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Not. At. All. Life Is long and, usually, not linear. Do you know what I thought about reading your post? Is there a girl you like? Because you didn't mention that. Just try to start to look around and… Be there, in the world! Good luck!
hello i did commented here about this and answered it properly in one of the comment.
I'm not sure as he has all his ex's on social, he just won't add me… And Ty I am seriousley considering it, just wanted advice to make sure I wasn't jumping the gun
Yeah it’s not as bad and i acknowledged that but again, still feels like a betrayal. On the bright side I made it to a third day counting today which is new
I’m not talking about your former relationship. I’m talking about your belief that how much money one makes determines how much domestic work they should do. You can have all of those qualities and still get paid less than someone who has none of those qualities. Try telling a teacher or a nurse that they should do more work domestic work than their partner because they clearly lack discipline, sacrifice, and good decision-making because they chose a career that benefits society rather than large corporations. Capitalism might value people based on their income, but we shouldn’t do that in our relationships.
Totally different here. Sorry dude. It isn't personal.
What is his job in the military? Is it something that can easily be transferred to a civilian career? How long has he been in, and what age did he join? A lot of ex military people who have been in since they were young adults find they do not have any direction or purpose once they get out. Also they don't have the structure the military provides and often find it difficult to navigate life with nobody telling you what you should be doing and when you should be doing it.
On the other hand any good unit will have plenty of resources and people specifically designated to help you both make that transition. The military can help him connect with places that prefer to hire veterans and he should have access to the Montgomery GI bill to help you or him pay for school (the Montgomery GI bill is a giant benefit).
You have a difficult decision to make and only you can make it. Personally what I would do is stay with him, but wait until he gets back to get married. You could visit every so often and finish school, and you would be there for the last years of your dogs life. If he loves you, he will understand. Good luck
I’m gonna say this… both of you are very young. Let him go to find himself, and you go and heal yourself. And you continue to date. Because if you have to sneak to do ANYTHING it’s cheating. If he loved you why would he be curious about other women that are out there? Think about that. It seems like he may be trying to use you as a placeholder. Like he’s with you but he’s not really with you.
It's not inadequacy it is inexperience, the largest factor being the age difference.
If he is looking for a life long partner, loyalty, respect and pleasant disposition are going to be far more attractive than where you've been and how much you earn. As long as you both have aligning values and goals there is no reason to feel like the lesser partner.
Take small step at a time, let him be comfortable and open his sexuality to you
Unless it's your job, video gaming for 8 hours is indeed terrible for you. I enjoy it also and can play that long to, but don't say it's healthy. Even if it was your job, it would still be terrible for you, but at least you're making money for your troubles.
Yeah we definitely disagree here.
It sounds like you're on her leash. Don't be that guy. I was this guy for a very long time. It only lead to heartbreak, and feeling cheated on… because that's kinda what's going on. People like this use their ego to “keep their options open” and when you confront them about it, they'll say “Well, we're not together” rather than showing credibility for their actions. If there's even 1% more for anyone else, It's already over before it's started. What makes you think she's not saying the same thing to the other guys? Here's my idea. Just stop seeing her, don't block her on social media, or block her from texting or calling, start dating someone else. And watch her response. It will go one of two ways. 1) She'll realize she made a huge mistake. And start “wanting you more” But, don't fall into that trap. 2) You'll never hear from her again, or she'll become combative and act like your the biggest p.o.s. she's ever met. (It's not true, it's an ego defense) She seems rather narcissistic and tbh I feel you're better of not being someone's “option”
“I am frustrated the he doesn’t truly believe that that is a course of action he should need to take”
chill out
Despite him thinking it’s not necessary, he’s doing it anyway. This clearly isn’t something he actually wants it’s something only you want. So he’s doing this 99% for you and 1% for him since he wants to avoid conflict. So he obviously cares. Just deal with the fact he’s doing what you asked. If you can’t do that then break up.
yes you do, you drink alcohol.
No, that's what I wanted to do but she doesn't.
I get that she's trapped, and if I could somehow free her from it and us go our separate ways I would. About the kids, I answered in more detail to a different comment, but basically they are on different sleep schedules so it's not ideal.
I think unfortunately your last line is probably it, and maybe what part of me already knew deep down.
This done not sound like a 19 year old but like a 13 year old
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They removed the tubes
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She cheated once then knew about the possibility of the child's true paternity but keep it a secret til she was found out YEARS later. From that moment til now she has been lying to her husband and son and actually has the gull to think she can fix this.
But yeah some generic “get therapy” and “apologize” (that one kills me lmao) is going to move someone like OP.
