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Honestly, I would never cheat, but if I was with someone for the better part of a decade, had two of their kids, and was still just “engaged,” I'd bail on that relationship, too.
You might be going through “the Ick” phase
He's not wrong, you're displaying all the traits of masculinity. Strong, independent, disagreeable, logical, bossy, ambitious. All qualities you see in high status men. You can't tell them anything, they know what they want and get it, they don't take no for an answer. It's all very masculine.
And you may say that you want someone more masculine than yourself so you can embrace your femininity, but you recognize you don't like fighting but you'd constantly fight such a man. He won't want that out of you either.
Guys are going to be indistinguishable if you're looking at the desire for sex to show you what he wants from you long term. Most men want sex from you, and those who don't are likely looking to have sex with other men.
Where you tell the difference between the hookup and the relationship guy is how he prioritizes sharing time with you. A guy who is sincerely interested will want to force you into plans with him. He will insist that you keep talking to him by seeking to make plans together after every set of plans are carried out.
Keep going to the gym. Ignore your boyfriend’s pathetic paranoia – in fact ideally, just get a whole new boyfriend who isn’t such a creep.
Take it to Reddit??? Well, tell your partner he’s an asshole-if this female had just been the other women with the highschool boyfriend anyone might be more understanding-but TWICE?! And the second time was years later-with YOUR HUSBAND? Now she “just so happens” to end up in the same band as your long term partner, again, years later?? This girl’s probably got some serious issues and is at least somewhat out to sabotage any LT relationship you end up in
Not this one lmao
I think I’m also being more aware of things because my older brother has been in and out of rehab my whole life
I get that people drink but was scared that if I kept ignoring this I’d see a repeat with someone else that I care about
You bring up a good point maybe it’s me and I’ll ask him again if being with me is the best thing for him
Fucking hell you’re an asshole
lady, you've made three posts about this guy in less than a day. All have come to the same conclusion. He's an ass in the first one, doesn't make you a priority in the 2nd, and now again doesn't care about you.
This relationship clearly isn't working for you, and clearly you know that. Do NOT move in with him. Put that on hold immediately at the very least.
Been gone lmfao
Do you know what your love language is? What do you feel he could do, to make you feel more ‘valuable’?
I understand that it must be naked to be with someone, who hasn’t processed their past relationship. You end up comparing yourself to the previous partner or your relationship to the previous one and comparisons are pretty much the killer of happiness in all parts of life. I know it is very hot, but try focusing on what you need in this relationship right now and communicate that.
True. Just makes me feel like shit and not worth enough
Its a blood flow thing. It's very normal. Have you ever looked into C Rings? Google it. May be all you need. Also, just plan for it and refluff after swapping.
This is going to be a unpopular opinion. I honestly see you both at fault here and maybe more so you.
You both had a rough night but at the end of the day it's his grandpa who is dead and his sister in the hospital and his mom under a ton of stress. I get you had a rough night too but you showed him zero grace. You're self admittable irritable adding to an already stressful morning but refused to admit anything was wrong and got snipey with him. He tells you he's going to go and you just snipe again at him that he's late and tell him to do exactly what he just told you he was going to do. So unnecessary.
Your kid being scared comment sounds like pandering for sympathy. Kids get scared when one parent loses it especially when they're usually the calm one. But this hardly sounds like domestic violence or threatening situation.
There's days in life where one partner needs to be extra patient and tolerate their partner in an imbalanced way. Today was 100% you turn to be that person and you epically failed. Made it all about yourself and got up his ass super unnecessarily. If this is a pattern of behavior like he claimed right before he said he hated you, I'm not surprised.
If the tables were turned and your sister was hospitalized after a scary medical incident and you spend most of the night at an ER with your stressed out mom and next morning which also happened to be the day of your grandpas funeral. Then got home and saw him getting short with the kids and you but he totally shut you down and dismissed you when you nervously approached him. And you said you were leaving and he immediately criticized and whinged at you about getting going even though you just said you were. You might snap too. You might kick a boot in the hallway out of frustration (You said you didn't even see what got thrown just that there was a sound). And if after that your husband came down on you with a hammer demanding you to get out of the house right away? You'd be victim. It'd be poor lady with her mean self absorbed husband who has no compassion for what you're going through.
Kind of sounds like you're not in a happy marriage then if you don't even want to talk to her. If she has no problem with you wanting alone time and going out by yourself and you still don't want to have conversations maybe you aren't happy being married.
Why not just do regular sperm donation at a legit sperm bank?
He is insecure. Not you. Making fun of you it’s gonna drive you away and relationship without actual partnership goes nowhere.
Yeah that’s different then I read the first time! So she’s supposed to bring nothing? Very controlling
Join the military. Hit a reset button on your life.
You have to break up with him. because things will go not good way. I know it because 10 years ago I was the same bf. My ex breakup with me and did a good thing for herself.
“It's all in your head” is probably one of the worst things you could've said in that moment. Always a bad idea to imply that the problems someone mentions aren't real.
Lol. This is ridiculous. One of my buddies has a tendency to bend the cards when we play poker. We say “stop bending the cards, mother fucker”
OP has heard the problems. His wife has told him. They went to counseling over the issues. Whether he is listening is another matter.
The OP specially said that “ over the years I have done a whole lot of nothing“ about the situation and he has tried to please both sides. That is why he is being called a “pleaser”.
You can look at how your shared good memories will be gone as the downside of breaking up with someone who is sexist and cannot accept you. This is his stuff. He sounds insecure to make that an issue.
