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cry to someone who cares man
Imagine replying to my comment and then claiming you dOn't CaRe
le Reddit moment
Btw: this Wikipedia Article has some good primary sources. Death Grip Syndrome is such a meme that no medical professional would ever consider it to be real.
Right, if it was “innocent” as she put it. Why avoid telling me unless it was the beginning of something. It's coming up every other day now and she is making points about how is not a bad thing.
Got a holiday today so we have decided to avoid the topic until we get back. I don't see it lasting.
You clearly don't know what that word means, since that made zero sense in this context. I'm going to mute this concersation since I'm concerned that your stupidity may be contagious.
No, I don't think you're being harsh I think you're getting real with yourself with where you're at and what your future looks like.
Thank you so much. I’m also trying to be grateful for what I have, I still have my home & my dog & my life. I am going to try find myself & happiness again. I know this relationship was beyond happiness at the start, but it wasn’t in the end/now. My mind is just spiralling at the moment but I’m sure it will stop.
It wont be easy to hear, but from a guys point of view: they liked you enough to sleep with you but not to date you.
After the novelty wears off and the moment comes when a situationship becomes a relationship or nothing they want out. The friend thing is just to let you off gently, it’s like saying “it’s not you, it’s me” when breaking up.
Regardless of what his mental struggles are, this sounds like a very weird relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who says you are ugly or that spending with with you isn’t important to them?
Oh yeah, you're right for sure, I need to make up my mind until the relationships with the stable person would go too far.
Thank you for some food for thought:)
Idk should I just ask “why have u been taking so long to reply”
Right. I have a habit of holding things in, since I’ve always thought that’s what a man should do. Communication is important though and I want her to understand how I see things. I’m happy that she wants me to meet them though, it definitely seems like she cares about me a lot.
I'm so sorry this stress is eating away at you, it's clearly weighing heavily on your mind. Now I agree that no one should rush into marriage, but the idea that a relationship should be “perfect” prior to marrying is honestly, a fairytale. This coming April I'll be celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary, and my wife and I knew each other 1 year and 1 day before we got married…..no, we didn't DATE for a year, we met each other a year before we married but started dating within a few weeks of meeting. We've got three grown children, two of which are happily married and for every old issue we resolve, a new one comes up, lol. Nothing earthshattering, but hey, there will always be challenges to overcome. I've always believed that as long as infidelity, substance abuse, and physical abuse are kept at bay (I think you should really add mental abuse in there now that I think of it) then any other problems can be easily worked through. If you guys are in love, have the same basic philosophies on finances, children and child rearing, future goals, and things of that nature then to delay it to deal with the nit picky shit like “perfect communication” or “how the socks are folded” is really just a sorry excuse for using up your best years…. I hate to say this but there are plenty of men that string women along for years, get themselves established in their careers, set themselves up financially and in a position socially where they then feel they've earned an “upgrade” and drop the woman that actually stood by them during the “building” years and move on with a “newer model”. Be cautious, talk to a male relative that you know has your best interest at heart, get their opinion. When I fell in love with my wife I couldn't wait to marry her, we were young, a bit foolish, and it's turned out great.
“They” aren’t like this. “People” are who they’ve shown you they are. At some point you need to believe them.
Your extreme trust issues are more of a red flag than him preferring to date one person at a time.
I hear ya….I wouldn't want my parents or my gfs parents around for 6 months either. You are absolutely within your right to ask for alternative arrangements. I feel that you have been more than fair agreeing to 3 months. More than what I would do . LOL. I hope you can figure this stuff out dude!!!
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His disposable income is probably like 2k+ per month. His parents paid for his studies too, so no loans. Even his car they bought outright and he pays them back a bit at a time. He doesn’t pay for food or bills or rent.
The concept is still theoretical. Its been invented but not produced yet
Put it this way, she went on holiday with her mum to Germany (ironically enough to a place I have family of my own) came home and immediately went out to her friends for an overnight event, and tomorrow she is going to her mothers again for the holidays.
I am unlikely to see her again until the new year, and I dont want to have a “fight” before she goes.
I should say she considers it an argument if it's something she doesn't want to hear and merely extends her stay at her mums if I being anything (and I do mean anything) up. Its just how she seems to deal with any form of confrontation.
Yes. Let her gain weight, if that’s really what’s important to you, I can assure you that there is a great chance her weigh issues will stop as soon as she get the help she needs mentally. I’m also pretty sure that how she feels mentally is connected with how attracted you feel to her. If she’s irritable and in a bad mood it’s obvious you won’t feel attracted to her anymore. Trust me I’ve been through a very similar thing.
she just wants permission to cheat on you bud
she might already be cheating tbh
Luckily it was only 3 months instead of 3 years. End it and move on.
him: I'd like your ass if it was bigger you: that hurts my feelings him: that's nice but I'd really like you to have a bigger ass. also you're not allowed to wear what you want or think fictional characters or celebrities are hot.
why are you with this jerk?