My advice for her would be for her to get used to not having her husband and son in her life. ?♂️
Sir – do you know how birth control works?
No. You really aren’t
. As I said in the post, it’s very unlikely I can have kids of my own.
A 24F knowing this is how we know that this post is fiction.
Trust your dog’s judgement.
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Because they're assuming that she doesn't compliment him when there's absolutely no evidence to suggest that's the case?
I have meet many staffies and never heard of any case. I do personally know a german shepherd who was lovely and gentle and turned vicious overnight. Started barking at our dog when she was fine prior.
Owner got her tested and she had a brain tumour. There are tonnes of medical reasons for this behaviour and tumour is definitely one of them.
Staffies are some of the most popular dog breeds in the UK, I have meet many and literally heard of none snapping. It's worth keeping in mind any dog breed can experience issues, especially if there's a medical cause. My labrador golden mix just as much as the staffies he plays with.
No because he brings it up calmly and I try to understand where he's coming from. He's only told me that something hurt him twice and I cried because I didn't want him to feel that way.
That's assault.
Talk about cutting things…maybe cut him out of your life. Find somebody who respects you.
I understand preferences.. but this has gone beyond that and become harassment and assault and if he can't understand why you'd be upset or right from wrong this is not somebody who want in your life
I'm sorry OP ❤️
You made the right choice . It will be tough but long term is the correct choice
Lol… That's a fat lie.
How about setting some limits on going out and drinking?
Oh yea you are. She's cheating man. MLM is a scam in the US.
You need to review things, dates, events and coincidences between those two with a critical eye. I bet you will have an ah ha moment. Sorry man.
You’re a good guy work it out for your girlfriend is there a take her away from her for a romantic getaway or do something extra special and make it a celebrated birthday time. If she’s upset and doesn’t wanna do that take her out and do it anyway just don’t call it birthday
with a man who had no actual interest in women
Friendly reminder that bisexuals exist
Remind yourself of what you do bring to the table. You don’t have the same grades or the same job at a prestigious company that your partner does to make her happy and content with your relationship.
My husband is also an engineer and incredibly smart, whereas I dropped out of college and have a mid tier job (not a career). But I’m smart in ways that he isn’t. Our base of knowledge balances each other out, so we can work well as a team. I make him laugh. I’m kind and empathetic. I treat his family like they are my own. I just do my best to show him how much I love and appreciate him. That’s what makes a relationship good.
And I would love to tell him how I feel but I am afraid he takes that bad and he will be here soon so I want to avoid any fight
Agree! 5 years doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re young, it is. Different stages of life.
no matter how many times I confront him and bring it up he never changes
So why do you still keep thinking you're going to change him?
no matter how many times I confront him and bring it up he never changes
So why do you still keep thinking you're going to change him?
did you ever asked yourself why women who get beaten up by their “partners” don't leave them? obviously they should leave their partners, right? but they make excuses, rationalize, hope for the best. you remind me of this. he was using you for sex while you were asleep and you wonder if he raped you in a technical sense. for the question if he isolated you, does it really matter if you think he was doing it active, when the result is the same and you are now isolated and lost friends because of your relationship with him?
another comment here suggested a therapeut for you. i would second this, because you sound so manipulated that you cant think clearly. just look at the facts: you are isolated, he used you while you were sleeping. he told you that he manipulated himself in a relationship with you and wanted to rape you. he is clearly sick in the head. trust your intial gut feeling, which was to run. because this is what you should do. protect yourself and run from this guy.
did you ever asked yourself why women who get beaten up by their “partners” don't leave them? obviously they should leave their partners, right? but they make excuses, rationalize, hope for the best. you remind me of this. he was using you for sex while you were asleep and you wonder if he raped you in a technical sense. for the question if he isolated you, does it really matter if you think he was doing it active, when the result is the same and you are now isolated and lost friends because of your relationship with him?
another comment here suggested a therapeut for you. i would second this, because you sound so manipulated that you cant think clearly. just look at the facts: you are isolated, he used you while you were sleeping. he told you that he manipulated himself in a relationship with you and wanted to rape you. he is clearly sick in the head. trust your intial gut feeling, which was to run. because this is what you should do. protect yourself and run from this guy.
First things first, herpes is a cold sore. Its the. Exact. Same. Virus. If you have had a cold sore you have herpes.
Genital herpes is mostly caused by touching a cold sore then touching your genitals, transferring the virus from your face to your genitals. It could happen to anyone.
Cold sores only appear every now and then but the herpes virus is constantly in your body you can never get rid of it once you have it.
