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Don’t come at me with that weird shit.
Ehmm if she likes emotional sex you are only setting her up for trauma. Seek therapy or smth don’t pressure her into this fantasy
It will get better with time. The big thing I’ve noticed is how the things you’ve missed are specifics about her. Morning texts, kissing, and behind held are not specifics about her. Anybody can give you those.
Bro just block her on everything and keep on truckin’
Realized that I may be sad or unhappy for a while, yknow, breaking up isn’t easy, you’re partially grieving the loss of somebody. However, that ultimately those feelings will go away and happiness will end up even stronger then it was when I was in the relationship.
After I broke up with him, he actually stalked me for a few months, followed me, bought my favorite animals to try and win me back. He did exactly what I assumed would happen, but I was mentally capable already.
Because you sound unhinged.
Tell him you’ve seen the door cam video and see how he reacts
Nope, your progress should be towards maximizing the value of your own life and getting fit is certainly a component of that. You have 1 life on this planet, do you really want to suffer from all the different troubles associated with being overweight?
He should find someone who doesn't care about their life because he clearly doesn't value her health. I know that's a rather pointed objection, but like I said you have one lifetime and I'd be damned if I told you that you should shave years off of it because you found a guy that liked bigger girls.
My 2 cents.. move on. I was in your situation. She got cold feet, pulled out after the offer stage as she wanted more time before buying together. Fast forward 5 years and that never changed.
We brought beer once. It was a craft brew that my partner made- and it's won awards. His mom claimed she should douce with it.
Doesn’t change my point to the person I was replying to…which was mainly that the man has an inherent responsibility and choice BEFORE/DURING sex to prevent pregnancy if it’s important to him. The commenter was acting like she is being selfish by not thinking of his wants in her decision, but that removes the accountability for the BF to have made a better decision before/while sexually engaging (maybe insist on a condom at least duh). Like if he didn’t want to have an unplanned pregnancy, he should have taken better precautions. Why is it even “she did cause this scenario” rather than THEY did? THEY CAUSED IT. He still happily went along with her chosen method, rather than insisting on their using better protection. She communicated what she would be using and it sounds like he was fully aware which birth control method she was relying on, and he didn’t insist on anything else despite it being very important to HIM in particular that any pregnancy be planned. Why wasn’t he taking better precautions then? Why wasn’t he using condoms? Why is this on her rather than him owning some responsibility for something that was a big deal to him?
Also, if it goes in her body shortly before or during sex, he is also just as responsible for it (it’s not like she’s doing it privately), and he still could have used other methods if it was important to him. 20% failure rate if used properly was a birth control method he still consented to, and given that it sounds like he wasn’t absent during its insertion, he should know how it’s used. It’s like saying that if a man puts the condom on his balls instead , the women shouldn’t know it’s applied incorrectly bc it goes on his body ?
A pastor or other clergyman is the last person I’d want advice from about sexual morality or anything else. It sounds like your BF has fallen under the influence of one of them and you know it’s not going to end with abstinence. That belief system comes as a package deal and abstinence won’t be the worst of it.
Given you have a new boyfriend you should probably stop fixating on your ex. If you're still obsessed with him then dump your boyfriend so he can find some who cares and doesn't just refer to him as 'the other Curry guy'
I think, you should try to get as much advice from women in this thread.
But from my point of view, sit her down when she is not on her period and tell her the whole situation in a calm and monotone voice. You are not looking to pick a fight, but you need to find an answer that works. Tell her that you love her and you truly believe her to be your soulmate while not on those situations. Tell her that you have been trying but you are at your breaking point. Tell her that the way she acts while PMS makes you wonder what she really thinks about you. The way she treats you calling you names while PMS makes you think she is just faking it while she is not on her time. The fact she functions normally outside the house tells you much more than anything else. It also makes it worse for your mental health, questioning things about yourself. Give examples of how you are trying. Ask her if it is possible for her to redirect her frustration into anything else than isn't you. You want to find a solution, but every turn you take is not enough. You don't want to leave her, but you are at your breaking point.
He’s got no respect for you mate. Just had an exact post like this sexes reversed.
Fwb, ex, one nights, just a plain no. Wanna be friends with them like all the best. Going to do That without me.
How has this even become a point viable point of contention to follow or out up as an argument is just beyond me. What tf has the world come to ??♂️
Your friend F isn’t “forgetting” that you keep telling him to stop the sexual or inappropriate comments… he’s shooting his shot every so often to see if you’ll take the bait. He’s not your friend for the sake of being friends and that’s kind of obvious. You should just cut contact out of respect of the BF that you say is “the one”
Chill bro!! Its not that deep
You have only been dating a short time and it is understandable that maybe you just aren’t ready for sex regardless of your fear of getting of pregnant. But only therapy with a professional will help with your anxiety, especially since it affects other areas of your life. Just don’t let yourself be pressured until you get yourself figured out.,
You shoot your shot.
Hey I like you and I was hoping to get to know you better.
My friend, if your boyfriend is willing to set your future on fire to keep him warm, he’s not your person. Your future is far more important than his ego.
Lube that balloon knot up and spread em, homie. Just close your eyes and think of a happy place.
Why do you feel like this relationship is worth saving? Also I'm not a fan of TV in the bedroom. Personally for me it ruins the vibe of the room.
he is extremely extremely weird and sexualizing every move you make. please take this as a warning.
Is she doing sexual things for you that she doesnt want to do, but feel like she has to do to make you happy? Considering the comment about her doing everything for you but you wont do this thing for her?
If, and I mean IF, that is the case I can see where you two have created a sexual relation where she at the very least feels like it is expected that she will do things she doesnt really want to do to please you, so why wont you do that for her as well. IF that is the case you guys need to rework and talk about the basics of what you sexlife is and what each of you want it to be, as its no longer healthy (IF this is the case)
Regardless of circumstances, no one should do sexual things they dont want. Thats coersion and not in any way ok. Wether it is butt stuff for you or sexual positions for her. No one has to do sexual things they dont want to do. No one should be pushing anyone either. If you guys are too incompatible sexually, you need to have a long, honest chat about wether or not that is something you both are fine with or if it is a dealbreaker.
Like I found it weird because no one else said to dance etc
Yeah get ready to be the permanent sole provider financially cause from the looks of it she ain’t gonna do shit but lay around.. good luck!
