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But Whatsapp gives a huge notice “message deleted” in place of the deleted message so if he's trying to be sneaky it failed. Probably just a mistake
That's not decent and loving as you say, that is emotional manipulation. He knows he can get away with his abuse as long as he plays nice some of the time.
Separating your money is the first step. Taking your earnings is like holding you hostage. He knows you can't ever leave of he controls your finances
I’ll be fine I appreciate the concern. But please go ahead and read back what I said you obviously are getting ahead of yourself. Peace be with you little one.
Don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answers
My wife can’t seem to make friends with a male without them sooner or later trying something. No matter what.
Make up your mind. Either it bothers you, or it doesn't like you say in the post. Would not matter if your friend took her to pound town for real… it was BEFORE you were dating. It does not matter. Grow up.
Cuddling is an expression of love, and you're feeling jealous. Maybe you are feeling rejected, or maybe you want more physical affection that is now being Mey by another means. This is just about managing your emotions and needs and then communicating them to your partner.
So do some quiet reflecting about plushie, what he gives your gf and how you feel about that. Seriously, any emotion here is OK. It's not something to be laughed off or trivialised. Then, reframe it. She's allowed to have needs that aren't met by you, but then, if it's getting in the way of intimacy between you, you need to talk to her. Find a way between to literally throw plushie across the room for a spontaneous smooch. Treat plushie like her best friend. She's allowed to spend all her time with whoever she wants and get her to understand what her behaviours mean to you sometimes.
The unexplained, interesting part of your story is that your family “can be unpredictable.” Hmmm……
I confronted him once when he made a secret account to send hentai to his friends on (?️??️) and he called me a psycho for being upset about it so I mean.. not well?
Its not about the phone.. This was a long time coming.
To be honest, at age 20, you do feel your partner is everything at that age, and after a year together you still feel that significant connection…
The truth? If he’s your forever person or someone who’s worth keeping around… he’ll understand that you need to prioritize your school for the betterment of not just your life but both of your lives as a couple.
If he’s not cognitive of that… he doesn’t care about you, your needs or your wants. And it’s time to focus on yourself and eventually find someone who does value you the way you deserve to be valued.
I hope this gets larger because I'm really curious about the takes on this. I haven't been in a relationship with a military man, but my dad was a military man and I know that my family mostly kept to ourselves. There is also the added stress of being a woman alone in any space.
That's not cheating , he had two relationships . Half of yours he was with someone else, why would you decide to stay with him is beyond me.
Hun, I feel you. When you grow up with abuse, your BS filter is strong and you tolerate a lot of shitty behavior that most wouldn't. I know I did. It takes time and building up self respect to be able to interpret all forms of abuse. A lot of it is insidious and sneaks up on you.
It's really cool that you're listening, though, and realizing that you are worth more than the way he is treating you. Congrats!
Sounds immature as shit
No. Your child is not her financial responsibility. Your kiddo still has 2 parents who can contribute, unless you think your ex will contribute equally to her kiddo and shared child's funds?
So not to add more insult to injury but you're continuing the disrespect because you refuse to let him go to fully work on yourself. Look, you may love him….but he isn't your future husband. You know how many relationships people get in and say they love that person and they can't see themselves without them only to break up and do the same thing over again?
Your therapy and self healing is more important than a relationship right now and you have to understand where to place your priorities. A boyfriend isn't a priority, getting the help you need and healing from your past trauma, is the priority. He IS NOT helping your healing buy screwing around on you. Do you really think that's acceptable behavior? From the sound of your post, you're justifying it for him by using your fear of sex from your past to continue to state why he can.
Cheating is never acceptable, and since you two never made it clear that he can go have sex until you're ready he's just being selfish. You need to put your priorities in place and you need to break things off and work on yourself
Sorry bro. That is sad. But you have to break up with her. She broke both of your trust and she can never be trusted again. Find someone better
“Get used to the pain” is the most horrifying advice when talking about sex.
No problem! Sounds like having Mary in your life isn’t super healthy for your mental. Consider not having her as a friend. I know it sounds nude, but lovers and friends are in separate categories.
