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To get to that question/answer is kind of complicated. So last New Years Eve my sister and I went out to dinner and then stopped by a bar with the full intention of having one-two drinks and calling it a night.
I was single at the time. Hank couldn’t come because he was oncall for work.
Well, Elaine and I had a little too much to drink. I ended up having a one night stand with a bartender. Elaine sobered up and went home.
Todd has held this one night stand against me quite a bit. He likes to say he’s just joking but he brings it up often. It’s not something I usually do. Him and I didn’t even start talking or dating until 6 months after that but it bothers him. In his mind, this means I’m just going to go out and sleep with whoever regardless of whether I’m dating him or single. I told him I only ever did that because I was single and I had been single for a year at that point so didn’t see any harm any a casual tryst.
He then proceeded to ask about Elaine and whether she would cheat. Which I said no. I don’t think she ever would. Even now that things aren’t great between her and Hank, I don’t see her doing that.
Honestly it has kind of destroyed my mental health already lol. I have 2 therapists now because of this relationship.
I’m at my heaviest 5’4 pushing 170 and i feel sooooo horrible. Went through a depression and ate a lot. Omg. At 5’1 being 260 i wouldnt be able to walk
If you like her and want her to stick around ask her out. If you don’t care then don’t, but don’t be surprised if she exercises the freedom a situationship gives her. Not asking her our definitely send a message too. As a woman, I can tell you it’s not a good one. There will be resentments, especially if she indicates she would like a relationship. If you’re not ready, be real wit yourself and with her and move on.
Honestly… this the only comment I 100% agree with
Up to you. I would be so turned off by her treatment I would have as little to do with her as possible.
Its less about the smarts and more about being financially stable. Having a degree improves your chances of having a stable life financially much more than people here are willing to admit. If someone is financially stable without a degree then thats cool too and degree is obviously not required in that case. But lets be honest, financial stability is not easy to come by without a degree
The thing with time healing pain of this sort? It doesn't take one year, it takes many. And you may never get to where you were before your life basically collapsed around you. But, eventually, the ball will stop hitting the grief button every time someone shakes the box.
Some cities have places where you can go specifically to break stuff. Dishware, old computers, you name it. Venting that anger, that pain, may be a good step for both of you.
Ya dam bruh that’s cheating unless your ok with it
Drop her
Not a clue, she is now ignoring me, and I feel like i can't ask or I should give her time to cool down a bit
You have zero obligations to anyone besides yourself. Go do you. But, maybe try someone else outside of this friend group.
Yeah, for someone to ghost over that innocuous of a comment, after a year+ of dating, is pretty fucked up and confusing.
My guess would this wasn't the first time and it was more like a straw that broke the camel's back. If someone who's dating me thinks it's “funny” to insinuate I'm evil uhhhh wtf? Why are you dating me? It's also manipulative af because the undertones are “you're evil and need to watch your behavior GF!”.
If you get it, you get it. If you don't…. you're probably defending the story saying… “it's a joooooooke. Learn to take a jooooooke when someone makes fun of you for their entertainment!” type stuff.
Uhm? I do not understand how to take your comments but that wasn’t very kind.
I’m sorry, he’s late 20s? He’s 20 years too old for a poopy butt. There’s no excuse unless he has anal incontinence in which case he needs to see a Dr. The year is 2022, we have bidets, toilet paper, wipes, and grown men who can clean their butts. Why tf pick one who can’t? Like damn girl, bring back that self respect you found early. And don’t sugar coat it when you break up with him. “I’m leaving because you can’t wipe your ass like a grown adult and that’s unacceptable.”
Good for you! Move on.
Have both there, and as a bonus, all of your past ex's; and his too.
Fair?
Seems like something you should’ve asked before you spent a bunch of money on a ring. Almost like the ring was a manipulation…
u/kayhunni, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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u/fukktar, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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If there’s anything I wish I had done more when I was dating around, it’s straight up ask people. I spent way too much time waiting around for people to tell me how they felt instead of just asking. As soon as I was more forward, I found my soulmate who I’ve now been married to for a year.
