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Op, I’m sorry you’re going through this. This shouldn’t be your problem to handle.
Tell your dad, “I know you’ve been cheating. You have 24 hours to tell mom or I will tell her.” Force his hand to be up front about it.
I really hope he comes clean so you’re not burdened with this.
Oh okay so maybe I am overthinking and he might have deleted it by accident? i don’t want to ask directly
Very likely at least part the problem. SSRIs do this very often as a side effect. Its does not happen for everyone so your gf not having the problem is not relevant.
It sure sounds like she got drunk. Her saying she was blacking out sounds like setting up an excuse for not knowing what was going on. It sounds like he admitted to something. Ask him wtf “just happened” meant. If he's not clear, straight up ask him if they fooled around. Hopefully nothing happened but from what you've said, it sounds likely something did.
You’d have to talk to him further.
The real question though is do YOU want kids? Because if not, you should tell him. And if you do, need to get aligned with him because the clock is going to start ticking for you biologically pretty soon. Pregnancy after 35 is higher risk to you and baby.
I see very easily how he could be done with yourbhysterics over him traveling for work. Rather than berating him into submission, you should have not dated someone who has a requirement to travel to work.
You need to seek therapy for your insecurities, not make demands.
Get a pre-nup. Thank me later
Yeah this dude needs to look up that word because I have no idea which one he's actually trying to use. Head scratcher
…and the poor girlfriend is not even aware she should get tested for possible STDs ASAP …
Naked disagree. They made a decision to let him oversleep with the agreement in plae.
If they didn't like the agreement, that should have been discussed prior to breaking the agreement. Instead they allowed him to be late for school because they didn't want to do it.
And, I do not for a second believe that this is the only time where son has had to step back and be the bigger person and forget about being treated poorly because step sister makes a decision that impacts him.
You sound like you need to be seeing a psychiatrist. No joke about it at all. You are going through something that requires professional support and care. IMHO, you should not be in a serious position until you are better able to understand yourself.
I feel like what you have just said is that all that you and your partner have in common is sex and that isn't working out either.
This has 18 flavors of red flags. This is not a healthy situation. Why confront him? For what? He’s jealous, paranoid and controlling and on top of that he has been lying to you. How about you walk away rather letting him “discard you?”
Op can I suggest that you do park out if you are bisexual or even leaning towards gay. Please don’t parents to your husband your bisexual and that is why you didn’t as that would be gross to do so and offensive to bisexuals.
Own your mistake and be very clear what you want as that is what he will need to know so he can make a decision if he can forgive and move past it.
as a future family law attorney, all i can say is people like you are the reason i still have a job. ?
You don't deserve her and she deserves someone so much better if you keep dragging it out. Break up with her, let her move on. Don't waste her time.
I will try to. But it’s hot because I don’t know if they’d understand considering we’ve already talked about this sorta thing before and I got talked down earlier by my other friend that that’s just ‘the way he is’ and I’m being dramatic.
So if you kiss someone else, would you also count that as a “3 second mistake”
Your husband has no right to be mad. He opened the door and you walked through it ?♀️
Clearly that’s not an appropriate reaction to conflict. Maybe you can both admit to what you each contributed to this argument that was right, and what you both want to change about the way you both approached the discussion. That way no one is taking 100% blame, but you’re both taking responsibility for fixing it
Idk why you quoted killing their babies. That is exactly what an abortion is! Do you have kids? I sure hope not.
The fuck is wrong with you?
Literally just the honeymoon period poisoning your brain.
OP, He was kind enough to tell you now that he's just using you before he has to go perform his familial duties. You know where you stand and it's up to you whether you want to be involved with someone who didn't respect you enough to tell you up front.
Yeah I can't imagine that she'd be reasonable if you got sick or old and weren't “muscular enough” for her.
Her trying to change you is weird and wrong and the fact that she won't admit when she's done something negative or apologize when you say she's hurt you etc is a giant red flag.
Have a more thorough, sit-down, conversation with her and if she won't accept that these behaviors are not okay in your relationship (and apologize to you) then it's not worth putting up with that.
Oh gosh no immediate dealbreaker. Do you want kids eventually with this guy? He’d treat them the same way no doubt. Run.
I'm a woman and I definitely did it when I was younger. My friends did it too, with each other and with me. I even took a pic of my best friend and roommate's ass once. She couldn't get a good angle.
Do you think that I'm naive for my real lived experience as a woman, or are you going to invalidate that just because your experience doesn't match?
Presumably these women choose to strip…now because some guys like to see them strip, everyone that goes to strip joints is objectifying women and reveling in male privilege? I guess this would extend to male revues? Chippendales and the like? Just stop.