I believe that knowing what is acceptable from a partner is part of the maturing process of learning about ourselves; what is acceptable, our values, what is healthy for us and what we want in a partner. I believe that you will still have your memories and that is part of life.
You still can love him but from a distance and not as a sexual, romantic partner. Love yourself first and foremost though.
Is your friend possibly going for him and trying to get you away from him so she can take him?
Most people are going to say you shouldn't stay with a cheater.
but a cheater who has made a one time mistake, reports it immediately, and takes steps to prevent it from happening again MIGHT be worth a second chance.
I'd start with “don't drink so much,” especially at 29.
OTOH you can break up with someone without giving them a reason. It really depends on whether you feel like you can get over this.
You need to communicate clearly with her and get on the same page. I’d do this over phone or in person. You can say that your involvement puts your job in jeopardy, and that you’re sorry but you don’t think you should continue a non-professional relationship.
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I don’t think your anger is misplaced, any human would react in the same way, given how tight the timing was, and your boyfriend didn’t meet up to his expectations.
These things happen all the time, but what I’m more curious about is your question. Is this something that continues to happen on a regular basis? Because that’s the main issue to address here if that’s the case, especially as it’s something that bothers you. Otherwise, if it’s in isolation (especially given the unique circumstance you described), I don’t think you should be harsh on yourself and deem it such that you need to “repair” the relationship.
I think having a conversation about this outside of the moment, when tensions on both sides are down and you’re both willing to hear each other’s opinions. There are many reasons as to why someone has a natural tendency towards wanting to be micromanaged / babied, and a lot generally stems from how they grew up, and expectations of relationships. If you can be honest and decide to make changes which work for both of you, this is the best outcome you can ask for!
Also, I just want to say, that your introspection and willingness to see both sides is refreshing!
Location apps are not always accurate and and they malfunction at times so they are not always trust worthy, also the fact he had to check it because you were out shows he had a lack of trust before you even went out. It is a stupid thing to get suspisous over and to assume you were cheating right away instead of actually talking is a bad move on his part. You know you never cheated and were loyal and thats what matters, not some made up theory he had in his mind
Holy, almost all! The reason she first slapped me was because I had an archived video on TikTok of my previous gf just walking down the street for few seconds. I’m trying to remember if she tried to isolate me from me friend and family but I can’t think of something on top of my head. She was lonely in my country. I told her to find friends(girls) but she told me all the girls she met were either alcoholic, drug or clubbing addicted. So she referred my company instead.
She hated everyone and had zero empathy towards not come to her. But she was mean to waitress or employees from what I saw.
She would NEVER acknowledge her mistakes. Heck, she would punch me in the face and blamed me for trying to defend my self and she was playing victim. And what scares me is that there were nobody else in the house so I don’t know why she was lying, like, to who you are lying?
In some of our first I also threw a list of her mistakes to be honest. I can recall her doing that.
Yes she is very friendly to other people, she even manipulates people into helping her when she was asking a favour.
Yes she would also do the fourth.
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I have to pay for the photos for my portfolio of course but I’m willing to do this and I can afford it.
This is a scam. If you are scouted by a model agency, they won't ask you to pay for photos. Scam scam scam.
If you want to break up, fine. But don't do it for this girl that won't even respect your current relationship enough to stop trying to get with you. If you do, don't be surprised when she's not nearly as interested because you aren't taken anymore.
Nine-TEEN
Worms are fairly common and a ton of people have them and just don't know it because basic testing sucks and doesn't see all of them in different stages and different kinds. You have to do better testing in most cases. Really not that big of a deal.
UpdateMe!
he had to pry it out of her lmao she didn’t just “tell” him
Very bad idea.
This seems pretty normal for they aren’t that into you. Sounds like you need to get out more. Get a hobby that makes you leave your house.
Why would you want to marry/have kids with this guy? You shouldn't buy a property with someone you're not married to, and you shouldn't marry someone you're financially (or spiritually or sexually or xyz) incompatible with. Especially someone who habitually lies to you.
Massages every night? Can I have him please? Lol
So he's into cult training, is what you're saying.
Tbh, it sounds like your issue is not that you cannot bring it up in the right way, but you wanting her to listen to you and lose weight, because you like that better, and you're just frustrated because she doesn't do that. She knows she's gained weight. No need to inform her about it. If she wants to lose weight she will and you'll know.
I was 34 before i started living alone. I absolutely love it. It's been 5 years now and I throughly recommend it. It took a couple of years to get used to it and now there's no looking back.
Do you think that’s because men make up the majority of violent offenders and sex-crime perpetrators?
If there would indeed be a different reaction, it wouldn’t be created from a vacuum against an oppressed class of disadvantaged people. Just saying.
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Then you can start it off as I’m having trouble finding out how to word this without it coming off as rude/ I don’t mean to offend you or your family in any way, I know you are so close and I admire that and hope one day we will be able to have our own family blah blah
There’s many ways to go about it. You’re human. You’ve been dating for four years. And you also have the right to know how your life is going to be if you make such a huge decision as getting married.
Communication/being able to communicate normally without fear and boundaries are extremely important in successful relationships.
Something isn't adding up here. Your wife didn't deserve that treatment overall, but especially on wedding day. That's completely out of line. But I would assume your wife met your mother in the long time you've been together, so not sure why she would continue the relationship. Honestly, your mother is the worst one out of this horrible situation. But it sounds like all parties involved in this have some sort of mental issues going on.
You can't get over it because it should have never happened. No matter what you said. Abused people always blame themselves. Take stock of that. You didn't have a healthy example of love, so you likely don't even know what it really looks like. I guarantee if he wrapped his hands around your neck, he's also abusive in other ways you're not considering abuse because at least he's not choking or hurting you.