That was the joke ?
^ second this
It could be a case of “right person wrong time” or it could just be that he isn’t as interested in you as you are in him. The latter is an unfair and heartbreaking reality to face, but it’s better to accept it and heal than to waste time trying to fight for something that he isnt willing to fight for. I’d say there’s no problem with keeping in contact occasionally BUT do not do it if u are just hoping to get back together. You need to treat it as if things didnt work out and dating him again is not an option/will never happen, because chances are it probably wont happen. If you keep in contact with him in hopes that he’ll date u again, you’ll just be even more hurt and disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Your main focus now should be yourself. You are single and if you are ready for a relationship, then don’t wait around for someone who doesnt have time to prioritize you. Know what you deserve and focus on valuing yourself and your time. Even if this guy is not the one for you, there is someone out there who will put in the same effort as you and give u 100% of the love u deserve
Or thirdly, she has never been rejected by a guy before and can't get the memory out of her head
This guy is an abusive AH. The fact he doesnt 'want' you to work unless its remote is another red flag. He's trying to isolate you so you do exactly what he says the moment he tells you. If he was hungry he could have made himself something to eat.
Your boyfriend’s mom might not have known that you bought it with your own money.
Would you be happy if she met up with an ex and stayed in contact over text? ?
Yeah I get this now and realised I fucked up. Don't know how this will work going forward. Thank you for your advice though.
Do you both understand that you are married to each other, and not business partners? I have never heard of acting like this in a marriage. Why did you guys even bother to get married? Do you like each other? ?
In a lot of legal jurisdictions having sex with someone whilst positive (and willfully keeping this from them) is considered a form of criminal assault.
Never mind the civil lawsuit she has exposed herself to if he conracts it. He can sue her out the wazoo for a lifetime of medical costs.
Oof. That is so uncomfortable to see. But I don’t think you can say anything. He is an adult and has to handle these things in his own.
…Eh….remember the revelation that he is “immature”.
At your time of Life, if you are going to row your boat in
a rewarding direction, you need to look for bigger Oars,
not a bigger anchor.
IMVVHO.
I guess first step is to ask him if he knew he bought a fake as if he got scammed, then go from there.
If someone bought your gf a car without telling you would you honestly have zero problems with it?
Using him for financial support. He’s using her for her for sex
If you used protection properly the chance is quite small to get herpes Type 2. Did she had areas with herpes on the body lips, hands?
Ladies, is it cringe for a fella to be hopeful?
Damn.
But I really want a woman to protect me and snuggle me and I can fall asleep. It buzzes my mind to think of one more night without a lady to snuggle and kiss.
Is there something I should do? I feel like it's up to her to make that choice to connect since she's been the person pushing me away.
Honestly if I was maybe 5-6 years older though I can imagine it wouldn’t bother me as much anymore. There’s just too much temptation in college and things that I’m “afraid of missing out on”. I have some of my own reasons for resisting a breakup as well, but in any case it seems like I’d be losing something great just for some temporary fun
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It's okay to want to hang out with your friend and not your friend and her boyfriend every single time you guys get together.
If she asks and you really don't want him to come, just say something like “Oh, I'd really like it to be just us girls hanging out this time!” Which I'm sure you've done before since you have said no previously, but don't feel bad about it. But also understand that there is a chance that she could stop hanging out with you so much if she IS the type of person to be inseparable from her boyfriend. And that has NOTHING to do with you, it's all on her. You're allowed to want to spend time with your friend and not have her boyfriend tag along to every outing.
And if you're worried about the bill, address it before you even order or get to the restaurant or wherever you are. It might be easier from now on to just split the bill regardless so that way you're not feeling pressured to always pay, and if she does happen to bring her boyfriend she can either pay for him or you can split it three ways.
…do you think she was really being blackmailed at this point? The trust and goodwill you are extending is very kind of you, but I suspect naive. To me this screams of her trickle truthing you. You catch her in one part of the lie and so she only admits that part. You're already suspicious she did more sexually than she is admitting to, you know she lied about being raped, but the blackmail is real? She gave a guy a blow job one time and the result was being blackmailed into having sex? I 100% will not say that that has never happened, because there are some sickos out there. But when you consider the whole story… it seems incredibly unlikely to me.