Seriously… however people still have a choice to not actively participate in social media. I definitely stopped trying
So breakup with my pregnant fiancé who’s excited about getting married and starting a family? Just leave her with a baby to raise and run away because being a single mom is better than me being involved? Ok sure.
Don’t even know why I came here, you maniacs always choose the nuclear option for everything.
And of course I love her! We’ve been together for a fucking decade!
If you don't respect yourself man, she's def not. Nothing long term can come from that
There is a special place for peoples like your friend and it’s called prison.
You asked her. She answered. The best way she can support you is to help you understand how badly you're failing your son. She did her job. Do yours.
Yea they just slept together after just drinking Alcohol all night.
No, my guy, 18 and 19 year olds do not have the maturity as 25 and up do. In these days they're aware because us older generations are raising awareness and not letting this shit slide. This man was a mutual acquaintance, so yes another point for you on the victim blaming and avoiding putting the actual blame on where it's at. Lmao I love it when men like you and him out yourselves just like that. Also, 23-6 isn't 18, but keep going… Enjoy your work day and don't mess with kids please.
Never ever ever
A slap is not an attack?
What if they are a weirdo?
Dude just stop, I'm not falling for it.
I’m the woman who said you’re disregarding ppls opinions. I meant you are arguing with everyone saying he was looking for a hookup
Never settle for being a plan B. If she was committed she'd wait for the process to play out.
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The realy question is: why do you allow it?
Go to any and all subs where you can find adults and teenagers talking about how fucking miserable their lives are, and how many issues they have, because one or both parents didn’t want them.
Whatever it is that you think is so great about the relationship, having a baby to save it is the most selfish, inhumane, cruel thing to do. It’s not a plant or a vacation, it’s a fucking human being, and the two of you are going to hate each other for the rest of that kids life.
The kid will learn that this misery is what love looks like, and will also be in unhappy, one-sided, abusive relationships where one partner just takes a shit on the other, and they take it because “that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
Let him go, he’s abusive and you’re not going to change him.
I don’t check her social media i just checked her snap today because a friend told me she still has my number and she has been stalking my insta story for weeks even after i removed her from my followers.
It takes, on average, 3 months to get a GED. You're being used & an utter doormat. Please, find your self respect.
Good luck OP. Give us ladies some hope that you can learn and change but, it begins with a heartfelt apology and don't look for one from her. The change will be naked but until you put in the work, don't exit your marriage.
You are on the top , well done. Good inputs
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Sadly, it’s usually a combination of taking advantage of the inexperienced and/or aspects of the toxic situation are actually normalized for the person posting; it was part of something they grew up with that maybe wasn’t challenged as toxic or called out as a problem.
To a lesser extent it could be aspects of neurological development issues which makes it more difficult for the person experiencing the abuse to recognize it as abuse.
So learn how to cook. Holy fuck youre 31 years old dude.
We call that “the trash taking itself out”.
It will get better. I promise.
Take a deep breath. Life is good, you've found some happiness, yay! I'm happy for you both.
Here's my 2 cents: Discuss your hesitation with her. If your relationship is good, it's not going anywhere. If you're not 95% on board to move in, then don't move in together. Take it slow. That's ok, too.
Yeah, I'd do it now rather than on-line a lie. There's no good time. You don't know when he'll pass, and you don't know how much longer after that you'd have to wait since you obviously can't do it immediately after. That's up to half a year of staying with someone you're planning to leave.
Did she discuss quitting her job with you? I'm wondering why you'd allow that to happen knowing you'd break up.
Solo travel is great so no problem there. Unfortunately there is no end date so I would let her go. If you’re single at the end of it and you want to get back together then cool. But do not put your life in hold. I know some people that have solo traveled for 6 months, more than a year and two that just never came home. You have no idea which your gf is and I think it’s best for you both to be adults about it and cut the cord before she leaves.
Because jobs in America are guaranteed for any period over two weeks. Lol
It seems like when we’re no contact, everything that I do, see, eat, etc. reminds me of her and thoughts of her come flooding back. Did I just not have long enough periods of time in between for the memories to fade away?
Good point, I can’t deny that I can go overboard when it comes to these things. It was just that this one especially stung to me. I worry sometimes that this is all I have to offer
Getting your parental rights termed post childbirth is almost impossible. You're looking at most likely paying child support until he finds a wife. Pretty much No judge will grant you terming your rights until he's got a spouse willing to adopt the kid. I'm sorry that you got burned like this. It sucks, but there's no way to duck your financial obligations to the kid but the courts can't force visitation atleast.