The fact he takes zero real accountability for it and says you pushed him to it tells me you're not safe. If he can't control it, then you're not safe. But he CHOOSES to lose his temper with you because I guarantee he doesn't with coworkers, bosses, friends, family, or people he respects. IF he was actually taking accountability he would be sobbingly apologetic, going to therapy, and/or doing anything to regain your trust and talk about it when you need to. Instead, he blamed you and called it a day not to be brought up again . . . .. or what?? He'll choke you again? This isn't a healthy relationship by far.
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And your having a kid with her? Is she going to give you an ultimatum every time she wants something and you disagree? I would go to couples counseling and work these things out before there is a tiny human involved.
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I wouldn’t be able to recover if even half of this was done to me.
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You should do whatever you want, and he’s not an asshole for not liking a lot of piercings. People are allowed to have personal preference and he told you from the start about his – and sorry hun, but if he’s not into a bunch of piercings, what do you want him to do, not look at you?
I have piercings and if a guy wasn’t into it, I just wouldn’t bother with him because I get it. I find bald or shaved heads super unattractive, and when my ex knew that and shaved his head anyways I was pretty disappointed and it killed my desire to fuck him.
So. Yeah. Go get whatever you want pierced, but don’t judge your STBX for not liking it.
You dodged a cannon bullet. Ppl are so fking stupid these thays they think they need to write a fking letter to give consent, seems like ppl don't have any subtlety these days. If she leaned towards the kiss she was giving you consent to kiss her, if she didn't want you to kiss her she could've just backed off. These crazy bitches think they can remove consent from the past and accuse you of kissing without consent. You did well and thanks god she revealed the type of person she is before you went to bed, imagine her retroactively removing consent from that.
firstly my boy you are 19. You may thing you’ve been in 6-7 relationships but you haven’t. Your age doesn’t age up for what a serious relationship would be like. At that age I thought I had a few relationships and looking back they were not that serious to even be counted as a real relationship
the whole fact that you guys were already kissing and did quite a bit of it, then one day she suddenly switched seems very suspicious. She could’ve either realize she don’t like kissing you. Could’ve been because she was inexperienced but it doesn’t add up cause she would’ve said that from the jump.
anytime a woman brings a friend, be out the door because it shows she doesn’t trust you and is in actual fear of what you would do to her or how you would react. That right there is a huge red flag cause I don’t wanna be with anyone who can’t trust me. It’s the equivalent of her bringing her friend for a date.
stop overthinking and let it go. You broke up with her because your aware of her distrust for you and nothing is wrong with that. I broke up with a girlfriend when I was 24/25 when we didn’t connect sexually in some ways. I thought I was overreacting too, even at that age because it will always seems as if you’re just sexually driven but it’s also more so knowing what you want and not wasting your time.
With the way OP is behaving, if she even remotely flirted via text we would've heard about it.
The only thing that remotely suggests that the coworker has a thing for the ex bf is her liking his social media posts – and that's shaky ground to stand on.
Coworkers go for platonic outings all the time. Asking a coworker to dinner after working late is not flirty, it was most likely asked like this, “Hey it's late, you hungry? Wanna grab a bite?”
I don't think this colleague is anything more – op and some commenters are making illogical jumps to fit a narrative that doesn't exist.
Kate is ridiculous. Your friends that agree with her are ridiculous. Cultural appreciation is not cultural appropriation. Also, it’s fucking cosplay. So if Lana didn’t tan, would Kate have a problem with it?
that's like saying, when he's peeing in the corner, he's lovely. His behavior is a deal breaker for most. Thus the longest relationship being 4 months.
Exactly. However bad OP feels, OP’s girlfriend – the actual victim – must feel 10x worse. He literally couldn’t give less of a fuck about her feelings at all
i will no worries. the few times she’s gotten like this she has a very different facial expression, she talks totally different and is inconsolable. usually she’s very helpful and attentive and talkative so it really worries me
You are MTF and are taking testosterone? Something here is a typo, right?
Ehh he will probably leave his current wife to upgrade to the next 22 year old he can talk into sleeping with him.
You know what, thats a good question
INFO: OP, do you plan on not being in a relationship the next 3 months, or are you intending on immediately getting into a new one?
He’s a loser.
lol. Never fell the supposedly “biological clock”. But seriously five years together is way too long for people who wants to be married. It is pretty childish to say “I wanted to do it, but because she wants me to do it so now I don’t want to do it” regardless what topics we are talking about.
You’re not sexually compatible and you have major communication issues. That’s the root of the problem. I’m sorry that things are tough between the two of you.
You moved too fast. Sounds as if you didn't even know the new person and when you did get to know her, you didn't like what you learned.
Personally, I wouldn't be mad, especially if she made it clear that she didn't want trouble. Id want my friend to tell me if something they knew I was going to do something that would hurt them, whatever that reason could be.
Im more confused here by what an experienced virgin is. I would also say that I wouldn’t definitely define your kinks u til you have tried them.
That being said, for a relationship to work there needs two things: honesty and communication. The first is easy, just be truthful. The second can take work to learn how to communicate effectively with a partner so that both people hear the same thing.
You need to talk to him about this.
Immature and insecure
Has he received any professional help for his grieving?
I can see maybe a few months- heck I will give him a year.
But four years is a long damn time. Four years and an awareness this is a problem for your partner is too long. Either this needs to be solved or else you need to accept that he is now asexual and proceed accordingly, which frankly probably signals that this has run its course.