(There is herpes 1 variant that is transferred through saliva and herpes 2 through sexual contact but herpes is herpes. Either can appear in either place you can get cold sores on you mouth from yours/someone genitals, you can get genital cold sores from a mouth. What I'm trying to drive home is its just cold sores. There is big stigma around herpes as if the majority of the population aren't carries of it).
Have protected sex, make sure neither of you show physical signs of the sores and make sure she tells you the second she knows of a sore forming and then you will probably be fine. General safe sex stuff. Just be ultra strict about it.
This whole part is why she needs to still have a method of birth control she is in control of and possibly try to have her Dr sign off on a partial hysterectomy. She can’t control his body, and I’d be afraid he’d do something to compromise BC if he is in charge of it.
You don’t even need a nanny. You have an army of childcare here.
It’s possible shifts could be managed more efficiently. But it’s also likely you’re getting an inaccurate narrative from at least one of the ladies here. Likely everyone is exaggerating their contributions and downplaying the others.
Sit down together as a group and identify the problem areas and some solutions. Whiteboard a division of tasks and schedules that everyone understands. Having so many contributors could actually be adding to confusion here.
Congratulations and best of luck.
That's nasty. Unless your toilet is made from a shop vac, it's not gonna wake anyone. No one wants to go to the bathroom and find someone else's pee, poop in the toilet. That's gross and very poor manners. She's a guest in someone else's home, so she needs to flush. If she doesn't want to flush in her home, fine. In someone else's, you flush. She's gonna have a hard time finding a man who will literally put up with her shit.
Fuck off, if this was the other way around everyone would be saying that the girl was right to not want to do anything other than talk and the guy was a creep for trying to get it on just because they had sex the day before.
Dude, I tell my wife everything I do that involves other coworkers. Just so she doesn't find out from someone else because, then it looks like you're hiding something.
Some people don't mind it, some people (like me!) find it unpleasant and don't want to do that. It's a personal thing, just like not all people on the planet like chocolate. It's ok for you not to like it. It's ok for him to not mind it. But him sending you to a therapist would be the equivalent of sending you to a therapist for not liking chocolate or pineapple. Totally not fine that he sees this as a problem you have to “fix” when brushing your teeth is a very quick thing to do and one he has to do anyway every morning, why would he send you to a therapist instead of waiting a few minutes to kiss you and that way you'd both be more comfortable?
He wants to keep you spending money so he can spend it for you
Exactly! We women get to know with 100% certainty that it's our kid so I cant blame my partner for wanting the same level of certainty. If I were him, the logical part of my brain would be like “yeah obviously that's my kid” but the anxious part would be like “what if a dude jizzed in a pool and then she went swimming that day and one of them got in there and got her pregnant?” Yeah of course that wouldn't actually happen, but it'd be nice to be able to shut the anxiety up with absolute certainty
Narcissist? Carti reference
So his parents are racist lol I could never
Your mother has the marital relationship with your father. This is between you and your mother. It is up to her to discuss with your father.
I don’t feel like my relationship issues are a deal breaker. Maybe I’m wrong. I have however lost myself the last couple of years and I have been through a lot (which are the reasons I have anxiety and depression).
Too soon. Too young.
Only take down your own. Be honest when asked but don't go out of your way to torpedo anything.
Only take down your own. Be honest when asked but don't go out of your way to torpedo anything.
It's not romantic. Kids detract from everything romantic in your life.
Very, very true.
My friend had a “babies are going to be so romantic!” mindset when she and her husband were planning to start trying to the point that she said she wanted to wait to officially start trying until they went on a trip they had planned because it would be such a romantic thing to know they'd conceived their first child in X place. Our conversation went something like:
Me: When are you planning to come off the pill, then?
Her: My prescription is up [something like a few weeks] before the trip anyway. Isn't that perfect!?
Me: Well, it can take a bit to get your period back/regulated after you come off the pill. You probably will want to stop earlier, if you're really aiming for then. Did you have regular cycles before starting the pill?
Her: Not really, I don't think.
Me: well, you also may not be ovulating on that trip, then. You're only gone four days.
Her: What?
Me: … you have to be ovulating to get pregnant, you know? Like, your fertile time of the month?
Her: There are people who've gotten pregnant while still on their period!
Me: Yeah… because they ovulated really early. You still have to be having sex while ovulating to get pregnant. That's how it works.
Her: Well, I'm not going to worry about that. It'll work out.
(They ended up dealing with four years of infertility, unfortunately, but at least she knows even more than I do about menstrual cycles!)
No one's reading past “cheating on me”. This is a lost cause relationship.
I've found a woman who actually understands me. Funnily enough, she is emotional enough for both of us!