You think it's your fault he's a creep and makes you feel bad? That you need therapy to accept him being an AH creep?
You need therapy to find your self worth so you date someone who's not a jerk instead of thinking this is normal
She’s polyamorous, you are not. Decide from there
You think it's your fault he's a creep and makes you feel bad? That you need therapy to accept him being an AH creep?
You need therapy to find your self worth so you date someone who's not a jerk instead of thinking this is normal
This, as always with these age gaps, shit goes wrong.
Karma will come back to bite you in the ass so instead of typing a long comment about how much of an asshole you are, I’ll leave it at that. However I hope your girlfriend finds out sooner than later.
Ok yeah I think this honestly changes my answer. If you can trust him to do that, then he can trust you to do what you did!
Walk away dude , she ain’t worth it . Do you know how many women are on this planet . Move on breathe easy . Don’t let her in move on . Trust me I’m a taxidermist.
Your man is a good businessman… 😉
Both of them are trash, and soon you’ll realize your life is infinitely better without them in it.
Your wife seems to be blowing things way out of proportion. 6 minutes isn’t exactly quality time between a couple. She sounds vindictive.
Holy shit PLEASE find the strength to leave this pos ! He doesn’t deserve another second of your life dude
I made the mistake of having 1. Don't have 1.
Should you put $30K into a house that you don't own?
I would say no if we did not get married!
thank u sm. ill bring updates.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to update in the comments, but here it is. UPDATE: I decided to put my money where my mouth was, and sent him a long text detailing my grievances. I also left. I know. It’s my house. I should’ve kicked him out. I told him I would come home after the weekend. I drove around, did some last minute Christmas shopping, got Starbucks, hung out at the mall. It took him about 4 hours from my text to wake up, and man did he blow up my phone. I ignored his first 2 calls, and answered the third. He was crying. He apologized and said he’d be better. Asked me to come home. I went to one last store to really give him time to stew.
When I got home, we talked it out. Calmly and rationally. I asked what many predicted here: was he depressed?
He told me that video games were his happy place. It was his escape from the world. He said he seems happy. But that doesn’t mean he is.
I understand where he is coming from. Backstory I didn’t see necessary to tell, when he moved in with me, he was escaping a very toxic and controlling relationship with a parent. Mental abuse every day. Financial abuse. I actually got into a screaming match with said parent because parent stole a large amount of money from him (in the thousands) and I knew they wouldn’t pay it back.
In the first week of our relationship, still in the getting to know each other phase, we were together in a horrible accident that almost took my life. He got away with minor scrapes. Said accident was NOT his fault in any way and was the fault of an elderly man who should not have been behind the wheel. I don’t think he ever recovered from the trauma and guilt.
I kick myself for being so blind. I let myself get worked up over the lack of attention and affection that I didn’t stop to think this was a coping mechanism.
I gave him the number for a place for therapy, but it is ultimately his decision if he wants to go. For now, it is getting better. He didn’t game at all today. We spent the day together and felt like a couple again instead of roommates. He did all the chores he fell behind on while I was gone. I think it was a real wake up call for him.
You heart hurting is 100% normal – you just got betrayed and disrespected in one of the worst ways by someone you trusted, were falling in love with and probably envisioned a future with. That’s an absolutely brutal blow. But it will fade with time as will thinking « what if » if you leave. The fact he seems fully aware of his issues but hasn’t taken any steps to prevent them from sabotaging his relationship with you speaks volumes.
Wow, I think I will honestly talk to her about this. It will certainly give us a good indication that she's really serious about it.
Thank you 🙂
Okay but you're not hearing me and the other commenters. This modeling thing seems like a scam.
It’s not a modelling job, it’s baso a company that sells portfolio shoots.
Like what does this even mean? Are you participating in the shoots? Are you paying for them? That's not a “job.”
You need to be smart in the ways that you navigate this world as an adult woman. And it doesn't seem like you're being very smart.
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Go home bro, it’s what makes you happy
Just not a mysogynist who believes women have to always satisfy a man's perspective of life.
Here’s a female perspective…She probably feels insecure. Show/tell her you still think she’s sexy. Women can place a lot of their self-value in this.
I stopped reading at
I am only 20F. My boyfriend (36)
?????
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We lived 8h apart so after 6 months I “moved” in. Not officially because all my stuff are still at mine, but I stay at his place most of time because traveling between his place and mine is expensive and takes long.
Best tip is don’t waste your time on people who don’t respect it. Within 10 mins late is one thing, hours is just rude and is probably indicative of larger issues anyway; maybe he’s already in a relationship or he’s incredibly disorganised/irresponsible.
I mean an ick is whatever you want it to be, BUT I don’t see this as a red flag YET. If you also enjoyed the date, give him a chance.
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The thing about connotations is that sometimes people just have really dramatically weird opinions about what a particular word connotes. And here you are.
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Exactly! The only reason OP knows about this girl at all is because douchebag husband wants a cover story in case someone sees them together.
As for how to get del with it? That's hard. Therapy or meditation is probably the best thing. I'd say prayer if you have a faith.
Priorities. You're not one.
Thank you for the validation I know I’m not some controlling crazy insecure bitch
I’m obviously not a step mom right now. There’s no guarantee this will even work out in the long run. But if it does, I’m willing to step up. He wants me to be a part of this baby’s life if I choose to stick around. I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. The baby isn’t going to pop out and me immediately be mom. I’m not naive. I won’t meet him until months after he’s born, but he will be a part of my life
Do you have proof that he told his family about you?
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Omg. Get back in the 50s where you belong.
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I suppose my issue is that we had discussed NYE lightly and then out of the blue “I’m for England, see ya!”.
He’ll resent me if he pulls out of going. Can’t win situation imo.
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A broken household would be staying “for your son”.
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We have one there as well ? I don't mind watching movies together there, but I do not want to slip into the habit of falling asleep to the TV everyday – I also communicated this to him and he mentioned of trying to do that as well.
Naa don't go there.
I guess that makes it a…little better ?
Still think that’s kind of young for all that but whatever
What’s done is done
You don’t have kids and assume your mom will babysit whenever you want. That’s ridiculous.
You guys need to follow Kids Eat in Color on Instagram to get the food issue sorted, they can guide you through picky eating and how to get the kid fed properly.