I am not unsympathetic to loss,however at some point, he has an obligation to do all he can to heal himself.
I've been there, break up is the right move. Good luck.
Jfc do not have kids with this man
Take this as a chance to start again. You are young and can find a better-suited partner.
THIS! My parents had a rule about this with tv regarding anything mature. If I couldn’t describe what the nature of it is, I couldn’t watch it.
So when Dawson’s Creek was airing the season four episode of Joey loosing her virginity, my parents asked me why should I at 14 be watching it?
Me: “Because Joey and Pacy are going to have sex for the first time.”
Andddd thats how I back in 2001 ?
Anyway, completely agree. If you are going to have sex, you need to realize this an ADULT decision which means you directly say, “I want to have sex, bring condoms.”
So he has to accept every part of her but she doesn’t have to accept every part of him in that it makes him uncomfortable?
Her current approach to it is great! She isn’t trying to change herself just the way they approach arguments and resolve conflicts to come to the best outcome for them both.
I think she's heading towards a break up. Maybe staying with you for a few months on the visitor visa first would be a good idea? I think that committing to the study given the conversations you have had with her would be foolish.
Does he really like you though or does he like that you spread your legs and clean the dishes?
This is all the more reason you need to end the relationship and take some time to be on your own. Take it from someone who married her 26 y.o. boyfriend at 20 and got divorced not long after, there is no reason to rush engagement or marriage. If you will be together for the rest of your lives, then you can get engaged or married at any time.
The desire to impulsively rush into a commitment is a red flag of unresolved issues that you're apparently somewhat aware of. You need to deal with your codependency issues before getting into any kind of relationship, not only so you can protect yourself from abuse, but also so you can be an equal partner to a future romantic partner.
Too fast is relative. I proposed 3 months in and we’ve been together now for near enough a year
You're not a mind reader. Can't do any more than what you have done.
I don’t know. I’m worried that no, he won’t. I’m also worried that he will see a lot of people disagreeing with him because “we’re all a hive mind where of course like-minded individuals will enter an echo chamber and tell each other what we want to hear” :/
Being able to check all the boxes doesn’t mean the IT is there. I’ve met plenty of people who met all my wants but it just wasn’t right.
If you are looking for things to dislike or invented things then that could be a problem, but it just may not be right.
Move your money to a completely different bank so she can’t convince them to give her access. You shouldn’t need her to agree because you aren’t closing them – just withdraw your money and make new accounts elsewhere. Make sure you have all of your important papers (passport, birth records, etc) somewhere safe, preferably out of the house. Check your credit to make sure she hasn’t taken out any loans I’m your name then lock it down so she can’t. As soon as you can, get the heck out of there. Do NOT let her make you feel guilty for “abandoning“ her or making her homeless. She made her own bed. I wish you the best!
He is at the very least lying to you in order to protect his relation with his “friend”. At this point it doesn't matter if there were no physical cheating, emotional cheating is a thing too. I don't think he will ever admit it you so, you need to make your choices what to do about it proactively.
Your point about me being upset at his reaction to sexism is an interesting one, and one that my partner brought up himself. It is part of the reason why I made this post in the first place. I wanted to find out whether others thought I was overreacting or not, but it seems most people think my concerns are valid.
On your example- I get that I'm at a unique intersection being both a feminist and a sugar baby and how that may appear contradictory to some people, but feminism is all about empowering women to do what they want. For me, at the time, I wanted to be a sugar baby. That said, I understand your point and why others may think it strange.
Ok so he wasn’t lying to me ab the therapy. He told me he had a consultation with his therapist today that was only supposed to be 30 minutes, but they talked for an hour. He enjoyed it, and he’ll see her twice a week. I tried the tough love thing tonight too. I warned him before he even came over that I’m not coddling that behavior. There were A lot of tears. A lot of anxiety for him, and I hate that. However, it felt good on my part to not sit there and baby him. He still cried and whined for a while, but??♀️??♀️. I called him out every time he projected onto me, and he hated that, but I just had to let him know.
Correct.
Agreed.
Break up with her. Seriously. That's the solution to the problem here.
Right, that's what I don't understand about this one. The friend just seems to have flipped a switch when she seen his age and just wanted to put it on OP.
“Do you think this guy is attractive?”
“Yeah, sure, but not my type”
“Are you kidding me? He's so hott! Btw he's only 20 and you're a pedophile for saying he's attractive.”
Well a religious cult is not socialist since, as I said previously, socialists take religion with a heavy pinch of salt (and communists are complete atheists).
Hippie communes are not socialist either, sorry. They were far messier than that. Hippies were all peace and love, eschewing consumerism. Socialism does not eschew consumerism. Socialism is about making sure that even the poor have access to stuff.
Girl, see that as a sign. Let him go, then he can f'ck his bar babes.
Why do you need to work full-time? Get a part-time job and you will have enough time for the baby and the household. Also: in case both of you work full-time, everything else should also be split 50/50 – cleaning, cooking, shopping etc.
Y'all it was most likely alcohol if it happens again or pattern then worry
He’s much better off without you. Dumping him at his birthday dinner for such a selfish reason was also low-class, for the record.
He’s much better off without you. Dumping him at his birthday dinner for such a selfish reason was also low-class, for the record.
Sounds like the seven year Itch. I hope you find it passes soon!
Dude. This is an absolute train wreck. You are talking about adopting a child and you have no idea if that’s even a feasible option. This grown. Ass. Woman is literally setting you up to provide for her after she dumps you, and she’s not even being sneaky about it.