Common enough. Just a bully behavior. Gray rocking is the term for the way to deal with them.
Yes it sucks.. But the people jumping straight to divorce without any other discussion are crazy
It's nothing vital. She just said she wanted to support some tiktok content creators who are actually good and in need of small supports. Me saying naked no to it is what created this whole argument. She said she never thought of any upper limit coz she never planned to spend much. When i pressed on her to still give me Max amount she would ever use in tiktok so she gave $100 as Max amount she will ever use on tiktok in her whole lifetime coz as of now she barely used just $3-5 only. She says that if she even crosses $30 (from her own pocket) before we even get to meet in real, only then can I claim she is getting addicted and so avoid giving her money in the future for tiktok. But before that, i can't comment if she is addicted or not. Idk i felt that as a genuine argument at that moment ?
No. Acid come down is by far harder. If you took vitamin c and 5-HTP(serotonin), couple hours before there is almost no come down.
This is where basic human empathy should come into play. Put yourself in her shoes. You’ve been dating her for years, and for at least one whole year she’s known that you’re not “the one” because you’re not ambitious enough for her. How would you feel?? I’d be pissed as hell and incredibly hurt if the person I shared a life with felt that way about me and just continued on because it wasn’t good timing to end things. I would definitely feel like my time was being wasted and like I’d been duped. Please break this off sooner than later.
I think your kids would:
Want you to have never broken up (sadly not an option) Being happy and healthy apart and coparenting Get back together because it will make you and them think things are back to normal
You have feelings for who she was and not who she is. Your kids miss having happy together parents.
She is offering no explanation for her erratic behaviour. With reeks of guilt, she seems to have left you for what she thought was a better option which hasn't worked out.
I am be presumptuous in my first few statements, but can you honestly say you have feelings for the women she is now?
If you did get back together and she did this again it would be very unsettling and upsetting for you and you kids.
What a piece of shit partner you are. You should let her go now and quit using her out of convenience until it suits you to end things.
i would also love to on-line somewhere where i can just pay for groceries lmao. nahh if she wants to live! with you she gotta pay at least 50% of the mortgage as rent and any other bill a renter would have to pay
Funny
Thank you!
And she’s going to be sick to her stomach the entire time the guy is there whenever she is not in the presence of both of them, wondering if they are off in another room getting physical. Hell, I’m getting sympathy stressed out for her.
You sound depressed. See a therapist.
As for what to do right now. Make sure to have date nights and do all the date stuff from time to time. After 2 years it can feel like a chore but you have to keep investing energy into the relationship or it goes cold.
Eh he’s having a sort of crisis. Maybe try to suggest some crazy plans? Or just make them and see if he follows along? Travel? Idk
?? She's not that bad! (I think)
Also I want to warn you, OP, the more attention this post gets, the more you’re going to see negative comments directed at you. People tend to get really defensive when it comes to porn use. You’ll get comments telling you that you’re being controlling, that there are no men who don’t view porn, that you deserve to be lied to, etc.
These things aren’t true. We all get so set our own boundaries within relationships, and your partner willingly agreed to this boundary from the start. Also, they may not be that common, but there are absolutely men who don’t watch porn or who would happily give it up for the right partner. And you don’t deserve to be lied to.
I really wish you both the best of luck in dealing with this. Sadly porn addiction (like most addictions) ruins a lot of relationships. But it can be overcome with effort and time and professional help. And if you decide you’d rather leave, that’s absolutely understandable as well. Personally I wouldn’t stay with someone who violated my boundaries so many times.
You're kinda of a jerk
Honestly I don’t think I’d ever want to reach out to him ever again, he’s a horrible human being and I feel bad for anyone who dates him. I do agree with you that he needs to be called out on so he doesn’t do that again and someone needs to do it but i don’t thing I’m brave enough to do that.
I do get my suspensions but any time they're together she tells me and it's always in public. Plus she usually stays the night at my place every other night. It's just so hot seeing them be able to do things and go out at anytime and me not being able to do those things with her because I don't exist to her and her family and a lot of the people in her life since she chooses to show other people that they're together. All my friends say the same thing that I should give her an ultimatum. I am just so in love with her it's hot to threaten to leave the person I want to be with just because I don't get what I want. I keep telling myself if I just keep waiting it will change.
Yep, my guy is not trying to fuck his life over.
So when he says he can’t deal with you or can’t be with someone that has ‘such crazy emotions’, was that him trying to break up with you? Because personally I would see that as an attempt to separate. He seems disrespectful to you and disregard your feelings when he reacts the way he does. What is it you like about him?