This was my EXACT thought, that's this is how a child who hasn't had their nap acts. We all have our “moments”, sure. No one is perfect. Sometimes we get irritable, emotionally overwhelmed, whatever. Here and there.
But this post makes it clear this happens regularly. That OP was already in damage control mode because he already knew how Baby was going to act. Baby also made OP responsible for HIS choices. It's reasonable OP forgot a recent diet change.
But Baby also agreed to go for ITALIAN. Show me an Italian dish that ISN'T served with some amount of cheese. Baby also could have reminded OP he was limiting dairy instead of literally telling him to order for him and THEN throwing a tantrum.
This guy is almost 30 and I know 3 year olds who act better.
For me personally, this would be very hot to move past. Very inappropriate behaviors on your boyfriend’s end. Simply put – creepy.
Is this a friend he talks to often (so that he sees the contact photo regularly)? IMO, if he was aware of his actions and went out of his way to get rid of the photos, he would have gotten rid of ALL of them.
Thank you. I’m honestly taken aback how encouraging the comments on this thread are lol. If a friend was in my situation, I would tell the friend the exact same thing. I guess it’s very hot to see it for myself and follow my own advice.
What I’m dreading now is the confrontation. He’s thrown things in my face before just to guilt me (typical example: I found the messages of him cheating on his phone and I was the scum bag for invading his privacy), and I don’t see how this situation would be any different. I’m trying to brace myself for it now. Thank you for your comments, the reassurance really does help.
Do not have another kid right now under these circumstances. The emotional blackmail and coercing through withholding of affection is not okay. Having a kid just to not be blackmailed and make your relationship better will not make it better. My parents had me late (my dad was 39, my mom 36) and I’m barely in my 20s and my dad just turned 60. How would you feel having an 18 year old at 60? I mean I moved out immediately because of my circumstances but if you’re not going to kick your child out as soon as they turn 18, you’re in for likely a few more years. I mean you’d be looking at retirement while also housing an adult child which is not always easy. You’re looking at winding down and enjoying your life as you get older and you’re still having that huge of a responsibility right in your face. That kid won’t even be 40 when you turn 80. Honestly, I’d recommend a couples counselor for something as heavy as this. No blackmail, no emotional manipulation to get a baby to make your relationship better – see a professional before even seriously considering having a baby right now. Then think about it together, and your answer doesn’t even have to be yes if you don’t want a kid. If you don’t want a kid, you don’t want a kid. That’s it. Your wife should not be manipulating you to get something she wants, especially with something as large and serious as this issue.
OP has deleted their account so I guess we'll never know.
That’s not a breakup. Again, OP needs to be a grownup and leave if he wants to sleep around.
You’ve tried confronting him about the filthy habits and it hasn’t worked. Make a plan. Find another place to on-line. Make it official and then confront him with a move-out date.
Out of respect, give him a good amount of notice to replace you (at least 1 month). And if you’re feeling really generous, you can even help him find a new roommate.
I don't follow my fiance on social media at all. I only have Twitter, but I prefer to keep it separate. That's just me though.
No, not long-term. If your libido was the same, you could whether certain things like childbirth or periodic lapses. However, because your libido is different, you’ll never be totally satisfied ever neither will your partner.
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His stonewalling response isn't a good sign, does be stonewall often, or only when he's extremely hurt? Are you a SAHM?
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She’s not into anal. Vaginal sex is great but it’s not the same energy as head or handjobs. It’s nice to be the focus sexually every now and then. Whenever we have sex I control the positions and do all the work and sometimes I just would like to be taken care of and prioritized. I eat her out/finger her all the time I would just like that energy reciprocated.
We have tried counseling and I am 100% transparent with her on any and all interactions with my ex. Any other suggestions?
First of all, you're not homophobic just because you rejected her. We all have people we are simply not interested in that way whether of the same or opposite sex. She just took your rejection poorly.
Second, your reaction to pull away from the friendship does not make you homophobic. When you see someone as a friend and they see you as something more it makes things awkward, especially when they take your rejection poorly.
