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Lol it won’t end well if she tells him, but hey if you believe other wise let her tell him. I bet it will all be fine that he finds out that his best friend and GF has a history and has had feelings for each other especially with this soon of a timeline.
Did she know you guys ride together?
Any updates yet? Did you talk to him or the wife?
I saw a guy for awhile who was hairy and when we were LD he would just go into the toilet. Didn't make for a pleasant video to receive but easier for him to clean up.
You need to buy it in your name. These are your parents expectations and they are the ones paying for it. It's clearly a gift just for you. If you really want her name on it now or even down the road then you should be paying for it and not accepting the money from your parents.
Is that message translate? Because otherwise I would like to read it in Dutch. (Maybe translation is not that good) I think it's weird….
Why is the Christmas work party more important to you than your girlfriends birthday, which she has already told you means a lot to her?
Yeah what the hell this sounds HORRIBLE Op. this is not normal and the complete opposite of a healthy situation.
If I cry, my wife will be right there to comfort me. And I don’t attack her ever because I suspect she’s “playing with herself in bed” wtf wtf wtf
Everything op described sounds wrong and bad to me, op do you have friends and family nearby
that gay shit – you sounding homophobic. anal is not stictly gay shit and pegging is specifically a heterosexual thing.
Nothing wrong with wanting the 9%, thats what I'm looking for too.
That's not defending his friend at all.
It's clear that his friend is part of some religion that is seriously against gay marriage, and that he believes acting on homosexuality is sinful. Without knowing what relationship it is then it's nude to condemn his friend
My ex often said tactless things like that.
He said his exes had bigger ass/boobs. He’d tell me which of his female friend he found attractive. He said he would fuck one of his coworkers if he was single and had the opportunity. He’d say stuff like ‘’I don’t know if in a year from now I’ll stop being in love’’ or ‘’statistically, there is probably someone better for me on the planet’’
I couldn’t figure out if he was just stupidly honest, or trying to make me feel like shit.
Long story short – it didn’t work.
If your bf says things like this, he doesn’t care how it will make you feel. This is not ok.
Hope you both get better. I'd simply suggest to maybe give this some more time and try to get accustomed to the situation better. As well as trying to bring more things into the relationship. (E.g. Playing board games, karaoke, watching tv shows, cooking a bit, etc… )
Other than that I'm pretty sure there will come a time where she'll be able to work and attend to other stuff.
Personally, yes, sex without climaxing is disappointing to me. And I wouldn't be with someone who doesn't fulfill my sexual needs.
But that doesn't mean that if my husband finishes early it's done and sex is over. He takes good care of me, so we both climax at least once when we're intimate.
I’m not policing anything,
At the end of the day it’s how I feel, and I think I have good reasons to feel uncomfortable by this. I do agree with you it’s not a big deal or anything.
There’s no need to come in with that heated attitude, I’m not trying to make anyone upset or anything. Try to be a happier person
Do NOT have a baby with this BOY! HE does not need support, YOU do! When he is squeezing a fully grown human out of him, he can decide who's in the room. Until then? It's your choice and only yours.
I would have a serious discussion with him about the entire relationship because this shows he will try and make things “fair” between your family and his, even though that isn't what is going on.
Birth is a painful, complex and even sometimes dangerous medical procedure. It isn't a stage show where for every 1 of your relatives that get a ticket, so do 1 of his. You need people there who will support you, who will advocate for you, because you are the one going through the medical procedure.
I would also worry going forward about him stomping other boundaries. Don't want nana kissing bub on the face? He'll say “my baby too, my nana does that with all the babies” and other things like that. He may not. But a serious conversation is warranted about exactly where your boundaries for baby are and if he says he's willing to abide by them or not.
they just broke up there is no shot they are just friends now lol
Since pregnancy.
He said he doesn't want sex before marriage, you've had sex before marriage.
He says he feels guilty and wants to wait, you say you can't do it. You need it to feel close.
Do you not see how you are contradicting yourself?
You say you've tried therapy it doesn't work, you can't be fixed. First that's not true. But finding a therapist is like finding a good relationship. It's nude to do.
Second, if it was true it would mean you should never be in a relationship. As you will always be toxic to those you love.
So pick. Therapy and stop fucking your boyfriend. Or no therapy and no boyfriend.
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I was thinking, he didn't tell her sooner because he knew she'd freak out lol.
i hope the next girl bites your shit off
Bail and make sure to record everything I get the feeling she will not go quietly into the night she sounds fucking nuts.
Sounds like you take care of yourself on top of all other responsibilities and she’s just trying to maintain some “Jones” influencer appearance to the world. She needs to get with reality. I know it hurt but sounds like you’re not the problem. Plus dad bods are nude.