I wonder if he would feel the same if you made comments about his body. When people make jabs under the guise of a joke, it really shows how immature and spineless they are.
I see these posts alot but I don't often see people talking about female condoms or diaphragms. Both have a 92-96% effectiveness (diaphragm do need spermacide) and female condoms protect against STI's.
Neither of which cause hormone imbalance, side effects with periods or surgical procedures.
While I would say wearing a Condom is simple, the automatic jump to vasectomy always strikes me as odd when there is this safe and highly effective alternative which a woman would have complete control over.
have a convo with him about what his response would be if you ended up pregnant with condoms
Yeah, once you take out the type of birth control that's “always on” you up the risk, of either some kind of accident, or falling for the “well, just this one time” trap.
It's one thing if both of you are fully onboard with the risk is ok since on the small chance you get pregnant, you are both happy to go instantly for an abortion. But if you either of you are anti-choice, or you think he's hiding some desire for a child and would protest an abortion, the whole situation requires some more thought.
Being a relationship doesn’t mean you need to be around each other all the time, even if you’re living together it’s necessary to give your partner some space even if it’s difficult.
Out of curiosity do you on-line with him (as in share a house/apartment together), or have you just been crashing at his house this whole time without at least discussing it first. Unforeseen Life related circumstances aside, I’d be pretty annoyed at my partner if they just decided my house was their’s as well and staying all the time without at least discussing it first.
Please seek counseling for your wife and you. You should also tell every member of your wife’s family exactly what happened.
GREAT advice! Thank you!
It sounds like he built up this fantasy about her. It almost sounds like plain old OCD to me. OCD isnt always physical, sometimes it's just a mental block where your thoughts just go in circles over and over. Any time she probably talked to him, she fed his OCD about her. However it is hurtful on your side to have to put up with that and it isnt fair to you at all. You would be happier alone. Maybe not in the beginning but soon after you would realize you are just fine without him. As for him, he should get some kind of therapy to get over his mental block of her.
Has this become gradually worse over the years? It kinda sounds like there might be something going on that should be checked up on. If she's developing paranoia or similar, she might have an illness that needs treatment. It might not be BPD
It’s 1000% depression.
Her past may contribute to the success of your relationship. Trust issues are not healthy she may not appreciate you looking into her past.
if she wants something she comes back? Got a timeframe for that? What if she wants to know how i am after like 1 week or whatever? What do i do? Ignore her?
I really don't care about future generations being able to chart our family line genealogically. Any genealogical footworkbwe complete will just get passed along to our children if they are interested in it. As previously mentioned, I'm adopted and that makes ancestry work much more difficult than a simple name change or using a maternal family name.
So, the short of it is, I'm really not concerned about future ancestry work, and it doesn't hold up as a good reason for me to just take my husband's last name, when I have valid and important reasons not to.
Im pretty sure most people would agree that asking another person for nudes (without your partner knowing) is definitely cheating. You dont have to leave him. But he cheated, dont be surprised when it happens again and again. If youre staying, youre agreeing on being cheated on. Listen to your own words: it isn't your job to fix him.
I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but very few people can recall every bad thing they have done to someone in a relationship. And even then, not to the extent of rattling them off like items on a to do list. So, there's definitely something very hinky there. Second, he knew he was hurting you. He knew what he did was wrong. Doesn't matter why he did it, it was intentional. So his apology is just more manipulation. Matter of fact, he has you so figured out that he said all the right things to make you second guess yourself. STOP talking to him. There's a reason your brother gets annoyed every time he shows up. He's slowly worming his way back into your mind. If he shows up again let your brother handle it. Tell your friends not to tell you anything about him, good or bad, and simply go on an interaction diet. Then get therapy if you aren't already. You took the first step and left, now take the next one and stick to it.
just big ego things
I’m going to assume you aren’t a guy. Guys do things like that to drive a wedge between her and her bf in the moment and to try and be dominant.
“Not only did I call him a bitch, I got you to as well”.
OP, you also took two stances on the drink, he wanted to buy her one and she wanted one. The dude sounds like a he’s been watching pick up artist TV, but it’s a bummer your gf bought into it.
I would have not problem with her being flirty, or accepting drinks, but don’t do it at my expense, that’s not cool.
preserve anonymity
Reddit has taken anonymity to the extreme. Its like when people don't want to post their ages or the country they're from “to preserve anonymity”.
But they have enough money for the essentials since he says there's some left over to save after paying the bills.
I think this is the most measured, helpful comment in here. Their partner will be who they are, and having a thorough, honest discussion would be immensely helpful for both of them. Transitioning comes with a huge set of changes for the person transitioning and their loved ones.