Hold your head up and rise above her pettiness and that of the others who have harassed you. Find some new friends.
Living with someone that mentally ill is exhausting, especially when they’re actively fighting treatment (yes, lying to the ER doctors counts). There was definitely a more graceful way for your fiancé to handle this, but she reached her breaking point; all you can do now is ask her if she wants to talk about the relationship and see if there’s a way to salvage it.
Her reaction would make me uncomfortable to ever be affectionate again. I get why you would dip out of the relationship.
You sound like you’re depressed. Or at least you’re exhibiting some signs of it. Loss of interest in things you’re usually into, the isolation, feeling down. I think your “relationships” are making it worse because they are either with people you don’t really feel a connection with or with someone who has hurt you/may hurt you again.
I think it’s time to take a break from dating, period. You should think about talking to a therapist to work out what’s “in your head”
Work on yourself first, then think about what you truly want in a partner, and look for that, not hookups and situationships, which seem to be only bringing you down
You know for 100% certain that OP's guy friend is down to clown? How?
yeah but she could just order some then and not demand to eat his food even though she didn‘t want any earlier. If her will isn‘t strong enough that‘s not OPs problem.
dude, sounds like a creep. Why do you like him?
Not necessarily.
If they only said “Hi, my name is Sydney “ at the wedding, then how did he know all that info about jobs and why did he want to help her so much? Sorry, this isn’t adding up at all
If you add all the red flags together, you could wear it as a wedding dress. Why on earth are you still with him? It will never get better. Your brother in law knows exactly what he is doing.
So she has been like this since you met her, but you have a problem with it now? Or did you think you were going to change her? Has to be one of the two.
wtf your mom is out of her mind.
If you get a chance to I wish you can tell her how an internet stranger feels happy and proud for her for getting over a dark time in her life and having a healthier outlook mentally and physically.
If after knowing all the backstory about your mom and your wife still chooses to make such negative associations and decisions towards your mom, I find her mindset in fact to be the unhealthy one. I agree with others that she is the one who needs therapy (in particular with dealing with the death of her own father.)
Your wife needs to change her mindset by hook or by crook. Not your mom.
How rough is it . Dating is very hot as it is I feel like I can’t win
How rough is it . Dating is naked as it is I feel like I can’t win
not really projection. I was just telling you because if he dies out there alone it might effect you more than you think. If you want to stop talking to him, just get him into a nursing home.
This isn't really about fairness. You can leave him for any reason regardless if it's fair or not. Like him taking steroids. You've told him you're against it and I'm assuming you told him it's a deal breaker for you but hey maybe you didn't.
Wow. You sound awful. You should definitely leave her so she can find a less misogynistic, insecure partner.
No he didn’t
I hope she gets back to you. Maybe she just needs some time, but if it goes past two weeks of no communication then it's probably over. I wouldn't take her back after that, because ghosting is the MOST painful thing you can do to someone. If she does get back to you, you would have to explain how this made you feel and how you want to help her. However, I would be really concerned that this will make you 1) too afraid to kiss her again 2) that minor things will cause her to ghost you randomly and cause you a lot of pain over and over. It's really something to consider – I know you're young but you deserve to be happy.
Bump
Really wasn't my intention at all but it is for sure an eye opener. I really need to expand past my little thought box and see it for what it is. I thought I was reassuring him and making him feel loved, I didn't know that those words could also harm by taking away from his feelings and making him feel invalidated. I'll do better next time for sure. Thank you
If I married the guy I dated at 26 I would be happily divorced. Instead, I married the guy I met at 28. We are 34 now and life is pretty awesome.
Bro they literally sell activewear that has a stitched in wedgy. Whatever OP is wearing is showing less.
I think she needs to be in therapy to address her issues. That's great that she's improving but she needs a professional to help give her the tools to change. If she's not doing that it's up to you if you can on-line like this. There's no wrong answer since it is your life but bare in mind what she's doing is hella toxic. Even if she comes to her senses afterwards, it's still toxic and a problem imo.