I think it's the opposite. She wanted to take time to build a relationship with OP. If she didn't care, then he would be just another hook up to be left in the dust.
In answer to your question, generally I am the one who spends the most money on him whilst he only occasionally pays for smaller, cheaper things. I’ve probably spent a couple of thousand of dollars on him on gifts for him for Christmas & birthdays yet he has never got me anything for my birthday or Christmas.
When we want to be together we have to get a hotel room as neither of our families want us to be together so we can’t go to each other’s houses whilst our respective families are home but regardless he should be offering to pay for the room half the time, it’s only fair!
Bruh, boogaaboo1 is right.
what i have now is was worthy enough to let go each of my Goal as he don't prefer working woman too. He is love bommbing you to make you think hes amazing and all you need.
No no no no no. The fact he wants to marry someone who isn't graduated yet within 6 months of meeting is a massive red flag. He wants to whisk you away and control your life. He doesn't want you to worknso he can control what you do, when you do it and make sure he is your only support. This is not a relationship you want to stay in.
She gave me an option, and I chose to not attend. So yeah, she should be cool irrespective of what choice i make. Thanks!
In the past I did and she mentioned it felt like I treated her less than human because I ‘ignored’ her, but I told her I didn’t feel comfortable being around her so gravitated to other friends
At 22 there's no way this is as good as you're going to get. A pedophile who tried to groom you. Ugh. Send his ring back to him and then block. He sounds creepy as hell.
I can see where your prejudice comes from.
Eww. I’m so sick of the “jealous girlfriend” narrative. Leave his lame ass. You deserve better than this scum ?
Thank you I'll do that. I appreciate you taking time to help. I wish you the absolute best ?
Why does it matter if he’s bi or not? There are 4 billion other women on the world and he hasn’t spent your relationship wishing he slept with them. He wants you. Just like you said, you’re bi but I doubt youll leave your bf to sleep with men/women that aren’t him.
He needs to make the choice and make it final. Either commit to you or leave you and try and have sex with a guy. He can’t have his cake and eat it too, and if he EVER brings it up again you need to make that very clear.
You have the right to be angry that your wife has developed feelings for a co-worker BUT you should also be grateful that she was honest and transparent to you. I dare to say over 90% of people in her position don't have the courage to tell the truth to the other half.
You shouldn't make any decision based on emotions. The probability of you regretting is high. Give some time and ask her to explain. Don't forget that your wife is under a lot of stress because of the awkward situation. Above everything you should be mature in this and your wife will respect/love you more.
On the other hand, you shouldn't blame your wife for developing feelings for a close co-worker. She is a human being after all. You did not develop any feelings for a co-worker because the chance did not arrive to you. For one to develop feelings for another person, he/she only needs to hear the right words at the right time in the right place. And… anyone can be down or vulnerable one day. You might be strong. She isn't. You shouldn't blame her weakness and instead support her because she was honest to you.
They likely don’t know the answer to that, it’s not a polite thing to ask someone what’s going on in their pants. Wether or not they want surgery is up to them.
I've tried subtly talking to him about it, but he just hasn't gotten the hint.
Stop being subtle. Most people really don’t get hints, so use your words and be direct about it.
With the extra information you are giving in the comments it honestly sounds like it would be best if you get a job and slowly start planning your safe escape for yourself and the kids. It sounds like you’re in a very, very hard situation, and doing the best you can.
I really hate the idea of a woman saying to a man “it would be the perfect time to propose”. A man should propose to a woman when HE is ready to do so, not because he's been prompted to, suggested to, or forced to.
I don't think this is a win/win situation because there are too many components. You have to factor in how the other guy feels, the other sister feels, how if both sisters would prefer their own separate proposal or a joint one. It's too much. It shouldn't be this difficult.
I think the trip to Italy alone is a big deal. Isn't that an expensive trip?
I think you ultimately need to decide what is more important to you. Is it enjoying your trip to Italy with people you love, or is it attempting to keep your GF happy with a proposal she obviously expects? If you don't propose on the trip, is GF going to be mad, hurt, resentful, push you away, be embarrassed?
Only you know.
Gotcha. I'm definitely not perfect and I've been going to therapy since the breakup to work through some things myself. A lot of the things don't have anything to do with our relationship though.
It truly was completely out of nowhere, I've been blindsided. A lot of the therapy has been talking about that. She's really bad at communication which is probably the reason why it was so abrupt. She bottled a lot of things up that she was supposed to tell me that she never did.
I'm not sure if she's acting like it was no big deal because she's not saying we should get back together she's just saying we should be friends and hang out again.
Am I right to be mad?
Um… yeah buddy. Is your gf not mad? She should be pissed bc it’s her mom.
If not, run
Sorry for not providing enough details but i did speak with him about it several times
You should leave him. This is MASSIVELY illegal, it's theft, identity theft, fraud, I'm sure more apply. If you stay he's gonna do something like this again..
Move out. It’s not going to stop. You don’t owe her anything and she’s not entitled to your money and has zero right to sell or even snoop in your room seeing as your a paying tenant.
Don’t be surprised thst you come home one day and your stuff is missing.
He handled it wrong in every aspect, you’re allowed to react it his shitty behavior. You were married for a decade, he indeed owed you more than this
Don't want to burst your bubble, but plenty nurse's are anti vaxx, so I wouldn't trust them with such information either.
They definitely would. I’m not going to defend them. They absolutely would because they’re bigots, on purpose, maliciously and not through ignorance. I’m not interested in redeeming a relationship with them, and it’s doubtful my sister will be either.
Why are you more concerned with her feelings than his?
Update us how it went after you break up, and any messages afterwards.
Updateme! Remindme! 4 days
I would say find a new bf, this one's broken.
I would say find a new bf, this one's broken.
Call it a rest day instead of a lazy day. Is there a resort hotel near where you live? Book her a overnight stay where she can do a spa or swim or hike or fitness classes, inclusive of whatever food she likes. Make it a weekend getaway for both of you if that works. Anticipate what she would like for her ideal day away from the routine, and set it up. TV/movies or reading? Lunch/dinner with a friend? You say you don’t want her to use her brain for a day; is that what she wants?
One solution: Buy a black out curtain to hang over his door frame.
He can leave the door open, cats can get out and you can turn the light on, the noise is on him.