Would you have continued to cheat with the other woman if you'd enjoyed the kink experience?
It sounds like you didn't consider your gf at all when deciding to cheat on her, and you only regretted it when you realized the grass wasn't greener. I don't know that you are truly sorry for what you did, or just sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.
You can't make your gf trust you again. You chose this when you chose to cheat. You cracked the foundation of trust – even if you do manage to patch things up the crack will still be there. You can apologize sincerely, pursue therapy to improve yourself and your awareness of how your actions affect others. You can ask if she will give you a second chance to prove yourself. But don't be surprised if she doesn't.
There is no such thing as closure. Nothing he says to you will make you feel better. Even if he apologizes, it won’t change the past, make him love you, or stop your pain. What you need is time and therapy.
Honestly, when you start a relationship off with this sort of messy drama you can’t expect either relationship to suddenly become an emotionally mature and fulfilling one.
Figure out what you want. Do you want to fool around or have a serious relationship? It’s your call – no wrong answer. But, you can’t pursue both options simultaneously
ah yes because that’s what i said!
totally not that someone whose coping strategy for their fear of lifelong commitment is engaging in irrational thoughts wouldn’t make a pregnant woman want to stay!
but in all seriousness, having irrational fears is normal and plenty of couples can work through those. however, letting those irrational fears drive a wedge in your relationship because you don’t see what’s wrong with doubting your partner’s faithfulness and character isn’t something most couples can work past.
his (ir)rational fear of being a father does not excuse his actions and plenty of parents have this same fear yet don’t go around accusing their partners of something so despicable.
there’s another comment that has a whole list of posts where fathers pressured their partners into taking a paternity test only to realize that even with a “positive result,” there wasn’t any chance the relationship was coming back from that.
This is reminding me of the guy who accused his wife of baby trapping him and said all kinds of shit to her and then was surprised she left him. Like wtf do they think happens?!?
Girl you need to stop worrying about yourself. How can you even be thinking about yourself right now after watching something like this happen to someone you love? How is that where your mind goes after your boyfriend is harmed and humiliated?
You need to slow down on the marriage thing for a bit, it seems like y'all are a bit immature and selfish tbh.
Like you’re expecting us to read your mind about what’s actually happening?
Darling , is that you ?
You fucked around and found out. What is it with people/partners/SOs that just don't understand that some families are NOT families.
Give him space. That's all. Eventually you'll have to talk and admit what a massive laps in judgment this was on your side.
keeping personal information like romantic relationships separate from your parents is discontinuing contact with them. its part of the low contact tactic. you can still interact with your parents on occasion but mostly staying away from them for it to be low contact. if he's had a serious relationship for 4 years without ever introducing the two worlds, its probably safe to say that his relationship in general with his parents isn't frequent. his dad agrees, if he's saying he doesnt know who his son is.
it's the best the man could do.
Hm I guess so. It just seems strange for people to get so hung up on. We still hang out and spend time together. We sleep together sometimes, but we just really enjoy having space for our own things and time to ourselves.
You're not what they want. Pretty clear cut here.
If you really liked her for who she is…you would not have out her in that position.
The fact is she didn't want any of that and is uncomfy with the idea that you do- She didn't see a sexual component in your relationship. And it seems that you saw her as a means to an end- to get the physical intimacy you want.
You need to give her space. Maybe after some time you can apologize for making things weird and seeing about taking things slow to get the friendship back- but it has to be on her terms.
And you have to consider your goal: Do you want to make amends and make sure she feels safe around you to repair your friendship- or do you just want to feel better?
Your boy needs to handle his emotions at work. It’s not that he isn’t allowed to feel but sometimes it’s better overall to go with the flow and then ugly cry alone in your car or maybe angry dance in a warehouse while the song never by moving pictures plays. I don’t care about awards but if someone hands me one. I will say thanks act all happy take a picture or whatever horseshit they have planned and then I’m to huck that corny garage in the trash. Even if he’s leaving, his boss might have contacts at the next company or knows a lot of people in the industry. It’s fun to fantasize about revenge on your boss or company like the movies but it’s not a great idea for your career in the long run. The fact that he doesn’t talk to you about work because it’s his space and it doesn’t concern you is not good. When you’re married, have kids, a second vehicle and a mortgage his work does concern you.
Yeah I definitely am committed to them and can see the relationship lasting. I really want this to work and we’ve had very little problems. I just have a naked time letting people know something they do bothers me. Especially if it’s someone I love.
But yeah I’ll try my best to openly converse on how to make our relationship the best it can be.
Go big or go home!