You can mention this to her but do it in a joking way where she gets your hint but does not feel bad that you are sitting on her joke like this very hot. I am sure she will not do this again as it seems that she realized this and tried to mend this in a best possible way. You need to focus on other things in relationship with her where she is a great partner and how you can see your future with her. It has been only a few months so with time you will learn many things about her and then you both together can fix anything by communicating well with each other.
Hey, OP are you 29 or 31? Check his profile.
Her dog killed one of these animals. She’s lucky you didn’t have them put down. I’d end things with her, frankly.
She’s selfish to the point of letting something DIE for what she “wants”
This is a test for you. Will you have your partner’s back or not? He has been disrespected and betrayed by this manipulative schemer. If you feel more loyalty to your idea of being a ‘nice’ person than you do to protecting your partner, then it’s good that he will find out now so that he can move on from you.
You're literally giving this person a roof over his head, and he can't be bothered to feign interest in you? Instead of offering you empathy, compassion, or support, he dips?
Your therapist is right.
What she probably won't be so blunt about is the fact that you can, and should, do way better than this guy.
Okay those weren’t your shoes to loan out, but his reaction was not healthy or rational at all. Please be careful and pay close attention to his actions and what he says now. I know he’s your husband, but don’t ignore this big red flag ?
If you go your husband will think you still have feelings for this guy. You are kidding yourself if you think you don’t or you wouldn’t entertain this for even a second. Tell your ex that you don’t want to meet if you don’t want to cause resentment with your husband. It’s not worth it
Yet another 'he doesn't wash his ass' post.
Is this a trend or something?
You cannot find a compromise in this situation. His dealbreaker is having a dog. Your dealbreaker is not having a dog. There’s no way around that. It’s time to move on and find someone who wants the same things you do. I don’t want to sound harsh, but this relationship is already over. You’re sacrificing something really important to you and it will always weigh on you as long as you’re with this guy.
What's changed is that now OP is aware she is willing to lie by omission in order to manipulate him. That's a pretty big change.
Why did you get the shivers? Are you concerned you'll rape her and meet the same fate?
Good for her regardless for getting her justice, not like it's freely available elsewhere.
Idk man, I grew up in a house where no one ever left lights on in a room they weren’t using. We had the foyer light on for entering the house, but other than that, never lights just on all the time for no reason.
Turning lights on and off as you need them is what is normal to do in a house you are sharing with others, even more so if you moved in last and they haven’t had issues in the past.
My parents always enforced lights off in empty rooms, not running the tap while brushing your teeth or shaving, and other common sense things to not waste when possible. If someone moved into my home and kept leaving lights on, I’d probably get super irritated because my habit would be turning them off. If no one is in the room.
If you both want to fix this then I suggest couples therapy. There’s a lot to unpack here and Reddit just isn’t always the place for the best advice. Go to a pro and may the odds be in your favor.
I’m totally sure he was trying to trigger past trauma… can you even hear yourself.
Marital rape IS a thing first of fucking all.
*NO ONE is *owed sex. He needs to kill that BS idea right now.
OP, where the fuck are your boundaries and why doesn't he respect them?!?!?!
my dad spit on his face
WHAT!? That's not cultural, that's just your dad being an unrepentant pos. If I was your bf and you kept pressuring me to placate or prove something to this man without so much as an apology I would leave you. How dare your low father and how dare you. The disrespect!
I havr , and a grown ass man threatening to beat up a woman is indeed terrible advice.
As is all the “Bully her back!” advice.
Maybe she was lying about the std or maybe she wasn't. Same logic could be applied to the other stuff.
And that makes it better how ????
The first time in literally the entire history of reddit when this is the correct advice/
I think you come off as a bit much, but whether that’s the case or not, he seems like a horrible partner.
You’re right to be upset about it, but now what? He obviously doesn’t agree. Do you just let it go?