Just use your words and talk to him
I mostly agree but I worry that if OP's partner ends up really enjoying exploring on his own, he might start to feel dissatisfied with the sex with OP. I don't have a solution to that problem though, since OP shouldn't have to participate in any sexual activity that she is not on board with
LOL
I'm sorry you're going through this but yes stop reaching out to him, respect that it is over.
The math ain’t mathin here. 21-1=20 ✅ 33-1=34 ??
I think the context of how he said this is important then, because you asking him which of the following two people are attractive in a game vs him drooling over your sister and you interrogating him are very different
Ok but realistically, she’s 21 and definitely old enough to buy them too.
Lmao, perfectly put. Same words went through my head.
Make yourself happy.
You don't need to justify leaving someone who makes you unhappy.
Don't settle for the bottom when you know you can reach the top.
God no
If it were me though, they'd be coming to live with me wherever I am because their other parent can't take care of them. I would stay where there is bountiful support from not only my partner, but family. Where there are resources and connections that may help my child. I wouldn't move back to a very small, poor town where the only person I know is my ex. I'd stay where I can find some of the best mental health resources in the state for my kid AND me.
Also, I'm not really mad he's going, but im mad and upset he didn't talk to me about it and won't put the brakes on and at least get a professional opi ion before he goes which makes me wonder if it really is about the kid. But then again I only trust him as far as I can throw him these days.
What's the context of your relationship?
Like why are you not able to see her in person in two weeks? Is this a long distance relationship? Is this an live relationship?
Even if he's not a serial killer or rapist, he has no respect for you or your autonomy, and he overtly infantilized you. He then showed no remorse. He let you scream in rage and frustration until you passed out, and that didn't bother him, and he had absolutely no fear of any consequences. He treats you like you're his possession, and like he has complete control over you.
Normal, healthy partners who are not abusive do not do this.
I would not stay with someone like that. Ever.
I know many people think everyone on Reddit is telling the couple to get divorced. But I will tell you the same thing: divorce him! He doesn't respect you; he has chosen his friend over your marriage many, many, many times. He broke his promises many times.
Counseling will be a waste of time.
ahahaha this made me laugh thank you ill try my best
Lot's of problems here.
You're together with your ex, but are gonna confess to this friend. That's very dishonest behavior. If you're genuine, you break up with your gf before pursuing someone else. Otherwise you are just hedging your bets and being cheaty. Especially if you think your gf is abusive, there's nothing holding you back from breaking up with her and behave like a honest man. If someone came to me and confessed their feelings, but were still together with their gf, I would consider them dishonest and reject them. If they go behind their gfs back, they will go behind your back too. When you get sick of her, instead of breaking up, you will confess your feelings to someone else behind her back.
Your friend seems to have been flirting with you when you were single. But you seem to be very bad at understanding other people. You think that not going home with you (a lot of women would not do that before in a committed relationship as they don't want to imply they want sex), was a signal she was not interested. You didn't even try to ask her out, blaming it on “giving her space”. But it seems you were just afraid to, and when your ex came back, you took her back because that's easier.
You're suddenly angry with your friend and call her an idiot for doing exactly what you're doing- being with a shitty person. I can't even begin to fathom how you can name call someone you supposedly like. That's disrespectful. You can disagree with someone without name calling them. This makes me think you are abusive too.
You also said she didn't consider you a worthy try. A very entitled and selfish opinion. It's about her safety and well being, not about what you feel about her not taking an interest in you. That being said, she seem to have signaled you several times that she was interested, but she never got any signals back. On top of that you went back to your abusive ex instead of asking her out. Ofc she would not consider you when you blatantly reject her and even chooses someone abusive over asking her out for a freaking coffee.
Both your ex and yourself have some growing up to do before getting involved in relationships.
Leaving IS an option, you just don't want to entertain the idea that your partner wants a bang maid.
I was texting and driving
And how often do you put your life and hers in danger by texting and driving?
Does any of this even make an ounce of sense?
Can you please elaborate on the reasoning behind this answer. Why it would be a good idea to give her a deadline and walk away if she doesn't follow through?
Definitely!!! She should be taking this for the red flag it is.
By all means, try to save this marriage if that is what you really want. But you need to prepare yourself that this may not be salvageable.
It sounds like he may be abusive, and now that he has you trapped, he can finally let his true self shine because he knows you won’t leave him. If you do confront him, try to have someone present because he could become violent. Unfortunately when abusers get called out, their behaviour can escalate dramatically. So keep an eye out for that.
I would suggest seeking help from a domestic violence organisation, just in case. They might be able to give you some good advice on how to safely navigate through this.
But make sure that you have people you can trust to lean on through this. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but be prepared to end it if things don’t improve.
God yes, I think if this were my partner they would immediately become my ex-partner, and I would be expecting them to replace the mattress they just ruined.
I agree that therapy is a very good idea for the OP.
Entering into therapy with the goal of forgetting abuse and continuing to date your abuser is not.
Echoing others, go to therapy. I'm glad you said no but you capitulate to everything else, and it's only a matter of time until you cave. And HE KNOWS IT. And the cycle of abuse will start all over. You need to get some serious counseling to learn how to enforce boundaries and get rid of toxic abusers once abd for all.
Well if nothing eles hes both a douche and not straight
The idea of being engaged at 21 seems so foreign to my British eyes.
Even when couples have a fairly even split of domestic work before children, they will often struggle to maintain that once a baby arrives. Children generally make the division of labor worse, not better.
With that in mind, I think your worries are totally justified. If you want, you could have a conversation with your SO about how things would need to change before starting a family. And then give him a few months to make real, concrete progress. He's told you so many times that things will change any day now… I would only trust actions, not promises.
I can get overlooking some minor stuff because you're in love, but damn, I get grossed out just reading these stories, couldn't imagine living it. I also couldn't see getting back from that… When it's so bad that you're turned off and reject intimacy. Love isn't enough and it doesn't mean putting up with anything.
Being single sounds a million times better to me.
He wants to help you, you're refusing his help…. Just tell him you want unbiased feedback from someone who doesn't know you, and that you appreciate his good intentions.
A safe space with a sexting buddy? Sure
If you know this, and are not in therapy, you’re just stringing along this man. Break up, and work on yourself.
You desperately need therapy.