People will punch me for this but…. Ever thought about perhaps trying some hormone supplementation?
Pregnancy can change your hormonal balance long term.
And even slight changes in hormonal levels can massively impact your libido.
Think back on when you feel that sliver of libido coming back. Does it follow a regular schedule like your cycle? Or is it Completly random?
Also get your vitamin and mineral levels checked.
A big blood screening every few years is a good idea either way, as a preemptive thing.
She doesn’t know your mother and doesn’t have a relationship with her. This sounds like a pretty intimate event reserved for loved ones, so I can understand her not wanting to go.
You need to respect her opinion. Your mother’s AA chip is admittedly a strange event to invite a new girlfriend to.
Was Gamma in the porn industry or something?
I’d be upset: you functionally told her that her feelings were artificially inflated. It is okay for her to be upset about an injured requiring stitches on her face and surgery, and it’s especially understandable she’s upset at your family when it sounds like you had to convince them to pay through insurance.
That's an awesome update! He sounds like a keeper
Yes and for no particular reason. I used to stay in a dorm but moved back home during covid. I've considered moving out again though
I try, but I don’t wanna lose the bond I have with her. If the bond between us is genuine it will always last.. And doing stuff with other people who don’t have the same energy is meaningless.. I have tried but nothing felt like this.
I love her and don’t want to loose her
Your husband is a pedo what more do you need to know?
The only advice you getting is to leave. Have some self respect for yourself bc he obviously has none towards you and you seem to allow it. Stand yo for yourself, have self respect, leave him.
So you don’t see her as an equal, then.
Like I've commented a million times even though I've been discouraged to get one, I have one tha t I'm about to start in a couple weeks but thanks Angel lol.
Give her the second controller
sigh there’s another one
This is your chance to let him prove he is not your exes. I get your anxiety, I do, I've been there. You will have to manage some of your anxiety, but sometimes, talking out why some things make me anxious helps.
At this point it just sounds like friendship but with extra baggage. It's sad that he's suffered loss, but if years tick by and someone isn't showing any real desire to work on their issues then there's only so much you can do, only so many times you can have the same conversations.
You guys got together when you were a teenager, it's probably very hot to imagine life without him since you haven't experienced any of your adult life independently from him, but idk. If you guys met each other today for the first time and he said, oh BTW, we aren't gonna have sex until someday I magically feel like it, its gonna be a dead bedroom because I have mental blocks, would you be interested in dating him?
Honestly when your friend who hate kissing clearly enjoyed a dream about kissing you and is using every opportunity they get to hug, kiss, pat etc you, it's not a far stretch to say that they're into you yes
Honestly I was convinced that she was into you before you specified that she was bi, at this point I don't really see what you or her could even do to make it more obvious without stating it out loud
But it doesn't really matter : You will probably not be able to hide those feelings forever, so the best you can do is to tell her how you feel and see what happen. It's very unlikely that she will react poorly to that with your current relationship
Wow. You really are disgusting.
GOSH, when someone is upset is difficult for them to express what they feel, especially if they try to communicate that in their second language. It’s easier for her to write it down (and trust me, to be able to name the actual issue in a calmer way).
Why don’t you learn her language, and in that way she will roast you alive when you have an argument, that way she doesn’t have to struggle finding the words.
Even if you have the purest of intentions…youre putting way too much energy and thought into this relationship. You're a married man focus on your wife and back away from this gal. You are inappropriately invested in this woman's friendship, wanting (expecting) her time and company.
I ignore texts from people that are pushy, want me to do something (that I don't want to do), make me feel uncomfortable, or just have an expectation that I have to jump when they contact me…you sound like you're pestering her and she's too nice to say No. I suggest you not contact her for awhile and see if she initiates a conversation…if she doesn't leave her alone.
Ok good lol
JFC these people on that sub talking about their obsessees using nice terms like limerence instead of calling it what it is: obsessive, unhealthy behavior.