It seems like your mind is made up though. PLEASE remember to update when this explodes. I’m more invested in this relationship than she is ?
Man, this is something I never considered and wow does that interpretation mean a lot to me. Thanks for sharing that… And damn, mindblown.gif
Sorry but the date is not happening.
Damn, ok. I feel sorry for the sucker that you impregnate. If my partner did a paternity test behind my back I would leave them when I found out. But our relationship would have been over from the time they considered doing it.
I meant to put 180+ lol. I'll fix it.
Ooof. Couples can agree to disagree on a lot of things, but can you imagine what would happen to your relationship if you got pregnant?
Second thread like this today wow lol…But anyway, only thing he can do is reassure you and apologize. The only thing you can do is observe if he is truly moving on or still hooked on his ex.
The only thing I will say though is, if he wad with her for 7 years, do not be surprised if she comes up in conversation or his thoughts from time to time. It is normal. But if he is showing signs of actively holding on to the past, you may want to rethink your position.
I don’t think she actually understood what life would really truly look like, at 20 she probably had her head in the clouds and thought love conquers all yadda yadda yadda.
There are things only time can teach you, and at 20, she did not have that time or knowledge available to her
She has told you how she feels, she sounds deeply unhappy with what her life looks like.
She does earn less. She works more hours than you to make the same amount of money. You have the same salary but you're not spending the same amount of time working. So perhaps she is dissatisfied bc she sees that you would be able to contribute more (esp in a future where you had children) and you simply chose not to.
Which is all well & good, and you can on-line a semi-retired life if you like and I myself plan to do that by 45. But we are not planning to have children and it appears that you are. That changes a lot of things.
Does your love for your gf outweigh your transphobia?
I do believe her whenever she says she’s unwell or for Whatever reason, this was all of a sudden when we was about to go to bed and I’d tryed it on with her which was why it was wierd, she told me she couldn’t go to bed now because she couldn’t lie down because she felt sick now.. so I sort of left it went Into bed an when I come back into the living room She’s laid down falling asleep which made me question it? I don’t think she is depressed the past times she’s instigated it she’s wanted to go out in the car
Maybe stop pressing her. Being raped is a kind of violation you can’t understand unless you’ve been through it as well. Being raped and forced to have a child because of it is a whole other level of pain.
If she doesn’t want her daughter to know that her daughter is a product of violence, then that’s her choice. Let her figure out what she wants to tell you, that said, if I knew my husband posted all the horrible things that have happened to me on Reddit I would seriously rethink everything.
Honestly I’m really not sure why you’ve even posted this. You do know there is a way to trace where you posted from? You just blabbed a major incidence, and don’t seem to understand the possible consequences.
You could always call her and tell her that you don't want to talk to her anymore because she can't respect your boundaries. If that's too difficult and you want to try to cut things off more slowly, I'd lead off with intentionally and unapologetically not instigating conversations asking with delaying and limiting responses. Also, you need to institute firm conversation boundaries – if she says something nasty about your fiance or hits on you, respond firmly without sugar coating – things like “we can't be friends if you can't respect my boundaries” or “that's really shitty of you to say things like that even though I keep telling you it's not okay and it needs to stop.” If she tries to meet up, insist that you can't due to her history of refusing to bring you home. Eventually she'll either get the hint or will open a conversation where it's easier to tell her you're done being her friend.
They say dating is finding someone you can commit to, on-line with, and possibly marry. She lied to you and is hiding stuff from you. Why? Who knows. The more important question is she someone you can commit to, online with and possibly marry. I wouldn't. Probably time to move on and keep the search going.
I'm just wondering if she has three children and all of them earn good money, how much does it cost them each monthly to pay for their mothers livestyle? And what procentage of their income would be left?
Because depending on the answer this situation could be completely different.
If they each earn like 10k a month and pay their mom 1k that very different from each earning like 3k and paying their mom 1k.
And what OP should also ask her husband is if he would be ok if she decided that they are going to send double what they sent his mother to her parents.
She did make sacrifices. And she has her family at least. Which is worth more than anything
I think that there’s some validity to this route, but you also need to take care of yourself. There is a huge difference between your genetic makeup and your life experience/the people who raised you. There are plenty of people who learn one or both of their parents wasn’t their real parent as an adult, and they continue to call that parent mom/dad, because their biological mom/dad wasn’t in their life therefore doesn’t deserve that title.
You can be curious and you do deserve the eventual answers as to why your test is different than expected, AND why your mom went quiet at the idea. But don’t let it ruin your life. Your childhood and upbringing cannot be changed, and I’m sure you’re grateful for where you are now, and that’s due to both of your parents being good parents. Biological family and chosen family are often different, and that’s okay.
If it is eating away at you, I would try and find a time you can talk with your mom, one on one, preferably in person. It needs to be away from your dad. At this point I think the best thing to do is tell her the truth as to why you’re curious. After all, you are an adult and she couldn’t FORCE you not to get that test. I hope you get your answers this way.
Lastly, is there a counselor at your school or therapist you can speak to? Biological identity issues are extremely deep and complex, and therapy can help you sort through and process these feelings.
UpdateMe!
Don't have a baby with him and lose a few stone instantly by dumping him
What is there to reconcile?
This doesn't sound like something where you patch things up and on-line happily ever after.
This sounds like he hates the sight of you and wishes his life was different.
So, you should be saying 'fuck that noise'.. I deserve better and want a relationship that appreciates everything about me.
Yea, once your vagina rips open during birth he will probably also find you unattractive and cheat on you while you’re at home with a newborn. I mean… he’s telling you the type of guy he is now. Listen.