You simply need to work on moving on. It’s understandable that he doesn’t want to be a part of this, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Do you have safe words? If not, start. If so, then unless she uses them, she’s into the program.
It’s about 5 am in China,I have to go to bed,thank you again,I will reply as soon as I wake up.
That’s what I think too, we are so compatible in almost every way and it translates into the bedroom. I’m definitely not uncomfortable with it so I guess you’re right, trust her until she says something about it. We both communicate very effectively and are super open with each other so I’m sure she would tell me if it wasn’t what she wanted.
You sound very immature lol – break up with her so she can find someone that actually cares about her.
Because the only value a woman brings to a marriage is her physical beauty, I guess that makes your uncle a saintly martyr.
I was thinking it, you said it lmao. But honestly I do appreciate getting a guys perspective. Even if their comment seems to be a bit angry. ?♀️
I feel seen.
Or you couldn't taken him at his word, maybe you're just naive but people don't usually cut off their family especially parents for the fun of it
Leave. There are so so so many red flags.
She lied and then manipulated you with the “don’t break up”
I would simply break up because of those two things. Not only that, she took your choice away. If it was the other way around you wouldn’t get the grace you’re trying to give her.
I would want to know before we have sex or start dating so then I can have a choice in whether I want to be with them or not.
If you’re uncomfortable with it you don’t have to date her. I just want to make that clear. She should have been honest from the jump and if she’s going to lie about something like that or not even mention it imagine what else she could lie about. You didn’t have informed consent when you slept with her. That in itself says what kind of person she is.
If the whole thing is all over then why is this person still emailing him? I don't believe it for a second.
You need to leave him. Saying hell hurt himself is a manipulation and you are not responsible for his mental health or personal safety.
Your husband has been lying to you for years. Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? Because he will not stop at this point because you keep taking it.
Let's recap –
He continues to lie about smoking even though he knows it's a hot boundary
He has lied to you multiple times about his meeting men and requesting pictures
He is STILL receiving emails about this hinting it's not stopped.
He is now threatening to unalive himself because he is facing the consequences of his actions.
This is not a good relationship and you need to leave. I know you have changed your whole life to supper him but really what support is he giving you? You also mention that you've had a lot of problems with his family. I think you need to cut your losses. You'll never trust him again.
There is almost 0 chance that he will change.
Boundaries are something you put in place for yourself – not something you can impose on others.(A boundary imposed on the others is a “rule”, “rules” don't usually go over well in a relationship).
You should set boundaries for yourself and let him know what the boundaries are. However, you need to be prepared to follow through with what you say.
Also, the boundaries should be in reference to your feelings and how you will react in regards ro his ex wife and his extra time spent with her – but not in regards to time spent with his children.
For example, in your situation I might say something like “It makes me feel uncomfortable when you do not let me know you will be in ex-wife's house/or when you lie to me/or when you allow ex-wife and your family to treat me poorly. If I continue to be lied to/or manipulated/or disrespected, then I will end the relationship”.
Also, I my hubby and I each had a young child when we met and married. We have since had two more together. It is okay in most co-parent situations for them to attend occasional dinners, school functions, activities, etc together. We even had joint birthday parties with the extended family of mom, dad, stepdad and step mom in attendance.
That being said, the sleeping with the ex while in a relationship with someone else and the lying are not acceptable at all! I feel like the continuous lying, the cheating, and him allowing his ex and his family to disrespect you should be all the reason you need to end this relationship. Do you really want your child to grow up thinking that is what a relationship should be? That treating your partner like that is ok?
That’s the most important part, when she’s ready, they’ll both be ready.
Get a grip woman, the man jacks off at work. DUMP
Suburb close to the city or like a smallish town?
You feel bad? She's your problem now
You set a boundary, he capitulated. What's the problem lol. Why y'all salty? She was uncomfortable, he did what he thought was appropriate. Sounds like the basis for a respectful companionship.
Just don't keep doing that bullshit, OP. Allow him to have friends and space.
No! Wtf man. She throws a fit and you fold like a house of cards? Fuck no. She misbehaved 100% hold her accountable. She can go ahead and enjoy her alone time to cool off.
Right! I scrolled comments too and other people are mentioning that maybe OP was smothering him, but if it was that bad, why not just break up? Why do this weird cover story thing and hang out for a few hours every Wednesday. Whatever it is, is fishy. I still think side chick, or it's a relationship with S. ?
Right! I scrolled comments too and other people are mentioning that maybe OP was smothering him, but if it was that bad, why not just break up? Why do this weird cover story thing and hang out for a few hours every Wednesday. Whatever it is, is fishy. I still think side chick, or it's a relationship with S. ?
Don’t you think he would feel offended?
Don’t you think he would feel offended?
How can you not believe in pronouns? Are there any other aspects of grammar that you choose to disbelieve in?
How can you not believe in pronouns? Are there any other aspects of grammar that you choose to disbelieve in?
Lead the relationship on how you feel is right, women like to relax passively and enjoy the ride.The more you ask her stuff, the more you look incompetent, the more she will get turned off. Do you, and what feels right to you, confidently.
There's nothing more beta than having to be in control 100% of the time. It shows you're insecure.
It is extremely clear your husband is having an affair. At least an emotional affair, but likely a physical affair. A married man does not buy a platonic opposite sex friend a sex toy. That isn't something even close to being OK.
Alexus doesn't want to meet and hang out with you because its uncomfortable to be the mistress and hang out with the wife.
You have told your husband that his relationship with Alexus makes you uncomfortable and is a threat to your marriage. He has decided to not change anything and blame you for being upset that he is clearly cheating. My wife is the most important person in the world to me. If I had a friend that made her uncomfortable, then I would cool off that friendship. If you had a male friend that made your husband uncomfortable, would you keep hanging out with them?
Go find someone that deserves you.
Ye? The ceremony. So like, the legal aspect isn't what's important to me, but the spiritual and the bonds. I hope that makes sense.
2 choices
Tell him you arent going because you cant afford it.
OR
Tell him what the travel is costing and you want half since you are splitting the cost.
Mans starting to blue ball. If he is smart he will move on, life is too short to wait on someone you might not even like hard.
I’ve just been giving her whatever she needs financially.