It's incredible how you are so committed to commenting on every single thread when you clearly couldn't be bothered to read the post.
He is a fucking cheating loser. Throw the whole man out.
“I understand that you think our shared history entitles you to my friendship. However, I do not want to be friends. I want you to leave me alone.”
One thing that I've learned while browsing this sub is that some people find emotional cheating more devastating than actual physical cheating. And it's completely understandable.
It's the level of lies, ignoring your partner's feelings, invalidating your partner's concerns, deception, and betrayal that goes into it. I hope I never know the feeling, but have read countless stories on here/a few in real life of people not being able to trust someone again/for a long time due to emotional cheating.
At this point, there's really nothing you can do, the damage is done. All you both can do is move on.
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Girl I’ve been thinking about these pinworms for a week and a half. Any updates?
Yeah just be upfront about it and not accusatory. Try and make it a learning/strengthening moment. See I am not blowing up or freaking out, you can talk to me about stuff and we can have a constructive conversation. Just don't lie to me.
Wtf is male maintenance?
Yeah he replied to my comment with something along the lines of “this is a throwaway, I’m not going to use exact ages,” but deleted it before I could point out the multiple flaws in his mental gymnastics routine.
Wtf. Lol.
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We’re in a bdsm relationship, it’s apart of our dynamic, she’s been wanting me to be meaner for sexual reasons, I just went too far.
The age difference of 4 years isn't what causes people to feel grossed out lol. People that are 28 are much more likely to be more settled in life than a 24 yr old.
I'm 24 and my age limit on dating apps is set to 2 years older than me and 3 years younger than me, and in real life, I would be grossed out if anyone above 27 flirted with me. I'm still developing and I haven't had a whole lot of life experiences yet outside of schooling. I'm not interested in someone that's on avg had all of those experiences already and more. If someone that's 28 were to approach me, knowing my age, I'd view it as them being immature. It feels weird to lots of people in their younger 20s when someone that's almost or IS 30 hits on them, and it's def not odd for us to feel this way.
The age difference of 4 years isn't what causes people to feel grossed out lol. People that are 28 are much more likely to be more settled in life than a 24 yr old.
I'm 24 and my age limit on dating apps is set to 2 years older than me and 3 years younger than me, and in real life, I would be grossed out if anyone above 27 flirted with me. I'm still developing and I haven't had a whole lot of life experiences yet outside of schooling. I'm not interested in someone that's on avg had all of those experiences already and more. If someone that's 28 were to approach me, knowing my age, I'd view it as them being immature. It feels weird to lots of people in their younger 20s when someone that's almost or IS 30 hits on them, and it's def not odd for us to feel this way.
I wanted to believe it was a good start, but perhaps I have been fooled. It sucks because there were good moments we had together. Over the smallest things any other human would quickly get over, or if she had trouble communicating, it would be an issue for her and she would get angry.
No I didn’t tell her what I wanted to do exactly, but originally she told me that she’s coming over until the night and maybe even sleeping at my place, so I didn’t make any other plans and thought about what to so with her, until she suddenly changed it without telling me.
And in the past it happened even while we were out. She makes plans with me, tells me she’s staying until a certain time, and then just changes it without telling me and leaves in the middle to be with other people, which leaves me doing nothing and with nothing planned to do.
This is sad, but I think that he wanted you to keep to baby to force you into having a link to him (the baby), and thus keeping you “locked” with him
This is pretty inappropriate.
This also shows he would absolutely do this if you were drunk.
Lol he hasn’t responded to you because he knows you’re right.
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my boyfriend said that me giving him head is equivalent to him fingering me and that giving a girl head is not a necessity. i told him that if head is not given it won’t be reciprocated but does anyone else agree w this because all of his guy friends apparently do.
edit: basically he’s saying that girls have to give guys head but it’s ok when guys don’t give girls head because fingering is just as good
Is he not interested in anything serious?
That's what I would assume, yes. Which makes sense given the age gap.
This isn’t just some red flags. Your boyfriend is the damn Soviet Union. Like each of those is already a dealbreaker even if that was the only red flag.
I am wiser, I know how it should be an advocate it.
But it just ain't like that when it comes to Wives that display this type of behavior..
18 is important for the sexual relationship in a legal sense. Grooming someone 18+ has no legal consequences, but grooming (and specifically having a sexual relationship) with someone under the age of 18 does have legal consequences.
I sense you don’t like being told how you are belittling him, you know, like how you’re doing right now. ?♀️
I agree with your mom. Don’t torture yourself with stuff unnecessarily
Well, it can become a bigger issue, but that depends on how you deal with it. With that I mean, can you cope with it that it might never be the same again. And how will your actions be if it isn't? It's a good thing that you can talk about it with her. You say she has a mental blockage, will the root cause of that change in the future?