Hello /u/Shermanatorstuka,
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Posts must:
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
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You're the guy that she dates while she's looking for someone else leave her ass on the curb the next time she reaches out otherwise all she's going to do is cause you more pain and more heartache people can only take but so much
Ouch, that's nude. It's even worse because she handles it really bad. You have to really figure out if you can put this behind you or if it will continue eating at you. You will need to come to view this in a way were you can tell your kids how you met and be happy about it.
If I understand it correctly it was just a week and the italian part wasn't really false because you are the only italian she had a relationship with.
I would however also factor in how she treats you when something like this happens, how she understand how you feel about sex, and the lies to put her in a good light. Theese things will occur in other stages of the relationship too.
That man doesn’t love his wife and certainly doesn’t has any respect for her. Someone who loves and respect their partner wouldn’t have disrespected her in such a horrible way with her own sister just 6 months after her death. Drunk or not … he wasn’t drunk enough not to understand his own actions. He even remembered afterwards every detail. Doesn’t sound so drunk to me.
Make a fake profile and send them to her ,everything you have
Please enlighten me, what’s the worst that could happen? And what do you mean, you’re the one one who is basically giving baseless advice because you personally wouldn’t like a guy showing interest in you. Smh. And ya’ll wonder why guys have confidence issues.
I'm reading over and over about you wanting her to be happy. How about YOU being happy. If you're feeling it in your gut that something is not right then it probably isn't. You can make choices in your life that will make you happy. You sound like you have your act together and have made many sacrifices along the way. If you want to stay with her I would encourage marriage and indvidual counseling. But personally I see her checked out already and I'd be meeting with a divorce attorney to know my options.
Aka just having a high libido…
What you do is you leave the abusive drug addict who's leeching off you.
He is an amazing guy, he’s kind, loving, forgiving, compassionate
He's none of those things now.
don’t push him into a party that he doesn’t seem to want! i’m a very solitary person for the most part; lots of acquaintances, very very few actual friends. it doesn’t bother me one bit, much like your fiancé. i really love my alone time, and any sort of (traditional) bachelor/bachelorette party would likely just make me miserable.
Very thorough and reasonable. Thank you.
What complicates things is that he claims to agree that we don't see each other enough. He got upset when I said his job makes it extra nude for us to spend time together and says that my job is the reason we dont see each other enough.
It's inconsistent and strange. I'm exhausted
Can we not act like the breadwinner completely barring their partner from using any of their savings is financially abusive?
Literally. His income isn't just his, if it isn't 1% of their savings – surely for being the caretaker, she deserves access to 1% of the marriage money to potentially waste it on someone she chooses worthy?
I mean, we're only getting OP's side of the story her, we don't know if she's off or not?
Yeah, if he's violent he could definately hold having an abortion against OP and get worse. Saying it was a miscarriage is safer.
If you don’t hate the name Émíly or Emilia, I’d let it go. It’s not your grandma.
Now if you have a name you love that’s a different story and you should have an input.
Can you imagine how much worse the nonsense would be in a foreign country with absolutely no support ?
Then give her an eviction notice, and be done with it. She doesn't need to reply, she just needs to GTFO.
I can stay with friends, but not for long. I don’t want to cause inconvenience. I am trying to be as much financially independent as I can from him. Half of my salary is going to rent and groceries, he knows that. We pay everything equally (he doesn’t want to admit it), and he enjoys kicking me out of the flat because he knows I can’t afford to move out
My husband used to do this when we were first together. He would even poke my belly and make fun because I had some extra weight as I just had a babyna couple months before. Honestly, I'll tell you this. His behavior got worse. He went from saying mean things about me to choking me over buying the wrong food item he wanted, and locking me in a room because I was staying in the room until my 1yr old fell asleep because he was scared we just moved into a new house. Just runaway from this relationship please.
“Hey, look, I think it’s great that you guys want me there, but this weekend will be about you two catching up and you’ll be able to do that much better if you don’t have to involve me in things.
I’m not interested in going to a casino, they are too noisy and crushed with people and I will just be anxious all the time. You go, and have a great time without having to wonder how I’m feeling all the time”.
Something like that.
Sorry man, but this girl has “problem” written all over her.
She's way more than you can handle, my dude. She likes sex a lot, and has no idea how to be a good partner. She's going to emotionally grind you into hamburger.
It just sounds like you are not in a deeply committed relationship yet. And this might not be the person for you. At only 24, it is normal to not be sure what you want out of life. That includes what you want in a partner. You always want more because you don't know how to be satisfied and enjoy what you have. Until you learn this, you will always be unhappy with your status quo. Being unsettled is not the same thing as having drive and passion.