What worked for me was being shown, but of course everyone is different. Have you tried sucking on your fingers after fingering her outside of that fertile window, and using that opportunity to show her how much you enjoy the taste regardless? Do that a few times at different points in her cycle and it should start to sink in.
She wasn’t like this in the beginning and she claims to still feel the same for me and I’m just hoping this is a rough patch
? I don't want to think of my memories as lies
Yes it was a bad mistake. In this market he 100% will get a new job. May have to work at the next town over……
No one is going to die, they might lose out on 3 months income but that's not the end of the world.
It was a big mistake, but he'll find a new job and maybe he's learned something.
A girl in this sub this week said she got cancer from that same thing. Does it matter if it meant something? Why get past it?
That's not necessarily true. It depends on the doctor.
This sucks, and I’m sorry. Just keep gathering that evidence.
Have they cheated before?
Is this a one off?
Keep digging deeper and deeper into your relationship… I bet there’s more there.
I wish you luck.
?? you just stay real quiet on that car ride and let the guilt hurt him and be really clear that you will tell his GF if he doesn't. Do the right thing OP even if it is super hard. Stay strong.
I’m not religious & she would never tell. We will also never be seen together. I’ve thought this through and will never risk my wife finding out.
I mean someone you’re seeing doesn’t need to meet your kid in those 11 months but you definitely need to tell them about the kid or else you’re just wasting his 11 months if he doesn’t want to raise someone else’s kid.
It sounds like he was embarrassed and it didn't have anything to do with you. If you really like him and think there is a future keep seeing him but get to know each other more build intimacy between you. If it was just intended as a sex thing – move on – sex with him just wasn't good – find better.
My boyfriend is complaining I don’t love him because I only want to have sex with him once a day.
This is emotional blackmail and not only pressuring you into more on a false basis, but is just cringy awful manipulative behaviour.
I had endometriosis removal surgery, but still had sex once a day for him.
You should be having sex because you want to, not just to please him.
How often is normal for couples to have sex? What should I do?
“Normal” isn't material here – everyone has their own “normal”.
If you're fine with once a day, he should respect that you want it once a day. There is no “only”, he's getting sex 365 days a year. He can pound sand if he doesn't like it.
It's your body, you get to decide and have a part in this conversation and not just give into all his needs, his wants, just to keep him happy.
If he can't handle that, well – I'm sure plenty of other Redditors are already saying it.
Bottom line is you need to sit down and talk with him – he's in his 30's and needs to stop acting like a hormonal and moody teenager making out like he's the victim here because you both have differing libidos.
If he can't handle that, that's his problem and not yours to “give” him more sex – he either accepts and respects this, or the two of you are likely not compatible.
Welcome to the adult world. Most couples only do stuff at the weekend.
She just seems like she has a hard time saying no, you’re being unnecessarily cruel. She still never added him back, what exactly are you mad at. If you have a problem, why don’t you tell him to stop hitting on her yourself
…and end relationship.
In your comments you are doing a lot to defend her. The truth is she continued to betray you for staying in touch with this guy and hiding it. It doesn't matter if it “only” started 3 months ago or if she only texted him once a week. She tried to cover her tracks by using a different name for him and she deleted messages. If this was as innocent as she is trying to make it seem, she wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide it, knowing what she was risking. Think about that, she had to know she was risking her relationship with you by being in contact with him, yet she did it anyway. I wonder if it was worth it for her? It doesn't sound like you're worth it to her. She was “stimulated” enough to keep this guy in her back pocket. You gave her a second chance already, don't let her fool you again.
It doesn't seem there are grounds to have her committed. So just continue being supportive and available. Pushing too hard is likely to make things worse.
Thank you. After all the wonderful messages I got on here, and speaking with my partner and some friends, I ended up writing back to Dad, basically saying “I love you, I love the relationship you and Alex have. I like Alex's family, but family isn't a word I'm ready to use yet.”
Thank you. After all the wonderful messages I got on here, and speaking with my partner and some friends, I ended up writing back to Dad, basically saying “I love you, I love the relationship you and Alex have. I like Alex's family, but family isn't a word I'm ready to use yet.”
Omg grow a set and dump her. You simply will never be as important to her and her friend.
This guy is cruel. And lazy. Being single is 1000 times better than putting up with him.
I’m sure this isn’t the advice you want by I honestly think you should just leave it. You can’t force her to be your friend. Put yourself in her shoes…would you want to be friends with you? Considering she hasn’t blocked you, she may or may not reach out when she’s ready but don’t get your hopes up.
Back in the 90's I was in a small group of people, an “inner circle” of my friends group and we all shared porn with each other.
Both men and women, including my then g/f, her BFF and older sister.
It's fair to break up for boundaries not being stuck to. You want two forms of protection and it's not being met.
However, it's 100% fair for her to not want to use female birth control. Thank god I'm in premature menopause and don't need to worry about periods or pregnancy.
Hormonal birth control has a book's worth of side effects, and the negative impacts on a woman's body/health. Such as bleeding between periods, weight gain, migraines, allergic reactions, decreased sex drive, mood changes (mild to severe). More serious complications are blood clots (experienced this twice), high blood pressure, and increased breast/cervical cancer risks. Plus, certain medications (like antibiotics, anticonvulsants, etc.) can interfere with the birth control and make them less effective!
Non-hormonal birth control, like the copper IUD, also have negative side effects; such as heavier bleeding, allergic reactions, severe pain. Not to mention, the more serious complications of it puncturing through the uterine wall, falling out of the uterus or infection.
You guys just aren't compatible.
Well, that's enough Reddit for me tonight. See you guys back here tomorrow.
Pretty sure if he wasn't happy with her tracking her cycle then he wouldn't be happy with the the withdraw method ??♀️.
Considering?!?! Girl!!!! Drop this douche.
You play it back for her.
Then ask her why.
Then depending on her reaction and response you decide if the relationship is worth continuing.
And do not let her gaslight you. That she said his name at all is a massive problem, not necessarily one that cannot be solved but still a massive problem.
So you were he sugar daddy
Wow, to be completely honest in this situation I would write out and e-mail, get all your feelings out and ghost him. What he and his friends did was absolutely horrible, immature, and insensitive. I have a feeling the female friend thinks more of your boyfriend than just a friend. Ghost all of them honestly and move on with your life. So sorry this happened to you.