I never physically hurt her I’m not built that way, but I wasn’t a attentive husband, I was a shell and other than pays the bills and make sure everyone lived comfortable I wasn’t doing much, I mean like I said we really had some great times ALOT of them. And I’m genuinely changing my ways my life style… even though she tells me she does want our marriage back, even though she tells me she is still in love with me her issue is chancing if ever goes back like it was… I’ve grown up and started finally seeking the help I needed and getting my self straight, finally dealt with my issues of my brother drinking himself to death and just everything else… I get what your saying that she sees and knows I am capable of lying. But I would have never admitted to it if I didn’t think there was no other way to start over
Exactly this is what I thought. She wanted him to beg for forgiveness for not doing what she wanted in the first place. He is better off this sounds exhausting and I hope the kid didn’t witness any of this.
Im not adding my own bits to your words. Im going on what the op wrote. I agree with what you’ve said, but my point was OP wanting to wash his hands of him and let the ex deal with it. Safety should always comes first, but he should never turn his back on the kid
Do you really want to be with a meth addict?
Break up with him and he can go back to her. Then you can find a better boyfriend.
If you have to resort to looking through each other's phones, your trust of each other needs huge improvement.
As you're only in a “situationship”, as you stated, she isn't obligated to reveal everything about her history to you.
You went through her phone due to a lack of trust. Basically, you fucked around and found out.
Relationships are a two-way street. Yours is only going one way. You do so the work. He does what he wants (and that doesn't include spending time wth you), you end up by yourself.
Talk to him. Things need to change for you and end it if he isn't willing to participate in the relationship. You deserve better.
Hahaha it’s not, it’s her that has been using it. It just felt weird when she said her new bf knew about that account.
I believe funerals are for the living, and it is up to the living to decide what they can and cannot bare. Your BF is being honest with you that he can comfort you in all ways other than physically witnessing the death/funeral of a loved one. He is there for you in all other ways right? I am someone who can't do funerals, I just become such a fcking emotional mess that I cannot comfort anyone around me, and he probably feels like he can't comfort you in the way you'd need during that time, in fact you might even find yourself focusing on comforting him instead. It's nothing to do with being selfish, we just all process/express emotions differently.
Well, you should stop playing FIFA and start cheating, since cheating is preferable
Get Mario Kart 8 she will play.
It's great that you are concerned about your girlfriend's well-being and want to help her overcome her anxiety. However, it's important to remember that this issue is deeply personal and sensitive to her, so approaching it with care and understanding is crucial. Here are some tips on how to navigate this situation:
Validate her feelings: It's important to let her know that you understand and accept her as she is, and that her feelings are valid. It may be helpful to acknowledge that her anxiety is not her fault and that you are there to support her, no matter what.
Encourage therapy: As you mentioned, therapy could be an option to help her work through her anxiety and any other underlying issues. Gently encouraging her to seek professional help could be beneficial for both her and your relationship.
Try a different approach to sex: If your current approach to sex isn't working for both of you, it may be worth exploring different ways of being intimate. This could involve exploring other forms of physical affection or discussing what activities she may feel comfortable participating in. It's important to prioritize her comfort and boundaries.
Communication is key: The most important thing is to have open and honest communication with your girlfriend. Let her know how you feel and discuss what you both can do to work through these issues together. Remember to be patient and understanding, as this is a sensitive topic that may take time to resolve.
Run. Listen, it’d be one thing if she was being transparent with you that she’s struggling to get over an ex. I’d still be telling you to run, but at least we could all logically understand a situation like that.
She’s here obsessing over a CRUSH; someone she’s creating a fantasy in her head about. Getting or staying involved with someone like this is setting you up for an absolute roller coaster in the nicest of terms.
But listen, it doesn’t even matter. She straight up told you she’s not all in with you. That’s all there is to it. Good luck.
I am so amazed on how many people bashing me in DMs, I am either very unclear i hope this response will clarify things.
My underlying issue in this situation is built on frustrations on reoccuring situations ontop of the fact i told her I am fine and you holding his phone with colleuges around adding snap its rude i understand
But the fact my girlfriend, hours later doesnt say anything, doesnt adresss anything just randomly dms him ( I cant add back because my snap is not working/laggy) the dude had a crush in the past, probably just waits for her to add back.
Just so fucking unneccerasy. Just be honest, I've had multiple femaels tell me and friends that i use snap only for friends or boyfriend card but cant blatantly flat out reject a dude in dms why even
Once a day is a lot, OP, unless you’re on the same page about it. This guy sounds like he doesn’t care about you.
You are not her husband and she treats you like this now: imagine how she would treat you if/when you are married. You seem to be more like her financial backer than a respected partner. You have 11 years together yet her respect for you appears to be diminishing rather than growing. I'd be reluctant to recommend that you part but you could find couples therapy valuable before you make a commitment to marriage. I presume that you are aware of the sunken cost fallacy?
Then u should break up
She’s going to tell me what her friend literally just told her not to tell. How is that not a rat?
He probably has hated it all along & didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
You think it doesn’t effect him but it does – he has every right to total privacy in his home even while he is sleeping. He should not have to have the phone on all night, every night of the week at all. No wonder he is fed up. Your neediness should be addressed through a therapist. Your boyfriend is not your emotional crutch.
As far as your title – Most couples would still be together if someone didn’t cheat. That’s why they broke up. So that means nothing.
However, him bringing her up the way he does, that’s not ok. There is definitely a hang up there.
Do they both know you're reading his texts? This feels like a serious privacy concern.