Soulmates don't exist. Perfection does not exist. No one is 100% compatible and compromise is always involved. If you have a great relationship, you stop wanting more by devoting your mental energy spent looking elsewhere to making your relationship “more”. Relationships are work and an investment. If you prefer to flit around from relationship to relationship because you get bored, that is either not the right person for you. Or you need to work on yourself.
If you have an attractive, great person who checks all of your boxes, then there is no “better” out there. Only different. Choosing to stop search for more is not settling. Settling is choosing something that you know makes you unhappy. You are not unhappy in this relationship. Don't blow it.
I think Karaoke with friends is a great idea. Depending on where OP lives, they may have Korean Style Karaoke where you rent a private room for your guests to all perform with each other. Many of these places offer food and drink packages as well!
Just don’t go, there’s no reason to. Your husband will probably feel very happy and special that even though he said you could go, you care too much about him to. Goodluck!
He’s a human being with beliefs and values that are just as legitimate as yours. Calling pro lifers monsters wont change the fact that you have to live with them
You sound like my ex. We were together 5 years and I was 100% neglected because he was busy with work, school, we didn't live together, and so seeing each other would sometimes take 2-3 weeks. We also talked infrequently. I was (and still am) the quiet type as you described your gf and avoided conflict. If you say that she never brought up her feelings to you, I actually believe you. I didn't and I emotionally felt myself check out of our relationship long before I brought my feelings to him. I did it with the hope that he would get better.
He ended up dumping me because life and a gf were too much and he needed to focus on himself. He waited two months to reach out to me, and I told him I wasn't okay, but we could try to talk once in a while. I waited, and hopped, but he never did.
I say all that to say if she reached out to you, she hopes that you can change, but also doubts it. The change will have to come from you and an honest effort too. In the end I'm glad he never came back, because I just knew he wouldn't change. Be the difference because her doubt is HEAVY.
He couldn't truly consent because he didn't know. I believe consent takes priority over her discomfort and anxiety.
Thanks I appreciate your thoughts. It crossed my mind that what you said may happen if she does happen to change her mind given that she is strongly opposed from the get-go. It’s a shame but better now than down the road
That is NOT ok!
In a regular poly relationship, you don’t have to date the guy together. He could be HER boyfriend exclusively, and basically barely interact with you.
I’m not sure how they managed to convince you that you had to get a boyfriend you didn’t want. But if he touches you, and it is unwanted, that is assault.
Yes I did, because he responded after my post?
I’m still going to stand by my response. People need to stop assuming men are gay because they have a deep meaningful friendships with other men, the same go for men and women being friends.
I don’t believe in that, I would never do that again, not saying it’s justified but I haven’t in a long time and still have no want but to be with her
Divorce him.
have you tried returning it to the furniture store?
Everyone says restraining order, but this is what you actually do. Stop responding to everything. Print out everything you have of unwanted contact from him (and your past responses, if applicable). Organize it neatly, remember that a person doing their job is going to have to go through it. Put it in a file folder, go to the police station, and go up to the desk and tell the cop working there a brief summary of what's happening. It is important to let them know that he has made credible threats. Let them know that you brought printouts, and that you have already stopped responding, because you learned that responding makes things worse — but you are still afraid.
They will let you know the specific crime being broken in your jurisdiction and ask if you want to file a report. Ask them what the next steps will be if you follow through. Ask their opinion on a restraining order/order of protection and if this currently meets criteria — if not, what would need to happen for it to meet criteria and where would you file for it?
Bring your boyfriend with you, since it seems the threats are actually against him. Both of you should have your driver's license or state ID.
This is the first step to making an informed choice moving forward. This will show your boyfriend you're serious, sure, but more importantly — you will have something on record for if this guy escalates toward either of you.
Hth
You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to go to church. I've had trouble myself with this and eventually it ended with me leaving.
Religion is a personal thing and he should accept that it's not as important to you as it is to him. It doesn't have to affect your relationship. Of course for many religious people it's a dealbreaker but hey you can't really do anything about that.
At the risk of being too confrontational… why are you with someone that belittles and invalidates your feelings so much? It sounds like you have made a lot of compromises having the guns in the home despite your very valid worries about them. Has he made any compromises in this situation? Does he give a reason why he can’t wait till you’re not there to handle the guns?
Also, is this how he acts in other areas of life. Are you the one that is always/mostly making the compromises and he just gets to do whatever he wants? Or is this the only issue where he is refusing to budge on.
Yeah. This is very odd.
I'm surprised at your ages, this sounds like teen stuff. You're watching her like a jealous hawk and she's playing games.
You have all of these “I almost broke up” scenarios. If you're repeatedly getting to the point that you want to split up, its probably time.
On a side note of the first scenario, the dude hurt her. It's not unusual for people to get nosey with exes so when he messaged her it probably made her feel good that this guy that cheated was seeing that he missed something. She told him she had a boyfriend, she told you and also gave you the conversation. (Which is wierd).