It honestly sounds like he needs to grow up and realize that people have different wants and needs. Just because he'd want oral at the drop of a hat doesn't mean that you'd want that.
Don't say yes to sex you don't want. It will turn sex into a chore sooner or later. Try to ignore that he's moping instead of feeling guilty – sex is a privilege, not a right. He's allowed to be disappointed, but he's not allowed to treat you poorly because you declined sex. It might be worth asking him what about the rejection upsets him, just to ensure that he knows that turning down sex doesn't mean you're rejecting him as a person.
And tell him that the “you'll get a milkshake if I get to give you oral” when all you wanted was a milkshake turns sex into something transactional and off-putting. He was probably trying to be cute or something, but it didn't land and you need to communicate why.
Exactly this. I started crushing in a woman at work a few months before getting married. One of my older coworkers noticed, pulled me aside and gave me the ‘wtf are you doing you’re engaged “ talk. Snapped me right out of it. I’m so glad he pulled me aside.
Projection.
She’s cheating. This is why we block Exes. Block her
Well If you have blue eyes you are all related to one person and it’s a genetic mutation, that doesn’t seem so special to me.
Solution: ask your dad to start making very sexually suggest and inappropriate comments directed at your boyfriend. When he gets upset, respond by saying “that's just how he is. WOW, you're SO sensitive… he's just giving you a compliment. One day you're going to be old and unattractive and miss all the attention.”
This doesn't make sense. She is your fiancée. You are going to marry this woman. How is marriage going to work if she can't accept that this is an union and what's hers is yours and whats yours is hers? If she bought that car using your joint account then the car belongs to you both?
Unless you tell her “its ours” to everything she buys – in which case I would understand her reaction – then I'd say she is overreacting a lot and may not be ready for marriage.
So, I have left two similar relationships with very small children. The first thing that you do is start documenting everything. If he doesn’t care for your child the way you think he should, document it. The messed up things he says and does to you document. Just write it all down in pen this dates and times in a bound journal. He will try to poke holes in your credibility the moment you bring this out into the world and you need to be the one that can state unemotional facts.
LAWYER! If you live in a small town go to every single one and have a consultation. If you are in a larger metropolitan area get in with as many of the high paid high power lawyers as possible so that they can’t then represent him.
If you have a place you can go the he doesn’t know about and aren’t trying to protect your interests in real property go there when you’re ready.
Thank you. That sounds very reasonable. We were supposed to go tour some museums at the end of the week. I'm thinking of backing out and going home early to give her more space. I won't see her again until May.
They only put the dad if he’s in the delivery room
It seems like she has a crush on you so don't encourage it by being extra nice to her or to make her more comfortable because she can take it a different way. Ask your girlfriend to talk to her and you stay out of it.
Due is raking you for a ride in more ways than one sweetheart.
Reading this made me want to shower. So gross. Op you’re being treated as a vessel and your bf is disrespectful. You don’t have to cater to his demands.
“its better to be single than be financially crippled or jobless.”
Happy to know that you love you job & thriving in it despite the long hours & hectic conditions.
” here's the order of importance of people in your life: Yourself, Your Child, Your Partner/Spouse, Everyone Else On The Planet”
He is being entitled & a inconsiderate prick! Leave him as you deserved better.
RESPECT to you for being one of the Angels in medical filed.
Geez, that was fucked up. I worked retail for a while and I get being socially exhausted but that's just not right
Wow, this is a stumper. I take it his looks and his health are tip-top? No room for improvement anywhere on his part?
Okay.
On the one hand, if he loves you, he should love you at any size. On the other hand, maybe he does love you at any size, but he's more attracted to you at a smaller size.
In any case, you guys bought a house together already, so you're tethered in that respect. I assume, on top of that, that you love this man. So I would just…lose the weight, see what happens. I am your fellow woman and writing that made me cringe, but…fuck it, that's what I would probably do. Just let him have his way and see if he follows through. Go from there.
i hope that’s what happens but considering she’s playing the victim in a situation i lost money in idk if she’ll ever come around
I read that in Morgan Freeman’s voice ???
5 years in your 30s is nothing. I don't think this is an age thing. It is just that you both have very different priorities. You don't sound very compatible tbh.
I'm waiting for the day people will start saying “the number of men like this out there is sad”.
I'm wondering, When you lived separately, how did he managed the condo? Did he managed to shower?
To answer your question: You can like and be ok with someone but not get along on the long run. It is always complicated in a couple when you don't evolve the same way. It seems like he doesn't change and you changed and expect him to do it too… This is not something you can force, at least you asked and tried with couple counseling, but with no result. And, it is a reasonable break up point, you don't have to be in a completely unhealthy relationship to break up.
Well first of all I'm confused on why you downvoted my comment because I was never attacking or being mean to you
And no I wasn't being biased Val was actually very nice and funny when I met her I don't believe she's the same toxic person that she use to be when she was a TEENAGER I feel like you are trying to portray me as this awful selfish person when I am not
Your dad sounds like a POS. Win win if he drops from your life. Unless there is other family ties this could affect, I would eliminate someone like that from the circle.
Your relationship sounds over, it’s time to move on. I’m not trying to be mean, he’s telling you what he wants and it isn’t you.
Let me guess, they're close because their mother locked them up in an attic when they were kids and they had no one but each other and now they can't on-line without each other?
Jeez, this story hasn't just been done once, there are multiple sequels. All I will say is you're a better writer than V.C. Andrew's ghost writer!
“Bare with me” is what you tell your bf when you feel frisky
“Bear with me” is what you tell strangers who you want to be patient
Hon, this is so above our pay grade it isn’t funny. You need a licensed therapist or at the very least a support group
Is it chipped? Take it to the vet
Can we please stop feeding this obvious tr0ll?
I'm not sure if she got fed up that I get mad so easily, because she thought that it shouldn't be something that I need to get mad about.
You're not being cool, you're being gullible. He, on the other hand is a cheater.
I'm 43 years of age and I cannot imagine a situation where I would have a coffee with a 26 yr old. What the fuck is he even doing chasing women in their early 20s when he's in his mid 40s?? That's firmly in dirty old man territory. Gross.
I genuinely love him. I know that’s cringey or whatever but I do. But, i’m also painfully self aware and know what it looks like from the outside. Besides the age gap though, since he’s well known I don’t want to become an extension of him, if you know what i mean.