Bro that's not one flaw
I understand—I just think it’s a poorly-constructed joke.
when I had dated my spouse for a while, I admitted that my friend had mentioned them to me a couple of years prior, I had found what they said interesting and so I had looked them on Facebook and had a fleeting fantasy of “oh, what if WE started dating? they seem so cool!” It’s a cute little story for us. The difference is this was ONE Facebook search, ONE time! What your bf is describing is stalking. He is admitting that prior to being your bf, he was your stalker, and he had thoughts of physically harming you. This is not a “good relationship gone bad.” You accidentally got into a relationship with your stalker, and because he lied to you, you did not know that that was in fact what was happening. Please leave him.
Move away from all that drama. Don’t marry him don’t be with him just stay away from all the drama.
So you know better than her how she should communicate when upset?
You blocking her is the equivalent of giving her the silent treatment because that is her preferred method to talk when she’s upset because of her speech impediment
Y’all needs couple counselling because the healthy communication is non existent
Lol hear is one that worked for generations “Actions speak louder than words” what are her actions telling you?
You are doing the right thing by abiding by the court order.
There is a real risk your GF may be trying to get you to contact her and create a situation where you violate the terms of the order and get into major trouble with law enforcement. Even if this is not the case, contacting her will violate those terms and lead to problems with the law (e.g., charges and jail time).
If you have a mortgage, there are likely terms in the loan for the bank to nullify the agreement related to criminal convictions and domestic violence.
Talk to your lawyer about the situation. You want to at least try to preserve any equity you have. Your lawyer may refer you to someone who does real estate law.
There is likely some way to enable communication witb your spouse, but it will likely require a subsequent order. In your situation, I would try to separate and move on (your spouse could easily call the police on you again). If you do want to ameliorate the situation, I would strongly encourage individual and couples therapy for you both.
You may want to post this on the JUSTNOMIL sub. It is for problems with norther in laws AND mothers. They will listen and offer help and support.
Good luck!
Right, he Saud his fiance didn't do anything wrong. She DID, she pursued a relationship with a married father. No fucking way would I have EVER, FFS, that's a CHOICE.
You sound…. selfish.
That's all there is to it. You break off your engagement, go back to your wife, live! the mundane life and you'll regret what you have up in your now fiancee.
Your problem is you bro. And until you figure out you, you are going to ruin it for others.
The end.
Yes, I’m going to solo therapy now. I terminated couples therapy because it seemed like he was indeed using to manipulate. He used therapy as justification to tell me that my thoughts/behavior were “crazy.”
No, this relationship is not worth trying to stay in. I’ve been working up the courage to leave.
Not sure all the details amd won't ask, but the circumstances involved sound like they may have involved abuse from her.
If so, feel free to join us over at r/abusiverelationships for some additional support. I mod the sub, and we get several posts a week (by my estimate) from men in abusive relationships. You'll likely find community there and maybe some helpful exit planning and safety strategies from other men and individuals of all genders.
This is insane. You strangled her. If you don’t like the drinking you can leave her. But you strangled her…and somehow you are the victim?
Honestly your therapist knows you better than I do and these are questions you should really write down for him to discuss
Trust your instincts. Not those of people who have never met him.
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh man. By the time you're 30, in the US, a lot of people have been to jail for less than 6 months. That is not even in the same COUNTRY as rock bottom.
Fair enough,
A. I suggest starting with simple things like taking a walk every evening after dinner. Anywhere, around home or wherever. Perhaps take a walk on weekends for a coffee or something simple. A chance to simply be together quietly or talk about whatever comes up. Very mellow.
A. Similarly for any light exercise. Further ideas include: 1) window shopping as an avenue to talk about things you like to open conversations; 2) watching some free music somewhere (in spring/summer); 3) Going to listen to an art or other exhibitino of almost anything to wander and see things. So many choices here.
A. Why not set one night a week as “cheap as date night”. The goal is a “date” you alternate arranging that is below $X (where X is small). It's a challenge and reminds me of my PhD student days when my wife was studying and we had like $5 discretionary per week (ack). Our answer was 1x per week a frozen yogurt date because the student paper had 2-for-1 deals, with occasional splurge on cheap burritos somewhere. Be creative.
A. My wife and I have always run together, we met that way. Find something you can do together as a hobby, and it doesnt have to be exercise. Make it an active goal.
From all that you will figure out new things…
B. Get the Love Languages book and take an live! quiz each of you. Discussing it will be a fun thing for “A”. It is not the answer to all things, but is also not a bad insight into the kind of love feedback your partner prefers.