Ugh I’m sorry, I can imagine how upset you feel. Sending love❤️
Yeah…what did your friends do to her? This isn't some case of a crazy jealous insecure gf. She just straight left the relationship when she realized you couldn't give her what she needed without being told so you suddenly get it but apparently don't have this problem with your friends, or I'm assuming, this other girl.
She laid out the breadcrumbs and you still got lost unfortunately, so she left. No ultimatums about your friends and she didn't even ask you to drop them after whatever they did to her.
Not sure what you want here. She's clearly washed her hands of it and is ready to move on.
Not crazy, or controlling.
What she did previously you forgave her for, the continued disrespect when she told you that she was going to use your birthday present to take her affair partner out is just cold and heartless of her.
Proves that you shouldn’t have forgiven her in the first place. Good that you have already ended it again.
Nothing to clear up. Is there anything that he does exclusively? No job or task that he does because you simply can't or don't like to?
Like I said, if you can't do this thing for him then I suspect that crux of the issue in the relationship is something deeper.
I’m texting her
With your update, I hope you're not still together with him. Sounds like he wants date your sister instead.
Saw your update. Girl you need to end it, what the actual fuck
Girl, after reading the edit, dump that man FAST.
the fuck did i just read here
Thank you! Unfortunately I don’t have much of a support system during the week. My roommates get on my nerves sometimes and I don’t often see my (true) friends because we’re all busy and only see each other once or twice a month. I think that’s a big part of the issue as well.
First off, are you living together? Do you have somewhere safe to go to?
Second, stop blaming yourself. Narcissists will tie your brain into knots to get you to trust them. He did a lot more than just cheat on you. He intentionally warped your sense of reality.
Finally, leave him. Be prepared for a storm of gaslighting. Listen to none of it if you can. It sounds like he's done a lot more than just cheat, so you don't even need that as an excuse to leave him.
Be safe.
U need to stop acting like a wus and tell her she’s not going anywhere with another guy. If this was happening in my relationship I’d without a doubt hesitate to break up with her. She’s disrespecting u and she’s Defiently cheating
She's delusional…maybe jealous of her fleeting youth. She's dating someone 10 years younger, and calling YOU the pedo?
A glass or two is fine in any social event. But if you are drinking to get tipsy or even drunk then this is more an indication of a drinking problem than a bf problem. Not every event needs to end up with everyone there rolling drunk does it?
This is why you keep your “roster” to yourself. I don’t ask. I don’t share. It’s completely irrelevant and just gives us something to cling onto/get upset about. Sorry you’re learning this lesson the naked way.
There is a high probability that she cheated on you and is looking for a justification for it but that's a reddit opinion.
It doesn’t appear that you are over reacting. There seems to be interest there and a lack of full disclosure. Decide if you want to wait and see or be done. Id say talk it out but this unwillingness to be open about their conversations make me feel that would not work.
Lol everyones advice is always leave like yep leave clearly the simplest and obvious choice just pack up and leave…makes me think they've never been in a relationship.
Well then, you know what to do!
Well then, you know what to do!
Judging from all angles it's fishy and risky. The fact that he tried to meet her when she's 17 already frightened me enough. Luckily at that time she didn't meet him cuz he had a change of plans. I just didn't know how to tell her and all that. I don't want her to look at me as controlling. Even if she listens to whatever i said I don't want to go overboard by saying she can't meet him. I just wanna tell her that in a polite form or something
And it’s also telling that the other daughters mother is in agreement with B and ex
Girl, you need to yeet the whole man.
That is a red flag. It's controlling, and it's obsessive. He's a grown-ass adult, ffs, if he can't understand why a person wants some me-time then that says he's not interested in your interior life, only his own conveniences.
I would not love it if apartner had one weekend a month to themselves, but I would understand it, and I would support it. Because what that says is that you know how to practice self-care and look after your mental health, and anyone who wants to interfere in that is not respecting your autonomy.
I mean, you started this before he came along, you've thrived becaue of it, you were upfront with him about it, and he wants to take it away from you?
Yeet.
Girl, you need to yeet the whole man.
That is a red flag. It's controlling, and it's obsessive. He's a grown-ass adult, ffs, if he can't understand why a person wants some me-time then that says he's not interested in your interior life, only his own conveniences.
I would not love it if apartner had one weekend a month to themselves, but I would understand it, and I would support it. Because what that says is that you know how to practice self-care and look after your mental health, and anyone who wants to interfere in that is not respecting your autonomy.
I mean, you started this before he came along, you've thrived becaue of it, you were upfront with him about it, and he wants to take it away from you?
Yeet.
After i told him i didn’t want to sit at his place alone he did choose to spend time with me instead of her but i think it’s the first thought that counts and he knew he had plans with me because we made them about 3 weeks prior and he made his plans with her this monday so yeah
Girl, you need to yeet the whole man.
That is a red flag. It's controlling, and it's obsessive. He's a grown-ass adult, ffs, if he can't understand why a person wants some me-time then that says he's not interested in your interior life, only his own conveniences.
I would not love it if apartner had one weekend a month to themselves, but I would understand it, and I would support it. Because what that says is that you know how to practice self-care and look after your mental health, and anyone who wants to interfere in that is not respecting your autonomy.
I mean, you started this before he came along, you've thrived becaue of it, you were upfront with him about it, and he wants to take it away from you?
Yeet.
This, please this!!!
Delete this post and hire a divorce attorney ASAP
Sounds like she wants kids immediately. If you don't, then wear a condom or find another partner.
forget what level she is on. if you love her, give her the benefit of the doubt and treat her well. then she may want to stay w you.