I know it’s my problem and I should get over it by now but yeah.
But nothing. You could benefit from therapy to help you get over the trauma of your previous relationship. You’re reacting to those past traumas.
There are plenty on Facebook. I’m actually part of an anxiety/depression group on there. Sometimes the posts are messed up though.
Then… you're describing a pretty shitty human being. Why would you stick around. Screw getting your libido back, get your whole life back.
Do you honestly think that it makes sense to identify this laundry list of red flags that took place no more than 24 months ago as something that you should 'move on' from?
Finding ways to rationalize away your partner's abuse is an unhealthy habit.
Remembering what he has done and the fact that he has never taken responsibility for it is not an unhealthy habit.
Why do you think you have chosen this relationship for yourself?
She’s in love with her boss and slept with him last year (but hasn’t since).
Come on now. You’re an adult. You really think they only slept together the one time and then stopped?
His wife found out last night
And that is why she finally admitted to a year long affair. Because she knew the wife would eventually expose them so she had to tell you first so she could control the narrative.
she still loves me too, wants to stay with me but also wants to date him to see where it goes
Translation: she loves the financial stability you provide and doesn’t want to leave that but still wants to get her back blown out by this guy, so she’s now trying to sell it as ethical non monogamy. Except it isn’t. Ethical that is. If that’s what she was after she should have approached you first about opening your marriage before sleeping with her boss.
Sorry, but what she did was merely your everyday, common variety, dirty little affair.
If you’re going to make a choice then at least make sure it’s made knowing reality not her made up fantasy.
Option 3. No. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.
Option 2. If you choose this option then make sure you get your share of benefits by sleeping with as many women as you want. And be prepared for her to spend the bulk of her time with this other man. Also make sure you set appropriate boundaries. How would you feel about raising another man’s son if she fell pregnant?
Option 1. That’s the option I’d choose. What she’s doing is a whole level of disrespect that I wouldn’t be able to get over.
But of course the choice is yours. Just make sure you make the choice without rose-coloured glasses on. Choose wisely.
If he’s 38 and can’t have conversations about the trajectory of your relationship or your wants and needs you should be glad it’s only been a year. He’s immature and in my opinion emotionally abusive. Stonewalling without cause or because your upset is not okay. It’s not up to try and change him or help him grow he has to want that for yourself. Don’t get back together with this man unless he’s shown growth and maturity otherwise be ready for a long and tiring relationship. Also you can be friends with people outside of previous relationships, nothing wrong with that.
I wish he would remember that I'll also have to live without him if something happens.
Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. He might have the chance to reduce or eliminate something that's affected him his entire life. It's bothering him to the point that he's considering BRAIN SURGERY to get the chance to eliminate this issue.
He's probably scared too, but his idea of the increase in his quality of life is bigger than his fear. That says a LOT to me about how much his “small verbal tic” is affecting his quality of life.
It's normal for you to be scared. Surgery is scary. And, after listening to the neurologist, it's absolutely OK for both of you to sit down and tackle the possibility of surgery as a team. BUT! You are his partner, you're about to pledge “in sickness and in health”, you need to be supportive of whatever he ultimately decides.
All of these comments are horrific, I've been in the guys shoes where I didn't get a paternity test done and my ex took everything from me Including my child. This is sad.
There is no problem. If both are on the same side!
EX BF please! What even. Girl no. Imagine this was a story your bestie Anya was telling you. The advice you would give her would likely be “Leave his crazy butt because that kind of person doesnt get better at behaving, they just get sneakier-or worse overall!”
Take that advice.
also… he likely has cheated on you. That is some grade A (for Ahole) projection and your friends would say the same if you asked them. And, also possibility, he wants to isolate you and is struggling, the whole being friendly with some after years of not wanting to be-and then trying to lie about the severity of the situation??? Nope, this does not compute well with someone who wants you to have healthy relationships (or any relationships at all) that he isnt involved with.