And remember, it's a partnership, not a competition for partner at the law firm.
Stay well and happy!
Once she has brought up wanting a threesome, she has openly said you are not enough for me.
So incorrect.
Some people just want to try different experiences.
Maybe it's different where you are. I grew up knowing a term “anchor baby”. You have a baby that is a US citizen, chances of deportation plummet.
Unless it’s useful in court
No, many woman understand that 2 months is hardly even a relationship. If your relationship has been shorter than some company return policies, you need to chill out and just enjoy it for a minute.
They already discussed that they both want marriage and kids in their lives, so they have values in common, that’s all that is needed for now. 6 months I think is a more stable time to start comparing timelines and collective goals. Make sure you truly like the person in the present before getting so wrapped up in the future.
As someone who was married to my ex for 10yrs, I understand that change can be hot. You two have built your life around each other and you thought that things were fine until they weren't. You have a chance of rebuilding though. This time you can make things how YOU want them to be though. There would be no compromising, no pleading, and no cheating.
It is definitely going to hurt, but can you truly see yourself staying with someone who lies to your face, has broken your trust, and is possibly putting your health at risk while she sleeps around? Now is the time to sit down and think about this sort of thing. If you confront her then there's a slight chance that she'll be remorseful and stop so you two can repair your relationship, but sadly cheaters often fall back onto old habits and will continue cheating.
Right now it's best for you to focus on yourself. Plan for the future ahead of you whether she's in it or not. If anything, have an exit strategy in place in case things do go south. Be careful though. When my ex left me for another woman he tried his hardest to break me by blaming all of our issues and his cheating on me. More than likely the issue lies within the cheater though so don't let it get you down. I wish you the best of luck. I'm here to chat if you need someone who has been through something similar.
This all sounds like it was written by a teenager who never had sex
thank you, i really appreciate you taking the time to talk this out with me. i sent her a text like you suggested, i turned off notifications as well because honestly i’m scared to read her response tomorrow. my therapist can’t do telehealth since she’s not licensed to practice in the country i moved to :/. my friend knows i’m in therapy and that i’ve been working on this stuff but i also mentioned that i’ll be working on it more. i think the drifting away with college thing is definitely true and it just makes me sad. i have some friends here and i know i’ll make more and get closer the longer im here but i really miss being so close with her. it’s a hot thing to express and i did it very incorrectly this time. i really appreciate your advice. thanks again
Well your about to be single
Of course you don’t call him ugly names. You love him and treat him as beloved in your relationship. Only a real a-hole would tell you to F off and call you useless.
There’s no context needed. Facts are he treats you like a jerk. He’s been rude a lot.
You can’t have a non-toxic relationship with someone who is toxic, no matter how much love, patience, thoughtfulness and understanding you add on your end it will never change their lack of empathy
He doesn’t have too until he’s fcking ready to she isn’t his therapist
It's that time of year where you always seem to get sick, you can't work out why you get sick but around the time of your FiL's birthday you get really sick.
It's a weird coincidence but it is what it is.
It seems like you’re taking this poorly, that’s ok. Its ok to feel insecure, try to let that feeling pass. It’s rough to feel like you’ve wronged someone and that you know something that you shouldn’t. Try to avoid judging each other over this.
Relationships are built on a process of moving forward together and the mending mistakes of mistakes when they happen.
That’s not “borderline”…..it’s just straight up predatory. Your friend is a creep.
This is exactly what women mean when we say that men need to call out other men for stuff like this. You have direct firsthand knowledge that this guy is manipulating younger and less experienced girls and treating them like crap. And you’re worried that “setting some space” ie saying nothing to him about his behavior might be “over the top?” Not good enough, my friend. You should call him out on his disgusting behavior and let him know that it’s not okay. Anything less than that is acceptance and endorsement of it and makes you a willing participant.
Where did you get this impression? And where did you learn that asking your friends for a casual shag was ok? Cos I suggest you stop trying to learn about social interactions from wherever or whoever they are.
Funeral kiss was just like May 2022. That was my lowest point too, holy shit. Hahaha.
And, they both said they only hooked up once. But I doubt that even.
Has to be. No one would be this invested about OP staying in a manipulative and financially abusive relationship without having a horse in the race.
There is literally zero situation where a fancy golf club membership is “for the family” unless like a group of little aliens are threatening to take his whole family to their planet unless he beats them in a game of golf, and he only has 6 months to train.
Something tells me that isn't the case though. Talk to a divorce lawyer discreetly so he can't hide funds while you get your ducks in a row.