If your breaking up because he cheated on you over and over like you originally said that's not having to that's a choice and I would do it in a heartbeat cause him cheating would prove he doesn't give a damn about me. So I'm not gonna care about him.
Or are you breaking up with him because your parents are forcing you too due to the 20 year age gap?
If your breaking up because he cheated on you over and over like you originally said that's not having to that's a choice and I would do it in a heartbeat cause him cheating would prove he doesn't give a damn about me. So I'm not gonna care about him.
Or are you breaking up with him because your parents are forcing you too due to the 20 year age gap?
If your breaking up because he cheated on you over and over like you originally said that's not having to that's a choice and I would do it in a heartbeat cause him cheating would prove he doesn't give a damn about me. So I'm not gonna care about him.
Or are you breaking up with him because your parents are forcing you too due to the 20 year age gap?
This is sketch. In the USA, most rape cases won’t even see a day in court. He said she said, etc. (sadly)
If he went to court, seems like there was more to it than that. Which would be an especially glaring red flag.
I’d look into the court documents just to know more. But also, I don’t think I’d stay with someone like that. Rape accusations don’t just casually happen.
You're 37, do you not realise it's toxic to demand access to someone's private stuff? And not the other way around?
This is a 'you' problem. You have trust issues.
I think your BF is in the right here- sounds like he is a responsible young man.
It would be the biggest mistake to stay with her. If she had a kid 'for you' she would be resentful of you and the child. Or would refuse to get pregnant. Move on.
Total lack of boundaries. You sound insane.
No I know she’s on her period because she had me grab tampons when I went to get us some Arizona iced teas after setting up the bed frame
You miss the person you thought he was. He doesn’t exist
Well, that is a dilemma.
This is not a friend. She doesn't want the best for you and even if she didn't like him, she should be respectful for the fact that YOU like him and that's what matters. He did nothing wrong. He was gentle, respectful, sweet, he didn't sit with y'all and act like an intruder, just came briefly to check on you.
You should have left her on the side of the road. She is manipulating you.
My only advice is to end the relationship. Do so in a public place with lots of people and make sure there are cameras. Change your locks if she has keys and make sure everything you own is secure.
Drop it. If she believed him and is still working there, this is a scene you don't want to be part of.
I definitely agree with breaking up. You're 28 and 25, you both have plenty of time to find happy relationships.
Where did I say women were cars?
I'll wait…
You. Are. Insane
I think OP will likely need to move out to get mom's behavior to change, but I'm 23 and it's most definitely not a boomer thing. I had an insanely controlling parent who had primary custody of me the whole way through high school and tried to be just as controlling through my first two years of college even though I no longer lived at home. The only way I got out of that control was by moving out and telling my dad that if he didn't at least pretend to respect my choices, then I wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore.
Moving out at 19 sucks and is expensive, difficult, stressful, etc. But, as you said, there's no reason for someone's mom to be that controlling just because they on-line with them. Which means this most likely isn't a problem OP can just talk to her mom about and get her to change her behavior. Frankly, I hope I'm wrong about that, but I really don't think I am, which leaves two real options for OP: move out or put up with it until she's in a good position to move out later.
So what you are basically trying to say is that your FORMER boss and her feelings were more important to you than your own girlfriend? You are such a good boyfriend, your gf can see where your priorities are.
The problem here is he's not got closure and he's not letting her go. I was with a partner like this, she was abusive and had done a number on him. After 5 or 6 years of this I ultimatumed him to get a therapist appt in the next 2 weeks or I'd be out because I couldn't do it anymore I was miserable.
1 week in he hadn't even made a phone call so I bailed. He sent me flowers, apologies, promises. It's been 10 years and he's not once gotten therapy and my new partner (fiance) has been amazing. I don't regret leaving. I wish he'd gone to therapy, it would have helped him so much and he's an awesome person but I couldn't be in a relationship with him and his exes shadow.
Don't let this continue, he needs to deal with it. You should be the only person in his heart.
I fail to see how this guy lead you on. He was being friendly.
But in order to handle rejection – you need to get rejected. Obviously you have not tried that a whole lot.
That is violence. Good thing you don’t have a kid yet, get out while you can (unless you want to be treated that way for the rest of your life).
My mom's like this. We (everyone in the house) don't engage and she eventually stops then ignores everyone. And yes, this happens when she doesn't get her way. I know exactly how you feel and it's noticeable when it's done for attention.
That's assault. There's no need to disect everything. He's a selfish AH.
My dude literally wont go first. Refuses.
May I ask where you and your bf are from? It sounds pretty typical of a culture that I experienced for a few years and I'm very curious if that's the case.