It's not as simple as that sometimes, his actions if not speaking to them is an obvious sign of bad blood and no one can make him explain his trauma as that could result in a mental breakdown
This person is NOT your best friend. Not sorry. You keep saying “best” in every comment too.
I know but the problem is I don’t really know what I want or what she’s doing wrong. It doesn’t seem like she’s doing anything wrong to me
You dodged a bullet is what.
I think it would be best for all of us that you do not procreate.
She messaged me this morning because the latest message was more disturbing than usual messages. I apologized to her on his behalf and said I would talk to him. But how do I confront him about this?
You legit don't. Ask her to give you a few days to get your stuff out of the house before she files anything with the police. Thank her for telling you and assure her you had NO idea this was going on.
Get your clothes, photographs, passport, whatever documents and non-replaceable items you can out of the house. Make sure you open a bank account in your name and your name only if you have a shared account and have your full paycheck to to that account. If you both still work in an office, take a day off work and don't tell him. Come back to the house after he's left, pack your shit, and leave. Leave a letter with your attorney's information on the table.
Ideally, if you have friends or family that can help, recruit them all to help you pack and put what you want in a truck to move to a new apartment or storage unit. If you don't live near people who can help, call it a loss.
This man is an unsafe person to be around. Abusers can and often do hide who they are for YEARS. This woman's message is a gift to you. Now you know, and your first obligation is to keep yourself (and any kids/pets) safe.
You really think randoms are asking her to show her driver's license to prove her age and then not believing her? Super far fetched imo
You think your boyfriend should make more of an effort to someone who assaulted him? Prepare to be an ex
I have relatives living in Russia but my bf doesn’t feel safe when I travelling there so he wants me to refuse from Russian passport and to travel only as a Finnish citizen with a Russian tourist visa because he is afraid that they can put me to jail for thinking differently about war.
he would feel just for safe when I will be travelling there if something happens then Finnish embassy will get me out.
Truthfully, your boyfriend is right.
I know Russia is where your roots are and where your family is, but it’s not a safe place for anyone who doesn’t support the (completely senseless) war. And being a Finnish citizen will mean that Finland will help you out.
Let me put it this way: Are you willing to bet your life and your future to hold onto your past, in a country that is no longer the one you grew up in ?
I think some part of you wants to believe that Russia will go back to what it was before if the war will just end. But that’s nostalgia talking, it’s not real life. Renouncing your citizenship will be very hot, because it means you are renouncing a part of you. But I think it’s important to remember that that part of you is already in the past, and it likely will not be revived in your lifetime.
I know this is very hot. But I’d urge you to do whatever you can to protect yourself, which includes getting Finnish citizenship and renouncing. It doesn’t mean your past is gone, it doesn’t mean your upbringing is invalid, it doesn’t mean the country you knew will never come back – it just means you are protecting yourself from a madman and a society that has lost its collective mind.
Your life is more important, isn’t it ?
You'd be a horrible mother…
I'm like your husband.
If the continued existence of the world was dependent on me keeping my apartment clean for a month… I'm sorry but we ain't going to make it.
I can't just make myself do a task.
Currently waiting on a referral to get tested for ADHD.
Coming clean will derail her life. Seriously no good will come of it. Since this affair I really became a better man all around. No one is talking about the lack of attraction that happens after years of being with someone. I was able to get a piece of me back through this 22 year old.
Seconding the need to bring it up with her gynecologist. They can deal with it directly or refer her to a specialist.
If they are from her I don’t see how him having them are an issue.
Nah, I’d sure make you my little bitch though, tough guy ahahahha
Keep up like this mate and she won’t be. She’ll get tired of you BS see that her life would probably be easier without you and kick you to the curb.
Women will only shoulder dead weight for awhile. She out earns you, works, goes to school full time AND has recently been diagnosed with medical issues…AND YOU STILL EXPECT HER TO DO THE MAJORITY OF THE DOMESTIC DUTIES?!?!?!