You involve professionals, that's what you do. That is some serious broken psychology going on and you are not going to fix it. Leave it to the professionals, demand they he gets help and in parallel you should be lawyering up and protecting your assets and your person. Doesn't mean that you need to divorce per se but get it loaded into the chamber so that you are ready if you need to pull that trigger.
Dude, stop confronting her, stop giving her an opportunity to deny. Why are you giving her warning? Yeesh.
Anyway, at the same time all the evidence that you've collected comes out, her cheating friend's husband should get a complete packet of all the evidence he needs to divorce his wife as well. OF COURSE he should know, and with sufficient evidence that she can't hand-wave it away.
Cheaters conspire, cheaters encourage folks who probably wouldn't have thought about cheating to do it, they make it easier to destroy the lives of others. So yeah, just remember, “revenge is a dish best served cold”. And also if you're dishing it out in anger, it's not really justice, it's just you being angry…get your gratification from good planning. You make mistakes in haste and anger. Planning and evidence will be MUCH more effective.
We don't necessarily talk about women at the barber, but yes, it's personal and a time to unwind. No one wants someone's girlfriend sitting in for no reason.
Did you have any loyalty to your girlfriend? Why were you in a relationship if you want to sleep around?
Eventually your girlfriend was going to find out that you have random impulsive sex with other people behind her back. Much better for both of you that she finds out from your brother than from the doctor when you've given her an STD.
Don't want to be dumped for cheating? Don't cheat.
Can I ask what the symptoms were that ended up convincing you to be tested? My partner dated someone who didn't tell him she had hpv, and I've had some weird period stuff going on the last few months. I've been tested and vaccinated as well, but I always assume the worst
Ah, thanks for the clarification.
best of luck
A former colleague of mine was informed of a management change impacting who he'd be reporting to. He proceeded to go on a rant saying how much of a f'ing idiot the new manager is, how incompetent the whole team is, listed off every person with all their alleged flaws, etc.
Needless to say, he was fired very quickly after that. Most teams have no interest in managing attitudes like that.
Sorry, troll dude. You'll die a virgin with that attitude.
I reccomend you break up with her for a few reasons:
She'll only get heavier down the line, she's in her twenties.
She refuses to try even the fun stuff with her SO.
she guilt trips you when you try to talk about it, tyrants hate hearing bad news.
You are not attracted to her
The bitterness and resentfulness you have will grow to the point you subconciously lash out at her.
Oh, poor you…. Gimme a minute while I dig for my tiny violin which I save only for victims of relationship_advice
My boyfriend had no job. He was working “chasing a dream” while I was going to work. Being an adult with pets + another person really eats through the finances. I was told to work a ton and if I talked to him about maybe considering other options for income I was automatically a piece of shit. I don’t think your reply was very kind. Maybe in your head it sounded better. I wasn’t looking for you to sympathize or puzzle out my story. I was asking for advice. Next time please be kind or don’t leave a comment on someone’s post. Thanks for your time nonetheless.
Brother and girlfriend aren't on the lease, you can have the police remove them.
Classic fuck around and find out.
It sounds like he has ADHD.
Women are not cars. Comparing women to cars as if you’re OWED a woman & a relationship with her just because you’ve “paid into it for 2 years” (as your example suggests) is disgusting & sexist of you.
Women are not cars. Comparing women to cars as if you’re OWED a woman & a relationship with her just because you’ve “paid into it for 2 years” (as your example suggests) is disgusting & sexist of you.
What did you do before you were together with him? How did you sleep? You want him to respect your feelings and needs. But you ignore and belittle your bf’s needs. He is your bf not your caregiver. Being this dependent on someone isn’t healthy. You are going to push him away.
You absolutely NOT ready. This is not the situation you want to get kids into.
Correction, these people aren't your friends, they're your drinking buddies. Friends don't use fear of being excluded to manipulate you into doing what they want. If you were 18 this might be understandable, but who the hell acts like this at 26!? By their age most people are more focused on their career than which member of “the collective” failed to get sh*tfaced last week.
Do yourself a favor and find some new friends who A) are as mature as you and B) actually value you personally.
what are you “sacrificing” to be in this relationship? is it time, money, your interests? you don’t specify…if you want to spend more alone time, how much time are you spending with her now? why do you feel you are not yourself? is she controlling your behavior or doesn’t allow certain hobbies or interest? maybe you can discuss the issue with her.
also, you should know whether she sees having kids in the future. the subject never came up in 6 yrs of dating?? what are her thoughts about marriage and kids…what are her life goals. what does she expect married life to be like? you two need to communicate more.