I am not sure I believe it happened.
He's know this information from day 1 but chose to become exclusive with you nonetheless. It's now a problem 5 months later?
What trust is there to re-gain? You didn't do anything wrong. But even if you did, you've shown over 5 months whether you can be trusted or not.
Dude you ARE an interloper coming into his and his mom’s house-how can you not see this?
she seems upset bc of his rude hello, not that he didnt “entertain them” sorry its beyond your scope of ability to make eye contact and say hello.
Yeah, that's great. What relationship advice do you need?
Agreed.
You thought going on vacation with a newborn would allow you to “recharge”? Hahaha, that's a laugh… While I wholeheartedly agree with travel with babies, there is nothing easy or relaxing about it. I just assume you are new parents in a stressful period and emotions are high. The newborn days suck.
Since you give ZERO explanation of what happened, no one can offer advice. But I do see a lot of “wife blaming” going on here. When someone is very angry at another, it is rarely for no reason and the recipient is rarely completely innocent.
I’m 62 and just got my first place alone. And I made sure it’s two story so I have to climb stairs as a minimum of exercise. Everyone’s health is different at different ages but still. This reeks of manipulation and a lack of commitment to you.
whether it’s cheating or not is up to the people in that relationship to decide. it’s not your boundary to set
either way tho there’s no way this works out
Don't go to couples therapy. Those are designed for when two people are having issues. You did nothing to need therapy for nor do you need to put yourself in a position he can manipulate a counselor into helping him high pressure you into forgiving his cheating.
He not only cheated, but he picked a type of place that is notorious for sex trafficked women..This wasn't a mistake or even him hooking up with a friend with power equality. He sought a type of business that make chances decent that he would be doing this to a woman forced into sexual slavery.
This whole thing is disgusting. Not sure what planet he hails from where you were suppose to pat his head and say “there…there…I and here to help you through this”. I would have dumped his gross ass too.
? My ex told me the same & my reason was exactly what you said! If I didn’t do something, then nothing was going to get done. So many men want to be leaders without the slightest idea how.
For your question: how can you support the ask if he can’t put in the effort?
You don’t. Unless you want to compromise your standard of living or what makes you feel safe and stable, you do nothing or you leave him. You can’t teach him to be a leader because he’s a misogynist and doesn’t want to hear it from you. You just keep handling life and either he picks up on it and figures it out, or you get tired of it and leave.
But I did put my hands on her, so wouldn’t that just be negating her feelings because if she believes it’s a big deal than that’s all that matters, the only part I feel is a bit unfair is that we’ve had a year of nothing but amazing memories and now it’s like all she see’s is I just abused her and she doesn’t feel how she used to towards me. I get I hurt her but there’s 99% good times and just this one incident that I feel is being dragged on and the relationship is just being judged off that now so idk I am in the wrong but I don’t think I deserve this much and all I’ve done is show her how much I truly do love her and regret my actions
Yes because you know you want to fuck around and still won't tell her to leave. You let her stay and torture herself because you don't suffer in this relationship so it's ok. You're both the same
You don't owe him a whole discussion, but a few sentences summing it up would be the right thing to do. He didn't lie or crest, he wasn't abusive, he didn't harass you. Give your relationship the respect of closure to help you both move on.
I don't know if I'm jumping to conclusions but has he jumped from an 18year old to 'innocent' you?
If you're waiting for marriage, is he perhaps attracted to that aspect?
I firmly believe that one's mental health/neurodivergence are not their fault, but they are sure their responsibility.
Of course, except for cases where it makes people unable to take responsibility for it, which is not her case.
She claims she has undiagnosed ADHD, but has she ever gone to the doctor, or started treatment?
You don't have to stay with her. You don't have to put up with this. You can choose to make your life better.
The longer you stay tied to her, the longer it'll be before you find a better match.
I'm pretty certain you would need his consent or he could sue to stop you using them. That would be more expensive than another round. It would not be fair to the child to know that their parents divorced rather than gave them be born but their mom went ahead anyway.
UELPT: Change her number in his phone to yours. You’ll see what he wants to talk to her about once he’s back in Oregon.
But also, this sucks. I’m sorry. He’s not being very nice to you regardless of what his intentions are with this other lady.
Tell her to grow the fuck up.
I will definitely keep that in mind. I had never thought of him in that way. He's never been the possessive type, but I kind of see that a little now.
Troll post. Check the user history.
Try this. When you sit down and talk to her just say, before we go any farther I want you to know that I talked to your affair partner. Then ask her if she’d like to change her story. Don’t give her anything of what was said or sent to you. Just be silent. Just wait to see if her story changes.
How about “I’m sorry….. that I met you”