I agree with this. My husband and I are in OP’s situation; I not only have the much, much easier job, I also earn more. As you can imagine, my husband has some feelings about this. Although he never directly says he’s resentful, there’s a lot of “must be nice” jokes around here. I never complain another my job issues because they’re minor compared to my husband’s. Because my work is so flexible and easy, I try to help out with day errands like making lunch or grocery shopping more so he can concentrate on work. Marriage is a partnership.
You're being territorial. There's no reason for her to mention you. She's dealing with this as she sees fit. You either trust her or you don't. If you don't, take a moment to ask yourself if that's because of her behavior or something in your past. If it's her behaviors, then maybe this isn't the right relationship for you.
the fact that she even has this guys number still is disrespectful to you and your relationship with each other. you’re always going to wonder and you’re most likely never going to trust her and that’s no way to on-line. i’ve been there and i understand that you love her and how very hot it’s going to be but i think for your own sanity you should break up.
also OP i recommend that you open up to at least one of your closest friends that you can trust, you deserve support and someone that you can talk to about this whole situation.
you’ve done nothing wrong, the blame doesn’t fall on you
I have a feeling you didn't read the same post as every other commenter. Lmao your mental gymnastics would be impressive if it wasn't for such a scary thing to say.
I don't know, as far as I understood I just had to let him know what I was doing and like be safe and use condoms and not let people spend the night if I bring them home.
like i was texting him and keeping him updated, and like I told him I was gonna bring the guy back to the house, it's just like I guess that caught him off guard because I didn't tell him beforehand that was my intention. I didn't specifically have any intention. He also said like I made it sound like I just wanted someone to go to this event with me and didn't want to do anything with him, which like, I don't really remember what I said. I wasn't super into the guy and like had never met him before so I probably just didn't sound into it
the thing where i didn't know I should have used a condom for oral like he is pretty mad about that as well, and like I honestly didn't know, which isn't an excuse. I usually also don't like giving oral so I didn't think about it. I only did it because I was getting annoyed with the guy and wanted him to finish and leave my house
I don't know, sorry for rambling. It's just like he might have told me at some point to like communicate more specifically about what I was doing, or like something else, and I just forgot, which makes it seem like I don't care about him.
Tell him if he knows she likes him then he needs to stop replying to her outside of work related communication.
It’s not just about your relationship, it could definitely become a HR issue. If he doesn’t want to do that, then the next thing for you to consider is that … maybe he just likes the flirty attention. But first assume he doesn’t and tell him to think about both your relationship and the professional impact this could have.
She is refusing to take responsibility for her actions. Classic “I did – – – because you – – -.” She can't even be arsed to own what she did. It is not a coping mechanism. It is DARVO.
Don't give up yet! Be patient. If he likes you as much as I think he does, he'll come up with another reason to get together. Better yet, you can specifically tell him that you're disappointed that you didn't get to hang out. You can leave it at that or say that you want to get lunch or something instead. It's just a minor setback 🙂
You heard the complaint, but you utterly failed to grasp the motivation — or the emotional content — behind the complaint.
He’s feeling undesired. And he’s feeling like you take his presence in your life for granted.
And your response was essentially, “fine, okay, you can have what you said you want, as long as you do all the work to get it.” In other words, “Meh, whatever. I’ll go along with it if you push the issue, but it’s not like I think of you that way AT ALL.”
How much do you suppose that response goes toward solving the real, underlying problem, namely, feeling undesired by you?
The thing with him is he claims that I do not take accountability for my actions or I don’t like to say that I am wrong, when he is like that, if I bring an issue to him, he will talk to me about it at first and then he will start saying things about me like instead of us, talking about him, it’ll turn into a conversation about me, I feel like a lot of the time he does it like to see you when he is wrong or he is trying to constantly validate why he is right, when it comes to getting angry with others. I don’t feel like he controls his emotions really that well like don’t get me wrong he can get visibly frustrated and stuff with them but I feel like with me it just goes further, like, for example, when we were arguing the other day, I had told him I didn’t wanna argue anymore, and I didn’t want to keep doing this, and he proceeded to respond with saying that I did not have anything intelligent back to say to him and that is why I didn’t want to have the conversation, as far as walking on eggshells or flipping on a dime I do feel like that is how it is I feel like one day he could be super happy, affectionate, loving I feel like the next you can be super mean distant hateful and I can even be happening on a daily basis like I don’t have to really be doing anything to make him angry. Sometimes he just wakes up in a bad mood or he finds like the littlest things kind of like the trash to just get completely bent out of shape over and I feel like he likes to take it out on me and I think that he does and says whatever he needs to in order to keep me around. I think he’s nice to me so that way I don’t leave maybe because I don’t know what reason he would have to behave the way that he does unless he’s just an asshole.
