have).
If I were you I’d post in r/ENM for advice on how to avoid this in the future. You have a good understanding of how you want an open relationship to work. But you need a better understanding of how to communicate with non-ENM potential partners.
Hello /u/thrwaway-acct-5679,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
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No problem. Sometimes we need things bluntly laid out to cut through the blinders. Good luck however it plays out
Hey OP. I get your point of view. But I think you assumed your bf had a hell of a lot more familiarity with your ENM world than he did.
It’s not his world. He likely needed you to say “being my boyfriend means x: do you agree to this?” Where things went wrong is that you explained a whole lot. You tried to educate him. But at no point did you get his affirmative consent for romantic exclusivity and sexual ENM. So what actually happened here is that you messed up the ethical part – explicit consent.
This was your second attempt at an enm relationship. Your first one was with someone clearly already interested in that. So I think you assumed more people are open to this than there are, and didn’t adjust your communication to reflect that reality.
Your bf was probably trying to sound “worldly” when the two of you were dating. And you did a good job introducing the topic. But you never closed the circle by getting explicit consent.
If he talks with you again make it clear to him that this is the kind of relationship you require. And that while you hope he would like to still be with you, you don’t want him doing anything he is uncomfortable with. (Another discussion you didn’t have).
If I were you I’d post in r/ENM for advice on how to avoid this in the future. You have a good understanding of how you want an open relationship to work. But you need a better understanding of how to communicate with non-ENM potential partners.
What do you mean by “its how the process of dating is supposed to work”
Sorry, but even if you are horny as shit, why do you let someone rub bleach on your penis?! Do you do every shit to get laid?