She needs some serious mental help. You need to take her to her mother's, let her family know that she tried to kill herself by jumping out of a moving vehicle on the freeway and that you are no longer going to be in a relationship with her because she puts your life in jeopardy. And then go home and anything that she may have at your house, box up and either put out in the front yard or take it to her mother's and then walk out of this girl's life before she takes yours with her
Ask her if she has other lies and secrets to come clear before your relationship goes anywhere.
She can be honestly panicked that you did not hook up if she warned about her having child. Or she can need a father figure more than a bf. Or you can be her future bank account. Or she may really love you and have a bad experience of abandonment.
Sit her and have a serious discussion. No blaming. Tell her that discovering her son so late is disturbing. Tell her it is not about her son but about trust, yours and hers. Let her explain her situation and her feelings.
If you want to leave, you can do any time. But having the answers is worth waiting quietly.
Do you think i could write her something like an explanation?
You're talking yourself into STUPID shit
Try the pattern suggested by non violent communication:
Facts- I see dust bunnies on the floor Feeling: I am surprised to see them Request : could you please vacuuum?
If it works, he is autistic. If it doesn't, he is just a regular asshole
i've read enough to know this is true, but I just cannot even FATHOM why anybody would bother to do this. I guess it's just that I'm not a sociopath? But I fail to understand the motivation to put on a show for years just to be able to be a giant asshole.
this is my point but people keep downvoting me idk why ahha
FFS, she needs to leave and stay gone!!
Being a sugar baby, with or without sex, is still considered being a sex worker for most these days.
I don't really have any other friends so answer to the first is zero ? partly because we recently moved state right before covid and partly because the number of friends I have ever had I can probably count on one hand.
My wife does hang out with guy friends, pretty regularly too. Usually after work while I'm at home putting kid to sleep. I'm happy to do it, she gets a lot out of hanging out with friends and I wanna encourage that. She doesn't lie like me though, so definitely not the same.
My wife has objected to a number of friends in the past, they are all usually girls though so your point still stands. For whatever reason my wife has mostly male friends while I have mostly female friends (it's been like this since before we met).
You were right about him, but I'd have evidence a pic of the screen would be best, tell your mom, if she doesn't believe you tell the next closest woman to you. Lock your door.
I got the impression that the events of Monday were continuing to some degree
He assaulted you. You DID NOT give consent to be choked just because you agreed to sex. I enjoy being choked, every person who has done this either they asked before doing so or I asked them.
Thank you. The friend comment especially hits close to home. I told my friend who knows him as well. While she was definitely on my side, she saw it all as a big misunderstanding. As she said “you know him, he wouldnt want to hurt you” But the problem is.. I don't think I know him? Something is completely wrong.
“I don’t see this going anywhere” there’s your answer.
You will only find answers from trying to communicate with her better. I feel like there's a lot you have left out of this story (for example she tells you your conversations were frustrating but you have neglected to say what those frustrating conversations were about).
I feel like she is very manipulative. I will tell her about some stress and then she will say . That babe take it easy and all.. and then very later she will text me like.. did I got her that bag .. like wtf
I'm honestly asking here: what are you expecting when you guys are in a long-distance relationship? Don't you masturbate?
I mean, to each their own. If it works for you thats great, but it wouldn’t work for me. 2 days a month without ANY contact whatsoever while we have a kid just doesn’t work for me. Add in days where they might want to go do something with friends or family or trips with friends and it adds up.
And I literally added that I wasn’t projecting that opinion on OP’s situation. The commenter was asking how it wouldn’t work in a long term relationship and I replied in a general sense why it might not work.
Plan it, but please also explain why and make sure they understand your full reasoning for why you do what you do. Otherwise, if I were in this situation and you came to me with a pre planned weekend for me and my kid, I’d be wondering why you’re literally pushing us further away into our own “compartment.”
Clearly, I’m not the kind of person that this setup would have worked for, and ofc, each to their own. But the important part is open and clear communication so that nobody is expecting the other person to change over time!
Honestly, in Ireland there aren't many places to go and sit in the evenings that aren't pubs. People tend to spend time at home and OP has explained she doesn't feel comfortable at home for the moment. And the weather tends to prevent you from going to parks regularly.