He's obviously such an asshole and very immature. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. A virtual hug.
I really think that i do just that, but maybe i really am not, i will try to be more mindfull abd helpful, while finding ways to nurture our love and care for each other moving forward.
Time for you to pack the rest of your shit and get out.
You already know this relationship is over, even if he's been perfect up until this point there are some things you don't come back from.
And honestly, I'm not usually apologetic on these posts, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you experienced this. It sounded like some kind of highschool nightmare.
…I have a low zombie tolerance, but I’m turning 30 soon and I was scared watching it and watched the show peaking out behind my blanket half the time lol. The violence, the creepy uncertainty if there’s zombies, the swearing, it’s definitely not a show made for kids/teens but for adults. Dunno what OPs gf is on, but my bet is she’s projecting and gaslighting her.
F
Yeah but if you send yourself a video from say, your old iPad or your phone, the time stamp at the top is from the day you saved the video. Still think the guy sucks though
Then get a loan.
Lol well either put your mouth on it or what. A dick isn’t a magical sword, not all women can get off with PIV
If you are teasing a person and joking about him, while that person clearly doesn't think of it as harmless teasing and joking, that is bullying.
“It is only a joke, if everyone is laughing.”
You are watching your “friend” being bullied every day and still argue “he should stand up for himself” – which he clearly can't.
Be better, expect better. You are part of creating a very toxic and dangerous enviroment that could push people in very bad places of mental health.
You are young, so I won't hold it against you, but please try to read about bullying and also maybe try to look into toxic masculinity and fraternity culture problems.
It is completely normal to not question something that is an everyday occurrence in your life until someone or something makes you pause and reconsider. Make watching your friend suffer that moment for you and try to find a way to not only improve his life, but the general approach of being mindful of each other the norm in your frat.
If your first reaction to the thought is “I will be the new victim” or “I will be called a wuss/ soft/ a pussy”, you will know that you are not in a healthy enviroment. You should never be punished or thought of as less because you stand up for a friend who has done nothing wrong.
Would u rather she stay then? Be unhappy in her marriage? Have to parent a child she didn't want? On top of caring physically for your husband sometimes? On top of her other children? She may grow to resent him and the children.
Reddit is so bad for this, it’s so annoying. As if people aren’t allowed to have their own boundaries we all have to think as a collective and all follow the same rules and the #1 rule to never be insecure in our lives when it comes to our partner or we’re controlling manipulative narcissists lol.
What happiness has do with it? You claim you were happy, and yet have been cheating.
Yeahhh that’s a little thing called manipulation.
If you say you don’t want sex and you still end up having sex based only on his “needs” – and you end up feeling used, you’re in an abusive relationship. No one “needs” sex every day, and a lack of care for your feelings should tell you everything you need to know.
Add to that a lack of protective sex, an isolated, hidden feeling, and avoiding certain public places, you’re most likely being manipulated by a guy with some narcissistic and potentially psychopathic traits.
Are you sure you want a future with this guy? I don’t know the culture of where you’re from, but I guarantee this guy probably doesn’t give a fuck about you as a person and will ditch eventually. You’re going to keep going back to him while you’re together because the source of pain is the same as the source of comfort. You should end things, now. You’re being abused.
It’s your mothers house as you said, it kinda ends there. It’s really not fair to bring up her attire just because a guest in her home is constantly doing something that makes her uncomfortable and she asked you to very easily remedy it, draw string pants have a built in belt.
Maybe their username is also a tip off
Why don't the moderators delete these obvious fake posts written for the OP to jack off while they read the comments?
?
You just need to come out with it. Have you retraced your steps and looked everywhere for it? Searched your car, your pockets, your house, etc?
We have been in a relationship for two months but i always think about the people shes had in the past and shes never really brought them up or shown any signs at all shes had anyone before me, but she told me the truth and i keep thinking about it will i get used to it? If its bothers me this much should I just leave? Should i adjust because of the love i have for her?
Yesss perfect
Because she was raised to believe her only value was in her fuckability thus she finds it 'flattering' for someone to be saying that to her daughter. I don't think this is the only issue OP has had with her mom in this vein.
Pretty much. Like what else are we supposed to say.
Maybe he just really likes how babies taste?
Or you should love and accept him even if he pressures you into sex, or abuses you physically and verbally, oh and my fav you should definitely stay with him if he treats you like trash and manipulates you. It shows how much he cares. ?
As someone who grew up messy with adhd (it’s the way how parents found out) I didn’t stop really until I moved into a place on my own (25) I deep cleaned once a week and kept up with small things. Even if it wasn’t perfect.
