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1. The reality is it wasn't ruined everything was fine we had a great time together and never argued or fell out the sole factor in our splitting was the insecurities I built up over a year in my head that her being with several people before me was some massive deal, and that because the first time I had sex was with someone I loved, sex couldn't possibly be meaningless.

   The reality ofcourse is after breaking up with her and later having sex with people I didn't love it was incredibly clear how meaningless sex can be.

   The way you think right now and the way I used to think isn't healthy. if you can't get over this I promise you you will look back later in life and think why the hell did I even care that she had been with a few other people.

   Allot of people in these comments are flaming you, I'm just genuinely trying to look out for you

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2. Girl, you need to hold it together. This was a person he had kids with. Of course her death is painful! His children just lost their mother! Whatever twinge of jealousy you're feeling is normal. We all have uncharitable, sometimes embarrassing, emotions. But do not let it get in the way of providing stability and support for him and the kids.

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3. You aren’t a housewife. You are his bang maid. And you don’t see it. Start billing him for your services. Seriously. No joke. Present him a bill for $2 over the minimum wage in your state/country, and tell him he can pay you for the work you do or you won’t do anything at all.

   Stop all of the extra bs. Let him get his own clothes. Let him make his own 3am pasta. Let him clean up after himself and wash his own dishes. See how long it lasts.

   My question is, why the hell do you put up with this?

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4. People don't always end up with their “type” because usually personality, valued and life goals align. I'm not my partner' usual type and vice versa but we still have love, and attraction.

   She's not settling she's telling you she chose you because she has attraction and feelings for you. If you let your insecurities rule your relationship, you'll be single fast

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5. I mean yeah I didn’t mean to but it does feel toxic and I wonder if I’ve created a negative cycle. Il going to try to correct this with honesty and trust.

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6. Yes

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7. She was her guest, not yours. You just wanted to get back home and rest, you're not obliged to be cheerful all the time and entartain guests that YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WERE COMING. That's the key part, because if you did, you would be expected to be prepared at least a little bit, but it was just your wife's friend coming over, so let's just let them hang out. I don't understand why she's mad at you, you weren't rude, you weren't totaly silent, you asked what's up and even offered help in the kitchen.

   Seems like you and your wife have a bit misaligned values, you should talk about that and come to some sort of a compromise.

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