Maybe it wasn't about you at all. Maybe he has a deep need for validation and he gets that from being in this throuple. It's different and wild and makes him feel cool and sexy. Maybe he has intimacy issues, in that he can't have deeply meaningful connections for whatever reason and can only have casual sexual flings. Whatever the deal is, it's not about you at all. Whatever you witnessed also likely isn't going to last, so take comfort in that.
No honey, you don't confront him. You just leave. Right now you don't realize how much this man is weighing you down, but once you leave, you will feel light as air. Please love yourself, and leave.
She just said that’s all he does..
Next time she should just say what she wants to instead of playing mind games
So, you haven't been together for a year and you've been having issues for a year.
This guy is not a keeper.
This assumes the person who lied to him is telling the entire truth.
Or is this chick Canadian? A solid green or red or yellow Hillroy can always be found in everyone’s house at some point
You should apologize to your husband. Tbh i'm confused how you think trash talking your husband puts you in a position to cry about disrespect.
I get it. Ex hasn't just been victimized – she's also been liberated, set free to find new love. Reconnecting with an old flame is a common shortcut, and the needier the liberated person is, the more likely they are to look for shortcuts.
We have no idea whether this friendship is pure as driven snow, or if the Ex is exploiting kind-hearted Fiance for favors, or if the Ex is shortcutting, and has (or hopes to) become Fiance's First-In-Line. All we know is that First-In-Line is a romantic relationship that wants nurturing while First-In-Line waits it out, and for this reason, it makes sense to insist that nothing that an objective observer would consider Romantic or Nurturing is going to happen – neither by design, nor even by accident – under ANY deal you'll agree to, either with Fiance or with Ex.
I can't guess what terms would satisfy you. Perhaps just no face-to-face meetings? Maybe a full openness-and-transparency deal, in which no meetings or dialogs are private anymore?
Also, if Ex is shortcutting, then victimhood is plainly her lure for kind-hearted Fiance. So I'd insist on a ceiling, or a ban, or a time limit on gifts and favors, in cash or in kind. I'd insist that Ex must give up calling upon Fiance for rescues and favors, and Fiance must not oblige if she asks once, and cut her off if she asks twice. That's a classic Rescuer and Victim relationship, which has romantic possibilities written all over it, and everyone at the bargaining table knows it.
Don’t worry about it. Show her. She may even be flattered.
Leave the room.
Dude, everything she did was wrong. She disappeared for hours with a guy who wanted to fuck her. Now she's talking to him all the time and even mentioned sex. I bet you a dollar she's riding his baloney pony.
Someone with a lady waiting to marry her chiming in here!
So, myself and my fiancee both chose rings together, as we wanted to make sure we had rings we liked. We actually got ours custom-ordered and made, mostly because we aren't actually big on jewelry, but we did enjoy engraved bands. We made that a “we” project, since it felt more intimate and fun to have matching rings, but that was definitely something we did for ourselves. If you feel like doing it jointly, there is nothing wrong with that, especially when you can make sure that your partner is 100% onboard with the ring they'll be wearing for the foreseeable future. Discussion is never a bad thing, especially when it involves accessories!
As for the proposal… We had a long talk about this, and we decided the proposal part should be a “surprise.” And by that, I mean we both got the chance to propose, on our terms and our own time, so no one lost the joy of popping the question, and being popped to, just because we're the same gender. We both knew we'd each say yes (in our view a proposal should always be discussed in advance so no one feels pressured), but the fun of it is not knowing when or how it'll happen. We got our rings, held onto the other's, and waited for the right time that we wanted to make special for each other.
She proposed to me after my first concert. I proposed to her on our anniversary, at the restaurant where we had our first date. And I would do it all over again because the joy of saying yes, and hearing yes, is something I think everyone should get a chance to experience regardless of gender norms.
He's in the army and 19. This relationship is not gonna last.
It's a spammer. We call it Captain Chatbot. At least the programmer has finally figured out how to make it post the same genders and ages every time.