…and missing a week and a half of school.
Wow. I thought it was going to be that you either consented to sleeping with him in the past, or maybe other girlfriends had slept with them both consensually. But by the sounds of it neither of those happened.
To put this bluntly, and I’m sorry if it hurts, his brother rped you. And your husband helped in that rpe. Both can get charged for this and is a very serious criminal offence (like I need explain that).
“Oh but you were up for it at that time.” No. You were consenting to sex with your FWB/BF/husband. Not his brother.
This is now the issue and not the “have sex with him for a baby” thing. This is now a moot point and no longer a conversation that you should be having.
You need to think that past through HARD! How do you feel about it? Would you consider calling the police on them both? M
He told you that information to get you to submit to his request – that is also abuse. And backpedaled with an apology when you didn’t.
Me, personally, I would not accept any apology from him or the brother. I would tell him that it was over and I wanted nothing more to do with him. I could not forgive anyone for helping another essentially r*pe me.
TO ADD: does the brother know he’s told you? Did the brother know that you didn’t know it was him those times? Maybe the brother is (in part) a victim of this as well.
Not the girl, looks similar, I saw the video
To those who said talk to her, reread the comments, he did and she said just her “besties” so she made it clear she didn’t want him there even though her friends are bringing their BF.
I’d leave the house and tell her flat out it’s because she has made him feel unwanted and has treated her friends better than she treats you. Close down your phone and stay out as late as you like. When she complains, just tell her “ this is what you wanted, me not included, if it bothers you and got you embarrassed, that’s all on you. BTW, I would have never disinvited you from my birthday but I guess I’ll be rethinking that, along with the whole relationship.”
Anyone else read the title but your brain corrected it but also told you you read it wrong so you read it two more times and on the third attempt it sinks in and you recoil in shock.
But then click the post frantically looking for the (English is not my first language) line but can't see it so you scroll down to the first comment which says (that's enough reddit for the day).
Sigh question yourself and the scroll back to the top and start reading hoping from the first few sentences that it's just someone who is uncomfortable with how close a couple of siblings are… but you got to the bit where she grabs his crotch and you have to mentally double down its weird but not necessary anything you would do but people have different relationships with there siblings doesn't mean anything
But then you read he's all sweaty BUT she can't see anyone else and you are hoping he's cheating but the OP is just assuming it's the sister.
But then you read where and how she found the sister and ??… anyone else or just me ?
sadly fake post most likely
she said join her not have sex with her??? how in the world would you consider this a threesome?
He is beyond confident. He is arrogant and too in your face about his self-assessment of perfection. He thinks he is out of everyone's league and you are damn lucky to have him.
His jokes likely have a lot of true beliefs behind him.
You are also one month in and this is quite an alarm bell at this stage. I would keep an eye open for the balloon to burst, because realistically, people like this go through people like copy paper.
Literally the fate that awaits this person in the real world. Yikes
Sucks for now but you’ll realize down the road how much better off you are and dodged a huge bullet. Your Ex will also probably realize (once she grows up) how toxic her best friend is and how dumb she was for letting him control your relationship with her, because he will do this 100% again to the next person she dates. Stick to your guns and don’t take her back unless she ditches this friend.
“Our kids will not eat 80% of what we cook, which is normal”
No, not really normal…. they've just learned that they will get what they want. We make one meal, that's it, eat or go hungry.
1) He wasn’t “hiding” he went to play outside the bedroom and then masturbate. That’s good manners. 2) He didn’t say that he wasn’t interested in images of her, he said that he needed both visual and audio stimulation (that means video)
They have different boundaries and they should be able to discuss them. I don’t think they are abusive, but I do agree that the girlfriend is taking a long time to “process her feelings” without communicating how that process is going.
Info: how much you complain about your day to day life? Just asking because if that’s all you do I could understand a reaction like this.
Still they should have people at the door checking tickets. If he shows up and OP sees him, she should be able to ask that he's removed.
Also if grocery stores, etc. have photos of banned customers, they should be able to send a photo of him to those checking tickets. Sure he could get through anyway, but it's worth trying IMO. If he sneaks through and OP or her family see him, they could ask that he be removed.
Also it might be hard for OP's mom to see him there. It could ruin a happy event for her as well as OP. I agree that it should be for those who have really tried on her behalf.
Therapy.
I simply wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who was so sensitive and overthinking that we were in recurring arguments. You two may be similar but it’s not healthy.