Do you have any advice on how to tell him that I think he's worried about these things because of past trauma?
Wait…hold up hold up ?
They know you exist and been together for 6 years yet your name wasn't on the invite but a plus 1?
Girl are you sure you're in a relationship? Bc from the sounds of it esp not actually meeting his friends AFTER 6 YEARS you're naught but FWB to them..the idea of you thinking you're in a relationship is..?
The giveaway if the not meeting the friends wasn't a clue..it's the plus 1 instead of your name should've been..
Don't go to this wedding he clearly doesn't want you there..I'm guessing he wants to be single on the night..may be you should make it permanent..6 years no ring no meeting friends no name..Girl..
Do her parents have to agree? She's an adult, she's old enough to tell them she's marrying you and they can get on board or they'll never get to meet their future grandchildren.
That makes no sense when many of us are in committed relationships where we actively try to conceive children.
There are a lot of places in the US that you can drop a newborn off at legally if that's the route she wants to go. Specifically any hospital or fire department, but there are anonymous drop offs if she wants to hide her identity. I don't think there are any legal repercussions for her regardless of marital status.
A trusted friend to drive her and a burner phone for gps and she and her baby could be free from her abuser.
This is great advice. Thank you.
Do you think it might not be her then? she has tried to do anything, I even tried to make her jealous by having a friend reply something specific and she didn't react in any way on her twitter not even likes that suggest otherwise
Have you been to premarital counseling? It's kind of concerning that you don't consider her opinion to be relevant until after you're legally married. Do you not already respect her as a partner?
It is a bit wild that your absent parents get priority over hers with regards to who you're willing to spend money on. You may not see it this way, but it is a pretty distinct snub.
If you aren't seeing a counselor, you should get on that asap or put your wedding plans on pause until you get this resolved. These are not small problems, you are trying to build a future together.
How desperate are you that you would even remotely think this was real?
Her period isn’t your fault, if she’s blaming u for it, u ignore her until she learns her lesson. Man up and Stop pandering to her, women don’t respect guys who do that, as you’ve found out the naked way
It sounds like she’s very comfortable with having you there to help but isn’t that interested in other parts of the relationship. That seems like a fundamental incompatibility.
I work a challenging job and have my hobbies and volunteer work too. My partner and I usually have dinner together but I’m often on the go after that until after he goes to bed during the week. We have our date night each week and usually have activities on the weekend. It can be naked to work sex into that but we still manage because we both try.
My point is that if it were important to her as it is to you, she’d find a way.
He wasn't always like this. It was only brought up maybe 6 ish months ago that he was feeling this way. Before that all I saw was a loving father.
He has stated that if we got to that point he would not want visitation whatsoever. Even his mom has been fussing at him over this and is offering any support I could possibly need.
I agree with you. We bought the house together. I was a bit angry when I typed this. I am also one to hold things in until resentment starts to build. So that’s clearly something I need to work on. The counselor we saw was alright but having been to one on one therapy myself, I know there are much better ones out there. I like the idea of doing that until there is a path forward. Thanks friend.
She wasn't my best friend, I didn't say that. I was way closer to him (as a friend).
She wasn't my best friend, I didn't say that. I was way closer to him (as a friend).
She wasn't my best friend, I didn't say that. I was way closer to him (as a friend).
Take it ur trans
Maybe you and his grandma can stay friends ? definitely wouldn’t marry him though
I found a text from him in her phone, and she didn’t have sex with him but did kiss him (afaik)
So she wasn't even upfront with you about it, you learnt about it by reading about it…..
t but she does love me
Love is never enough, and if it needs this little for her to already cheat on you after 6 years…..is it really love?
eah it’s a weird situation and I mean I could just up and leave but I do love her even thought it’s all fucking rough and not something I’ve dealt with before
I think you both should separate for a few months. Have her move out, do both intensive individual counseling….and couple's counseling on the side, if encouraged by your personal therapist. There's clearly a LOT more going on in your relationship, and given your issues with substance abuse….it doesn't sound like the dynamic has been overly healthy in general.
Makes him feel bad. Good, he should. And I’m glad you cut him off.
He’s old enough to know how to control himself.
Find a domestic abuse shelter. Because this is domestic abuse even if he's not physically abusing you.
They will help you get back on your feet.
I can't believe they really thought if they took the dress away from you, you would be happy walking down the aisle. Please find a way to break free and leave. I do hope you get your dress back, just not this fiance. This family is not gonna let you grieve properly or heal.
Thank you for your comment. Toxic masculinity involves cultural pressures for men to behave in a certain way – this is what I am referring to in my post. You are right, race has nothing to do with the issue I'm describing. However, gender definitely does.
Omg the box of letters is super creepy before getting to the promise rings after 2 months
I am dating a guy with kids and if he went on a 4 day vacation with his ex and kids, I would not be okay with it. Especially if he did not tell me. Imo, your girlfriend crossed a huge boundary and you need to have a serious talk with her. Its not like you guys have only been together a couple of weeks, also. Its been 2 years, and you'd think she'd have more respect for you, and for your relationship.
This relationship sounds AWFUL!!! She makes you sleep on the couch while she gets the bedroom???? That's horrible. From all your comments it doesn't sound like you're happy in this relationship and say there are many problems… You should end it
I assume you came here knowing what we would say. You say yourself this is unacceptable.
If you saw your friend being treated this way you would drive to her house, help her pack and take her away.
Your (ex) boyfriend is scum. You can't fix scum, you only scrub it off.