We don’t know why thought that need to hide things might not actually be from the wife. Some people hide the smallest things from their spouses for no other reason than they want to hide things, or that they are secretive by nature.
If you have mutual friends or co-workers, you have to get ahead of this. She's a liar, so she will absolutely weave some crazy story about why you really broke up that makes you the villain. Try to get some kind of text evidence of her lies, then break up with her and tell everyone the truth in the same day.
Boy howdy you're a nasty one.
some of my friends think I'm heartless
Your friends are brainless.
It's his also.
He got back what he had given to her in material and immaterial things.
He was also 28 and worked in Zürich 2 years ago.
Yeah he's gone for sure, just trying to decide how I wanna confront him about it
You made a choice. You chose to vape despite her feelings. You lied.
Let that sink in.
You.
Lied.
It's one thing to stand up and say “This is a part of me, who I am, who I want to be.” And quite another to say, “I will abide by your feeling.” And then ignoring them.
So what's more important? Your vape or your gf?
Make your choice, then stand behind it. Don't lie about things.
Focus on the transition for now my friend.
Don’t know about you but regardless of whether you know her etc, this is your child. It’s the greatest gift you’ll ever get and your heart is gonna be hers in a minute.
Might not seem like it at first, the transition could be rough for you too, lots of changes and upending and adapting. Your SO is gonna have to get on board too. And I say this with respect, you’re gonna put your child first. But be patient.
Lean into the love. Lean into the woah. Lean into life’s freakin’ curveball. What’s that old joke… how do you make the gods laugh? Tell them you have a plan.
How convinced are you that they hugged and nothing more?
If she hugged him after he'd passed out drunk (and he was unawares of this until he woke up), then I'd hardly call that cheating.
He's controlling and manipulative. The reason he is dating you when he is so much older is because you are easy to control, as shown by you tolerating all this crap. He is not your responsibility. His sob story about his insecurity is not justification for him to treat you badly or for you to remain unhappy with him.
Your choices are to be unhappy forever; be unhappy for awhile longer and then break up with him; or break up with him now. Breaking up with him now is the smarter choice.
Tell him (in a public place or over text) that you've decided that this is no longer the right relationship for you and you need to end it and move on. Tell him you won't be arguing about it or discussing it further with him, and you wish him the best but you don't want him to contact you again. Then leave, block him, and if he does contact you, don't respond no matter how persistent he is. (Responding after the tenth time he calls you will teach him that calling you ten times is a good strategy.) If he harasses you, report it to the police.
So, this is rape by deception because he got you to consent to an act you wouldn’t have otherwise by lying to you and the icing on this horrible cake is that he even waited until you were drunk so you’d be less likely to catch on so his brother could learn rape skills instead of social skills.
Your initial impulse to get out of there was correct. Do not go back. This is so awful that I’m really hoping it’s a creative writing exercise and a man like your husband doesn’t actually exist.
I can see the teenagers are in the house tonight welcome
My guy…
Thank you so much for your reply!
About being pressured just to keep him: this was a concern of mine as well at the beginning and I thought a lot about it because I don't want to betray myself in order to be with someone.
New experiences like threesomes is something that I also want to do. I was curious about this before, already. The reason I didn't suggest before the fight was due to situations that happened to me in the past which made this kind of new experience terrify me.
I'm in therapy since last year and I've been in this journey of trying new things with him, step by step and being aware of how I'm feeling, if it's ok for me to do this, etc. He has been respecting everything. We reach a balance of what I want and what he wants that we both like do for each of our fantasies and not compromise our mental health
It's a journey to get there, so I still have insecurities as you can see through the post xD But I'm getting there
But in the bf department he is not so amazing. He's trying to control you. He is slowly but surely starting to influence your getaways.
The fact that he only wants to do something on YOUR weekends is a huge red flag. And that he is actively trying to maximise phone time is crossing an already set boundary of yours. Whenever you set a boundary, he will start to cross it. Keep this in mind, OP.
This will not stop. Take it from someone who has been in a controlling relationship. My ex started to demand summaries of conversations l had throughout my work day. He showed up at my work and hung around for an hour, while he should be at work. He kicked me out on the street because he saw me having a conversation with a man.
Sounds like he did cheat. When he comes home talk to him about your concerns and his behavior. If he tries to avoid the conversation and gaslight you then just leave cause he’s just gonna hurt your feelings.
He shouldn’t be dating if he can’t make basic windows of time for you.
Sounds like he’s not that bothered about dating. Stay if you’re happy with casual and intermittent. Leave if you want more.
The early stages of dating are for you both to work out what you expect and what you won’t put up with. You can break up if you’re not getting this.