Parents found out when ordered me to clean my room and I looked down at mountain of clothes and walked to my desk and just drew instead. After a couple days they told me I couldn’t leave my room until it was clean. Cool I didn’t care. It was only until they started yelling screaming and me saying I don’t know how that they understood. Too much clutter piled up equaled me having no idea where to begin.
I would talk to her about how much better she would feel if her vanity was nice, she always had nice clean folded clothes to wear and how much it would upgrade her life. Living in a messy environment can be stressful and if she knows it’s her fault she’s trying to self soothe with social media. Tell her you want her to on-line a better life and that you’ll face the adhd with her and help clean with her without passive aggression. Slowly keep up having her clean with you telling her specific tasks to complete and be patient.
Her mental health in no way is your responsibility but if you want to make the relationship work you may need to help her grow through this emotionally and mentally. I wish the best to you my friend
Yeah I have no idea his thinking on that one. Scare tactic?
I think i blocked him to make him understand that this issue is important for me because just talking to him didn't work
I think it sounds like a game you play to get attention..Again, not really the best idea to block someone you say you want more from…You are in a LDR, you aint getting more. You get that by being near someone.
Ehhh, I can kinda see if the majority of your friends are going to probably consume alcohol.
This is why I always recommend having a 12 pack of some cheap beer in the back of the fridge for if anyone really NEEDS a beer at a kid's party.
You're also allowed to set the boundary and say you're not wasting money on alcohol.
You can also tell people to BYO and whatever gets left over is basically the “free bin” at all future parties.
Yup.. so I can take notes on all these crazy stories I read here when I’m feeling thirsty for some karma bait. /s
You need to do a deep dive on your feelings. You say you’re in love with a woman who will drop you and move on to the next guy the second you run into some tough times. You say you’re in love with a woman who clearly does not love you back. Think about that.
Forget about her. Find someone who deserves you and focus on getting your life together.
You are in a difficult situation. Only thing I can think of is for you guys to communicate and really listen to what she has to say. Also give it some time.
Brokeback Mountain with a twist.
I'm sure this isn't the only thing he's ever lied to you about.
Slap him
I think the fact you came onto reddit and posted this means you already know something isn't right. There's a lot of red flags here, and you've caught him lying, especially with finances. What makes you think he's telling the truth this time?
I've seen this before with big age gaps. He strings you along for a few years while getting his dick wet. But what happens in a few years when a younger more naive version of you comes along?
Find yourself an equal partner.
Break up with P and go to therapy to get over L. Stay single for a bit and then start fresh.
Tell him to grow up. He is a fool to not want to be a father. He might not get another chance.
Your ex is an idiotic immature asshat, and a hypocrite with dbl standards. You met on tinder where people look for hookups not lifetime relationships. If you re a good person the past doesn t matter.
Also: Your therapist isn't helping you enough if they haven't recognized this.
Yeah like everyone has said, if you're only doing this for him and not because YOU want to, this will not turn out well. Any kind of group sex or any kind of non-monogamous activity needs to be enthusiastically agreed to by ALL parties.
If you're already not sure about it, you should not go through with it. Are you attracted to women at all? Like is there any part of this that would be for you, or do you just feel pressure to cater to HIS fantasies?
It's better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship. From your post, it sounds like he's emotionally abusive and manipulative.
I’m not addressing your points because, as I’ve said, they’re irrelevant.
You’re saying he’s not pleasuring her correctly, so she isn’t interested in sex and it’s up to OP to figure out how to make sex more enjoyable for her.
I’m saying she isn’t communicating to him properly what she wants him to do. If slowing down the tempo isn’t working (which is what she has told him to do), then she should tell him and let him know what will work.
I’m taking her comments at face value and assuming that she enjoys sex the way she has instructed OP to do. In this scenario, she would only be focused on her pleasure. You’re assuming that the instructions she is giving are false, and that’s not in fact what she needs in order to enjoy sex.
You’re ignoring the fact that your own hypothesis automatically insinuates that OPs wife is lying to him. You’re saying he isn’t doing a good job, so in that case, why is she giving him bad direction?
I feel like something relevant is missing from the story. But I have partner who plays games too. Like a LOT. His priorities are screwed
Well, since things may get complicated after June/July when (if) she moves, it seems to me that she doesn't want to get too attached.
You can say and think that, but when you spend time with someone, your feelings may not follow your mind, so she doesn't want to get too attached, but the way she acts shows you she is and it's confusing you.
It's almost May, I'd say enjoy it while it lasts. If you break this now, you'll suffer and if she breaks it in two months, you'll also suffer. So you may as well enjoy this couple of months.