Boy leave this woman’s life alone and let her find a grown ass man who’ll actually help her and better her life.
She’s burnt out and your only making it worse.
I am empathetic to that. If I were you I wouldn’t mention it for a while and try to focus on the things that are going well in your relationship.
Do you think you will be able to come to the USA and is she asking for you to?
Oh Lord forgive me dear sovereign word police. I apologize for offending thy sensitivities.
I hope i don't burn in enternal hell for it!
INFO: are they all actually two middle schoolers in trench coats instead of actual adults? Because this is psycho child bullying behavior.
Uh, yeah, what you're doing is completely reasonable. She is being manipulative by trying to making you feel as though you having boundaries like not accepting a behavior that you want strictly in a committed relationship is somehow manipulative.
Don't let her make you feel like you're in the wrong here because you aren't even remotely wrong.
Too late for that conversation since the relationship is over and it won't change anything.
But you can take what you learned here and apply it to your next relationship so that you'll be more mindful about your communication in the future.
Move on. Let her move on. Trying to sabotage her current relationship because you aren't envolved isn't fair.
Once you get a little older you will realize that being friends with ex's is not only impossible, but extremly unhealthy. If you have real feelings for somebody you can't can't step back and be buddy's.
Move on, for her and you.
what a manipulative piece of crap! call his bluff baby!
Her behavior is highly inappropriate, and there are red flags. Talk to her. If she doesn’t like it, love yourself first.
You don't know what his friends had to go through to help him after your breakup. It may have been amicable on the surface but maybe there are things you do not know.
In any case, you should let this one go. Let him have the sendoff with his friends, he will have an intimate one with you anyway and since you will join him, he's probably only accommodating his friends. Having a party is all about everyone being happy and celebrating and maybe he feels it can't be that if you are there.
It's his going-away, let him enjoy, be the great partner that you are and let him have his way.
Maybe he is simply fluent in sarcasm.
Was he too nice a guy?
Someone too amicable can be repellent because it shows lack of ability to fight adversity. Not to mention, if he didn’t realize your unhappiness then you both weren’t really connected.
Absolutely not. No. Get out of there. It only escalates OP.
How do you know he will want control? He might not even want a child to begin with and this would be a convenient way for him to get out of it. He doesn't exactly sound like father material.
The only reply you should send her to her telling you the relationship is over is “good”. What a psycho.
Yeah she just admitted it's happened before. She lets her ex control who she dates. Major red flag
You end it, this is no fairy tail he lied to you your whole relationship, everything you thought you knew about him was a lie… he finally felt guilty to end it after 6 years yeahhhh I don't belive that for a second.. I reckon she threatened to out him.
Just end it. Move back in with friends or family today pack up and leave
Text him and block him on all platforms.
' the whole entire foundation of our relationship was built on lies.. I appreciate you coming clean, after wasting 6 years of my life.. but this is not sometime I can't get past, I no longer trust or respect you and I don't want to waste anymore time trying to fix something you purposely broke. You are exactly like you father and thats embarrassing..So I'm blocking you everywhere, do not try and contact me or come to my place or approach me on the street or I will go to the police and get a restraining order. I honestly hope it was worth it. Every memory with you is now tainted. I will move on and find better, while your always be this sad excuse of a man like your dad seeking validation from other women'
And then block him.
You whole relationship is a lie, he is lie, and you to young to be in this situation because it a very hot road of constant battles to regain trust it will take years and I think you have wasted enough time on him
Is he on keto (and does he cheat on his diet)?
You may need to sit him down and have an unpleasant heart to heart. Ask him how he'd manage if you responded to his emotional abuse as most people would (by leaving). Remind him that if he can't take care of himself even while someone else is paying his bills he almost certainly couldn't do it if you were to remove that financial support. You don't indicate that there's a marriage or children holding you in this relationship. So just make it clear that you're there because you want to be but with every tantrum he makes you less convinced that this situation is providing you with anything positive.
I don't understand the time line here. Does he not live! with you?