So it's such a terrible thing except when he's trying to push his daughter off onto you?
omfg! now he is abusive.
You were SAd & if he as a bf cannot support you then he needs to gtf out!!
“he says that no other men would have forgive me for that” – WHAT A PRICK! you should not forgive him instead.
go find yourself a better man as this one is a BIG UGLY TOAD inside & out.
omfg! now he is abusive.
You were SAd & if he as a bf cannot support you then he needs to gtf out!!
“he says that no other men would have forgive me for that” – WHAT A PRICK! you should not forgive him instead.
go find yourself a better man as this one is a BIG UGLY TOAD inside & out.
Ew. She's a feeder. Fucking run for the hills. This ain't it. Dump her immediately.
Just a couple pieces of shit here, nothing to see.
Get some therapy to work out why you dont want a kid. Think about it and what it is about it you dont want. It's apparent your GF wants kids, but if it's not for you, then you both have some very different life goals.
I hate to say it, but you can always just leave. It's not a good option, not a bad option.
You're young, you didn't want the kid, you aren't forced to be the kids father if you don't want to be. You'll have to pay child support of course but at that point it's paying for the kid and being in a situation you don't want or paying for the kid and having your freedom.
You told her you didn't want a kid and she chose to keep it, you can choose to walk away and pay the child support.
Not worth the energy and headache. Move on bro
I think you actually need to evaluate the what ifs against the what are's in your relationship and life.
You say you're happy with your fiance but are you happy and in love or just happy. Are you getting married to him out of comfort and ease? Are you in love with your friend or are you focusing more abiut the what could've been.
I think you’re underestimating what the norm is.
Ghost him. He doesn't even know how to spell your name. Go find someone worthy.
Ghost him. He doesn't even know how to spell your name. Go find someone worthy.
I hope getting a second bf is supposed to mean breaking it off then going to find someone new instead of what it sounds like as having two bfs.
Well the last paragraph is more of a problem than the original one.
Probably bc it’s her only ‘chill’ time.
He definitely enjoys her fawning over him and ruining her own relationships to please him though. He will ruin her life just to continue the ego boost.
I wouldn't blame you for ending it. The situation doesn't add up to me.
You should’ve dumped him but you didn’t so this will be your life. He clearly always wanted her and will get with her the first chance he gets.
Thanks for your reply ❤ and yeah I probably should have left years ago, pre kids, but he has redeeming qualities in that he is gentle and quiet and a fairly hands on dad despite what I said in OP (he will do things with them, I just get pissed off for eg when I'm totally overwhelmed and he won't get them out of my hair and to the park so I can breathe). The thing that really gets me is the not talking to me about feelings, or ever suggesting I take a little time to myself. I just feel so underapreciated. Plus I have literally nowhere to go
I would be worrying about the rest of your post moreso thwn the move.
Full disclosure: I am a government employee
Yeah, I don’t even see why this information matters that much. Is it because he didn’t disclose he had been in a poly relationship before? Was he even poly?
Maybe this is my sign to get out of this relationship?
And
I don’t have it in me to fight for a relationship I don’t have the energy to fight for it I'm kind of revealed I don’t have to talk to him all of the time
Mentally you're checked out already.
Even with one of two people unwilling to fight it to work.. it won't work. Both people need to be invested.
So yes, perhaps its time to close this chapter and have a new beginning for yourself.
err, i tried my best to do not create a bias against her, i do believe she's overreacting but can it be because of high feelings ? she's really into me so that would explain the overreaction, i dont think she'd be toxic just for this reason
Did you consider letting him do his family events alone since it's painful for you to witness? (And be a target yourself)
I'm very sorry for your pain. If it's well and truly over, I find ice cream helpful! Hang with other friends. Let them know about your break up and they might/should be able to lend you some support. Best of luck!
Thank you
quit getting drunk and talking to discord kittens dawg come on ur old enough to know better!!
I assure you I don't smell but my hair looks like crap and I look forward to getting that fixed haha!
I appreciate the feedback. I've pretty much come to the same conclusion. There are also issues outside of the brother issue that she promised to work on but instead of working on anything she continues the same behavior.
Then you shouldn't date. Part of a relationship is sharing things. Nobody is saying she should have invited OP or even that she was required to get his permission, but literally the bare minimum is informing your partner of your plans, especially that they include your ex. You're dramatizing to excuse her poor behavior.
in this case, the fiancé was acting suspicious and many reasonable people would want to investigate. If that's not you, then it's not about you.
Also I guess it’s clear how the bf things about cheating if he’s cool with hanging out with a cheater and his new toy.
Tbh OP if I were you I’d think long and hot if you want this kind of people in your life.