I can't make someone get a job. But I can make sure my child has a decent standard of living. That's not me being “used,” that's me taking care of my child.
JFC, no one is advocating for that poor girl? No one cares enough to find out what resources are available to try to ensure she is cared for and loved?
he should just leaver her, and let her be with someone who fits her, and he can find someone who fits him
You should absolutely tell your former school. It was grossly inappropriate behavior and a school can absolutely penalize him for it. He was grooming you while you were his student and waited until there would be no legal ramifications to make his move. He might have done this to other vulnerable, young women and might do it to more.
While there probably won't be any legal ramifications there could be professional ones. By reporting him, you might be helping get him away from other vulnerable students in your old school and it might also make it hard for him to get a job at other schools.
He has found freedom from empathy with one easy trick: Someone, somewhere else, has it worse, so he never has to make accommodations or show kindness! Seriously, this is baby brain shit, the kind of thing you'd expect from a kid who's still trying to hold on to their selfishness while faced with a growing awareness of human suffering. Most people wind up feeling empathy despite the discomfort, others build a wall that lets them continue to feel special and invincible.
It's dismissive, it's patronizing, and it shows a shocking lack of emotional intelligence. Would you wish something similar on a friend? Wouldn't you be outraged on her behalf?
I looked at your post history and am honestly surprised you took him back after the last stunt he pulled. You deserve way better, girl.
Ya boy got a savior complex.
That’s not (just) generosity.
I think you’re trying to equate how you’ve felt in certain situations into his current situation. If he’s not given you any real cause for concern then you’re kind of overreacting.
Unless he’s not happy, let it go. Just keep open communication about his feelings and trust him to know when something isn’t right with himself.
You come here for advice and then get upset by advice. Got it. Immature on all fronts.
If you make 5x I would be charging him $1000 and whatever his share of the utilities
yeah I know the proportion of jerks is very high
He's 33 years old? Really?
I mean he's one for the bin and nowhere else
I seriously tried for like 7 minutes to come up with a funny comeback. Nuthin.
Youre too pure to this world
Maybe date someone focused less on making money having sex live. Oh wait you do to, I’m not sure but definitely take a breather and try to be more selective with your choices of who you date. People who are independent might be more reliable for you. You’re young don’t let this “ruin your life “
OP, LDRs are always hard work. It's especially difficult to address your partner's slip-ups with grace, patience, and the full confidence that they still love you. Clearly you felt ignored and disrespected by your BF, when he forgot to text you after he said he would. Clearly your BF heard your complaint about not texting as a nag and a personal attack, and it irritated him enough to block you.
If this was a one-time disappointment, I'd advise you to reach out to apologize for your role in this fight. Tell him say you can't help but worry when he doesn't text you after a night out, but you didn't mean to lash into him. That may be all he needs to hear to apologize himself, and promise to do a better job of texting in the future.
However, if this sort of exchange is becoming a repetitive and toxic dance for the two of you, it may be time for a change. Rather than continuing to feel frustrated and rejected, I would suggest that you tell him the distance is becoming too much for you to take, and you think you'd both be better off single rather than continuing to feel unhappy and fight with each other. You can always re-evaluate in six months when you see him again, but I wouldn't treat this as a so-called “break” with an ambiguous future. Instead, break up cleanly and get back to living your authentic life, with no more worries about a BF who makes promises he doesn't keep. I wish you well.
That does sound funny; what did your boss say in reply?
I actually think the language he's using now is worse. It's not as crass, but telling your partner that you hate them is so intensely demoralizing.
OP, Never tolerate any kind of abuse. You deserve better than this. His alligator tears are just a form of manipulation. Please stay away from this man child. He's in his 30's and he still acts like a toddler.
Guess I wasn’t clear with the ‘type’ thing. I’m talking about her not being able to cum from just penetration so she needs the clitoral stimulation on top of it. Wasn’t saying that’s not common. I’m saying that her using a toy is a far reach from her ‘doing all the work’. It’s really just her participating in her own orgasm.
I see what you’re getting at with the hypothetical but it’s a reach as well. It implies that he’s short with the foreplay, is somehow using her and sees adjusting his stroke to please her is an inconvenience for him.
If that were the case I’d agree with you but none of that is in his post
You better make a big deal when it comes to your respect and boundaries in a relationship.
Cheaters are broken people. And it's not anyone's responsibility to fix a broken person, but their own. Not getting a need met? You communicate and your partner either agrees to meet it or doesn't. You don't go out and cheat.
Flip the narrative and she would of been pissed if you did what she was doing.
Everyone has free will but when you cheat and you stay with your partner or get back together you don't do the same shit that would cause mistrust in the relationship. She's emotionally stupid. And she's bringing your vibration down to her level.
It's not about “I'm a grown up and can do whatever I want” it's about loving and respecting your partner and how your actions might make them feel. You want your partner to feel secure in the relationship. And she's failing at that. She's a bad partner.
Leave her ass. Then she can shop there all she wants and you don't lose any of your self respect and self worth.
You’re in denial.
His initial reaction was unacceptable and childish and his comment on “men not showing emotions” is kind of a larger red flag on its own. What other “normal man” behavior is he hiding.
This is a little tricky, if he's having his new gf over it doesn't seem like it was a just a fling, especially not if it went on for years.
You're not in their relationship, and your friend may be a bit overbearing who knows.
I think at the end of the day your morals/values are what matters. I've had a friend cheat on his now fiance for a few years early on in their relationship (historical cheater). I frown on it if he wants long term, but otherwise not my circus not my monkeys.
That being said, friend card. You have every right to say fuck this random who happens to be my bfs friend, ain't shit to you. If your bf doesn't get that, he doesn't get loyalty to your friends. If you think your friend is omitting info to you that you think would have contributed heavily to the circumstance, maybe don't bother making a scene, but yeah if he opens the box regarding discussion on the relationship with your friend, tell your bf ahead of time you're not gonna just sit there and let it happen, and if he has a problem he can talk to his friend, otherwise he's asking more from you than he should be.
Best way would be to voice your dislike of the friend and as mentioned, just not go.
All I had to read was 4 months and it's going okay.
She's not the one.
fuck off, stop apologising
She couldn't listen to you talk while she played
She is soo far up her own arse i would be annoyed with her